Red Gold - 9. Chapter 9 - Betrayal

“What’s happening? What’s …?”

She opened her eyes to find Ben bending over her shaking her. “I’m sorry to wake you, I wouldn’t have but you were dreaming and you seemed upset.”

“Was I? I don’t remember.” She sat up and grinned at him. “Well…?”

Ben smiled coyly. “Oh, I had almost forgotten about that.”

“Liar. Did you call?”

“Yes, I called.”

“And…?”

“I’m meeting her next weekend.”

“Excellent. Did you tell her how you feel?”

“Not exactly but I told her enough, and I think she feels the same.”

“That’s wonderful. See, I told you…”

“Yes, you did, didn’t you? Thank you Gabrielle.”

“No worries, I am so pleased for you.”

He blushed and ducked his head. “Well anyway… the reason I came was because Daniel’s back from theatre and I though you might want to see him.”

“Oh yes, of course I do. Is… is he…?”

“Everything went well. He’s going to be fine.”

“Thank you Ben, you have no idea how grateful I am.”

“Don’t be silly, I’m just as grateful to you… for Marie.”

Ben led her along the corridor to a room just off the end. “I got them to put him in a private room so that you can stay. You aren’t supposed to but… I knew that you would want to so… well you can stay with him as long as you like. I will pop in whenever I can.”

“I’m really grateful Ben, I can never thank you enough.”

“No need. He’ll be out of here in a couple of days and you can repay me by making a good life for yourself with him. It’ll make me feel like what I do actually makes a difference.”

“Oh, it does. It really does.”

“Thank you. Go on then, don’t stand around here talking to this devilishly handsome doctor when you have someone in there waiting for you.”

“Is he awake?”

“No… sorry, bad choice of words. He’s on a ventilator at the moment… that’s a machine to breathe for him. Now don’t be scared. It isn’t that he can’t breathe for himself but he needs to give his lung a chance to recover so we’re just taking the pressure off for a while. It will probably only be for a day but it’s a pretty horrible experience if you’re aware of it so he’ll be sedated until he comes off it. So don’t worry that he doesn’t wake up.”

“Thank you. You make it all sound so… normal.”

“Well, it kind of is for me… both of my parents are doctors so I am following in the family business. When I have done my stint as resident I have a sedate job in a prosperous GP practice among people I have known all my life all set up and waiting for me.”

“Sounds… safe.”

“Yes, it is safe. I think that is why I have been avoiding going back, why I have been avoiding Marie, because I don’t know if I want to be safe. That’s where I made my mistake, of course. I was assuming things, assuming that she was boring and safe too.”

“And...”

“And, I had a very interesting conversation, and next weekend we’ll see.”

“I’ll be checking up on you, just to make sure you don’t make a mess of it.”

“Thank you Gabrielle. Don’t forget, I’ll be right here. I’ll pop my head in later but I’ll make sure no one disturbs you for a while.”

Gabrielle was in high spirits when she opened the door but as soon as it closed behind her the mood plummeted. As soon as she laid eyes on Cai the dream she’d had of Leelany’s accusations replayed in her head and, once more the feelings of ‘What the hell have I done?’ returned in force.

He did look as though he was trapped, imprisoned, pinned to the bed by the medical equipment, like a butterfly on a pin. A prison of glass and metal… yes it was. For the first time she was glad that he was unconscious, that he wasn’t aware of where he was or what was happening to him.

But it was going to be alright, he had needed to be here hadn’t he, and by the time he woke up he would be better and would be able to leave and would know that she had done it to help him and it would all be alright. Of course Leelany was angry about it but she was angry about everything. For some reason she hated her and she was going to find fault no matter what, but Cai was different, he would understand. When he woke up she would be with him and he wouldn’t care about being here if she was here too. She would make him see that it was all for the best and then they would leave here and it would all be alright. If only she kept telling herself that enough she would make herself believe it.

Sitting down on the chair at the side of the bed Gabrielle didn’t really know what she was feeling. She had pretty much worked out that she was completely and hopelessly in love with Cai, but how that was going to work out with Leelany on the warpath she didn’t know. And then there was all this, and whichever way she looked at it she couldn’t deny that it was all her fault. She was pretty sure that Cai would understand and forgive her. He was sure to make her suffer first but he would forgive her in the end. She was equally sure that Leelany never would.

With a sigh she leaned forwards and picked up his hand. Absentmindedly she stroked his long fingers, tracing the lines on his palm with her own.

“I’ve only known you a very short time and I have royally screwed you up already. God, I’ve made a mess of this. But I didn’t betray you Cai, I swear I didn’t betray you. I didn’t do any of this on purpose. And I don’t think that Leelany is right that I should not have brought you here. They’re going to make you well, I swear it.”

She had already forgotten that the real issue had never been the injury, that the wound in his chest was nothing but a symptom of a problem that went far deeper. She had forgotten the experiences of time twisting and shattering, of an energy far greater than any she could comprehend, tearing apart reality itself and pouring into it, flowing through it to reach out a hand to Cai, a hand that had tried to stab him through the heart. She had forgotten so she did not spare a thought to wonder what the hand might do next.

It was a long night and Gabrielle, feeling guilty all the while, became bored and wandered about the room, reading signs, turning taps on and off, having a wash, anything to fill time. Sometimes she talked to Cai but there is only so much you can say to someone who does not talk back.

When the door opened to admit an apologetic nurse, far from being annoyed at the interruption Gabrielle welcomed the chance to have a two way conversation. After carrying out the standard observations the nurse lingered for a time to chat. It turned out that she had something of a crush on Ben and the two giggled together like schoolgirls until the nurse remembered herself and hurried out.

In a little while she was back with a couple of pillows and a blanket so that Gabrielle could make herself as comfortable as she could. She turned down the lights and even managed to sneak Gabrielle a cup of coffee. Before she quite knew what was happening she was tucked up in a chair, her feet on a stool, with pillows and a blanket and was drifting off to sleep.

When she woke she had no idea what time it was. There were no windows in the room and the lights were still low and so it could have been any time of day or night. Thankfully there had been no further dreams and she had slept well although she did not feel particularly refreshed, being stiff from the position she had fallen into during the night in the chair.

Light and life flooded the room as the door opened and someone looked in.

“Hey, you’re awake at last.” It was Ben. He closed the door behind him and snapped on the lights. Gabrielle was blinded for a moment.

“Don’t you ever go off duty?”

“I’ve been, had my three hours and come back.”

“Three hours? Is that all the time off you get?”

“No, slight exaggeration on my part. It’s eleven o’clock you’ve slept for hours and hours and I came back on shift about half an hour ago. I did pop in before but you were away with the fairies.”

“Bloody hell. I didn’t think I had slept so long.” Stretching she kicked away the stool and half heartedly folded the blanket.

“I would say that I would take you for breakfast but unfortunately I can’t get away. I have to do SOME work and besides it is too late for breakfast now. Why don’t you go and get some lunch? Unless you want to go home for a couple of hours. Nothing’s going to change here for a while.”

“I don’t know. I really don’t want to leave him. Is it alright if I stay?”

“You can stay as long as you like. I told you that last night. But you should look after yourself. At least go and get something to eat.”

“I can’t”

“Why not?”

“I didn’t bring anything with me. I have no money.”

“Well, if that’s the only problem…” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of money.

“No Ben, you have been really kind to me, but at the end of the day I don’t really know you. I can’t take money from you.”

He looked crestfallen. “Way to go to beat a man when he’s down. There was I thinking that I was going to be your knight in shining armour and then you go and kick my horse from under me and shoot it in the head.”

“Nice imagery.”

“Go on, take a fiver, hardly dinner at the Ritz. And you can even pay me back some time.”

“Alright, you talked me into it. I will give my friend a call and get her to bring my bag over and then I’ll treat you to dinner after your shift. How does that sound?”

“Well, let’s just see. I would imagine that by the end of my shift your boyfriend will be back in the land of the living and, as you said yourself, he may well turn out to be the jealous type…I know I would be.”

“Stop it. Ben Lacey have you no shame?”

“Not really, no. But don’t worry, I am not going to be chatting you up, not here not anywhere. Now go and eat.”

It was strange sitting in the café sipping coffee and eating a chicken baguette. She looked around at all the people, caught up in their own lives, their own dramas. Never had she felt so alien, so much that she didn’t belong here. Nothing was the same.

She telephoned Sadie who was so relieved to hear from her that she didn’t even mind being dragged over to the hospital in the middle of her only day without lectures.

“Gabrielle, I have been so worried. When you didn’t come home…”

“It’s alright Sadie hun, I’m fine. Can you just get here as soon as you can, I would die for comfy shoes and clean knickers.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll stuff as much as I can in a bag and be there in half an hour. Try not to get into any trouble before I get there.”

“It isn’t me that’s in trouble Sadie.”

“No, so I see. So what the hell happened Gabs? No, don’t tell me on the phone. Hang tight, I’ll be right there.”

True to her word, in less than twenty minutes Sadie walked into café and hurried over to her table.

“Are you alright you poor thing?”

“Like I said I’m fine. It isn’t me who got hurt.”

“But you look terrible. It must have been a hell of a shock. What happened?”

Gabrielle told the story which, by now was becoming so familiar it almost felt like truth but Sadie wasn’t swallowing.

“Alright, if that’s what you want to say that’s what I believe. But that doesn’t explain why, when you were on your way home you suddenly took it into your head to go visiting.”

“I don’t know why I went there Sadie, I really don’t. I… I just wanted to see him again, to be with him. You know.”

“Mmm, maybe I do and maybe I don’t. But what I need to know is whether my friend has got herself into a situation that might be dangerous for her. It’s not that I don’t care about Daniel but I don’t know him, he isn’t my friend, you are and I need to know that you are alright.”

“I’m alright Sadie, honestly I am. There is nothing in any of this that is a danger to me… well at least not physically. There have been plenty of times when I have felt that I am in danger of losing my sanity.”

“Well, let’s face it you were never very sane in the first place.”

“Can’t have been to have made friends with someone like you?”

“That’s my girl. Right, where’s the nearest loo? Let’s get you in there so you can make yourself respectable… and less smelly to introduce me to your new boyfriend.”

“I am not smelly.”

“You think?”

Laughing and feeling more human and less strange by the minute Gabrielle followed her friend to the Ladies and Sadie stood guard at the door, turning away two old ladies and a rather irate Irish nurse, while she washed and changed. Sadie relented and let in a harassed young mother with two desperate children whilst she was brushing her teeth.

When she was ready and her dirty clothes had been stashed away in the bag Sadie turned her around and declared herself satisfied.

“It’s awful enough being stuck in a place like this after something as terrible as that happens to you without having to look at a grubby miserable scarecrow sat at your bedside. You can at least give him a bit of eye candy to brighten his day.”

“Doesn’t make much difference at the moment. He’s not awake. They’ve got him hooked up to all sorts of machines and he’s drugged to the eyeballs so he can’t feel it. He won’t know whether I am a scarecrow or a mannequin.”

“He won’t sleep forever hun. And when he wakes up it will be to see the most beautiful woman in his world sitting at his bedside and smiling at him.”

“You say the nicest things.”

“I’m just standing in for Daniel until he’s up to taking over. At least he had better take over or I’ll have to sack him.”

“Chill now, we’re here.”

As they approached the door Ben appeared from the nurses station further on along the ward and ushered them to one side. Sadie was clearly impressed and flirted wordlessly with him.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes, fine. Good actually. The consultant came up on his rounds early and Daniel’s doing so well that he’s said to take him off the ventilator straight away. They’re sorting it out now. So if you give them ten, fifteen minutes you can go and sit with him and he should be waking up pretty soon.”

“See, I told you it was a good idea to put some make up on. And you were worried about your mascara running. Anyway, who are you, you great big hunky doctor you? I bet you could make my pulse race. Want to pop in a side room and take my temperature?”

“Sadie! Sorry Ben, she’s like this with everyone. Just give her a slap if she offends you.”

Although he was blushing beetroot red, Ben laughed and shook his head. “No man is going to be offended about being complimented by a beautiful woman, particularly when she is making him offers like that. Unfortunately I can’t take you up on your offer as I have only very recently announced undying love to my childhood sweetheart and I have a feeling she could be the jealous type.”

Sadie laughed and linked her arm with his. “Well, if you’re not up to a bit of hanky panky you can at least buy a lady a coffee, particularly if we have ten minutes to kill.”

Deftly he slipped his arm out of her grip and bowed apologetically, “As much as I would love to buy you beautiful ladies a coffee unfortunately I am on duty and, with the big cheese at large on the wards it is more than my life’s worth to leave my post. My arse would be toast if he found me skiving. Why don’t you take your friend to the relatives room and I’ll arrange for a coffee to be sent down.”

As soon as Ben was out of earshot Sadie rounded on her. “Hey, you didn’t tell me about HIM. You really are a dark horse. Not content with one gorgeous knight in shining armour you find yourself two, in two days. What perfume have you been using? Can I borrow it?”

“Well I wasn’t exactly looking for a second one Sadie. Ben just kind of … I don’t know. It was his first day on the job and he was so nervous and I was terrified and we were nice to each other. That’s all. I am really not the kind of girl who would be chatting up the doctor when my boyfriend is lying sick in the next room.”

“Hey, don’t get shirty with me girl. I’m admiring not criticising.”

“Actually I encouraged him to go and talk to his girl. And he’s meeting up with her at the weekend. So….”

“I’m teasing you hun. I know that it goes deep with this one; I can see it in you. I’m sorry, I won’t tease you any more. Has it been really, really horrible?”

“Yes, it has. I just want Daniel home, and well and everything … well not back to normal because it wasn’t normal before… but back to being good again.”

“So is he?”

“Is he what?”

“Good.”

“Sadie, you said no more teasing.”

“I wasn’t teasing, just being curious.”

“Well, if you really want to know, although it is absolutely none of your business… yes, he is good, he’s very, very, very good.”

“Wow, that good huh?”

“Yes and so much more.”

“Are you sure it’s safe to introduce us?”

“I know you would be safe with him…but whether he is safe with you… It’s a chance I have to take.”

Time passed and no coffee came. After half an hour Gabrielle began to feel uneasy and after forty five minutes she was pacing. Sadie was all for hunting down Ben but Gabrielle held her back on the basis that she did not want to get in the way if something had gone wrong. Eventually a nurse came to find them apologising that Ben had been swept off by the consultant and hadn’t been able to get back to them.

“Is Daniel alright?”

“Yes, he’s fine. I’m really sorry, I didn’t realise you were waiting here or I would have come to get you ages ago.”

“Is he awake?”

“No, not yet. You can see if you can wake him with a kiss. He’s a proper sleeping beauty isn’t he?”

“Um… to me he is.” The nurse swept off smiling.

“Well, well, I am excited now. This boy gets more and more interesting and I haven’t even seen him yet.”

“Sadie, I’m warning you, behave yourself. No seriously. He’s not well enough to cope with you and I’m not calm enough.”

“Gabs, you are my best friend. I wouldn’t upset you, not here, not now, not like this. I’m only teasing, keeping your spirits up, you know that.”

It was wonderful walking into Cai’s room and seeing him free of the ventilator. They had raised the head of the bed so that he was half sitting up and the bedclothes had been folded back. Apart from a dressing over the wound and a few electrodes for the heart monitor he was bare chested and for a moment Gabrielle was almost overcome with a desire to run her hands over her body. At her side Sadie gave a low whistle.

“No wonder you were able to resist the dishy doctor so easily. Where the hell did he come from?”

“From my dreams Sadie, right out of my dreams.”

“I can believe it, and from the look on your face right then I bet they were dirty ones.”

“Sadie, what did I tell you? You promised.”

“I’m being a good girl. I haven’t said a single word about what I’m thinking right now.”

“I can guess. So stop it.”

“I’m a woman and I’m alive. I can say no more. Now sit down and shut up so I can look at him for a while.”

“Sadie!”

“I’m teasing. I know I said I wouldn’t but it’s the way I am, I just can’t help it. And bloody hell Gabrielle, you heard that nurse. There’s not a woman anywhere with a pulse who isn’t going to get turned on by that.”

“THAT, is my boyfriend. For God’s sake Sadie, he almost died. He’s still unconscious. You are being completely inappropriate. Stop! Now!”

“Yeah, I suppose I am being inappropriate. But at least you are smiling.”

“No, I am not. I have gone beyond smiling. And I am warning you Sadie, if you say one word out of place when he is awake I will drive you out of here beating you about the head with my shoe. I’m really not joking. I love him, Sadie. This is like nothing I have ever experienced before, this is real, it’s … it’s… just don’t embarrass me.”

“Okay, no worries sister. I can see you’re upset. I won’t say a word. I promise.”

“I’m not that hopeful. You can speak, just not of anything sexual.”

“I’ll just stay silent.”

As though becoming aware of the sound of voices Cai stirred and sighed. Instantly Gabrielle lost interest in Sadie and went to his side. Taking his hand she stroked his hair and he turned his head towards her hand.

“Cai?” she whispered his name, hoping that Sadie would not hear, or at least that she would not question.

Cai coughed and moaned. He gave a deep sigh and his eyes flickered open. At first all he saw was Gabrielle’s face and he smiled, a sleepy, distant, smile. Gabrielle bent to kiss him gently on the lips and he whispered. “Gabrielle.”

“You’re alright. I’m here.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. Look, don’t talk here. You’re at the hospital.”

“What? Where?”

For the first time he looked beyond her face and his eyes went wide. “No, Gabrielle. I can’t be here. Don’t… please don’t.” He shook his head trying to clear it of the fog left by the drugs. Putting his hands on her shoulders to push her back he noticed the IV tubes in his arms, the needle in the back of his hand and he gripped her, panic in his eyes.

“What… what have they done to me? Gabrielle, help me. Please. I can’t be here. I am in prison. Please free me. Take me home. Please.”

“It’s alright, calm down. It’s only for a couple of days. You’ve been really sick, you need help. Please don’t get so upset.”

“No, no, you don’t understand. I can barely tolerate a house. I can’t be here. I can’t. All this… I am… I am… Please Gabrielle.”

He looked around wildly, taking in the equipment, the harsh, sterile environment, and he struggled to sit up, grunting in pain and pressing his hand to his side.

“I can’t be here.”

Sadie, alarmed slipped out of the room to call for help while Gabrielle continued to try and calm Cai. As soon as the room was empty she spoke rapidly to him.

“Cai, Ca’el, listen to me, listen. You’re alright. You are safe here. Cai, please trust me. It’s alright. You can be angry with me later but please, please don’t get so upset now.”

He was beyond upset, beyond listening to anything she had to say. There was nothing but absolute panic in his eyes and all she could do was try to hold him as he struggled to get out of bed. The heart monitor was going beserk and alarms were going off somewhere. Gabrielle began to get frightened herself at the strength of his reaction and that he might do himself real harm in his struggles to escape her. She was afraid to hold him too tightly because that only made him struggle harder.

“Cai, be calm. Why are you so upset?”

Gripping her shoulders so tightly he hurt her, his wild eyes stared into hers. “Gabrielle you don’t understand. I can’t do this… I can’t. I don’t do inside places. I don’t like walls. I don’t… I don’t feel… I am a prisoner. I am not free. This... “ he held out his arm to her and he was shaking. “This is… I can’t. Please help me. Gabrielle I can’t do this. Please.”

He was sobbing now, pleading with her but what could she do? She couldn’t help him to just walk out of there.

At that moment the door opened and two nurses, one male and one female walked in. Although they were friendly they only served to frightened Cai even more and, letting go of Gabrielle he tried to get out of bed. Hampered by the IV lines he tried to tear them out and that was when the nurses intervened. The male nurse, moving Gabrielle gently out of the way pushed him gently but firmly back onto the bed and he completely flipped.

Gabrielle had seen how strong and fast Cai could be and he was in a complete frenzy. The nurse was no match and he was flung across the room. Again Cai tried to get up and other nurse had no intention of putting herself in the way. This time he was defeated by his own pain and he doubled over before he could set a foot on the floor.

By now the female nurse had pressed the alarm and the room filled with people. It took three male nurses to hold Cai down and even then they had a real fight. One of them held his arm while the female nurse drew up a syringe. Realising what they were doing Cai cried out in horror.

“Gabrielle… Please… please help me. Don’t do that… please don’t do that. No, don’t do that to me. Let me go. I have done nothing. Do not… please do not imprison me here. Gabrielle! Gabrielle. Help me! Help me!”

His struggles intensified and he twisted desperately but to no avail. Gabrielle felt strong arms around her shoulders and she looked up into Ben’s pale face. He began to draw her away but she would not go.

“Gabrielle. Gabrielle.” Cai’s cries and his struggles were getting weaker as the drug took hold, although he did not stop until it was impossible for him to continue. Struggling free from Ben’s hold Gabrielle pushed the female nurse out of the way and gripped Cai’s hand. His eyes were heavy but still wild. He could barely speak but still he pleaded with her. “Don’t… don’t leave me… don’t let them… don’t… leave… me… here. Save me.” Realising that he was slipping his eyes flew wide and he gripped her hand “No… no… why...? Why… did… you… do… this?” the last word was whispered and his hand slipped from hers as his eyes closed and he finally lost consciousness.

The nurses stepped back and Ben motioned for them to leave. Cai was a mess. His hair was all over the place and he was bleeding from half a dozen places, not least from his side where it had soaked the dressing and was trickling down onto the white sheets beneath him. Gabrielle was absolutely horrified and she could only stand, numb and shaking, watching while Ben bent over Cai and peeled back the dressing. The wound was bleeding freely, dark blood welling through torn stitches. At the sight of it Gabrielle broke and ran.

She pounded through the corridors, her mind blank of everything but the look on his face, the fear in his eyes and the accusation that was the last thing on his mind. Typically Cai, it was not said with anger or bitterness but only with wide eyed confusion and a sense of loss and puzzlement so deep that she did not think that she would ever be able to forget.

Blindly bumping into things and people she reached the main foyer and then she was out into the fresh air. It was raining, a light, misty rain. Not stopping she hurtled out of the door and into the rain, heedless.