Red Gold - 15. Chapter 15 - A Long Night

The cave had a magical feel, with the flickering candles and the screen of ivy shutting it off from the outside world quite effectively. The weather and the candle flame made it warm and cosy and inviting. Cai was sitting up, crossways on the bed, his back against the wall. He was sipping the herbal brew with a sour look on his face.

“This is vile you know.”

“I can smell it from here. Are you sure it’s good for you?”

“If Lee says so then it is.”

“You trust her completely.”

“Yes, of course I do. She has taken care of me all my life. She has existed only for me. There have been many times when she has brewed the herbs for me and they have never been much by way of flavour. They have always worked though… so I have no complaint.”

Gabrielle sat down next to him among the crackling leaves and he put his arm around her, pulling her close to his side.

“You feel hot.”

“I know. Don’t tell Lee but I feel like shit. I know the fever is bad but if I told her she would be all… ‘I told you so’ and I can’t stand that right now.”

“You’ll be alright though?” she sounded more alarmed than she had intended and he laughed a low soft laugh.

“Yes, I’ll be alright Gabrielle. I’ve been hurt before. I’ll be fine.” Gabrielle turned to him and looked up into his face. His eyes smiled down at her and she wanted to believe him but he looked ill in the dim light.

“You look like shit.”

“Thank you.” He grinned at her; his eyes very bright and full of tenderness. “I told you that. Just because I have faith that Lee will make me better doesn’t mean that I am blind to what is going on right now.”

“Ben’s worried about you.”

“That’s just because he doesn’t understand. Things work differently here. He’s just out of his comfort zone that’s all.”

“Do you think?”

“I know. I know you don’t trust Lee, but trust me, I know her. I know what she can do. She’ll make me well, and if she can’t we’re only a day from my village and there are more powerful healers there who will. I am not worried. Not worried at all.”

“Maybe you should be.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t.”

“I can never win with you can I?”

“I didn’t know we were having a competition.”

“Cai….”

Reaching out he touched her lips and smiled. “I know. I’m sorry. I know you are worried. I know you are out of your comfort zone too. But believe this… I will always be here to look after you, to protect you, whether you want it or not. This is bad…” he touched his side and winced. “…I am not denying that. I know it will take a long time to heal and that I have to be careful… not that being careful is something that comes easily to me. But I will be careful Gabrielle, I promise. I will get well and I will get strong and I will be here for you…always.”

“I believe you.”

“You better.”

Cai sighed deeply and rested his head back against the cave wall, closing his eyes.

“Are you tired?”

“No, but I am sleepy. It’s those herbs. I knew she would do that. She’s right, of course but I had hoped…..I wanted to……” he sighed again and rested his head against hers. “I wanted to talk.”

“There will be plenty of time for talking. Sleep now. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

“Maybe.” Cai allowed her to ease him down onto the bed and cover him with the leafy blanket. He was already drifting but he kept the drowsiness of the herbs at bay long enough to pull her down to him and kiss her. Then he held her face close to his looking up into her eyes, and unreadable expression in his.

“Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t I’ll be here, all night.”

“No, not tonight. After tonight. Don’t leave me Gabrielle.”

“I won’t leave you Cai. I’ll never leave you.”

“Don’t let them take you away from me.”

“What are you talking about? Who’re ‘they’?”

He shook his head, his eyes heavy, closing. “Just… stay..” Before she could answer him his hand slid from her face and he was asleep. Gabrielle was shaken. There had been something about his face when he spoke. Maybe it was the fever, maybe it was something deeper but whatever it was it had touched something within her and sent a shiver of fear through her.

“I’m getting as bad as she is.” Cursing herself Gabrielle kissed Cai and crawled out of the cave. She was angry and so she vowed to avoid Leelany knowing that the anger would spark at a word. Surprisingly, however Leelany was deep in conversation with Ben about antibiotics and the properties of certain mosses and she barely looked up at Gabrielle’s appearance.

There was a great temptation to run, to lave the camp site and just keep walking into the darkness until she found… what? What could she want that was not right here? Peace. Having enough sense to realise the danger in leaving the safety of the fire Gabrielle simply walked to the edge of the firelight and sat down, her knees drawn up staring into the darkness, absorbed in her own darkness.

Why had those words affected her so much? Why would he say them? Why would he think that she wouldn’t stay? Was Leelany getting to him with her prophesies of doom for them? And why did it matter? What was it that affected her so much? Was it that there was a part of her, something deep inside that knew Leelany was right? Was there something that could come between them; that could force them apart?

She shivered at the thought, sick to her stomach. Maybe there was… and if there was as much as it would pain her she knew that she could walk away. Even as her heart was screaming ‘No’ her head was telling her that of course she could walk away, she loved him but he was not her world. She had no world at the moment. Not knowing what was ahead made her cling to him but when she found her feet and she knew where and who she was, when she was strong, although it would hurt her deeply she knew that she could do what had to be done. But what about Cai? He had been worshipping her from afar for years, to him she WAS his world. What would it do to him if she had to leave him? She shivered again, the touch of doom whispering against her skin.

Impatient with herself for allowing herself to brood so much she stood up, brushed herself down and, calling a goodnight to the other two who were still lost in their own conversation, she crawled into the cave and sat down on the bed. Realising for the first time that Leelany had only made three beds she wondered who would be the one sleeping on the floor. The answer came to her immediately. Leelany would not be sleeping at all that night, she would be guarding them. The realisation made her unaccountably angry.

Knowing that she would not be able to settle to sleep but too unsettled to want to re enter the camp she sat on the bed with her knees pulled up staring at Cai. Almost as though he sensed her scrutiny he mumbled something in his sleep and threw up his arm over his head which, to her at that time was a curiously vulnerable gesture which touched her heart but only made it ache even more. Confusion filled every part of her.

It was unquestionable that she loved him. She loved him completely. There had been others, boys and men, who had touched her body but none who had ever touched her heart, not in the way he had. In a way she had loved him ever since the first time she had seen him as a child in the woods. Ever time she looked at him her heart skipped and the mere thought of him could bring a smile to her face. The thought of their lovemaking made her tremble and the thought of losing him turned her cold. And yet… and yet… there was a cold, hard part of her that was telling her that she could let go of all of that if she needed to. But why would she need to? What was coming, near in their future, that would change the way she felt for him?

The candles were burning low and the light was flickering as one by one they died. Weird shadows flickered over the walls and the only sound was their breathing and the occasional pop from the fire outside. The whole situation felt unreal, dangerous. Was that it? Was it just survival instinct telling her that she could survive without him? Again the strange breath of destiny, touching her with light fingers told her no, that it was more. This time she thrust it away, making the conscious decision that she would not allow it to touch her again.

Slipping from the bed she crawled the few feet between her and Cai and stared down at his sleeping face. “I won’t leave you. I WON’T. I don’t care what the future holds, I love you and I will stay with you.” Even as she spoke it the words seemed somehow hollow and she was glad that he did not hear her. Tears spilled from her eyes and ran down her face, splashing down onto his, disturbing his sleep but not enough to wake him. He made a sleepy sound and sighed, whispering her name and it struck her to the heart.

Weeping she held his hand to her heart and curled tight against the pain of a wordless, formless nemesis that haunted the shadows, breathing on her neck even as she professed her love and made vows she somehow knew she would break.

Some time before Ben came to bed Gabrielle crawled into her own and pulled the grassy blanket over her, it was surprisingly warm and cosy to lie there in the rustling leaves smelling the fresh scent of new mown grass and watching the last of the candles flicker on the ceiling. She was entirely spent, washed clean by her tears and she allowed the emptiness to fill her and carry her to sleep.

It was in the darkest part of the night that Gabrielle woke entirely disoriented, with no idea where she was. It was completely dark and she could see nothing, nothing at all. Close by someone was calling her name and the sound of it was strange, distorted in the darkness. There was a sense of movement at her side as someone or something passed close by and then light flared, a single candle. In its flickering light she saw Leelany and memory returned with a stab of fear.

“What is it?”

“Nothing you need concern yourself with.”

“But…”

“Gabrielle; Gabrielle.” It was Cai, calling her, his voice anguished almost panicking.

“Cai…” scrambling to her knees she was met with Leelany’s face, cold and hard.

“Keep out of the way. It is the fever; he is raving.”

“But…”

“Keep away Gabrielle.”

“No. No. Gabrielle, Gabrielle where are you? Stay… stay with me.”

“Lee I… I have to…”

Leelany spun to her again, her face a mask of anger and hatred, her eyes glinting dangerously. “I will not tell you again; keep… away… from.. him.” Shocked by the coldness in her face and her voice Gabrielle shrank back and, pressing her back against the wall hugged her knees and watched while Leelany, stroking his wet hair, soothed him, but it was not her touch he craved and he continued to call for Gabrielle twisting away from Leelany’s hand, becoming more and more agitated.

In the stillness of the cave Cai’s breathing sounded harsh and too fast; the sound of his voice and his words tore at Gabrielle’s heart and she ached to go to him, but Leelany’s stiff back was a barrier as impenetrable as a force field. Gabrielle had never felt so helpless and the fear built in her until she could bear it no longer.

Scrambling forward on her knees she pushed Leelany out of the way and took Cai’s hand. His face was slick with sweat and his hair and clothes were soaked with it. He was restless, tossing on the bed constantly, his head twisting from side to side. Gabrielle stroked his face and whispered to him. At the sound of her voice his restlessness eased almost immediately and he turned his face to her.

“Gabrielle?” The word was little more than a whisper but she would have heard even if she had been surrounded by noise.

“I’m here Cai. It’s alright, I’m here.”

He opened his eyes, only half way, and peered into the darkness, searching for her face. Gabrielle bent lower so he could see her and the ghost of a smile tugged at his lips which were parted, trembling with his panting breath. Despite feeling hot he was shivering.

“Gabrielle. I… thought… I… thought… they… they had… taken …you”

“What? Who did you think had taken me? No, my love, I am here. I will stay with you, I promise.”

“Don’t… don’t l… let them take… you … away… p…please… please…s…stay.”

“I told you, I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. Hush now. Be still. I am here.”

“No… no… they will… they will…”

“No Cai, there is no one here: only Ben and Lee. They will not make me leave you. I will not leave you. Do you hear? Do you hear me?”

Wordlessly he nodded, gripping her hand tightly, his eyes never leaving hers.

“Lee...” Gabrielle heard Ben call softly and the two of them leave the cave. The candle remained, casting its shadows.

“Ho…hold… me.” Gabrielle stretched out at his side; there was barely room and it was uncomfortable but she would have borne far worse. With great effort Cai turned on his side so that there was more room and they could lie side by side, facing each other. Gabrielle was frightened. Cai’s whole body was trembling, shivering with cold and wracked with chills. She was afraid to touch him, afraid of the heat from his body, but nevertheless she put her arm around him.

Reaching out to touch her face Cai did his best to smile reassuringly. “I… I have… have had… fever before. It…it will…be…better by… by the…the…morning.”

“Ben is worried about you.”

“I know…but…but…Lee…is…she is… good.” He groaned and winced with pain and she hugged him tighter.

“I am afraid for you.”

He shook his head. “No need. I…I’m fine.”

“Yeah? And I’m a three headed hydra.” Cai looked confused. “Okay; bad metaphor; I don’t suppose you know what a hydra is… but I don’t believe you’re fine.”

“’K Maybe…maybe… not… right now. I… will be.”

“Cai… you have to get well. I mean… you have to. Remember? I couldn’t live in a world without you in it. I wouldn’t want to.”

With one finger he gently touched her lips. “Ssh. No…no talk… no talk of that. Soon…soon we… we will be…home.”

“I am home: you are here.” Cai’s eyes searched her face, a frown between his brows. “What’s wrong?”

“I...I feel… the longer…you are... here; the more…more I feel… you are…are slipping…slipping away from me.”

“No one is slipping away, my darling, no one. We are here and we are together. That’s all that matters.”

“But…”

“No buts. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. I don’t know what is waiting for us when we get home but whatever it is I promise you that we will face it together. Now stop worrying; stop being afraid. I’m here.”

“Yes…” He looked as though he was going to say more but changed his mind. Instead he closed his eyes, exhausted.

Lee and Ben disturbed them coming back into the cave. They were carrying a steaming tin that smelled better than Lee’s usual concoctions.

“Cai… Cai honey; Lee is here. She has medicine.” Cai moaned but didn’t open his eyes. Gabrielle stroked his face and he turned his head into the touch. “Cai…” With a grunt he opened his eyes and peered groggily into the darkness.

Leelany ignored Gabrielle entirely but Ben put a reassuring hand on her shoulder as she sat up and moved out of the way. Feeling her hand slip from his Cai was suddenly alarmed and called out to her.

“It’s alright sweetheart, I’m still here but Lee needs you to take your medicine now. I’ll be back soon.”

Calmed by her voice he complied meekly as Lee raised his head and put the tin to his lips. Obediently he tried to swallow the hot liquid but Lee tipped the tin too steeply and he was struggling to keep up and choked, coughing painfully and groaning. Impatiently Gabrielle snatched the tin.

“I’ll do it.”

For a moment is seemed as though Leelany was squaring for a fight but she thought better of it and backed off out of the cave altogether. Ben looked regretfully after her but stayed with Gabrielle.

“I’ll help. Cai, can you sit up a little bit.”

With Ben’s help Gabrielle got Cai into a half sitting position supported on her knees. It was much easier then to help him to sip the herbal mix.

When the tin was empty Gabrielle eased herself into a more comfortable position with her back against the cave wall and cradled Cai’s head in her lap, stroking his hair as a mother with a sick child. Silence stretched and she cast about for some way of making conversation with Ben.

“This smells a lot better than the ones Lee makes on her own.”

“I made a few suggestions. My learning is not all just book based. My grandmother was a herbalist… I told you it was in the blood. The flora here is a bit different that that back home but it is familiar enough for me to be able to brew a pretty potent brew.”

“You are a talented boy.”

“Less of the boy please. Although I felt little more than a child out there in the woods alone, a scared one at that.”

“I can imagine. It’s not our world is it?”

“No. Are you sure about staying here Gabrielle? Are you sure you don’t want to come back with me?”

“Yes, completely sure. This may not be my world Ben, not yet, but I am sure as hell that the one I left isn’t either. Maybe one day I will find where I belong, until then the only thing I am sure of is that I belong with Cai.”

“At least you are sure of that. That’s something.”

“I suppose; something.”

“You don’t…have to… stay here.”

“I thought you were asleep. I won’t go back Cai, I won’t leave you.”

“When it’s over. I will…will….go…go with you.”

“Go where?”

“Anywhere.”

“No, I would not take you away from your home. This has always been your home Cai. I will stay here.”

“My home is where you are. Only…where you are.” He opened his eyes and stared up at her. In the candlelight they were glittering emeralds flickering with unquenchable fire. Gabrielle was awestruck; hypnotised by the promise in the depths. With one finger she gently traced the arch of his brow, the curve of his cheek; his lips. Cai closed his eyes and shivered with something other than fever.

Touched by the intensity of the moment Ben backed silently away and joined Leelany who was breathing life into the dying fire.