Bottoming Out (and no this is not a sexual reference)
These days I am feeling profoundly depressed. I just don't know how I can take it much longer. Everything in my life seems to be a complete wreck. I feel as though I am next to nothing, as though every thing I touch just turns to sh*t. I think I really need to get to a doctor soon, or I don't know what will happen. This time seems even worse than the time when I was in my teens, but not quite as bad as the episode during my early 20's. Still, it does not seem to subside at all. Right now I don't even care if I live or die. I know that's a terrible thing to say, but that is where I am. Some might have also noticed that this kind of mood actually does inspire me to write poetry, though it tends to become a lot darker. I even go into a mode where past emotions come back to haunt me, and then I add it to my poetry. This is a good coping mechanism at times; at other times it makes me feel even worse. I just don't think it's enough of a coping mechanism. Something has to change, or I may not be able to take it anymore.
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