Friendships with GAY people

[Jamie de Valen]

Completely lost my first post... frustrating... so once more from the top:

 

If I distinguish between true friends and acquaintences, then I have more gay friends.

 

When I was teaching at uni. I was an advisor and mentor to the LGBT student organization, this put me in contact with gay faculty, staff, grad students, and undergraduates... some of them eventually became friends... some close ones.

 

When I returned home I picked up with my old friends who were mostly gay. I am fortunate to live in a city where, like San Francisco in the USA, being gay isn't really a big deal or problem. If you don't then I understand the difficulty. Its one reason I choose to live where I live.

 

I tend to be social, but my social scene is more home based. I enjoy cooking and entertaining, so it's not uncommon for me to invite friends over, singles, couples. They in turn sometimes ask to bring friends and those people sometimes turn into my friends. For example I host an English-only night about once a month for my younger gay uni. friends. I feed them and everyone is only allowed to speak English. It's worked out well and I've done it for years now. I've made lots of contacts that way.

 

I have to admit that I've never made friends with someone at a gay bar, or club. I go to such places with people who are already friends, but we also go to straight places (probably more then gay ones). We don't hide the fact that we are gay and if you knew some of my gay friends there is no doubt that they are gay... even if your gaydar is 0 on a scale of 1 to 10, or if you are straight... they're pretty obvious.

 

I have seen some people (and I have one or two friends like this) who claim they want to make friends when in fact they really want a boyfriend, partner or sexual encounter. I have no problem with that, but I notice their forrys into friendship are more like auditions. If the person they befriend ultimately doesn't make the cut they are dropped.

 

I think ifyou are nice, polite, open and accepting of people it's an advantage. Once again I know people who have what they consider are high standards and those standards revolve around beauty, fashion, coolness etc. but there are lots of really nice sweet and kind people out there who are great friend materal if you give them a chance... even if they aren't drop dead handsome or wear the latest fashion.

 

One suggestion I offer for more rural areas (and I have seen it work) is to use your internet skills and meet some people on line in your area...first on line... then AS A GROUP in real... not a date, just as a collective group of people. Meet at someplace accessable and neutral to everyone. Maybe away from prying eyes if you are closeted. That way it's a group and you're safer and also not obliged to go the dating route. Its amazing at who you meet sometimes.

[zland666]

You have a lot of gay friends on here hun

 

 

True =]

[TetRefine]

I barely know any in real life, let alone have lots of gay friends. I only have one, but he's the most important one.

[Gregoire]

I was surprised to find that I was in the majority. But then again seeing as how I am, like, the most agreeable guy in the world, what did I expect? It's so hard being the pulse of the world...

 

But, um, I answered in the polls that I have:

 

A few gay friends

Most of the gay people I'm friends with are "casual" friends

I'm very comfortable with things as they stand

 

Honestly, it's not really what I expected. The people that I interact with in chat and just the occasional person that I bump into on the site, had given me another impression.

 

I think that we need to examine why it is that many of us do not have a lot of close gay friends and why we are comfortable with that. I mean, I know that the real world isn't the inclusive and accepting environment that GA is. And this community tends to be comprised of hella cool, intelligent gay/bi/confused/alleged straight people (I'm a part of that community ).

 

I think what I mean to ask is whether it is fear that keeps us complacent where we are, or something deeper.

[JamesSavik]

I find it difficult to be just friends with gay people.

 

My sexual magnetism always seems to get in the way.