What does being gay mean to you?

[Michelle jin]

Being young, I usually discuss this all the time with other teens/kids. They are some people that are just so ignorant as to what anything actually means but then again people are intitled to their own opinions. Some people are also unwilling to see the other side of thing, other peoples' perspective on things, thus far causing a more contriversial world.

 

I have heard being gay means they just like to have sex with the same sex, which is not true, in which way they think. They believe the relationship is based soley on the sexual part and not on the connection, their for the relationship will not last.

 

Too me, it's much more. I am bi and being bisexual means to me that I have open and capable of having feelings and sharing a connection between both sexes. Whichever I happen to end up with in the long run is completely up to faith, as long as you meet someone that is right for you.

 

Thoughts?

[Adrian Michaels]

I agree.

 

Being gay means for me eventually settling down and sharing my life with someone of the same sex. It also means I have to stand up for what I believe in, because some people don't agree with my life choices. In the end, however, things will work out, and I know I will be happy.

 

And I will change the world for the better, hopefully.

 

[Menzoberranzen]

Being gay means no more, and no less, than being straight means to a straight person. I won't deny that it changes my perspective somewhat, but it's not like it sets me apart from the rest of the world.

 

Menzo

[Graeme]

After I came out to my wife, she asked me this question but didn't seem to accept the simple answer.

 

I eventually realised she was asking about the PSYCHOLOGY of being gay. I then explained about the fear that I had experienced growing up -- not a debilitating fear, but that worry about being rejected that stopped me from being too outgoing, from allowing people too close to me, that meant I always had to be careful not to lose control, even when drinking. Even being out, I have to worry about the stupid comments I hear on the news, the unfair views on the subject of gay rights. These are more annoying than anything, but many people wouldn't appreciate how annoying they can be. It gets worse when equal rights for gays becomes a political issue -- some of the statements I read about then are just ridiculous!

 

The ideal would be that the psychology of being gay is essentially the same as the psychology of being straight. I believe it is heading that way, but for my generation is definitely isn't there. The internet helps a lot, but it wasn't around when I was growing up. I had to grow up alone... and this is in a family with six kids.

[Masked Monkey]

I have heard being gay means they just like to have sex with the same sex, which is not true, in which way they think. They believe the relationship is based soley on the sexual part and not on the connection, their for the relationship will not last.

 

Any identification of sexuality is a red herring when it ventures outside the "heterosexual" label. Without pulling out Foucault to get technical, you have to separate love, sex practices, sexuality, and living situation. "gay" is a label for sexuality, not the sex you engage in, or who you love, or how you live your life. Sexuality is about preference and desire, not about behavior. If they all fall in one category, how could I have spent 10 years with a wife who I have an increadable love/hate relationship with, enjoy the sex, never been with her in my mind, had somewhat limited sexualtivity with men, and clearly identify myself as gay.

 

meh, just my 1.37$US + tax

 

:king: Dr. Mr. Snow "Snoopy" Dog

[AFriendlyFace]

It's up to the individual.

 

Labels are for people not the other way around. We define ourselves and the labels we choose to use.

 

Of course your question cleverly asked "what does being gay mean to you?" which implies that you're already well aware that it varies from person to person.

 

So, to me, being gay is roughly:

-1/3 sexual attraction/desire/activity

-1/3 lifestyle/friendships/community

-1/4 emotional connection,

-and the rest (about 9%) just sort of an intangible "something" that doesn't fall neatly into any categories.

 

-Kevin

[DuffManBurns]

I'm with that Menzo person. All being gay means's that my exes've had little boy things instead of little girl things. It's sort of incidental, no?

 

My friends've called me a "closet hetero" cause apparently, I'm not as gay as I could be. I'mma be honest: dunno what they mean, exactly, but that's neither really here nor there. I mean, I'm just as gay as the next homo but it doesn't really mean anything. I love being gay and I wouldn't change it if I could, but you won't see me marching in downtown SF or anywhere demanding Mr. and Mrs. John Q. America recognize that I'm a person too. Life's too short for that sorta thing. Much more to a person than whether the "don't ask, don't tell" policy affects 'em.

[AFriendlyFace]

I'm with that Menzo person.

Well you're in good company then

 

I love being gay and I wouldn't change it if I could, but you won't see me marching in downtown SF or anywhere demanding Mr. and Mrs. John Q. America recognize that I'm a person too. Life's too short for that sorta thing. Much more to a person than whether the "don't ask, don't tell" policy affects 'em.

Hmm, personally I have a touch of the activist in me. Life is too short to makes things miserable for yourself and waste your time trying to convince people who aren't going to change their minds. However, I do believe that with a little bit of perseverance and hope we can change some people's minds and generally make things better for the community as a whole.

 

Just my thoughts though,

-Kevin

[writeincode]

Without pulling out Foucault to get technical, you have to separate love, sex practices, sexuality, and living situation.

And then, without pulling out Derrida to get technical, heterosexuality doesn't even exist without homosexuality so 'being gay' can therefore not means anything to anyone, other than not being straight just as being straight can't mean anything to anyone other than not being gay

 

Obviously postmodernism is flawed.

Edited November 9, 2007 by writeincode

[Tracy]

They are some people that are just so ignorant as to what anything actually means but then again people are intitled to their own opinions.

 

Personally, I don't care what other people think or say. I don't live to please them, nor am I required to. What matters to me is that I've made the most of what I had, learned from my mistakes, and had fun doing it.

 

We define ourselves and the labels we choose to use.

 

Agreed. In my opinion, the things we do is a reflection of who we are as individuals. I believe that our actions speak more clearly than our sexuality in terms of defining character. All being gay means to me is that I'll eventually hook up with a dude instead of a dudette. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

tracy

[Menzoberranzen]

Well you're in good company then

 

The very finest

 

~'That menzo person'

 

PS Let's all now try to validate our intellects by needlessly dropping the names of philosophers we learned about in our undergrad degrees.

[JamesSavik]

Everyones experience is unique and colored by their surroundings, culture, where they live and so on.

 

As a gay male of a certian age from the rural south, I'd have to say that being gay to me means discrimination, punishment, 2nd or 3rd class citizenship, fearing the police as much as criminals, listening to the same f_ing idiots babbel about the healing power of jebus and how he loves everybody but dem faggits.

 

It means that it's hard to get a job regardless of your qualifications. It means having beer bottles thrown at you when you cut the grass.

 

It means having cops give you sh*t just because they can. It means dreaming of a better place but knowing where to look or how to get there.

 

It means seeing the swishy "house faggots" happily cut hair and decorate interiors knowing that as a masculine homosexual, you'll never really be accepted in a typically masculine field.

 

It means painful feelings of inferiority and despair, occassional bouts of depression and desperation and a deep sullen anger that roils just under the surface and won't go away.

 

It means therepy if you can afford it or booze if you can't.

 

It means hangup calls at 3am from drunken idiots that you didn't want to f*ck anyway.

 

It means forgetting a lot, pretending and tolerating more than you should have to.

 

It means after watching you dreams sail away over and over, you look at str8 people and hate them as much as they hate you.

[Michelle jin]

Everyones experience is unique and colored by their surroundings, culture, where they live and so on.

 

As a gay male of a certian age from the rural south, I'd have to say that being gay to me means discrimination, punishment, 2nd or 3rd class citizenship, fearing the police as much as criminals, listening to the same f_ing idiots babbel about the healing power of jebus and how he loves everybody but dem faggits.

 

It means that it's hard to get a job regardless of your qualifications. It means having beer bottles thrown at you when you cut the grass.

 

It means having cops give you sh*t just because they can. It means dreaming of a better place but knowing where to look or how to get there.

 

It means seeing the swishy "house faggots" happily cut hair and decorate interiors knowing that as a masculine homosexual, you'll never really be accepted in a typically masculine field.

 

It means painful feelings of inferiority and despair, occassional bouts of depression and desperation and a deep sullen anger that roils just under the surface and won't go away.

 

It means therepy if you can afford it or booze if you can't.

 

It means hangup calls at 3am from drunken idiots that you didn't want to f*ck anyway.

 

It means forgetting a lot, pretending and tolerating more than you should have to.

 

It means after watching you dreams sail away over and over, you look at str8 people and hate them as much as they hate you.

 

I completely agree with your point of view on this.

[Graeme]

PS Let's all now try to validate our intellects by needlessly dropping the names of philosophers we learned about in our undergrad degrees.

But I don't think I learnt about any.... Was Turing a philospher?

[myself_i_must_remake]

i'm realizing it defines a lot of who i am.

 

i don't know if i like that or not.

sometimes i actually think i'd be a worse person if i were straight.

 

mmm, at least in some ways.

i know i wouldn't try as hard if i were straight.

 

and i think i'd like different things.

the whole writing thing... yeah. i'm not going to pretend that i'd do it to the extent i do if i were straight.

there's a definite coorelation between homosexuality and the arts. everyone knows this.

just look at the bloomsbury group. (no one will.)

 

at any rate, i wouldn't write what i write, i wouldn't be as "out there," i wouldn't do flips and shit, i wouldn't be as neurotic about things.

 

i think i'd be less socially awkward though. more confident. the testosterone would probably make me better looking.

oh well.

[Hylas]

umm.. being gay. if this was an ideal world i'd say: it's nothing i'd be proud of, and nothing i'd be ashamed of either. it's just me.

 

but this isn't... being gay for me means being different. of hiding. of lying through the most important years of my life just to avoid becoming a pariah. of being lonely and having no one to talk to for fear of being shunned. of being afraid. damn...

 

anyway, i agree with lesfeuxdemoncoeur, I sometimes think if I were straight... i'd probably be a worse person than i am now. i'd most probably be one of the homophobes. LOL. So in a way i'm glad i had to go through a loneliness in my teens. it matured me somewhat.

 

and yeah, there is a definite correlation with arts and homosexuality. LOL. I am both a visual artist and now a writer... :S LOL. even when I was younger, I was a bit mor introspective and appreciative of beauty than my other friends. I think it comes with feeling different - you learn to appreciate and observe and attempt to preserve what most people take for granted - hence Art.

 

and yeah... if i'd been straight, i'd probably be mor confident and better looking too. LOL. *sigh*

[Menzoberranzen]

But I don't think I learnt about any.... Was Turing a philospher?

 

He contributed to logic and philosophy of mind, I think. The Turing test is fairly significant to deciding when a computer can actually think.

 

Menzo (who thinks, and therefore is)

[Graeme]

and yeah, there is a definite correlation with arts and homosexuality. LOL. I am both a visual artist and now a writer... :S LOL. even when I was younger, I was a bit mor introspective and appreciative of beauty than my other friends. I think it comes with feeling different - you learn to appreciate and observe and attempt to preserve what most people take for granted - hence Art.

Strangely, considering I'm now a writer, I have to disagree with you. Art and English were my worst and most hated subjects when I went through school. I was a maths and science person. Things like emotions and subtlety were beyond me. It was only when I was 40 that I started writing, and I think I can put a lot more down to being a fanatical reader for most of those 40 years (someone gave me a book for my sixth or seventh birthday. My mum had to tell me to go out and play with the other kids at my birthday party because I had immediately sat down and started reading) than to being gay. I've read so many novels that I had a solid basis with which to start writing.

 

I think it is possible, even likely, that there is a higher percentage of homosexuals in the Arts than in the general community, but I'm not game to assign cause-and-effect. It could be that homosexuals tends to be more creative, but it could be that the Arts community is more accepting and hence homosexuals graduate to that area because they feel more comfortable there.

[writeincode]

PS Let's all now try to validate our intellects by needlessly dropping the names of philosophers we learned about in our undergrad degrees.

Lol I was kidding before at least.

Besides, no degrees here- I just finished school.

[Menzoberranzen]

Lol I was kidding before at least.

Besides, no degrees here- I just finished school.

 

Haha, I actually noticed your age right after I posted that. It came off snippy, and it was meant to, but I was just trying to humorously make a point.

 

Menzo

[AFriendlyFace]

PS Let's all now try to validate our intellects by needlessly dropping the names of philosophers we learned about in our undergrad degrees.

I just Kant get behind this suggestion.

 

As a gay male of a certian age from the rural south, I'd have to say that being gay to me means discrimination,

.....

 

.....

It means after watching you dreams sail away over and over, you look at str8 people and hate them as much as they hate you.

I completely agree with your point of view on this.

but this isn't... being gay for me means being different. of hiding. of lying through the most important years of my life just to avoid becoming a pariah. of being lonely and having no one to talk to for fear of being shunned. of being afraid. damn...

 

Wow, sorry you guys.

 

i think i'd be less socially awkward though. more confident. the testosterone would probably make me better looking.

oh well.

The last study I read on this indicated that homosexual males tended to have more testosterone than straight males. I believe this was actually determined to be essentially a study "fluke" and it was ultimately concluded that in all likelihood there is no significant difference in the amount of testosterone in a gay males versus a straight male. I may be wrong though, just going from memory.

 

and yeah... if i'd been straight, i'd probably be mor confident and better looking too. LOL. *sigh*

Personally I disagree with the supposition that being straight would make you better looking. In my experience gay males tend to be better looking than straight males, and the only logical conclusion that I've drawn from this is because they tend to be more aware of their appearances and act accordingly. Obviously this just a generalization.

 

Just my thoughts, but come on guys, let's get some GAY POWER going!

-Kevin

[NaperVic]

I love being gay and I wouldn't change it if I could, but you won't see me marching in downtown SF or anywhere demanding Mr. and Mrs. John Q. America recognize that I'm a person too. Life's too short for that sorta thing. Much more to a person than whether the "don't ask, don't tell" policy affects 'em.

 

 

Hmm, personally I have a touch of the activist in me. Life is too short to makes things miserable for yourself and waste your time trying to convince people who aren't going to change their minds. However, I do believe that with a little bit of perseverance and hope we can change some people's minds and generally make things better for the community as a whole.

 

 

-Kevin

 

I'm with that Kevin person ...

 

While I can't wait for the world to be a place where it didn't matter whether someone was straight or gay (or however they want to label themselves), we certainly aren't there yet.

 

I feel it is our responsibility to march, demand, or do whatever we can to make it an easier place for the younger set. My life as a gay man is soooo much easier than it was for someone 20 years ago.

 

Pay it forward dudes

 

Take Care®,

 

Vic

[Menzoberranzen]

I just Kant get behind this suggestion.

 

No? Well since I'm always right, you out to be Locke-d up. Or perhaps I'll just PUNish you and watch you Hobbes-le around in agony.

 

Menzo (who wished German names were easier to make puns put of. Wittgenstein just doesn't lend itself to good wit )

[writeincode]

No? Well since I'm always right, you out to be Locke-d up. Or perhaps I'll just PUNish you and watch you Hobbes-le around in agony.

 

Menzo (who wished German names were easier to make puns put of. Wittgenstein just doesn't lend itself to good wit )

You really ought to Rol-and Barthe yourself in anti-sarcasm rather than wearing a Lyotard of cynicism.

[myself_i_must_remake]

i'm going to have to disagree with you friendlyface.

 

i can often tell a gay boy by his facial structure alone. there's something different. i can't put a finger on it, but there's something different. but it may not be the testosterone. i shouldn't've used that word, but i do believe there's a lack or abundance of some hormone that makes us look slightly different.

 

and i think straight boys look better. gay guys try harder, but it doesn't make up for just sheer good looks which no amount of hair gel or nice clothes can get you.