Walking in Circles - 11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I need to put more wood in the fire, but I know when I get up I will have to take the bucket down to get more wood from the shed. Then I know I will need to gather up energy to get more wood to fill the shed. I keep toying with the idea to get Sean to do it. Bla bla bla, I know I just need to do it, don’t judge me. Fuck…. it’s so cold. I put the last tiny chunk on the fire and toss the crud from the bucket in as well. The bucket for the main fire is about half full, so I throw a couple of the biggest chunks in there and take the rest upstairs to put a good one in up there.

The rabbit pants and rabbit socks help keep the cold off my lower extremities, I tie the deer hide as a vest around my core and use the wolf skin tied over my shoulders. I had made Sean and I raccoon hats like Daniel Boone, he laughs when we put mine on. I am using the pig skin gloves since they have fingers. With the axe in hand and warm oil in the door track, I head outside to get wood.

It’s very bright with a glow off the snow, but it’s hard to judge time when it’s dark for so long. I had an eye on a dying tree close to home before winter hit, no better time than the present to take it down. Two deep cold breaths and a stretch of my arms and back. I swing the heavy axe breaking the trunkin tiny bits with each swing. The deeper into its core the easier the work. Watching the top carefully, I step back with the first crack of its strands. Perfect fall. Ugh, the work isn’t over. I chop at the branches and drag them by the bay door. In time I had a large pile of good sized branches. Next I drag a long branch into the workshop . Starting with the smaller sticks, I break them and throw a bunch into the main fireplace and drag some of the fire to the workshop side. After getting a couple 2 inch chunks I get the fire under the hot water tank going strong.

Back in the shop, I find myself doing a pattern of breaking down the branches I drag in, and soon the wood shed starts to look full again. I have to say I am impressed with the speed I went through that pile outside the bay door. Time for some tea and food. First I move the shop fire to the center of the main fireplace. Then I put the kettle on for pine tea.

I decided to cook for Sean and I. Since I have no idea if it’s day or night I decided to make breakfast. A couple of duck eggs and venison fillets with flat bread should do the trick. While I was breaking down the branches, I saw the chess piece I had been carving. I grabbed it and put it on the tray. “Wake up sleepy head. I brought us breakfast.”

Sean sleepily sat up, “What time is it?”

“I’ll be honest, I have no fucking idea.” We looked at each other for a second and broke into a light laugh. “I had to chop wood and got hungry, so I figured, ‘Why not’.”

Sean shrugged and started on the eggs. “Duck?”

“Yep, an venison, well done the way you like it.”

“Zach, you’re awesome.How am I supposed to top that?”

I just leaned over and kissed him softly. We ate slowly and quietly. “Zach, this is cute, what exactly is it?”

“It’s a Queen for a chessboard. I thought it would be cool to make one for us.”

“I think that is a great idea Zach.” Then Sean started getting up.

“What are you going to do?”

“First I need to pee, then I want to try working at my desk.”

“Nice , I want to sit in the living room with Jake. I made a new tug toy with venison grease on it.”

“Oh boy, you’re going to get him all worked up.”

“Yeah, but he’s starting to get soft.” That was funny to say about a pet wolf.

Jake started wagging his tail as soon as he saw the new toy, I knew he could smell it too. Slowly I waved it in front of his face, he never took his eyes off of it, but what cracks me up is that he’s a wild wolf who is waiting patiently for permission. “Get it.”

The intensity of his growl and bite would be chilling if he wasn’t Jakey. This wolf is truly our friend. For this one I decided to give him the control how we play. I held the rope as tight as I could but I let him work out how to take it from me. I just hoped he wouldn’t choose biting, I wouldn’t like that. He yanked side to side really giving me a run for the money. Hard to believe that cute little pup has become such a strong full grown wolf. I worry about him against another wolf, he probably wouldn’t know how to behave or put up a fight. But, here, he has a chance to live a long life with companions who love him. Now he’s taking to pulling with intense short bursts. The game is won after he successfully pulled it from my grip. I swear I didn’t just let him win. He won fare and square.

Sean insisted that I shouldn’t look at what he’s been working on until he says he’s finished. So mysterious, which tempts me more. Nope, I ain’t gonna look, I wouldn’t like it if he did after I’ve asked him not to. Still, I wonder if it’s art or a novel, who knows?

As I continued chopping at that tree I took down I see the perfect branch for my trident. Man, that thing is going to be sweet. I carefully take more than I need so I don’t damage the weapon I see inside it. I am almost giddy. There was one I found a while back, but it turned out more like a pitch fork than a weapon for the God of the Ocean. This one has the makings for a stunning piece of art.

I also have managed to take a chunk from a wide branch and have begun chopping and whittling it into the chess board I need for the game. I am having a good time working magic on this game. To tell the truth, I barely know how to play it, but I have always liked the classical look of that game. Geesh, I am really starting to sound gay. I mean it my thoughts are changing, and somehow I know I’ll wind up getting beat up over it. Well I say, “Try it motha fucka!”

Our food supply is dwindling so I decided to see if Sean wanted to try ice fishing. I admit I was surprised he wanted to. But, I thought it’d be an interesting thing to do together. We had to dig up some disgusting deer guts and cut it into strips, then we got two poles and the hooks we might need. I found some wood that floats well and isn’t very heavy on the line, not sure if it’s a cork or a balsa maybe. Anyway, I had made 2 bobbers from it. We put on every type of clothing we had to battle the frigid cold, it reminded me of that kid in ‘A Christmas Story’ who’s mom bundled him up much he couldn’t put his arms down.

The walk to the lake was slow due to the snow being so deep. Plus we had to go out far enough to be sure we were over water and that the ice would be thick enough to chop into it. We worked hard to clear an area of the snow, we used that snow to make a high wind breaker. As I started chopping the ice I hadn’t seen Sean wander off. As I got a hole big enough to fish from I looked around and didn’t see Sean. “SEAN! Hey, where are you?”

“I’m right behind you, I just went to get some wood for a fire. “

I looked at him funny like, you realize you want to make a fire on ice over a large body of water? And Sean looked at like, duh you honestly think I wouldn’t think of that?

I went to work baiting my hook and he made a high snow/ice chiminea and got the wood burning. Cool! The other thing that was cool I got the first bite just after that. A beautiful 20-30 pound catfish came flapping out of the water. I landed it almost behind me and went about removing the hook and putting more bait on. Sean seemed excited to give it a try and pulled out another about the same size.

After collecting 7 each, because he doesn’t like it when I make a competition out of everything, we put out the fire and ran a rope through the gills to carry them back to the house. Even with the wind breaker and fire, our fingers and toes felt frozen. We dropped the fish off in the slaughter house and ran for the fire inside. Sean put more wood on the fire so it would warm us up quickly. I pulled the couch up by the hearth and shook off the bear skin to cuddle with. Jake came down the stairs and wanted in between us on the couch. He’s so sweet.

We didn’t want to wait till we wake up before cleaning the fish, so we went to work making beautiful fillets. As we wrapped that up I decided to make a fillet for all three of us. Jake has a habit that I like where he will sit by his food until I give him permission to eat. He started that shit on his own, I kept thinking he wasn’t hungry till I looked at him, nodded my head and said, “Eat.” It’s the damndest thing.
No question about it, the fish with some carrots hit the spot. Sean cleaned up and we all headed back to bed.

The next 2 months, or there abouts, was pretty much the same. Other than thinking Fuckwad had walked up to the house. I had been chopping branches and dragging them into the shop. The next time I opened the door I saw tracks from the main path straight to the front of the house. Well I grabbed my bow and arrows as I ran to the front of the house. With an arrow in the ready I spun around the corner and shot the mother fucker in the chest. Except it wasn’t Fuckwad at all, instead I had shot a doe about to eat the branch of an evergreen. She went down instantly and I thanked her for her sacrifice.

Otherwise, we made rope, and pottery. We mainly just slept and made love. Now I understand why so many families grew every winter.

This morning I woke up to a beam of sunlight passing through a crack in the window shutter. It actually made me smile and excited to wake up. It is still cold so I need my rabbit pants and socks, put I am good to go bare chested for now. I still put a new log on the fire, maybe out of habit but maybe Sean will want to get some sleep, depending on how long he’s been up. I open the bedroom door to see Sean sitting at his desk. “What are you working on sunshine?”

“No peaking. It still isn’t finished yet.”

“Al-right, are you hungry? I am going to make some tea.”

“I will eat something if you want to cook, but I don’t have to if you’re not in the mood.”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t in the mood.” Sean just rolled his eyes at me as I started down the stairs.

As the food was cooking I went through the shop and opened the door. Jake came bounding through, probably suffering from the same cabin fever we felt. The air, although cool, was significantly warmer. It felt good to breathe it in. I left the doors open while I finished cooking. After I served his majesty, I grabbed the tug toy and called for Jake. He raced up and sniffed the rope. Then with a vicious growl he grabbed it and started pulling. This time I swung him around and shook him up and down, but he never lost his grip. No doubt about it now, he is full grown. But even though he is making a vicious growl, I still see the love in his eyes.

I walked out to the boat house with Jake carrying his rope along my side. Occasionally he would actually put it in my swinging hand as I walked. He’s so damn cute. We went inside to find it warm inside. There were red embers in the fireplace, So I know Sean has been working on the boat. I added a log to the fire and poked at it till I got it lit from the embers. Jake laid by the fire while I walked around the boat inspecting the fiberglass hull. It looks pretty good considering how we found it. Then I climbed inside to see Sean had really cleaned it up. I peaked in the engine compartment to find it missing half it’s parts. Then I looked into the cabin where Sean had obviously done the most work. The cushions were removed and the stove and fridge were pulled out. The bathroom was something less than desirable, so I quickly shut that. On the table lay a series of drawings on hide parchment. From the drawings I saw Sean had designed a catamaran under this boat and a mast on the forward end of the new structure. He intends to use the boat as the cabin living quarters for the bigger boat under it.

“Zach, are you looking at the drawings?”

I walked out of the cabin to find Sean petting Jake. “Honey, their amazing. I love them.”

Sean spun around to look at me, “Honey?” Then he made that crocked smile.
“Yes, I think it’s time I let you know out loud that I am completely and totally in love with you. I don’t care who knows it either.”

Sean’s tears flowed so quickly I think he forgot to breathe. I jumped down and brought him into my arms. “Don’t cry baby. I never want to make you cry.”

“These are happy tears, Zach. I love you more than life itself.”

We just stood there like that for a long time.

The month following was filled with hard labor, like it was when we were building our house. Too tired to have sex and too sore to go on hikes that wasn’t gathering supplies for the boat. Eventually,
we had to put the boat half in the water to set the mast without hitting the boat house roof. The wench resembled the catapult after we rigged it up as a crane to hoist up the mast. We built up around the mast once it was in position and it really seems strong.

Much of the rigging was based on our collective memory and guessing at their purpose. We tried to work through all of the possible scenarios we could imagine and make a solution. How bad could it be?

On a gathering hike we found a field of weeds that had bulbs filled with a fiber like cotton. For all we knew it probably was. I suggested trying to make something of it , even if it wasn’t actually cotton I believed it would make a yarn at least. We practiced at night twisting it to make long continuous strands. Later, I created a grid for weaving the strands together. I think they call them a loom or some shit. Later we found a way to sew the panels together to make two sails. The large main sail and the forward billowing sail. Neither of us are sailors, but we are pretty smart cookies.

I also talked Sean into helping me mend the clothes we had and make some new ones. Like UNDERWEAR. Oh no more chafing. And SOCKS, no more swamp foot. We helped each other shave and cut our hair. We even wove our hair into the fabric. It was awesome to see what we could accomplish together.

The day came we needed to practice with the boat. After we dragged it out onto the water we had to figure out how to turn it with the sails and the rudder. I can’t tell you how many times we almost flipped over. “And that, Zach, is why I designed a catamaran.”

Thank God for foresight huh? Soon we were going on short fishing trips and mapping the coast. Every now and then we thought we could see something else in the water, but we’d lose sight and turn back.

With summer in full swing, we were back to filling our stores as well as planting food and flowers. From the boat our house was truly magnificent. It was hard to believe how much we’d accomplished in just one year and some change. “Do you want to take it out a little further or head back Sean?”

Sean was leaning back against the boat petting Jake. He smiled, “Let’s go out further.” And I smiled back. I will never be over how beautiful Sean is.

We turned the sails and the rudder to gain some speed. What a great day for sailing with the ones you love. “Zach, is that a boat coming towards us?”

I strained my eyes against the glare of the sun off the water. But, it does look like the wake a boat makes. We continued to watch closely to see if it was actually a boat or not. Suddenly, the glare of the sun disappeared and the boat was clearly coming to a stop less than a mile away. We could even see people moving around in board. I heard Sean saying something so I turned my attention to him. “Zach! We need to turn around now!”

I looked up where Sean was pointing and I saw the storm clouds that had put him in a panic. I looked back at the other boat and found they had turned around heading away from us. We struggled against the wind to get turned around, but we managed to get the wind behind us, pushing us towards home. The waves started rising and the boat was flying over the tops as we breached them. On the low side of the waves I couldn’t be certain of our direction. Sean was holding onto the rail trying to help me with keeping our heading. But we were being pelted in the face with heavy rain, making it that much harder to see.

I was about to yell at Sean to sit down when I heard a loud CRACK. I don’t even know what fucking happened, I just know I was underwater and not sure which way was up. I kept kicking and came out on the surface as a wave came crashing down on me. I managed to keep my bearings and resurfaced again. “SEAN,,, SEAN,,,,,,WHERE ARE YOU?”

I am looking all around for him but I don’t see him anywhere. I do see Jake swimming far away from me. Another wave pushes me under, but when I surfaced a chunk of the boat with a ripped section of sail came past me. It was large enough to get on top of and hold onto. I even wrapped the sail piece around me. “SEAN, please God, please let him live. SEAN SEAN PLEASE.”

I held on weeping with all my might. I refuse to accept that he’s gone. I need him, I don’t want to live without him, “GOD PLEASE.” I don’t know if I can take it. I think I’m going to throw up. Sean, I love you, I need you. I sobbed into the wet board that for now is keeping me above the surface. I have given up trying to see anything. I can only prepare for the death that is coming for me next. I feel it taking my spirit from my body.