You know that song, "Jane Says", by Jane's Addiction? It goes like this:

I sorta feel like Jane. I mean I ain't never been in love. Don't know what it is. I only know if someone wants me.

It's not as sad as it sounds. I'm really quite fine with it. I mean I believe in love. I think it's wonderful for the people it happens to. And I even say it could happen to me. I mean I guess it could. I don't really believe it though. Not really.

I mean, I'm too realistic and practical to actually fall in love. To honestly think that the person's perfect, or even perfect for me. I know what I want. I have a clear image of it in my head. It's a tall order, and people like that don't really exist. It's only reasonable to compromise a bit. Only I can't/won't. I'm too much of a dreamer, a romantic. I keep thinking someday...

I mean how do you just say to yourself, "Well, this guy isn't perfect for me. He's too __. Or he isn't ___. And he'd never ___. But he's an all around good guy, and I should settle for him."? How does one say that? That they're just giving up on X, Y, and Z in their partner and settling for A, B, and C instead?

I know no one's perfect, I know a long-term relationship won't always be blissfully happy and easy. I know it'll take work. I know we'll disappoint each other. I just want to think - to be deceived into believing - that *THIS* is perfect, that this is IT. Just for the beginning of the relationship anyway. Is that so much to ask? To actually fall in love? To do the head-over-heels, you're-the-most-wonderful-person-in-the-world, thing?

But I won't fall in love. Perhaps I'm not the type. I could fake it. Perhaps I will if I get desperate enough. Only I won't get desperate. I'm too self-contained and independent. I could never define myself in terms of someone else anyway. I think the only way I would share my independence with someone is if I were "fooled" into believing in the fairytale. It's a pity though, I think I could make a relationship work assuming I had a half-decent, half-committed partner. I could provide the other half. It would just be fooling me in the first place that would be the difficult part.

It's quite sad because I am so romantic. I'd have so much fun being in love. But I really can't ever imagine being there. I can imagine loving someone as my partner. Making a commitment and a life together. Only I really can't imagine that moment. That beginning.

I know it's overrated. I really do. I know the majority of people in a happy, long-term relationship would probably say that it's the life together, the commitment, etc. that's the important part. That it doesn't matter how hard you fall you can quite easily get burned. I know that. Maybe I'd like to get burned though. Maybe I'd like to invest everything I had into this silly, impractical, short-lived affair, just to see what all the fuss is about. I'd get over it. I always do. LOL, and I'm certainly not impractical enough to every think that because "you don't love me my life is over". Hmm, perhaps in order to go through the 1st part you'd have to be the type of person who could think the 2nd part?

The way I see my future is either contentedly single forever, or else pragmatically settling for someone. I could deal with either...only I'd rather fall in love.

Have you ever been in love? Yes, YOU, the person reading this blog. I'm not asking if you're in love now, or if you think you could fall in love. All I asking is if you've ever really been in love. Have you?

I don't know, maybe I'm just strange. Or maybe I'm being negative. Or maybe it just doesn't matter that much. But all I know is:

I ain't never been in love.

I don't know what it is.