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Let them know they Matter!

Yettie One

Entry posted by Yettie One

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So it has been a tough couple of weeks for me which culminated in a bit of a disaster yesterday. Here is how it unfolds...

 

As a person I tend to be a pretty private person, but when I find I like someone I will open up pretty quickly, and hey I think we are all like that to a degree. You have to let the people you want to become close too, to see the real you. Sometimes slowly, but once in a while you do it a little faster than at other times.

 

Well, time and life has taught me that this is not always the best thing to do, coz once you start to let those walls down, you expose yourself to hurt, and people are fickle. They build impressions, make assumptions and guess an awful lot, and when things don't pan out quite to what their expectations were, you find yourself carrying the can. Yep, you may assume from this that I've been disappointed, and the answer to that would be yes, but then haven't we all at some point in our lives? So pick myself up, quit moaning and move on. Fair enough.

 

Now this is where I open myself up to share a little piece of me with those of you that bother to read. I could easily allow such an experience to sour my perception of the world. In 38 years of living it has happened enough times to make me fed up of having my feelings trashed at the feet of people that couldn't care less, and yeah at times I just wanna scream. I wanna smash something, lash out and be nasty. What would I gain though?

 

We cannot change who we are! This is a fundamental fact of life. You may be able to alter little things, you might be able to harden your heart, but you are who you are, and you have to find a way to be happy living in your own skin. I can honestly say that this is not as easy as it may seem. Some people have a marvellous ability to appear happy all the time. Some of them really are happy, but for the vast majority of us we are smiling to the world to hide our scars, laughing with friends to fit in, and giving the impression of happiness to fool ourselves into believing that life isn't so hard.

 

This is the thing. Life is tough, for me, for you, for any one of us. We look at the rich and famous and think they have it all, but reality knocks and truth is happiness isn't found in wealth and fast cars, trendy clothes and expensive gifts. Sure money might make things a little more fun, but money can't buy you the one thing that you really need to be happy.

 

Wanna know what I honestly believe that is?

 

Simple. People around you that honestly, truly, and without compromise love you. Happiness lies in the people that are there to pick you up when the chips are down. Happiness is being able to share with someone that listens as much as they speak. Happiness is knowing that you have someone that you can call any time you need them, be it 4am in the morning or 8pm at night.

 

They will cry with you, laugh with you, go shopping with you. They have the courage to tell you when you are being an idiot, they will tell you when you are heading for disaster and they will always be there to help you pick up the pieces. These are the things, no, hell no, these are the PEOPLE that you must learn to treasure, and if there is one thing that you have to do in life.... Tell them you love them. Tell it to them each and every day if you feel you must. Tell them how important they are, how special and unique they are, and how much they make your life worth living. Don't assume these things are known! Tomorrow will come and it is always too late when the chance is stolen.

 

See this is the stark realisation that I came to this week. You may or may not know that I care full time for my mom who as an elderly woman has a fair few things wrong with her, so it is little wonder that at some time in the near future she will pass on to that special place where she will be happy and free from our worldly woes. But I shudder to think how I will deal with that day when it comes, and on Friday afternoon, I almost thought the day had come. My mom collapsed in my arms and lost consciousness for a period of time. My initial thoughts when she went down was that she had died in my arms, and while that may sound awfully dramatic and maybe a little over the top, when it happens to you one day, you will appreciate the fear, horror and alarm that suddenly courses through your veins and races through your mind.

 

I was sitting there on the floor, with her head on my lap on the phone to the ambulance people begging her not to die because I hadn't told her how much I love her. Now in my case, I am a mummies boy. Probably why looking after my mom is actually quite a pleasure for me, and while it depresses the hell out of me to watch her slowly deteriorate, and I feel so useless sometimes to stop it, I do get an element of satisfaction out of being there for her just as she was for me once.

 

Now please, I know that every one of us has different circumstances, and some of us have had wonderful home lives and others have not. Some of us are close as families and others not, so please don't feel that this post is trying to tell you to bridge gaps with your family or something. Your circumstances are your own, and you know them better than anyone, so will know what is right and what is wrong for you. But..... we all have someone special to us. A friend, a relative, a pastor, a partner. Who ever it is, don't be stupid like me. Don't just assume that they will know.

 

Heck obviously my mom knows that I love her right? She is my mom for crying out loud, it is fairly natural to expect that despite our differences and arguments and fall outs over the years, to expect that she knows I love her, but the truth is, when I was sat there with tears running down my cheeks looking at her pale body on the ground, all I wanted to do was tell her how much I loved her.

 

And this is the point I try to make today. People in life will let you down. People will hurt you, abuse you, tear you apart emotionally, but a small handful of very special people will be there for you every step of the way, and it is only right to let them know how much they really mean to you. It doesn't have to be some big display of affection or a statement of intent. Simple words like, 'Hey you are a really special person to me, and I love you.' This is only my own humble opinion, but we need to let those special people know how important and loved they really are. It is for your own good as much as theirs, and heck it really ain't that hard.

 

Hope that these words will encourage you to go away from here today and tell someone close that you care enough to tell them they are loved.

 

Thought for today "When you are up, your friends know who you are. When you are down, you know who your friends are!" - Brian Marijeni

 

Song for today - From a Distance by Bette Midler

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Ashi

Oh man. :hug: I was only thinking the other day what happened to Yettie? I guess so many things are going on in your life now. Yeah, nice advice. I guess my temper isn't so nice lately and sometimes I would tell my mom I am so pissed at her, well, it's because I was pissed at her. LOL! I am a mama's boy also. But my mom and I are so close, our relationship don't falter even when we're so brutally honest with each other.

 

Do tell your close ones you love them. Do treat each other with some respect though. Hope you're holding up well and may your mom recover to good health soon. :)

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joann414

NO words guy. Hope you are feeling better. MIssed your writing and blogs, but so glad you vented here. Love you guy. hope good things come to you

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Andrea

Thank you for this Yettie. It brought tears to my eyes and I will call my mom first thing tomorrow.

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Mark92

With you all the way and anytime Rob, you are a really special guy yourself you know? You're used to me having a laugh, taking the piss and giving you the swift kick occasionally. Buddies matter. I hope your mum recovers quickly. And give us a nudge when you want to chat again :):hug:

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LJH

Moms are special. My mom would be in the kitchen all day cooking. She loved to entertain. There was always avpot of food ready to serve guests. Everyday. And everyday i came home from work she would greet me with the same words: My baby boy is home. Hug me and tell me she loved me. Her last day alive was exactly the same.

 

She was un the kitchen and greeted me. She said she wasnt feeling well and looked pale. She had just come out of hospital a week before, but i knew they had released her because there was nothing they could do for her. She wanted to die at home, not in a hospital.

 

I put her to bed and stayed with her, lay beside her just generally talking about everything when she asked me to rub her back. At this point i had no idea that the attack had begun. She gripped my hand and squeezed it and said she was in so much pain and i gave her a heart tablet. It didnt help. I was so lost. She cried. The pain was so unbearable. I made her ready to take her to hospital and helped herbout of bed, into a nightgown. I remember getting her to the kitchen when she turned and hobbled back to her bed. She collapsed. Ir was hard for her to breathe. Hubby called 10111 and they called an ambulance and paramedics.

 

While we waited hubby phoned the family and soon they began to arrive one by one. Within five minutes the paramedics arrived and took over. They gave her oxygen and an adrenalin injection and as she sat on the edge of the bed i gripped her hand and told her that everything was under control and it was then i told her that i loved her very much. She inhaled deeply and noided her head with a weak smile.

 

They monitored her heart and other things and i could clearly hear her heartbeat. They said they would ready her for transportation to hospital and could hubby and me help get the stretcher from the ambulance.

 

When we returned with the stretcher i couldn't hear her heartbeat. She had flatlined.

 

So i am happy that i told ger i lived her. Maybe i ahould have shown her more love during my life. I miss you mom. So much.

 

 

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LJH

What i am trying to say is this: we are all given parents to guide us and to love us. They do not own us, and we do not own them. But, we do owe our gratitude. Some may say i am wrong, to those i say so be it, are you right? Moms and dads are human and no less than their children. They make mistakes just as we do. Love transcends everything. The more we love, the more we are rewarded. Saying i love you to a mom or dad is not going to hurt one little bit. Try it. Love changes everything.

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rockyroads

Beautiful blog entry and so full of truth.

 

After reading your blog, sitting here teary eyed, I tried to remember if I told my mom in words how much I cared, appreciated and loved her. Since I can't recall, I have to assume I didn't. I did everything I could to help my mom through her battle with lung cancer and I'm glad I was able to keep her at home and comfortable as her life ended. I have to believe that my actions and support conveyed just how much she meant to me. I do know that since her death, my family and friends are more consistent about ending coversations or visits with I love yous, hugs and kisses.

 

I hope many peope take your message to heart and tell their loved ones how they matter in their lives. I also hope that your mom is doing fine now or at least on the road to recovery and you'll have many years to come to tell her how you feel...often.

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Yettie One

Great blog, thank you so much for sharing that.

 

Thanks Breeze. I love getting your feedback and thoughts and really do appreciate your time and effort to read and reply. You rock. :hug:

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Yettie One

Oh man. hug.gif I was only thinking the other day what happened to Yettie? I guess so many things are going on in your life now. Yeah, nice advice. I guess my temper isn't so nice lately and sometimes I would tell my mom I am so pissed at her, well, it's because I was pissed at her. LOL! I am a mama's boy also. But my mom and I are so close, our relationship don't falter even when we're so brutally honest with each other.

 

Do tell your close ones you love them. Do treat each other with some respect though. Hope you're holding up well and may your mom recover to good health soon. smile.png

 

I am glad we are alike in someways Ashi so you can appreciate what I mean. It is never easy and we do forget easily, but it is ok to get it wrong sometimes as long as we do something to make it right. :)

 

Thank you for your good wishes, and your encouragement and support. I love your comments. :hug:

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Yettie One

This is a really beautiful post, Yettie. There's not a word in it I don't agree with.

 

Aww Percy thanks for reading, and love the way you always make an effort to reply. It is nice to know you agree and hope you are well bud. Keep smiling. :hug:

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Yettie One

NO words guy. Hope you are feeling better. MIssed your writing and blogs, but so glad you vented here. Love you guy. hope good things come to you

 

Joann you are the best hun. Love ya girl. :hug:

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Yettie One

Thank you for this Yettie. It brought tears to my eyes and I will call my mom first thing tomorrow.

 

Hey hunni, I am so glad you decided to call your mom. You have no idea how much it means to me that someone else was touched enough to take action and say those precious words. I hope you are well, and your mom appreciates you as much as I do. :) Keep smiling buddy, and always here for you. Rob x :hug:

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Yettie One

With you all the way and anytime Rob, you are a really special guy yourself you know? You're used to me having a laugh, taking the piss and giving you the swift kick occasionally. Buddies matter. I hope your mum recovers quickly. And give us a nudge when you want to chat again smile.pnghug.gif

 

Buddy you are a pillar of strength to me in so many ways. I appreciate your love and support in ways I cannot put into words. Smile lots bud and hugs back at you. :hug:

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Yettie One

So sorry you've been going through tough times. Wishing you all the best.

 

Thanks for your kind thoughts RJ. Long time no speak. Hope you are well bud. :)

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Yettie One

What i am trying to say is this: we are all given parents to guide us and to love us. They do not own us, and we do not own them. But, we do owe our gratitude. Some may say i am wrong, to those i say so be it, are you right? Moms and dads are human and no less than their children. They make mistakes just as we do. Love transcends everything. The more we love, the more we are rewarded. Saying i love you to a mom or dad is not going to hurt one little bit. Try it. Love changes everything.

 

Louis you touched my heart today mate. God you are a special man, and I love the way you share and talk to me, and others here. You are a wonderful person and have such a huge heart. I admire and cherish your friendship mate.

Thanks :hug:

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Yettie One

Beautiful blog entry and so full of truth.

 

After reading your blog, sitting here teary eyed, I tried to remember if I told my mom in words how much I cared, appreciated and loved her. Since I can't recall, I have to assume I didn't. I did everything I could to help my mom through her battle with lung cancer and I'm glad I was able to keep her at home and comfortable as her life ended. I have to believe that my actions and support conveyed just how much she meant to me. I do know that since her death, my family and friends are more consistent about ending coversations or visits with I love yous, hugs and kisses.

 

I hope many peope take your message to heart and tell their loved ones how they matter in their lives. I also hope that your mom is doing fine now or at least on the road to recovery and you'll have many years to come to tell her how you feel...often.

 

Oh mate....

I know those feelings. I often wish I had told my dad more often. Even now I sit in the quiet and tell him, and I pray to god he can hear me, coz I really did love him.

It is never easy to wish you did something more, and you have felt that bitter pain. I am so sorry and thank you for sharing and taking time to help others see how very important it is to just say three such simple words.

I appreciate you so much, and thanks for reading and commenting on my blog RockyRoads. You are welcome here always and any time. :) :hugs:

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