Walking in Circles - 20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Wow, Donald had such a hard life. I thought my life was messed up. I think Donald wouldn’t have married her if he really didn’t want to. I don’t know if keeping his secret would be enough for me. I guess the having children would be a big incentive. I hope Norm is in the mood to tell me more. Funny how sometimes my brain is so full of thoughts, so focused, I didn’t acknowledge the fact that I showered, shaved brushed my teeth and dressed. Fix that mess on my head and off we go.

I found Norm and Nina preparing breakfast together in the kitchen. I offered to set the table so Nina pointed and directed where everything was and how to set it out. Even her everyday kitchen ware was just beautiful in color and class. “How are you two feeling this morning? I hope I didn’t keep you up, or being a burden.”

Nina and Norm took their places at the table. Nina looks amazing at 7am. “Zach, you are not a burden, in fact I think you are a breath of fresh air. Norm and I stayed up way past our bedtime chatting like we used to do after the kids went to bed.” She put her hand on mine and we gave a lite squeeze at the same time. “I know you boys will be taking the boat out today, I have someone coming to me shopping. You boys go have fun and I will see you when you get back. Zach, if you want to stay another night you are most welcome.”

“Nina, I think I would like to take you up on that offer. If it’s ok to not have breakfast with you in the morning. I’ll have to get an early start to get back home.”

Norm looked at me with bright eyes, that’s completely understandable.”

I washed the dishes, Nina dried them and put them away. Norm went off gathering things for our adventure. “Zach, did you bring a jacket? It can be chilly out on the lake.”

“I brought a sweatshirt, do you think that would be enough?”

“I’ll get one of Norm’s for you, just in case. He really is drawn to you, I haven’t seen him like this in many years. I have always loved being with him when he gets like this. He has life in his eyes and stories to tell. There have been times that he rarely says a single word or cracks a smile. Those times have always been so blue.”

“You two have been through so much. It had to have been hard to stay with someone for so long.”

“Oh, my boy, you haven’t heard a word I’ve been saying.” She shook her head.

“Ok, let me try to get it right.” I processed her words from her perspective. “So, I don’t want to be offensive and stop me if I’m going down a wrong path. I get the impression that there have been certain male friendships that have made Norm happy to be alive. Sometimes friendships end, people move away or even die. During those times he had less, as you say, light in his eyes. But, I think I hear a bigger message. You have loved being here for him and loved him through all of it? You didn’t feel cheated or even jealous?”

“Never in the way you describe it. I have never questioned his loyalty to me and our children, I never thought he’d run away or anything like that. I did sometimes want to be so excited about life the way he gets. I eventually took great enjoyment out of volunteering in the community. The friendships I made have been every bit fulfilling for me as he has been. I wouldn’t trade him for anyone else.”

“Nina, you truly are an incredible woman. I hope he knows how lucky he is.” I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into a warm hug.

“Zach, I will warn you just once, that’s my girl you’re holding in your arms.”

“Well Norm, I think it’s time you had some competition to remind you just how good you have it.” Nina slapped my arm as I stepped back. Norm came up and took my place, she put her head on his shoulder and he put his head on the top of hers. My heart filled with so much love that my eyes watered.

“You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Nina.” She stepped back and slapped his arm as she wiped away a tear.

“You boys better get going, the day isn’t going to get any longer.” With that we were off. Norm had loaded up his car with everything he thought we might need. As soon as we got to the docks I knew I was going to need that jacket Nina pulled out for me. It’s an amazing burgundy suede jacket that I just loved the moment she showed it to me. “That jacket has always been one of my favorites, Zach. It fits you perfectly. Keep it, it’s yours.”

“I can’t keep this, what if your son wants it?” We loaded up my arms and walked out to his boat. It is an old Lyman in mint condition by my account. “Whoa, Norm, she’s beautiful!”

“Thank you, welcome aboard ‘Nina’s Way’.” He busied himself putting things away as the engine warmed up. I peaked into the cabin, I saw many of Nina’s blues throughout the boat. “Zach, can you get us untied from the dock and give a little shove?”

Norm waved to one guy on his boat as we passed by. That guy seemed to take an interest in the stranger in Norm’s boat. We mad it out past the breakers to the marina and Norm hit the throttle. That Lyman came to life riding along the small waves on the lake. The air is cool but the sun feels so good. Norm pointed out all the Canadian land and a bit of history why they got so many of the islands. If you ask me, I could hear some bitterness in his story. Probably passed down through the ages. “Zach, my children are good people and I love them the way they are, but they don’t have any interest in our things. The only reason either of them have an interest in the house is for the money they’d get from it. So, I am fine letting you have the jacket.”

Faster than I had imagined we came around a bend and Norm slowed the engine to basically a float. There she is, My little cove. My heart swelled so much I felt my tears flowing down my cheeks. My boat house has seen better days, but my cabin looked intact, from here anyway. Memories flashed like a strobe light though my mind. “Zach, is this the place you told me about?”

“Yes, sir, it is.” We looked at it for a few seconds more.

“Let’s have a closer look, shall we?” Norm gave just enough throttle to make a slight wake. As we we got right up by the shore, Norm threw the anchor in. Then surprisingly he hopped down into the water about knee high. I joined him and we made our way pretty slowly for Norm’s sake. He had brought quite a cane along which reminded me more like something a sheep herder would use. My heart pounded so hard in my chest. I couldn’t wait to show Norm the house I built. As we came to the front I was struck by the flowers that managed to stay alive in the pots I had made. I scanned the rocks looking for signs of any unstable walls, they look really good. I showed Norm my trick for locking the doors and how it opened right up. I started weeping being in the great room looking at the enormous fireplace and the heavy timbers on the ceiling. I would have thought there would be rotting wood and animals living throughout. It was dusty, but everything seemed well preserved. Norm made his way to the couch and checked it out before trying to sit on it. As I calmed myself Norm suggested I try making a fire, I nodded and went to the door for my work shop. Bit dustier than the great room and quite a bit of webs, but overall everything looked pretty good. I managed to pull out a few good chunks of wood from the wood shed. Originally it was the first floor of my shack. It is a little too dark to see anything. I saw the gasoline tank and went through the door into the kitchen. I placed the logs in the middle and splashed a tiny amount of gas onto them. I happened to have a lighter I picked up at a novelty shop. I always liked the way these smell and it had a wolf howling on the front of it. As the fire took hold it made it much easier to see in the kitchen. I see myself and Sean cooking and kissing in here. It’s even sadder to think about the fact that he was never here.

I came around through the kitchen and back to Norm. “How about giving me a tour, Zach? Is this the bear you were talking about?”

“Yes, We, uh I, wasn’t very efficient skinning it but, I was still proud of the work w, I did though. Let’s start with the kitchen.” I explained in detail how I cooked and how the water system worked. Norm seemed particularly impressed with that. I showed him the pantries, and the bathroom. It was even more beautiful than I had remembered. He was very interested in the slaughter house, something he wanted during his time in the woods. The cool pantry had a foul smell so I didn’t even open the door enough to take a peek.

I tried to just point and describe the upstairs, but Norm insisted we take a look, he did agree to let me go first to make sure it was safe. I didn’t go in the bedroom, but nothing seemed dangerous to worry about it. Norm loved the desk I made for Sean. He even said that he would have loved to have been Sean. I couldn’t help but smile. The bedroom, very dark but enough light to see my bed and my wolf skins. I even shook one off, and told him it was Sean’s, I wrapped it around Norm. He wore it for the rest of the time we were here.

“Zach, I want you to see something.” Norm lead the way up the main trail. We made our way along the ridge then turned past the wheat grass fields. Just past the tree line I saw it. I froze and Norm had tears in his eyes as he looked at his little cabin. It isn’t in as good of shape as mine, but it’s still standing. I came to a spot near the front corner. I just stood thinking about Don. “Would you care to come in?”

I felt like I was being woke from a dream. I understood what Norm said. “Zach, you’re standing in the exact same spot that Don was when he insisted I invite him in.” I had to look down at that hallowed ground and mark this spot in my mind.

“I would, thank you.” Norm smiled the brightest smile I had seen yet. I don’t actually think it was for me though, I think he saw Donald Worthington in his mind.

When he opened the door you could see light coming through the decaying roof. The furniture and the wares were not in the greatest shape, but I could see it in it’s glory days in my mind. “I came here every summer for decades. I always had to repair the roof and fix the furniture. I tried to keep this place alive.”

I chuckled and nudged Norm. “I swear I can here Nina talking a mile a minute right now.”

“YES, so can I!” We had a good laugh thinking about a young Nina. “Zach, I laid there next to the bed as Don leaned over the side to tell me about the war. When he was finished he saw the tears in my eyes. Don said, ‘tell me about him, Norm’. Zach, I think I cried harder than I ever had before. Don came down on the floor, leaned against the bed, spread his legs and pulled me into his chest. He let me cry it out, rubbing my shoulder and saying it’ll be alright.” Norm choked up as he told me that part and I had pulled him into my hug and cried with him. “I believe it will be, Norm.”

“Yes.” We wiped away some of our tears. “I told Don about a boy I grew up with, James Madison. We called him Jimmy, for as long as I knew him. We literally spent every day together. We learned about girls and we learned about boys.” Norm looked at me and winked. “We mostly learned about real friendships and love. We got drafted into the Army at the same time and went to boot camp together. The Army decided to split us up into different platoons.”

”I met a new friend in my platoon that we could take care of some special needs together. I didn’t have any special feelings for Burt, other than we could talk openly to each other and I knew he’d have my back. One day we were in heavy fire. Burt jumped on top of me after being shot. He told me to stay under him and stay perfectly quiet. I watched him die on top of me. I realized what he meant when Charlie walked among my fallen comrades. They stabbed a couple just to be sure they were dead and eventually moved on. I lay there under Burt crying for his loss and so many others. When I finally got brave enough I collected their dog tags, and any guns and grenades that Charlie didn’t grab as they moved through. I painted myself in mud and covered myself in branches. After three days of hiding in the jungle I made it back to base. I was given honors and sent to a new platoon. Yep, Jimmy’s, at first it was a great celebration to be reunited with an old friend/secret love. The whole troop joined in on the fun. Everyone except Frank. I saw the look in his eyes and so did Jimmy. I knew we were going to have trouble. Like myself, Jimmy had found a friend he could relieve tension with, Frank.”

“I really didn’t care exactly, I mean, it’s war and we can be dead at any minute. So I wasn’t angry that they were able to help each other, but he should know that Jimmy and I are more to each other than he would ever even know.”

”Jimmy and I agreed that I should try to have my own ‘personal’ time with Frank to try to help him get over it. The day came and it happened like we planned, but unfortunately it made matters worse, not better. During a firefight with a small group of village kids, Frank turned his rifle on me. We had ourselves a good ole Mexican stand off. A couple of the other guys calmed things down for a while. During another fight against a real enemy. I noticed shots coming at me from a strange angle, I saw Frank trying to hit his mark, me. One of our other guys took the shot and took Frank down. I learned later that he and Frank had some ‘dealings’ with each other and had tried to get him to drop his jealousy. Ray knew he wasn’t getting anywhere with Frank so he made it a mission to keep an eye on him. That’s how Frank lost his life.”

Tears started again with Norm. Jimmy lost his life in the firefight later that night. Ray was the one who dragged me out of the line of fire or I would have been killed too. For a long time I wished I was.”

I pulled Norm into another hug. We wiped away more tears. “Don held me that night and allowed me to feel the kind of love only another man can give. He and I would have an occasional moment, here and there, until he was too old to have any interest in that kind of thing. I had carried on other friendships over the years and Don was always watching out for my interests. He'd let me know when I started to be too obvious and reminded me of my duties as a husband and a father. I sometimes felt shamed, but mostly I was grateful, because I had a woman who loved me enough to give me two wonderful children and to have my special friendships. I am truly blessed.”

“Norm, thank you for trusting me with your story, I am moved beyond what I ever imagined. I promise you that if I am allowed to buy this property I will bring this cabin back to life. The memory of Don and Jimmy will live on.”

We started making our way back to my cabin. I still had a hard time knowing that I had been in those fields just feet away and never noticed that cabin. At the top of the ridge we looked down at the entire cove. Norm turned to look me in the eyes, “Zach, you are just as beautiful as Jimmy was when he was your age. I saw the young man that I fell in love with the moment you stepped onto the porch. I see Jimmy in your eyes and your smile. Nina sees it too.” Norm reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a plastic bag. When I opened it up I realized it was the deed to the property. “Nina and I want you to have it, our gift to you. Bring joy back to this land and bring new life. When the time comes you will know who should have it next. We held each other so tight and cried for all those we’ve lost and loved.

As we made our way back, Norm made a Stop by a fallen tree. It came from a small island on the Canadian side. As he pulled up to it you could clearly see Jimmy + Norm. He told me how they had rowed a boat to the island. All day they had been running around the island naked as a new born baby. Someone from the Canadian Coast Guard came out from the trees and they grabbed their clothes running for the boat. The guy was just standing there laughing as they tried to row and put their clothes on. They both fell out of the boat trying to scramble to get dressed and back to the American shore. The next day Jimmy came back to the island to carve their names into the tree.

By the time we docked and got the boat covered it was quickly becoming dark. Nina was on the front porch as we pulled in the drive. She made her way to the garage where I hugged this wonderful woman. “Thank you Nina.”

“Zach, we knew you would show up eventually. We’re happy to give it to you.”

Dinner was filled with stories and laughter. We had a wonderful time. “I really do hate to bring this to an end, but I promise to be back. Probably even next weekend. You have my phone number, please call anytime. Especially if there’s anything you need.”

We hugged tightly and bid our good nights. Tomorrow morning I need to be heading home.

Needing to set my GPS, I have to turn my phone on. I only glanced at it once to check the weather since I have been here. Oh boy, lots of text messages and a couple voicemails. I will check them at the first rest stop. Got my truck loaded up and I am going home. Bye stories of Burlington.

My mind feels like it’s going faster than my truck. I want to call later today to check on the Bur Folks. I want to ask Norm if he could recommend a contractor to build a barn on the property by the road. One with a bathroom and a sleeping area. I think that would help to keep my truck and things safe while I am at the cove or the little cabin. It could be a dorm for people who come out to help. Eh, we’ll see. I couldn’t believe how well preserved my cabin was. I could still see Sean Everywhere, although I feel like he’s fading, because I know he wasn’t real. Now its like I see me attached to him because I was afraid, and I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. But, even knowing that gave me sadness as I looked around the house. I really felt like Norm could see it in me too. He said he wished he could have been Sean. He also said he saw me like Jimmy. I think what Norm meant was he would have loved Jimmy to do things for him, that I did for Sean.

There’s a new kind of fire growing in me. It has Don and his friend in the war, willing to die to protect each other. Jimmy and Norm, best friends loving each other to the very end. I feel Nina and her Mom, telling me about the strength that comes from a family. I don’t know where any of that will take me, but it feels strong and true. Follow my heart, the rest will reveal itself. Huh, deep shit. “You are funny, Zach.”

Alright, gotta pee, get something lite to eat, and A DAMN COFFEE. How I managed to survive a year without coffee, I will never understand. This place is hopping today. The parking lot is damn near full. I parked clear out by where the Semi’s park, don’t want kids banging up my truck with their parents car doors. Plus, it’ll be easier getting out of here. On some level, I think I could stand at these busy urinals drawing every cock shape and size I see. It’s like Christmas morning, let’s see what we have in here.

This might sound wrong, but hear me out, anyone else who might be listening to my head, that’s probably the scariest thought, HA. My favorite one is, hold on. “Hi, I would like a Huge Mocha Latte, please. Oh my God yes, extra whip cream. Thanks.” My favorite, was this kid, probably 9, 10, he stands next to me and I just instinctively take a peak at anyone next to me. It was HUGE. I mean like, is he a full grown man who’s a midget ir something? About the second or third time I looked I saw him looking right into my face with a huge smile. So, I basically told him the truth, by giving him a thumbs up. He cracked up as he went to the sink to wash his hands.

Oh look, there he is, little dude is absolutely adorable. Man, he’s going to frighten girls and have every boy chasing him down with those looks and that thing between his legs. His Dad is smoking hot too, are you thinking what I’m thinking? I bet you are. Little dude saw me looking as he walked by, Damnit I am busted again, but he gave me the thumbs up. I love this kid!

Got my coffee, let’s see. Ok I am almost afraid to look, Let’s see what Steve had to say:
Mom n I had great time.
Mom introduced me to a girl
She could be the one
Will tell u bout her later

Well, that just sunk my soul. Can’t say I didn’t see it coming though. I have to do my best to suck it up and be a friend. I think I can do that.

Ok let’s see, Dave? Gotta look at that, damn a great picture of him spanking that monkey covered in cum. Schwing, he wrote:
Do you want some of this?

Um, I believe I do, but I will wait to respond to that.

Kevin, I bet I already know, yep: come to dinner with Caira and I.

I will respond when I get home.

Albert, interesting:
Want to do the painting?

That was last night, I think I did tell him I’d be gone until Sunday night. He is persistent. If he is half that persistent at his job he’ll never get fired.

Travis:
I need to talk, call
me when you can.

Lovers quarrel? I will wait, to early for that.

Ok let’s get back on the road. I feel tempted to call Travis through the Bluetooth, traffic is really kinda heavy and I am not very good at getting that thing to work. I’ll just wait. I hope they’re doing fine,

Ok, well phone is ringing dang it, I think this is it. “Hello?”

“Hey, Zach.” It’s Steve, he sounds like he is apprehensive as if I might snap at any moment. “Did you get my text message?”

“I did, congratulations. Just a reality check, it might be a little early to declare ‘the one’, don’t you think?”

“I understand what you’re saying, it’s just that she’s so amazing and beautiful.” I just wanna interrupt him right here.

“Look Steve, I get it. You don’t have to sell me on this. We both knew it was going to happen sooner or later. I am happy for you, really. And, don’t worry, I will come to your wedding if you want me there.”

“Zach, you’re the best. I do want to tell you that you are the perfect man for me if that’s what I really wanted.”

“You’re nice, hey you never know, maybe I’ll find one of those girls myself. Well, Hey, I’m driving, so I should get off the phone. Will you be doing yoga tomorrow?”

“Yes, I’ll be there, be safe.”

“Yeah, thanks, see you tomorrow.” I hit the button to hang up. What do you want from me? Sure I had moments when I pictured us arguing who was going to wear the dress. But, I have hope, that he will be happy with her and I will find someone that I can love.

I am almost home and decided to call Travis while sitting at a stoplight. “Hey Travis, what’s going on? Did you and Robert have a spat?”

“No, remember when you introduced us and suggested we collaborate about your wardrobe? Well, we went shopping this weekend and bought you a good start for your fall/winter wardrobe. We had a lot of fun.”

“You guys didn’t have to do that!”

“Robert likes any excuse to go shopping, so you will be well dressed for any occasion, trust me.”

“That’s sweet, we’ll have to get together at my place here soon. When are you both free?”

“I don’t know about you, but we’re available tomorrow night around 6.”

“Make it 7 and we have a deal. I wonder what I should wear”

“We’ll pick something out for you. Okay, we’ll see you tomorrow.” And we hung up, glad they’re re still good.

I quickly gathered up all the things I want to show Doc. He is very impressed with my progress and my new friends in Burlington. He listened to my version of the stories Norm told me and the trip to the cabins. I honestly believe Doc was pleased that I own that property now. He said my memories of my time with Sean won’t go away, but I will be able to create new ones without all the confusion.

I hopped in on a painting class and cranked out a loose brush image of Norm’s cabin. You can clearly see a young lady following a young man in the rain. It’s quite beautiful, but I can hear her talking fast and it makes me chuckle. I am going to do a series of these from Norm’s stories. I want to paint one for their home, as well. I think it will be Nina trying to steer the boat without any wind and Norm trying to decide what to do.

When I got home I felt exhausted and decided to try to take a short nap. I grabbed a thin blanket and curled up on the couch. My mind slowly went to the woods and what I should do about Norm’s cabin. I am going to commit to fixing it and bringing it back to life. With thoughts of love and compassion I drifted into a deep sleep.