What a terrible thing to witness! I'm so sorry. 

It sounds like you may have PTSD from the experience. Have you tried talking to your doctor about it?

That was an awful thing to have experienced. I, too, am sorry you were a witness to a horror that you had no choice in. Something like that is hard to imagine and because of that, it can be hard to come to terms with. Please, if you find at some point that you cannot cope with these feelings, seek help, as Irri suggests.

This is a very shocking thing to have witnessed.  I know when I was in an accident, the doctor warned me that people process trauma in different ways.  Some people need to talk about it and this repetition helps them.  Others find disucssing it makes the trauma worse. There's no right way or wrong way. As Irri and Ron suggested, do seek help for contructive methods of dealing with this memory if it continues to trouble you.

That's beyond horrific.  I can't imagine how you feel.  I'm sorry you witnessed such an awful incident.  Hugs and hope you find peace.

Many people make the mistake, of trying to "understand" suicide. They think it's about "smart" Vs. "Stupid". They think that its a conscious "rational" process that someone goes through that ends with them making a firm commitment "today I will end my life".

That's why you hear people say that suicide is "selfish". They think that there was some kind of rationalisation, a well thought out argument delineating the pro's and cons. It's almost never the case.

Suicide is almost always chemical. There is something wrong there. It may be depression, or some other form of mental illness. It may just be pure desperation and loneliness driving one to a state of panic. In any case, if you are looking for some form of rationality - the answer to the question "why?" you are almost always going to be disappointed.

Suicide rarely is the result of one thing. People left behind often think "If only I'd... <insert guilt trip here>". It is never so simple - that state of mind doesn't USUALLY have a single trigger, but a series of blows over a sustained timeframe. Nobody slips into a state of mind over the course of an hour.

Of course, you will read stories about people who commit suicide becuase "X" happened, and often "x" is a pretty big trigger, but much of the time its only the cumulation. If it wasn't that, eventually it would be something else.

Try not to beat yourself up. This isn't something you could have prevented. You may have stopped "this one" but you wouldn't be there to stop the next. I know you are going to be feeling the whole weight of horror and guilt over the coming weeks. Try not to let it consume you. You are strong - stay that way.

West

What a terrible thing to witness! I'm so sorry. 

It sounds like you may have PTSD from the experience. Have you tried talking to your doctor about it?

Irritable1, I tend to internalize all my feelings. I find it hard to find the words to say aloud but not write. I would like to talk to someone but don't know if I can. I'm thinking everything will catch up to me when I least expect it to and I'll end up exploding, which is something I don't want to happen, especially in front of my niece.

That was an awful thing to have experienced. I, too, am sorry you were a witness to a horror that you had no choice in. Something like that is hard to imagine and because of that, it can be hard to come to terms with. Please, if you find at some point that you cannot cope with these feelings, seek help, as Irri suggests.

Thank you, Ron, but I don't know if I can. It's hard for me to open up one on one, So I'm hoping writing will help me release what I'd been dealing with.

That's beyond horrific.  I can't imagine how you feel.  I'm sorry you witnessed such an awful incident.  Hugs and hope you find peace.

Thank you, Jo Ann. It's good to have you back. I take your hugs and wrap myself up tight because I could use them!

This is a very shocking thing to have witnessed.  I know when I was in an accident, the doctor warned me that people process trauma in different ways.  Some people need to talk about it and this repetition helps them.  Others find disucssing it makes the trauma worse. There's no right way or wrong way. As Irri and Ron suggested, do seek help for contructive methods of dealing with this memory if it continues to trouble you.

Percy, I will take your words and everyone else's to heart. Thank you.

Many people make the mistake, of trying to "understand" suicide. They think it's about "smart" Vs. "Stupid". They think that its a conscious "rational" process that someone goes through that ends with them making a firm commitment "today I will end my life".

 

That's why you hear people say that suicide is "selfish". They think that there was some kind of rationalisation, a well thought out argument delineating the pro's and cons. It's almost never the case.

 

Suicide is almost always chemical. There is something wrong there. It may be depression, or some other form of mental illness. It may just be pure desperation and loneliness driving one to a state of panic. In any case, if you are looking for some form of rationality - the answer to the question "why?" you are almost always going to be disappointed.

 

Suicide rarely is the result of one thing. People left behind often think "If only I'd... <insert guilt trip here>". It is never so simple - that state of mind doesn't USUALLY have a single trigger, but a series of blows over a sustained timeframe. Nobody slips into a state of mind over the course of an hour.

 

Of course, you will read stories about people who commit suicide becuase "X" happened, and often "x" is a pretty big trigger, but much of the time its only the cumulation. If it wasn't that, eventually it would be something else.

 

Try not to beat yourself up. This isn't something you could have prevented. You may have stopped "this one" but you wouldn't be there to stop the next. I know you are going to be feeling the whole weight of horror and guilt over the coming weeks. Try not to let it consume you. You are strong - stay that way.

 

West

West, thank you! I do feel a little guilty because she was right there in front of me. I do replay the parts leading up to her jumping. I think, "if I could've heard them talking maybe I would've caught on and stopped her". I think that's the part that keeps interfering with my day to day because I didn't. I'll keep living my life and hopefully it will be a distant memory. Thank you again.   

Personally, I think it's incredibly selfish for someone to do it so publicly in front of other people. If you want to take your own life, fine, that is your right. But do not do it in a public place where you are going to traumatize a bunch of innocent, unsuspecting passerbys. I ride the subway every day and this always worries me that someone is going to jump or accidentally fall as the train pulls into the station...

On a side note, its unusual for women to take their lives in such a bloody and messy way. They tend to stick to pills or slitting their wrists, because its relatively painless and "more feminine". Men tend to be the ones who eat the barrel of a gun or jump from a high place or in front of a train. 

I’m shocked to read this and sorry to hear what you’re going through. You’re in my thoughts.

I had a similar experience, saw someone in passing a few minutes before he shot himself. For a long time I wondered if there was something I could have, should have done differently. I ended up writing him several letters expressing what I felt.

women do tend to plan suicide, and do things like pills, running cars in a garage, etc. From what you describe I wonder if she was high or manic, and thought she could fly or was supergirl & could stop the train.