Red Gold - 13. Chapter 13 - Locking Horns

Bowing her head she took Ben’s white coat out of her bag. Cai whistled. “You stole it.”

“I did not. He would have left it lying on the ground so I just… brought it along.”

“He doesn’t know you have it.”

“No. But… I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

Cai gasped as she tore it. “Lee… that isn’t yours. It is his symbol. It is the definition of what he is.”

“What he is, is a little boy playing at being a healer with things he has learned out of a book and not at the side of a stream or in the forest. He is no more a healer that you are brother.”

“He saved my life Lee…”

“Yes… well… so he says.”

“He did Lee. It was Him. He was in my room. I… I… felt Him. He was there in my head telling me that I was helpless, that I might have escaped the first time but that there was no escape that time. Then I opened my eyes and the demon was there. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t scream or even close my eyes. I watched while it bent over me and reached into my chest. I felt my heart stop and I thought I was going to die. But then the healer was there and the demon fled and when He left my head everything went crazy and I was spinning and falling and… but I lived… it was all because of him... the doctor man.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Yeah you did. You were just too stubborn to listen.”

“I was not too stubborn… I… yes alright, I was a little stubborn.”

Cai’s smile turned into a grimace as Leelany scooped a handful of foul smelling mosses from the tin with a stick and, depositing them on a torn piece of coat pressed it against his side.

“Aaargh, that’s hot.”

“If you had just come out of a boiling tin you would be hot too.” Cai did not reply, he was breathing hard through clenched teeth. “Hold it in place while I tie this round.” Having torn the rest of the coat into long strips she tied the herbs in place securely. When she had finished she handed him the tin. “The rest is to drink.”

Making a face he sipped gingerly. “This is vile.”

“It isn’t meant to be nice. Drink it… all of it.”

“Are you trying to heal me or poison me?”

“It’s not the first herbal brew you’ve had and it’s not the worst. Drink it.”

“Okay.” Meekly he sipped the boiling liquid and that worried Leelany more than anything else.

“No argument?”

“Too tired to argue. Are we going to sleep here tonight?”

“Yes. I will make you a bed, as we always do, and I will even make one for the doctor man to say thank you if that will make you feel better.”

“Wish I had kept hold of the blanket.”

“Are you cold?”

“Haven’t really warmed up since the void.”

Leelany reached out to touch his hand and then his face. “You’re not cold. You’re hot.”

“Fever then. Ah well. I’ll feel warm enough later.”

“Sure to. Are you hungry?”

“No, Gabrielle and the healer can have my share.”

“You should eat to keep your strength up.”

“I will eat tomorrow. Make sure Gabrielle is alright.”

“She’s having fun with the doctor boy.”

“Don’t be so bitter. She has done nothing to you.”

“Done nothing? She has betrayed you… three times… so far. It is her fault you are hurt.”

“I said… she has done nothing to you. It is my decision whether I get angry at what she has done to me.”

“Which, of course, you won’t.”

“What did I say about that bitterness? You have never liked her Lee, I know that. You have always tried to put me off being her friend. But you failed. I am her friend…more than her friend.”

“Don’t say that Cai. You can’t love her. You can’t. It will destroy you.”

“It’s too late. I think I have always loved her, always. Certainly since I started to sing to her. There’s no going back, not now, not since we…” he smiled a dreamy smile.

“Since you what?”

“Since we fell in love Lee; since I discovered that she is the most wonderful person I have ever met; since she touched me in a way that no one else ever has; since she showed me what it was to be a man.”

“Oh no, Cai, no. Tell me you didn’t. Tell me you didn’t lie with her.”

Cai smiled, a distant, sleepy smile, drugged by the herbs and the fever. “Nope, can’t tell you that.”

“Cai… Cai, please. You have to listen to me on this one. You can’t fall in love with her. You can’t. It will destroy you if you do.”

“Is that why you lied to me?”

“I… I never lied to you.”

“Yes you did.” Suddenly his eyes were clear, not distant at all, piercing her with their direct challenge. “You lied about a lot of things. You lied when you told me that Gabrielle would scorn me if I spoke to her, you lied when you told me that it was wrong for me to have any contact with the outside world, you lied when you said the way I felt for her was a sickness.”

“That I didn’t lie about. It is a sickness Cai, and if you are not very careful it is one that you could die of.”

He sighed, his head drooping forwards, his hair falling like a golden curtain across his chest. He managed to nod, his voice barely more than a whisper. “Maybe… heh… there are worse things to die of.”

“Cai…” Gently she lifted his head and brushed the hair away from his face. He had closed his eyes but he opened them to look into hers. “… you can’t love Sou Shan. You can’t love her Cai.”

“Too late, Lee. Way, way too late.” With a sigh he closed his eyes and slipped beyond her words. The empty tin fell from numb fingers and rolled across the leaves.

“Damn you. Damn you both. I tried so hard to stop this. I knew where it was going. I KNEW it. Cai, you’re a fool, a damned fool.” Tears spilled from her eyes as she stroked his hair, resting his head back against the rock. His face was calm and free of pain and he looked very young. “I have tried to protect you, I have done everything I could but, in this I have failed. There are some things that I just can’t protect you from.”

“Is he alright?”

Angry she turned and glared at Gabrielle who had returned at exactly the wrong moment. “No thanks to you.”

“I thought we had gone through all that, gone past it.”

“I will never get past it. You still have no idea what you have done. You will be the death of him yet.”

“No, you’re wrong. I would never hurt him.”

“Oh you will. You won’t mean to, just like you didn’t mean to last time... but you will nevertheless. You will. Better that he had died from the Sorcerer’s knife through his heart than that he live to feel yours.”

“I don’t know what you mean. I… I wouldn’t… I…I love him.”

“Yes, I know, and he loves you. That is what I have fought so hard and long to prevent. My whole life I have tried to protect him… from the Sorcerer, from the demons… and from you. You have no idea… none at all. But you wouldn’t listen. This cannot be; you cannot be with him. And now it is too late.”

“Why can’t I be with him? Why?”

“It is not for me to say. If you will not listen to me because you trust my words it is not for me to elaborate on them. Look at him Sou Shan, look at what you have done already without meaning to. Trust me… it will get worse. Distance yourself from him now… before it is too late.”

“No! You have always hated me, and I understand why. I know that you always knew that this would happen and you have had a long time to be angry with me. But Cai isn’t angry with me. He forgives me and that’s all I care about. I love him more than you could ever imagine and I won’t hurt him. I won’t push him away just because you don’t think we should be together.”

Leelany gave her a look of such coldness and such loathing that she shivered.

“Spoiled child. What do you know of love? What do you know of sacrifice? I have watched over him for seventeen years. I have watched him grow in body and in soul. I have seen a child turn into a man and now I have seen him fall. I look at you and all I see is his death in your face. It is all I have ever seen. All you can think of is what you want, what you feel, what you desire. You have no thought in your head for Ca’el, no care for him, no desire for what is best for him.”

“How dare you? How dare you presume to know what I have in my head, what I feel for Cai? You have no idea what we have shared, what we have felt for each other. You have no idea what I have been through knowing he was hurt because of me. Don’t you dare tell me that you are the only one who knows what is best for him. Cai is a grown man and he is perfectly capable of making up his own mind about what is best for him. As you said Lee, your brother is a man now, stop trying to hold on to the little boy.”

In one movement Leelany was on her feet and across the clearing. The sound of the slap was loud in the silence and Gabrielle gasped and dropped the fish she was carrying. For an instant Leelany started into her eyes with an intense hatred so strong she thought that she would strike her again and raised her hand for protection. However, without saying another word she spun and disappeared into the trees.

Too stunned even to cry Gabrielle stood staring after her. Ben gathered the fish and skewering them on a stick thrust them into the fire to cook. He crouched near the flames, turning the half cooked Bass, giving her time to gather herself. By and by she came and sat down on the other side of the fire, near to Cai. When Ben looked up she was staring at Cai, tears running down her face. He didn’t know if she was crying because of what Leelany had said or what she had done.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Bit shocked. I didn’t think she hated me that much.”

“She’s being over protective. By the sound of it there has only been the two of them for a long time and she is used to looking out for him. She is just holding on a little too tightly that’s all. You are another woman threatening to take her man away from her. Even though it’s her brother and not her lover it is the same kind of fear; the same kind of defensiveness; the same kind of resistance. She’ll come round eventually.”

“What if she’s right?”

“What, that you will end up betraying him to his death?”

“Something like that.”

“Then presumably she will have told him the same thing and so I suppose it is up to him if he wants to take that risk.”

“Yes, I suppose so.”

“But..?”

“Heh, you have good ears to have heard a ‘but’ that was so silent. But…. what if she’s right? What if I will be responsible for something bad happening to Cai? I really wouldn’t want that.”

“Same thing applies. If he is prepared to risk it…. it’s his life.”

“That sounds weird coming from a doctor. Aren’t you supposed to preserve life?”

“Oh yes, and I do… but I also believe that you shouldn’t live your life in fear of what might be. Taking stupid risks is one thing but taking no risks at all is just as stupid.”

“You surprise me. I didn’t have you down as a risk taker.”

“Didn’t I tell you that I’d had enough of being safe and secure? I wasn’t looking for something of quite this scale but…… hey an opportunity is an opportunity.”

“You just keep on surprising me.”

“Do you want some fish?”

“Damn right. I caught it now I’m going to eat it.”

The fish was actually very good and they sat for a time in companionable silence eating. They had almost finished when Leelany returned. She was carrying an armful of branches and was pulling a number of large bundles of long grasses tied together. Her ever present satchel was bulging. As she approached she opened it and threw a number of strange shaped fruits onto the ground next to Gabrielle and Ben. Then she disappeared into the cave.

Tentatively Ben tasted one of the fruit. “Hey this is really good. It quenches your thirst. Have some.”

Leelany was busy in the cave for a few minutes and then came out again to gather armfuls of leaves which she took back into the cave. Ben grew curious about what she was doing and was soon roped into her work. He, too disappeared into the trees returning with bundles of grasses and the same tree branches.

“What are you doing?”

“Making beds. You should see it, she’s really good.” Curious Gabrielle crawled into the cave to find that the far side, against the back wall had been transformed into something that looked like a very comfortable bed. It was basically a frame of lashed branches padded with woven grasses and leaves. Leelany was showing Ben how to weave the grasses, he had already constructed the basic frame. He was beaming with pride at his work even though it was nothing in comparison to hers and looked as though it would fall apart at the slightest touch.

“I suppose I should make something too.”

Ben took great pleasure in showing her how to weave the grasses and then went off into the woods to find materials for another frame. Leelany sat at the doorway of the cave, making the most of the last of the light to continue to weave grasses into a soft mat. All the while she ignored Gabrielle and when she had finished she went outside and disappeared again.

Left alone Gabrielle suddenly felt incredibly alone. The sun was setting and all around the shadows were gathering. Fortunately it appeared to be high summer here and the night was balmy and warm but she shivered nevertheless. Something moved in the darkness and she started.

“Ben? Lee?”

There was no answer save a sharp rustling and the sound of something small scurrying away. Of course animals would be drawn by the fire. Shivering she moved closer to the warmth and safety of the flames.

Disturbed by the movement Cai stirred and groaned. Gabrielle went to his side immediately. He opened his eyes and smiled up at her.

“Hell, I’ve been asleep ages. It’s getting dark. Where’s Lee?”

“Out gathering stuff.”

“Ah yes, she would. Has she made the beds yet?”

“She’s made a bed.”

“Damn. I thought she would have come to her senses by now. She can be stubborn.”

“Yeah…well. Ben has done a pretty good job and he’s gone to get more stuff for me to do something. Although I’m not entirely sure I am up to it in the dark.

“I’ll help.”

“Yeah right. Your job is to rest and get better so you’re up to moving out in the morning.”

He laughed, a strange, gentle laugh and she turned to look at him, her heart flipping painfully in her chest at the look in his eyes. “I would walk into the lair of the Sorcerer himself if you were there beside me. There is no wound to my body or fever of my mind that could stop me.”

She moved closer and he put his arms around her, still staring into her eyes with a look of such tenderness and quiet joy that tears began to fall from her eyes. He wiped them away, confusion flicking over his face. “Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know. Because I have been so alone for so long; because I have been so afraid that I would lose you before I even found you properly; because you are so beautiful and I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you; because I don’t deserve you; because I can’t understand how you can look at me the way you do after everything I have done to you.”

“Hush.” He silenced her with a kiss and then took her face between his hands, his eyes bright in the fire glow. “You haven’t done anything to me, except complete me; make me happier than I have ever been. I’ve been alone too. I’ve been more alone than you can imagine. And now, I will never be alone again.”

“No, I swear it. Never. I will never leave your side, no matter what.”

“Be careful of the vows you make, queen of lies. Vows, when broken have a habit of haunting you to your death.”

Gabrielle jumped guiltily at the sound of Leelany’s voice but Cai simply smiled and lifted his eyes to his sister, amusement there.

“Stop being so sour and make Gabrielle a bed. I would do it myself but I have been told that I am not allowed.”

“So she does speak some sense then. I have been collecting the materials for it.”

“Good, so Gabrielle can keep me company while you make it.”

“She can make it herself.”

“Well, she could, if she knew how. But you know that she doesn’t. She will struggle in the darkness and she will sleep on a cold floor with nothing to keep out the chill. She is proud and so she will do her best and not complain. Unfortunately I can’t let that happen, Lee. If you won’t make it for her I will.”

“That would be more of a threat if I though for one moment that you could.”

“Lee, you should know me well enough after all these years. You taught me yourself remember? Never make a threat you are unable or unwilling to carry through.”

For a long moment they locked eyes. Leelany was frowning and Cai was smiling, a bright, open smile. Finally she shook her head.

“You bloody would wouldn’t you? You would do it. You would tie every tie and weave every piece of grass until you passed out, and then you would burn all night and you would get up and walk in the morning and make me feel guilty every time I looked at you.” The smile turned into a grin and Leelany turned away to her work in disgust.

“I could have done it Cai.”

“I know you could but she was being spiteful and I can’t let her get away with that or she will just get worse.”

“But don’t you see that this makes it worse? She will hate me even more now.”

“She doesn’t hate you Gabrielle. Of course she doesn’t. Why would she hate you?”

“I don’t know. I have no idea why she would hate me but she does. And she hates that fact that you don’t hate me.”

“She’ll get over it. She’s just afraid.”

“Afraid? Of what?”

“Of you.”

“Why on earth would she be afraid of me?”

“Because she can’t control you, because she can’t understand you and most of all because…. well, it has always been the two of us. Oh, at various times Lee has gone out into the world to work, to get money for things we needed but mostly it has just been us. She is terrified that you are going to take me away from her and she will be alone.”

“That’s something very like what Ben said.”

“He is wise, the healer boy. Where is he?”

Gabrielle looked around. “Come to think of it he HAS been gone a long time.”

“Did I say wise? The foolish boy has got lost in the woods.”

Grunting with pain Cai struggled to his feet.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Finding your friend.”

“No, you can’t, Lee can do it.”

“Not this one. This is my domain. Lee can find herbs and trees and that sort of stuff but I can track anything that lives…. and some things that only kind of live.”

“That is why you could sense the demons?”

“I suppose so.”

“What’s going on?”

“The healer’s missing Lee, he is lost in the woods. I have to find him.”

“You do not. If he was foolish enough to wander far in dark woods he can sleep in the cold and darkness.”

“Or be the prey of wild animals or demons. You know it is not safe for him out there.”

She sighed. “Then I will find him.”

“It will take too long. He has already been missing for long enough to be in danger. You know that I will find him more quickly.”

“Possibly, but you are sick. The fever is still building in you and if you go stumbling about in the woods the exertion will push the poison through your body and make you sicker.”

“True, but I am strong. He is not. I can fight the poison, he can’t fight whatever finds him if I don’t.”

“You are so stubborn.”

“You taught me to care Lee. Would you ask me to ignore your lessons when it suits?”

“No, I wouldn’t ask you to do that. Very well. Go. Here, take this.” She handed him her own long knife and he hefted it, smiling as though welcoming an old friend.

“Be careful Cai. Don’t hurt yourself.” Gabrielle hugged him and, although he was grimacing with a pain he would never show her he hugged her back and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

“I won’t be long.”

And then he was gone, disappearing into the trees with barely a sound. Leelany disappeared instantly in the opposite direction and Gabrielle was alone and more afraid that she ever had.