Ice Fairy; The Friends - 4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Colby’s POV

The constant playback of the breakup call rang through Colby’s beleaguered brain. All he could think of was the sound of Jake’s voice both when the call started; but especially how it ended.

“I can’t do this, Jake…” Colby had insisted.

“Why? Fear?” The voice was firm yet compassionate. He knew Jake loved him very much, but it wasn’t near enough right now.

“I…I dunno…” was all he could manager to stammer out.

There was a snort hear. “Come on, level with me, I don’t wanna lose you!”

Colby remembered balling his fists and fighting back his own tears.

“I don’t see no other way.” Was the pitiful response.

Jake’s calm voice was angry now; as it deserved to be.

“Crap, Colby. What did that girl do you to you? What’re you so afraid of?”

He needed and deserved answeres for sure; but he couldn’t give them. Not yet.

“I dunno…” he stumbled. “Just everything I guess. All the stuff with love and you bein’ my first man and all.”

“I get the fear, hon! I do! Don’t let it stop us.” Jake pleaded.

But Colby still couldn’t.

“I gotta, I just gotta break it off.”

There was a low growl on the phone. “Why? Why must you? Are you still in love with her?”

If only it were that simple.

“No, I just…” Colby had shaken his head and his stomach felt like it was in knots.

A few moments later he held up the phone again and heard a very exasperated voice.

“Colby, I ain’t got much tolerance for head games, okay? You figure out what you need to do.”

Oh shit, now he was angry. Really pissed. Rarely did Jake get like this; although they’d only known each other a few months.

“I know, I know.” He insisted, feeling the tears start to drip down his face. “But Jake, I can’t do this.”

“Colby, I know in your heart you can; but you won’t let yourself be free and be with me, or anyone.”

He was sure right on that one.

“I dunno, but I gotta bust us up, Jake. I real sorry.”

There was a heartbreakingly long pause and Colby heard muffled sounds and what he swore was something shattering in the background.

“I know. I know you are. It still sucks though. I love you, Colby. I hope someday you realize it. You made your call. See you around sometime.”

The line went dead and Colby felt like his heart would pound out of his chest as he ended the call.

“Jake….Jake I’m so sorry.”

He sat back in his chair and with his hands over his face and his knees up, he sobbed for nearly a half hour. Until there wasn’t anything anymore. Just numbness.

That was all of four hours ago and the words were still so fresh in his memory he could taste the bitter notes they left behind. He kept reliving every tone, every feeling, and of course saying goodbye to Jake despite him not ever really wanting to.

Shit this was all so complicated.

But at the heart of it all was one word: fear.

Fear of love, fear of his feelings, and fear of being with anyone new. He’d dated Jake three months and it’d barely got past kissing. Not that he couldn’t sense what his boyfriend wanted. There were lots of times where they’d sit on the sofa together watching a movie and Jake tried to encourage him along; but as much as his desires ran rampant, he shied away.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

After the long crying spell and falling asleep afterwards; Colby pried himself from the chair and shook out his long limbs. He was glad his roommate was gone during all of this; no way in hell did he want that guy knowing. Bruce was a decent guy, but he was loud and a gossip from hell.

Colby had to keep everything to himself for sure. Maybe he’d kept it in too long this time.

Shit, of course he had. He’d just lost his man! His first ever man… one that loved him and was respectful and sweet and hot as all hell…and he just tossed him aside. And for what in return? Loneliness and a heart that ached so bad it made him feel sick. He had to run to the bathroom to search for an antacid.

After a long look in the mirror, Colby wetted down his face and pushed back his fine, blond locks. He knew what he had to do.

“C’mon boy, just do it. I have to do this. I have to.”

He kept chanting it to himself over and over until he finally found himself properly dressed for the weather, keys in hand, and his phone and wallet with him.

“I gotta do this. I feel somethin’ for Jake and I ain’t gonna feel nothin’ ever again if I don’t.”

Holy shit, he was talking to himself out loud. If that wasn’t a sure-fire sign…sigh.

Without another word, he bolted for the door and took off in his pickup truck.