Walking in Circles - 15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Popcorn ceiling, at least I’m not dead. There it is. The sun is finally cresting on the horizon. 5:55, might as well get in the shower. I think jeans, t-shirt with the white-ish oxford, and tennis shoes will be fine. Yes, yes, boxer briefs and socks also, duh.

Wow, is that the face Sean saw every morning? Now that I see that, I wouldn’t have blamed him for just ditching me. Let’s see if a hot shower and a shave will help fix it. I like to have everything I need laid out while the water gets hot. I decided I will brush my teeth in the shower, it just helps me have more time in the glory of the hot water.

Not completely horrible, if I do say so myself, looking at the reflection in the mirror. I think I will go for a walk and see if there’s any good coffee in the cafeteria. There’s that nurse who likes my butt. He’s that kind of guy most people would never guess in a million years that he likes guys. It takes a keen eye to catch him checking out someone. “Hey, Travis, how are you?”

He’s all smiles. “Dude, looking good man. Feeling alright today?”

I decided to walk the line by giving him a wink, these gay dudes like that kind of thing, “Feeling good, thanks. How’s the coffee at the cafeteria?”

“It’ll do in a pinch, but if you follow the blue line past the nurses station till you pick up the yellow line, go left, there’s a free standing kiosk for a barista across from the conference rooms. I think you’ll like those better.” He returned the wink, ha, he wants little Zach.

“You’re the best Travis. I owe you one.” Hand up wave, turn to exit, look back quick, oh haha, so busted Travis blushed.

Coming to the nurse station I decided to say hi to my girl who is always so nice to me, “Good morning Charlotte. How are you this morning?”

She shook her head with a huge grin. “I’m good, are you out causing trouble?”

“Not yet, why? Do you have any suggestions?” She just giggled. “I’m going for coffee, do you need any?”

“No, but your sweet.” Hand up.

The yellow line wasn’t quite as far away but a decent distance. Oh boy, I can smell the delicious coffee now. “I’d like a large mocha please.” I showed him my badge and he scanned the barcode like they do in the cafeteria. This dude had zero personality. He is good looking enough that girls probably like him, but I doubt he’d even know it. He makes a good cup of coffee though.

I head for the nearest door to go outside only to find it pouring rain out there. Well, that’s out. I checked out the empty conference rooms and could hear a group of people in the fourth one. Across the hall, I saw the restrooms and think a piss would be a good idea. I set my coffee on the flush pump over the urinal. I look around the empty room, there’s 6 urinals, and looks like 4 stalls. I farted and thought it would probably be a good idea to take a crap. So time to switch, third stall in looks fine to me so I step inside, then set the coffee on the top of the toilet paper dispenser. Just as I sit I fart and pee, but I don’t think I am going to crap though, I’ll wait just in case.

What’s this? There’s a hole in the wall, probably about about two inches in diameter. I literally see right into the last stall. Holy crap. That’s interesting. The door to the bathroom opens and a guy runs to the last stall. I listen to him getting his pants down to sit, I couldn’t hear anything else, but shortly after he was getting his paper. At this time I decided to see if I could see his face through the hole. Without any effort I can clearly see the top of his lap. With a little more maneuvering I see up to his face. He’s wearing a tie with a very pressed shirt. He’s looking at his phone smiling. Good looking dude. You know, rich businessman in his early thirties. Yep, married with the ring on his finger and he’s definitely the young daddy type. Before I sit back up I see him look away from his phone and right into my eye through the hole. Fuck. Man, I am just curiously looking at a hole. However, I do kinda like the spying thing, but I don’t want any trouble. I don’t know what to do. I leaned down slowly and saw his hand on his dick. I am not doing this gay shit anymore. Sean was supposed to be the only one. I can settle for Robert being the last. But, little Zach betrays me again. I think it’s just the idea of doing something taboo that excites me. I can see his shadow, I think he’s looking through the hole, probably can see I’m hard. Well, dude, what now.

Oh good, he is standing up, good he’s giving up. I am off the hook. No, no, no, no, little businessman is not supposed to be poking his head through the hole. I put my palm against the end trying to tell it to leave, but I don’t think it understands. Maybe if I spit on it he’ll get the hint. No, That made it worse, now it’s bobbing up and down. So veiny. It really does remind me of Sean’s. The way the head flares the veins stick out. If it is a gift like Doc said, then I should be grateful for the reminder. Here goes nothing, I put my lips around the head of it and can taste Sean. This is my chance to have a lasting memory of Sean. I am sucking it just like Sean liked it and I can hear him moan. The entire wall starts vibrating from his thrusts. Impossibly it seems to be getting bigger in my mouth. It’s even harder, and with two loud slams against the wall a fast blast hits the back of my throat. I pulled off as another one flies across almost hitting the other wall. Now with my hand covering the end I can catch the rest. I started using his cum as a lube for my cock. He quickly pulls out and before he can go anywhere I put mine through the hole. He obviously hesitated, but in the end he must have decided it was only fair. He must have figured out how to make it happen faster, cause I shot out so hard it made me knees weak. Surprisingly, he didn’t back off, I thought he was trying to suck the rest of me through the hole. Then I realized he was jacking off trying to cum again. He stopped moving his head and I could hear that his breathing is changing. His tongue felt incredible swirling around the head of my cock, a couple very deep breaths through his nose he moaned as he shot again. GOOD FOR YOU OLD MAN.

I pulled up my pants and practically ran from the room, the doors from the conference room opened but I made it around the corner before anyone came out. Every thing back there, is staying in that room, it did not happen. Thank God I remembered my coffee.

Now, I figure I can walk slowly and peek into the rooms as I walk by. One room had people learning to walk, the one between horizontal bars was so happy to be able to kick one leg in front of the other, each one a success. He was being encouraged by a woman on the end who looked truly happy for him. I have to say I found myself getting choked up by his progress. I waited long enough for him to embrace the woman at the end. It was so sweet.

The next time I stopped, a young girl, about 12 maybe years old, held tight to her dead mother. She wept the way I did when I lost Sean. A nurse came to the door, before she even saw me, she had started closing it. The visions from Steve’s office flashed in my mind. Man, I gotta get my head out of this. At the next exit I check the rain, no better than it was two hours ago.

“Knock knock, hey Doc. Are you ready for me?”

“Absolutely Zach, come in. Shut the door will you?” Doc is shuffling some papers around. “How are you feeling, Son?”

“This whole thing is really intense Doc. I have to say I don’t know if I can be such a good person as you and Steve. I have these feelings like I’m jumping out of a plane with no parachute.”

“Yes, I wouldn’t think you were normal if you didn’t.” Doc looks at another paper and then looks at me. “I made an appointment for you to get an MRI on Monday. When you see Linda she’ll take you to the Medical College up the road. You should make it back in time for your new Therapy class.”

“What is it going to be looking for?”

“Oh, we need to know if you have any internal issues that we weren’t aware of. Should be basic.” Doc reached into a drawer and pulled out an envelope. “Ah, I couldn’t remember where I put this. This is all the medical information about you from your accident through high school. I have gone through some of it, but I need to finish it in the next couple of days. How would you describe your health over that period?”

“Awe, Doc, I really don’t know. Normal I guess.” He just looks at me like I am supposed to rethink my answer. “I don’t know, I guess I had a lot of allergy problems. I had some headaches for awhile. Mostly I would say I wasn’t that different from most kids I knew.”

“Ok, that’s a fair personal assessment. I want you to keep in mind that the more we know the better we can help you. I will be giving you a very mild sedative for some of your anxiety. But, I think it’s time you go get some lunch.”

“That’s it? Ok, thanks Doc.”

Lunch was good, had a burrito with a Dr Pepper. Went to the locker room to relax for a minute before yoga. Thought it would just feel nice to stand in the shower for a bit. However, before I could make it to the shower room Steve had come into the locker room and saw me. “Hi Zach, What’s going on?” He sounded light hearted.

“Oh, just thought a hot shower would feel good.”

“Yeah, they do, well enjoy.”

“Do you want to join me?” I winked, and I don’t even know why I did.

Steve looked me blankly for a couple seconds. “Sure, why not, I’ll meet you there, you go ahead.”

I turned on Steve’s favorite shower head, and I took mine. The water feels so good, I grabbed the pole and leaned forward. As water pelted the back of my head and neck it ran down my back and chest, it formed streams across my face meeting at my nose and mouth.

“That looks like the right way to take a shower on a miserable rainy day like today.”

“Yeah, I needed this. I looked over at Steve doing the exact same pose. “Steve, don’t answer me if you don’t want to, just say you don’t want to talk about it. But, I’ve been having some thoughts and I feel guilty for it. Have you had sex with anyone since your wife died? Or, at least, thought about it maybe?”

“Zach, you shouldn’t feel guilty, it’s such a natural thing to crave the attention of another soul. To answer your question, yes, twice. The first time, I met a woman who seemed to make facial expressions like my wife used to make. Then I heard her laugh, it was my wife’s laugh I heard. I felt like my wife was giving me permission, even suggesting, to fill that need.”

“Wow, do you still see her?”

“No, she was from out of town. I don’t know for sure, but she may even have been married. Anyway, the second time I was hanging out with a friend and one thing led to another. It was purely a need fulfilling thing for both of us.”

I am sick enough in the head to think, a friend could be a woman or a man. “Steve, thank you for trusting me with that. It really means a lot to me.”

“Just be careful if you do anything with someone, especially now. You need to be sure that you’re both not going to be hurt if it doesn’t form a relationship. I actually don’t think a relationship would be the right thing for you, at this time anyway.”

“I actually agree 100%. We should get dressed, don’t you think?”

Steve, walked over pulling me into another famous Steve hug, so good. But, ain’t nobody got time for that. We need to get to class and, we can’t stop for no shoes or nothing, Jesus. I loved that lady.

I smelled my sweats, God that’s bad. Steve must have seen me. “Here, wear my gym shorts, then after class I’ll show you how you can get your laundry cleaned.”

“Thank you, my dirty stuff is adding up fast. ”In fact, I need to make a choice, either I don’t wear underwear with my jeans after sweating in them, or I don’t wear them with the shorts. I personally hate the way jeans feel without underwear and I actually like the way sport shorts feel, so there’s my choice.

The ladies in class today seemed less interested in me, I think it’s the weather. During some of the floor poses I realized the decision not to wear underwear with these shorts may have been premature. There are mirrors all around us and I could clearly tell if I was uncircumcised, or not, from the gaps the shorts made. At one point I saw Steve chuckle when he clearly caught sight of my frank and beans exposed to the world. I just gave the, I know I should have worn the underwear, face.

We flew through the shower routine, stopping only to laugh at my ‘performance art display ‘ in class. He had explained that the place he wants to show me doesn’t stay open late and he can’t remember when they close. We made it to a small dry cleaner establishment in the Center that also offers a laundry service. There was even enough time for us to grab the rest of my dirty laundry. At one point while we were carrying my clothes in our arms, Steve starts laughing because a pair of my dirty underwear was on top of the pile only inches away from his face, we were still laughing as we filled out the order form for the laundry service. Steve added a request for having some of it pressed. I wouldn’t have ever thought about that myself.

“Are you good from here Zach?”

“Absolutely, thanks for everything you do for me, you’re the best.” Public bro hugs and hand up wave, and I’m alone again, completely surrounded by people. Making my way back to my room I saw a group of people in a cluttered room doing art. They seemed to be drawing around some sort of display. I tried to get a closer look without disturbing anyone. Unfortunately, I must have, because an older lady probably in her late 30’s or early 40’s came to the door asking if I would like to join them. I found myself being escorted to a chair by an easle. It wasn’t long till a giant sheet of thick bright white paper on a giant clip board with some kind of charcoal pencils appeared before me. I thanked her and nodded at the few people who took the time to look my way. Sean was the one with the flare for art, but I thought why not give it a try. These pencils reminded me of the ones I made for Sean, complete with peeling the end for more tip. I went right to work. I spent all of 45 minutes working on that picture. I didn’t think I did a half bad job, but it was strange to me how the rest of the class was going around looking at everybody’s work before leaving. Equally surprising is the amount of accolades I received.

The lady holding the class explained the purpose was to give the patients here an outlet to express themselves. Some choose to do their own thing while there and some like the challenge of a group assignment. She gave me a schedule of the class times, types, and who would be conducting those classes. What was most interesting is her explanation of the ‘great work’ I did blending and implying. Who knew I even had the ability to make stick figures let alone create something worthy of praise. Her name is Stacy and she showed me a tall space in a long line of tall slots that I could use to keep supplies and even working projects, if I am interested, and I do believe I am. I took this picture back to my room and found I could wedge it under the lip of the frame for the flowers. As I lay there in bed, staring at my drawing, I drifted into a deep deep sleep.