Red Gold - 5. Chapter 5 - Learning to Love

“Are you lonely?” She took herself by surprise with the question. It was not something she had been thinking before she said it. The smile wavered although his gaze remained steady.

“Yes. I have only Leelany and she is often away. There is no one else and I sometimes think that it would be nice to have someone to talk to, to be close to.”

“Is that all? That you ‘sometimes think it would be nice’, or is it deeper than that? Is it a longing Cai?”

He frowned, caught off guard. “Yes, sometimes it is a longing. Sometimes in the night I remember….. “

“Remember what?”

“What it was like to have friends, to be close to someone….. to be loved.”

“Surely your sister loves you. You can talk to her.”

“In a way. But she is… fierce and strong and… she… she is... That is not what her role is.”

“I know what you mean. I don’t have a sister or a brother, and I have friends, of a sort but they are not there to confide in, not for me. They are not there for me, they are just there.” She frowned, realising something. “You are there for me aren’t you?”

“Yes. Only for you; only ever for you. That is my role, my purpose.”

“Isn’t it strange?”

“What?”

“The one person in my entire life who is here, in this place, just for me… who has always been here just for me, and I don’t know you. Until today I didn’t even know your name.”

“You know me now.”

“Do I?”

“You could… know me. I am not going anywhere. You could walk out of the door and never look back: you could pretend this day had never been: or you could stay.”

Something subtle changed and the anger disappeared. Very carefully Gabrielle laid her empty coffee mug on a table at the side of the chair and then she slid onto the floor and crawled across the space between them. Cai looked surprised and a little alarmed at the look in her eyes.

“Maybe I will stay. Maybe I will get to know you a little better after all.”

With his back pressed against the chair he could not escape her when she kissed him. His own mug fell from his hand and rolled under the chair unnoticed and he put his arms around her drawing her onto his lap.

The kiss became hot and deep and Gabrielle began to tingle all over. She pulled her head back and looked into his eyes. They mirrored the feelings that were flooding hers but which, in his were overlaid with a deep confusion that puzzled her.

“You know that if we carry on I won’t be able to stop.”

“Why would you want to stop?” He was breathless and it made her smile. She reached out and touched his hair, it was soft and silky just as she had known it would be.

“You have beautiful hair.”

“Thank you.” He was suddenly coy, ducking his head and looking up at her through his hair, his eyes veiled. Stroking the silky strands she buried her fingers deeply and pulled his head back so she could kiss his neck. He grunted and she felt his body tense beneath her.

She twisted round so that she was facing him, her legs astride. Reaching out she began to unbutton his shirt, underneath his skin was hot.

“What are you doing?”

“Taking off your shirt.”

“Why?”

“Why do you think?”

“I don’t know.”

His voice was still breathless and tight but there was something in it and in the puzzlement on his face that made her draw back.

“This may be a very stupid question… but maybe not. Have you ever slept with a woman Cai?”

“Only my sister.”

“What?!”

Alarmed by her reaction he was cautious with his response. “In the winter, in the cave it is… cold.”

“Okay, let me rephrase that and hope I get a different response. Have you ever made love to a woman?”

He looked deeply confused and uncomfortable. “I… don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? Cai, do you have any idea what I am talking about?” He shook his head. “Have you never kissed before, never held a woman in your arms or had a woman touch you?”

“No. Apart from you and Leelany I have never met or spoken to a woman, or a man for that matter.”

“But you know about sex right?” Again he shook his head, looking worried now as well as confused. “But you must… surely… I mean… Have you never watched tv?” He shook his head “Read a book?” Again he shook his head. “But you have lived with animals right? You must have seen what animals do.”

“Animals do a lot of things.”

“Together. You know how babies are made surely?”

“Kind of.”

“God what has your sister taught you?”

“How to stay alive.” He was defensive now, becoming irritated with her scorn.

“I’m sorry Cai. I am being unfair. I forget that you have lived your entire life away from people but I am surprised that Leelany has told you nothing of this. And I have to say that in my world it is rare enough to find someone of our age who hasn’t done it let alone who doesn’t know what it is. Have you not noticed….? I mean when you changed from a boy to a man did you not notice… changes? Feelings in your body?”

“Yes, of course.”

“And did you not ask your sister about it?”

“Yes. She told me that it was just my body changing and I should occupy my mind with hard work and stop thinking about it. I…” A strange look came over his face. “I… sometimes when I was watching you… I felt… strange, like… like now. Leelany told me that… that it was a sickness of the mind and I should stay away from you until I felt better.”

“I suppose, in a way, she was right.”

Cai gazed at her, his face deeply puzzled and worried, as she finished unbuttoning his shirt. Gabrielle held his gaze as she slid her hand underneath the cool cotton and stroked the hot, tight skin of his chest, running her fingers over the hard muscle her pupils dilating with pleasure as she did so. There was not a spare ounce of fat anywhere on him. The long hours of practice with knife and bow had toned his body to perfection and Gabrielle appreciated every inch of it.

Cai shivered and closed his eyes resting his head back against the chair arching his back as her hands stroked lower and slid under the waistband of his jeans.

“Stop. I… I just…” He put his hands over hers and raised his head to stare at her with worried, frightened eyes. “Laugh at me if you like but… this is as strange to me as your world of metal and stone. I am afraid Gabrielle, afraid of the way you are making me feel, afraid of the way my body is… is… Afraid of everything.”

“I won’t laugh at you. You are the sweetest, gentlest most beautiful man I have ever met. I would not spoil this for anything in the world. Don’t be afraid.” She rose to her feet, still holding his hands. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“You are going to show me your bedroom.”

“What? Why?”

She grinned at him as he scrambled to his feet. “Because I am going to teach you something that Leelany never did, for sure.”

He led the way up the stairs to a room that was cool and dark. It was plain and bare, the only furniture being a bed and a chest. As soon as the door was closed behind them Gabrielle slipped the shirt from his shoulders and lifted her top over her head, whilst Cai stood looking helpless and lost.

“Take your clothes off Cai.”

“I… don’t know if I should.”

“Really?”

Dropping her bra on top of her tshirt Gabrielle pressed her body against his. Hearing his breath hiss she smiled burying her face in his hair and gently nipping his ear lobe. His arms came around her and he squeezed her convulsively. Taking one of his hands she pressed it to her breast and moaned as he caressed her. He pulled away immediately.

“Did I hurt you?”

“Take your clothes of Cai. If you don’t want me to tear them off you, take them off … now.”

There was an element of fear in the look he gave her but he complied and when they were both naked she pushed him onto the bed and threw herself down beside him. He looked downright terrified now and she laughed and kissed him.

Once more the kiss became deeper and Gabrielle ran her hands gently over his body. She felt him shiver and he began to tremble beneath her, breathing in gasps. He pulled away and looked up at her, his eyes wide.

“I… I… feel... I feel… strange. I...”

“Ssh. It’s alright. You are supposed to feel strange; strange and wonderful. Just relax.”

“No… I… don’t… I don’t know…”

“Do you trust me?”

For a moment he was completely still, staring at her with a look that was so open and so vulnerable that she thought that her heart would burst. At last he nodded and she smiled lowering her head to kiss his neck and chest, sliding her body over his as she moved lower. Hissing he threw back his head and closed his eyes, arching his back.

By the time she had finished he was shaking uncontrollably, feverish and breathless. When she sat astride him and gently lowered herself onto him his entire body jerked and his eyes flew open.

“What…?”

“Ssh. Just… just be still.”

Reaching forwards she took his hands and placed them on her breasts as she moved her hips, slowly at first but increasing in both speed and power as they both began to build towards climax. Cai was almost completely silent although he occasionally moaned and, towards the end bit down so hard on his lip that when Gabrielle kissed him she tasted the salty metal tang of blood.

In the end he cried out just once as his body convulsed and it was a cry of release but also of something close to pain and something close to terror and, afterwards he lay still for a long time, shivering. Understanding Gabrielle lay quiet, with her head on his chest listening to the gradual slowing of his heart.

Eventually she began to feel somewhat concerned that, somehow she had hurt him and she sat up. He was staring wide eyed at the ceiling, still shivering and she pulled the covers over him. He blinked at her and reached up to touch her face almost as though to reassure himself that she was still a creature of flesh and blood.

“Are you alright?”

For a moment he just stared, his eyes luminous in the semi darkness, and then suddenly he grinned.

“Do you… I mean people in this world… do you… I mean, do you do that all the time?”

“Well no, not all the time. Only when… only with someone who is very special.”

“Am I special?”

“Oh yes, I can say that with complete certainty. You are most certainly special; the most special person I have ever met; the most special person in the world to me right now.”

He went quiet again for a time, staring up into her face as she stared down into his, wondering how she could ever have thought, even for a moment that he was not beautiful.

“Can we do it again?”

“I can, the question is… can you?”

“I don’t understand.”

“How can I put this delicately? Um… my equipment is, shall we say, ever ready, yours might need time to recover.”

Watching understanding slowly dawn she laughed. This time she taught him how to pleasure her and the experience was more controlled, more tender and less shocking to him. When it was over they lay in each other’s arms gazing at each other while the sun moved across the sky.