Wow! I can't believe it's been nearly two years since my last entry! Truth be told, I was never big in keeping a journal going, even when I was required to in school, and I've never been much interested in maintaining a blog. The last couple of years have not been kind to me. Caught up in across-the-board layoffs at the university where I worked, I took a job in another city and we moved there, only to be laid off a month later when they lost a major contract that accounted for more than half my income. I then went to work for a friend and colleague of mine, even though it meant a 2-hour commute each way every day. After several months, however, it became apparent that he just didn't have enough business to support both of us and my income wasn't even covering my commuting costs, let alone the mortgage. I therefore started looking for another job, and eventually found one nearby. That one lasted a little longer than the first, but then I was again laid off when a contract facility threatened to pull their business if I didn't alter my documentation to make them look good. I should have probably reported them to the state - they were taking on cases they were in no way equipped to handle - but they threatened to report me for a series of trumped-up ethics violations. In retrospect, I should have probably called their bluff, but I was too afraid of what they could do to keep me from getting another job. In reality we ended up using up most of our life savings anyway, as it took until now to find another job.

As I said, it has not been a good couple of years.

OK, so I have a new job that starts in a couple or three months and I have a temporary job that starts next week and will allow us to make our September mortgage payment in the interim. With permanent employment, I'll finally be able to refinance our mortgage, too, which will make a huge difference in our monthly payments. Life is good, right?

Well as a requirement of the temporary job, I got a physical - it had been just about a year and so I was due, anyway. As part of the physical, my doctor checked my PSA. My PSA had always been low. Last year it was 0.8. This year it came back as 8.5. F--k! That was just two days ago.

Since then, I've done some reading on my own and I spoke with the head of Urology at Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital, who is himself a world expert on prostate cancer. The good news is that such a steep rise is not generally consistent with cancer. Prostate cancer is usually insidious and causes a much more gradual rise. There is absolutely no history of prostate cancer in my family and although my mother has breast cancer, she didn't get it until she was 88, which puts it in a very low risk category. No one else in my family has ever had cancer at all. However, the only other thing that could cause a jump in PSA like that is an infection called prostatitis, which usually causes symptoms. I have no symptoms.

A week from today I will have a repeat PSA test done to make sure the increase in PSA is real and not some combination of lab error and other factors. Just to be sure, I've been asked to refrain from any sexual activity or bike riding the week before. If it comes back normal, I'll be able to breathe a big sigh of relief, at least until next year, but if it's still elevated, I'll have to undergo a thorough cancer work-up. In the meantime I'm nervous as hell.

Just when everything finally seemed to falling into place in my life, this had to happen, but there's more. My new health insurance won't take effect for another three months and, even then, there will be a one-year exclusion of pre-existing conditions. My COBRA coverage will run out early next year, leaving me without coverage for this condition, should it prove to be real. The treatment could literally bankrupt us but, if I do indeed have cancer, forgoing treatment is not an option. On top of everything, I'm worried sick my new employer will find someway to break the contract if and when they find out. I'm screwed.

I cannot fathom how so many people in the US can be so opposed to a national health program. What was so bad about the availability of a public option for those who need it? The current system is fragmented and inefficient, and it's all too easy to lose coverage. It can happen to anyone, as I've certainly seen first-hand.