Entry posted by Mikiesboy in My Life and Times
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While i've not gotten Covid, it did a number on me and lots of others, too, i know.
This week i managed to write and post a poem, the first in what 2 years? I am so very nearly finished with Kidnapped (working title) ... i have edited the first 6 chapters and finishing writing chapter 20. I will finish it.
i was inspired to after events in the last week. my FiL has cancer he's been fighting it for over a year now, and on Saturday, my MiL called and said that he'd like to see everyone. So, we all went down to the Toronto Western, where he has been for the past 8 weeks.
There's been just so much ... small strokes, catheters, chemo, rehab, a lot of discomfort and pain and so much more.
My MiL spends each day there at the hospital. Often from 9 am to 11 pm, comforting and helping him.
Due to Covid we cannot visit his room. But he has a super wheelchair, and he came down to the very big lobby/food court. I'd seen him last at Christmas time. He was thin, but on Sunday, he was not the same man. Skeletal is the best word i can think of. He barely knew us but would brighten now and again. He's on a lot of medication.
i watched my MiL roll him in and my heart just broke. This profound sadness washed over me and i couldn't see how he'd come back from this. They cannot give him more chemo and he's in no way healthy enough for rehab. They are looking for a hospice that is pet friendly so his sweet cat can visit. He wants to go home or at least get out of the hospital so he can see her.
Why am i telling you all of this? i realized that life is so fleeting. My attempts to end my own wasn't enough to show me that. i decided that i need to make changes. i need to finish things that are important to me. i need to stop worrying about things that i cannot change; that are not my a fault. I need to work less, which is going to happen, in the next 6 months or less, i hope. .. NO! i don't hope.. it's going to happen. i will either work part time or not at all.
I'm a good writer ... i have 3 good stories that are nearly done and I'm going to finish them.
Here's a small scene from chapter 6 of Kidnapped:
As promised, Andrew lay down to have a nap. He turned onto his side, sliding his left arm under his pillow. He thought about what may happen once Mr. Black’s men came to pick him up. Stop it! You are supposed to be sleeping. I’m never gonna get to sleep. My brain is on full alert and my stomach is helping out.
“Hey, Andy.”
Andrew cracked open his eyes. The sunny afternoon had been replaced by gloom. The writer reached up to rub his face. “What’s the time?”
“It’s getting on. You need to come and eat a little.” Robert leaned over his son. “It’s about seven-thirty.”
Andrew pushed himself up. “Okay. Wow, I guess I was tired.”
“I guess. I’m heating up the food that Mrs. Tzeng left. Have a wash and come out when you’re ready.” Robert smiled and left the bedroom.
“Okay. Be right there.”
Andrew jumped into the shower, washed quickly, dried and dressed. He got together his allowed paper and pencils and then went to join his parent.
“Smells good in here.” That was too loud. I’m more nervous than I thought.
Robert looked up from the container of noodles he was dishing up. “Are you okay, Andy?”
Andrew leaned on the counter next to his dad. “I guess I’m a little nervous. A lot nervous.”
“That’s to be expected.” Robert put down the container and turned to his son. “In the army, we prepared before an exercise. Planned it, analyzed it, compared and then took action, but no matter how much you prepare, you can’t know what is going to happen. At some point, you must accept unknowns and do your best to anticipate and prepare for them.”
Robert handed Andrew a plate, and they sat at the table together. “You’ve been given the order; you’ve accepted it and planned. You’re as prepared as you can be. Now is the time to either go forward or stay put.” The older man picked up a forkful of steaming noodles. “At some point, every soldier simply trusts his training and puts himself into the hands of God.”
Andrew stared at his father, again feeling like he didn’t know this man. Who was he? “There’s so much you’ve done that I don’t know about, Dad.”
Robert smiled. “That’s the way of the world, son. We are so busy with our own lives we never really know who are parents were. Now and again, we can offer some advice our children actually hear.”
The two men ate in silence for several minutes.
“Dad?”
“Yes, Andy?”
“Once this is done … maybe we can take some time. Go somewhere, get to know each other better?”
Robert looked at his boy, now a man. He smiled. “I should like that. Very much.”
Thanks for reading. Now get out there and live. xo
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