Red Gold - 16. Chapter 16 - Trying to Find Hope

Left alone Gabrielle carefully slid out from under Cai and lay down next to him as she had before. This time he took her in his arms and there was some of the old strength there. The heat of the fever was subsiding, leaving a lethargy that showed in his eyes and the lazy way his fingers toyed with her hair. He smiled and it seemed as though her heart would burst with a pain that was unexpected and inexplicable.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“I see a shadow in your eyes.”

“It’s nothing. Well; no, it isn’t nothing; but it is nothing for you to be concerned with. It is only that I have felt so much these last few days. You swept into my life and swept me off my feet. You were so strong and strange and…awesome. And I hurt you, I hurt you as much as anyone can be hurt and you are still here, in my arms, with that look in your eyes. And I thought I would lose you, so many times and you kept coming back and tonight I was afraid… so afraid, but now… here I am again, in your arms and you are so strong and you still have that look in your eyes…. and I don’t know if I am worthy of it.”

“Of course you are worthy of it. You are my life, my hope. I don’t know what it is you have to do to bring hope to our people, but for me, just being here, with me, that is enough. When I am with you I know there is brightness in my future.”

“I know. I know how you feel about me, I see it in your eyes all the time. But I am still not sure that I am worthy of it.”

Cai smiled. “That is the nature of love. You cannot choose to fall in love and you cannot choose who you fall in love with. It chooses you. And worthy or not I love you with all my heart and soul and always will. I am your guardian and your protector, you are the queen of my heart.”

“You are so beautiful.”

“I know, I see it in your eyes, as I hope you see the true beauty that is you, in mine.”

“Yes, I see it. You make me feel beautiful.”

“That’s because you are.” He stroked her face and, with sudden surprising strength pulled her close to him and kissed her with a hunger that took her by surprise and left her gasping.

“You are feeling better.”

“Yes.”

For a long time there was no further chance to speak. With the constant threat of Leelany or Ben returning only adding to the excitement, from the moment he took her into his arms and kissed her there was no stopping the tide which rose in them. Cai was burning again but this time it was not with fever. He took charge from the beginning, his eyes glowing in the flickering light, his hair falling around him, turned to flame by the candle glow.

There was something about the ferocity of his gaze, the hardness of his body pinning her to the bed of leaves that was almost frightening and sent a shiver through Gabrielle. His hands on her body burned where they touched and the fear and uncertainty of the previous days fuelled the fire in her belly.

There was no wild abandon, Cai was too weak and Gabrielle too cautious of hurting him. But the very fact that their movements were slow and careful served only to increase the passion and they were both delirious by the time he entered here. At the moment of release they joined their lips to contain the cries that were very close. As it was Cai could not entirely bite back a sharp grunt of pain as he collapsed across her exhausted and replete.

Leelany appeared in the entrance of the cave, her face sharp with concern. With an effort Cai lifted his head and grinned at her. When she saw them she turned away making no attempt to hide the look of disgust on her face. Cai fell back onto the remains of the bed and scattered leaves, laughing, wild and free.

Gabrielle felt lighter than she had since the last occasion they had been together. Somehow the act of love had also been an act of exorcism, excising the guilt and fear, the uncertainty and doubt. In that moment she loved him completely and there was nothing else of any importance to her than his face, his eyes, his lips and when she kissed him he knew.

They fell asleep where they lay. When Ben came to in to get a few hours sleep before morning he pulled the blankets from both beds to cover them. He was smiling but there was a sadness in his eyes.

Leelany remained outside, tending the fire and guarding the camp. At first light she went hunting and by the time the sun was up the campsite was full of fruit, berries and nuts, in addition to the unidentifiable chunks of meat that were sputtering on a large flat stone in the heart of the fire. Ben’s potion which had been simmering for most of the night was cooling next to a fist sized, hard skinned fruit which had been hollowed out in preparation to be a container.

When Leelany entered the cave to wake the others she knelt for a long time looking down at Cai and Gabrielle. He looked happy. There was a smile on his lips and, even in sleep, his arm held her protectively. Gabrielle was very beautiful, her head cradled on his chest, her pale hair spread out around her. In other circumstances she would have been happy for them. But in these circumstances her stomach knotted at the sight of them together.

With a little more force than was necessary Leelany reached out and prodded Gabrielle awake. As soon as she stirred Cai was wide awake. Seeing Leelany he relaxed.

“Is it morning already?”

“Yes, and there is breakfast outside. I had to get it myself because you were too…… busy.” The words dripped with scorn and stung Gabrielle but they only made Cai smile. “I was going to ask if you were up to travelling today but after your…. performance last night I will assume that you are so get out of bed and watch the meat while I scout and you had better not let it burn. I haven’t eaten yet and I will need strength to get us to the village before dark as I do not suppose I can count on yours.”

This time she had stung him too and there was a look of smug satisfaction on her face as she turned and disappeared. It hurt Gabrielle to see the look of hurt and confusion in Cai’s eyes and she stroked his face tenderly, gratified by how quickly and completely the expression changed.

“Don’t worry about her, she is just being mean because she is angry. She has always had you all to herself. For a long time you were only her… and now you are mine.”

“You make me sound like a possession.”

“I certainly hope so, you possess me and that’s for sure.”

Cai’s eyes turned soft but, as he reached for her Gabrielle rolled away from him. “Lee will hang us both out to dry if her precious meat is spoiled. Get your arse out of bed. Do you need help?”

“Don’t know.” He stretched experimentally and winced slightly pressing his hand to his side. Gabrielle frowned, worried but he grinned and reached out a hand to her. “Not bad, help me up.”

With minimal help from Gabrielle, Cai got to his feet and seemed reasonably solid, steadying himself against the wall. The voices had woken Ben and he, unnecessarily, leaped out of bed to assist.

“How are you feeling this morning?”

“Stiff and sore, and I have a terrible headache.”

“Yes, you would have. You must be dehydrated. You didn’t drink much yesterday and the fever drained you. It should be much better once you have had some water.”

“That’s good news. It isn’t fun running through a forest in bright sun with a pounding head.”

Gabrielle crouched down and crawled out of the cave into the bright morning sunshine and was amazed by the array of wild food spread out on two large leaves, in the shade of the trees. She had no idea what meat was roasting in the fire but the smell made her mouth water and, with a pointed stick she set about turning them so that they cooked evenly.

Ben and Cai emerged from the cave together and Ben helped Cai get to his feet again. He was squinting in the bright sunlight.

“I think I had better get down to the river and take that drink. Otherwise the light is going to burn out the inside of my skull.”

“I’ll help you.”

“I don’t think I need help but…. if you like.”

The two men slowly crossed the clearing and disappeared into the trees. Gabrielle watched them go and thought how different they were. They were both serious and committed to their work, they were both young, tall and athletically built but there was not much else about them that was similar in any way.

Ben was used to living a comfortable life in a city, confined by his books, his family and his profession, and Cai was used to the freedom of the deep woods. Ben was dark and Cai was bright. Ben was civilised and urbane and Cai was wild. Whichever way she looked about it, whatever way by which she compared them, although she liked Ben very much, somehow Cai always seemed to burn a little brighter, stand a little taller, be worth a little more in the weighing. She smiled. Of course he did and that was how it should be.

It was a surprisingly short time before they returned. Cai already looked a little better. He sat down very carefully on a rock.

“I feel as though I should slosh when I walk. How is that meat coming on? I would hate for it not to be done to perfection by the time her majesty returns.” Gabrielle laughed and reassured him that the meat was as good as it was possible for little cubes of unidentifiable meat on a stone to be.

Ben crouched next to the stone on which his potion was cooling. He very carefully poured into the fruit shell as much as it would hold.

“How can I seal this?”

“I would think that candle wax would do it, unless you can find a piece of wood that will stopper it. Might be an idea to do both if you are going to need to open it more than once.”

Ben handed the tin to Cai. “Here, take the rest of what’s in here now. You will need to take it every four or five hours.”

Obediently Cai swallowed the liquid, spitting out bits of wood and grass. “Yours taste nicer that Lee’s. They work too. How did you get the fever to go away so quickly?”

“It hasn’t gone away. If you stop taking the medicine it will come back. Just as the underlying cause of the fever hasn’t gone away. This suppresses the symptoms, that’s all, so that you can travel. To be honest I am uneasy about the whole thing. You should be resting and I should be treating you for the infection. Travelling in this condition is a really bad idea.” he held up his hand to ward off Cai’s retort. “I know. I know it is unavoidable which is why I made the potion. If the infection is not too bad and has not spread then you will be able to walk all day but then you will need to rest… a lot. And I can only hope that the healers there are as skilled as you say.”

Cai’s eyes were grave as he drained the last of the potion. His looked thoughtful and Ben, watching him carefully saw his eyes flick to Gabrielle, after which he seemed to shake himself slightly and handed back the tin with a smile. “Thank you. Would you like me to seal the container?”

“I think that might be a good idea, or I will only get more wax in the potion that on the shell. I will bring you the candle from the cave, there was a little left when I blew it out last night…. or, more precisely, this morning.”

It took Cai no time to neatly seal the hole in the container and he laid the sealed shell on the rock besides him and leaned back with a sigh closing his eyes and lifting his face to the sun.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, just tired and making the most of the peace. We will be moving out soon.”

“Yes we will, lazy bones. We are not far from the main track, I found it easily enough and once there it is easy travelling to the village. We will be there well before night if you can keep up today.”

“I’ll keep up. You just make sure you lead true.”

“Hah, If you had not been such a bawling brat when we left you would have recognised the area yourself. We have been here before.”

Cai looked around in surprise. “Have we?”

“Just before we left. We were on our way to the void and we camped here. Gabrielle was playing her usual games with you and had you running after her like a fool, her little puppy dog. She fell and hurt herself and we had to go all the way back so that the healers could take care of her.”

Automatically Gabrielle’s hand went to her mouth and Cai’s to the locket beneath his shirt. “I remember. Father took her back on his horse. We had to stay here and it was awful. I felt…. guilty. It was my fault.”

“How the hell was it your fault?”

“I was chasing her; she was looking back at me and didn’t see the rock.” he turned to Gabrielle. “When I saw you fall I laughed, I thought I was going to win the race after all. Then when I reached you there was blood, so much blood everywhere and I was frightened. I thought you were really hurt. And you screamed so loudly and then you were gone. Mother snatched you up and the next thing Father was taking you back. No one bothered to explain to me what was going on and I thought you were really hurt….. until you came back.”

“I remember. I broke my tooth. I was so proud of it because it was pretty and it matched the other one, and then it was gone and I didn’t get another one for a very long time.” she pretended to pout and Cai laughed, then he sobered again, his eyes burning into hers.

“I wandered up and down the banks of the river all day. I was so afraid. I thought that everyone was mad with me because it was all my fault. Of course they weren’t, they were just worried about you.” He undid the buttons of his shirt and pulled out the locket. “I found this.” He shook the tooth out onto his hand and held it out to her.

Kneeling on the sandy ground Gabrielle stared at the tooth fragment. Tears sprang to her eyes. Closing his fingers around the tooth she looked up into his eyes, they were shining.

“You have kept this all these years. It is yours now, not mine.”

Cai reached out and touched her mouth, parting her lips and stroking her teeth. “I like the new one better anyway.”

“Oh for love of the gods will you two please give it a rest. I can’t look up without seeing you… just eat. I want to leave.”

Gabrielle and Cai smiled at each other and Cai put the tooth carefully back into the locket. Leelany handed him a leaf on which she had put a number of cubes of meat; more, he realised than would equate to a quarter share. He gave her a hard look and she just smiled innocently. “You need to build up your strength for the journey.”

“Of course. Here, take some back; the rest of you need feeding too.” and, whilst still holding his sister’s eyes he glanced pointedly at Gabrielle who, bending over the selection of fruits and nuts was oblivious. Leelany smiled sweetly again and bent back to her work.

Cai chewed a cube of meat carefully for a long time and then put the rest aside choosing, instead to sit back against the rock and close his eyes, bathing in the warmth of the sunshine. A shadow passed across the sun and he opened his eyes to see Ben crouch next to him, blocking the others. Ben spoke softly, his eyes grave.

“So how are you really feeling?”

Cai cocked his head quizzically. “I told you.”

“No you didn’t. You told me what you thought Gabrielle would want to hear. So now tell me the truth.”

For a moment he lowered his head, shielding his face with his hair. When he looked up his eyes were dark and thoughtful. Finally he nodded, once.

“I am not… strong. Even with your medicine there is pain. The wound burns and the burning is spreading.”

“How far?”

“All of one side; deep inside.”

“Where is pain worst?”

“Um… it’s strange… it’s not where the wound is… it’s in my back.”

“Low or high?”

“Under my ribs.”

Ben nodded looking thoughtful. “Does it hurt when you breathe?”

“No.” Ben looked relieved “But it burns.” The relief didn’t last long.

“Then you shouldn’t be travelling today.”

“And if I stay here? The healers won’t come here. It isn’t safe.”

“You won’t make it. I don’t know how far the village is but if it is going to take most of the day to walk there you are not going to make it.”

“I will.”

“Cai……….”

Cai looked him straight in the eye. There was a lot conveyed in that look.

“Pace yourself. Don’t push yourself and if you need to rest then we rest no matter what your sister says.”

“Good luck with that.”

“I’ll talk to her.”

“No. She will delight in telling Gabrielle and she will be afraid. I am not afraid. I know that I can make it to the village and I know that when I am there the healers will heal me.”

“I hope you are right.”

“I usually am.” He grinned and it made his face light up. It was almost possible for Ben to catch the lightness of it.