Life never goes as planned. I've learned that lesson a few times the hard way. This is just basically a note to say I'm here, I'm alive, I'm doing the best I can, and yeah I still have a ways to go.

I've had a rather interesting year so far. I've learned things about myself I don't like, and done things I could to change. I know I am a work in progress and probably will be til I die.

Sometimes lately I just keep quiet. It is how I handle things. I am being sent back to have new testing done on my back. I am trying to get other areas of my life together.

I've been none to gently reminded lately that I am still over weight, in debt, and working a dead end job. I am somewhere between the worst son ever born and the reincarnation of the devil, depending on who you talk to. I've been told I am a beautiful soul, a kind man, and an idiot. If I listen to others I am not sure if I should be living as a monk alone on a high mountaintop so no one can see me or if I should be working on the corner as some cheap hustler. Truthfully neither is appealing so I guess I am still going my own way.

I am worn out and need a break from work, but too broke to go anywhere. What I really need I can't get, and that seems to apply to a few areas of my life, but it doesn't mean I have given up on my dreams.

Human beings are complicated. I should know, I am one. However people need to remember the small things. A smile can change someone's whole day. A "thank you" can turn someone's mood around. The word "sorry" should not be hard to say, especially if you mean it. Taking your problem out on someone else might make you feel better, but now look at the person you just beat up. Was it worth it? Be mindful of your surroundings. Opening a door for someone whose hands are full is an act of kindness anyone can do. Lending some change to the poor woman buying baby food might not break you, but might just help her out immensely. Look at the rules before you break them, because they are there for a reason. Remember that the person on the other side of the return desk is a human being too. That is their job, and try not to make it any harder than it is. If you don't want to deal with them, feel free to ask for their manager. Remember they don't make the rules they only have to enforce them. Don't keep putting off calling your friends or family. You never know when someone's time is up. The words "I love you" are something everyone likes to hear, just don't let it become something you say without meaning it. Sometimes that note from your friend that says hi, means don't forget me, I still care about you.

So that is my rant of the moment. Still here, still kicking, still trying to do right. I wish you all a good night.