At what age did you figure out your sexuality?

[AFriendlyFace]

Hi everyone,

 

Pretty straightforward question really, at what age did you figure out your sexuality? I most people are generally slightly aware of it all along - perhaps aware that something is different about them - but when did you actually know?

 

For me, well it wasn't really on the radar at all until I was at least 11 or 12, then it was just sorta a vague thing I suppose until about 8th grade. By then, and pretty much through high school, I was under the impression that I was bisexual. I really didn't work it out for sure until after high school (which I suppose woulda made me around 18-20).

 

I never really struggled with it at all. I never preferred being one thing over another, and indeed I thought it was pretty cool all along to know that I wasn't just another straight guy, but it was definitely complicated by the fact that I'm still pretty sure I'm NOT 100% gay. I do not consider myself bisexual any longer because I don't think that's the best or most descriptive label for me, and I'm certainly more gay than bi (although again I don't think "bisexual leaning male is quite appropriate either). So I'm perfectly content to live my life as a gay person with a little asterisk and a footnote that says "not completely" or "open to anything".

 

So how old were you? Do you wish you'd figured it out sooner?

 

Take care all and have a fantastic day!

-Kevin

 

P.S. I apologize to the straight people for this rather biased question. Any insight or comments you have would be great

Edited March 6, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[BeaStKid]

12....

 

I think it wouldn't have mattered if I had figured it out sooner, so the timing was ideal...

[Tristan Thinks]

26ish - 30, and I wish I'd had it pegged sooner! Looking back I should have realised when I was 14. I'm still enjoying my 2nd (or is it 3rd) adolescence though so it's not all bad

[Dalmatia]

Wow first to realize under 10, well so far anyway

[old bob]

I was 14 when I had my first "real" experience with another boy. Before, (between 12 and 13) I had mixed feelings, being afraid of both girls and boys. As an only son, living in very prudish family, I had to discover myself the "birds and the bees".Later, between 15 and 16, I learned to enjoy the pleasures of both sides., as we said then : "navigate with steam- and sail-boats" .

[Ieshwar]

Well, I was around 13-14, when I was more sure about being gay. As Kevin said, we all must have suspected before but it was around this age that I was more sure.

 

I don't think there's a proper timing as such. At least, not for me. But mine was ok. So I went with ideal.

 

Ieshwar

[darkfoxprime]

I put in the 18-24 range (21) as being the time I officially came out. I had always fantasized about boys - as far back as like 2nd or 3rd grade, in non-sexual ways - but all through highschool and the beginning of college, I still kept thinking it was wrong to be thinking about boys like that. Of course, I never tried to do *anything* with girls; I only even ever had two friends who were girls, and one of them laughed in my face when I said I thought she was a good girlfriend.

 

In some ways, I wish I had figured it out for sure before I did - but in other ways it was just right, because me figuring it out was part and parcel in getting together with my One True Love. I came out, became suicidal because of it, spent a week trying to figure out how to kill myself without it hurting (yeah, I'm lame...), then got introduced to my love by a mutual friend, fell in love over the phone in a single evening, and we've been together for coming on 17 years.

 

- dfp

[myself_i_must_remake]

i was twelve. there was a definite 'oh shit' moment when it happened and from then on i "knew" i guess the way you "know" when you find out someone important to you has died. meaning there was a denial period of six years. but still, i started thinking about it actively when i was twelve.

 

there were little signs of it before then that i guess in retrospect seem quite telling. i was always extremely curious about what other boys looked like, and i remember i had a big sleepover in the fifth grade and i wanted to sleep next to this friend and i kept moving closer to him but passed it off just as like a friend deal. and maybe it was. i mean i can't say if straight boys act like that or not.

[Benji]

i was twelve. there was a definite 'oh shit' moment when it happened and from then on i "knew" i guess the way you "know" when you find out someone important to you has died. meaning there was a denial period of six years. but still, i started thinking about it actively when i was twelve.

 

there were little signs of it before then that i guess in retrospect seem quite telling. i was always extremely curious about what other boys looked like, and i remember i had a big sleepover in the fifth grade and i wanted to sleep next to this friend and i kept moving closer to him but passed it off just as like a friend deal. and maybe it was. i mean i can't say if straight boys act like that or not.

 

 

...........2nd - 3rd grade I knew I was attracted to boys, I did not realize that this "different" and thought I was normal until the 7th grade when reality hit me.

[Katica Locke]

I've been attracted to boys for as long as I can remember. There have been a few girls that I had 'more than friends' feelings for, but considering that I've only had one boyfriend who lasted about a year, on and off, and I wasn't interested in going farther than second base with him, I'm beginning to think that I'm more attracted to the concept of romance and sex than the actual experiences. It's all I write about, but it's not on my to-do list, if that makes any sense. I guess I'm still trying to figure things out, but my sexuality, or lack thereof, doesn't bother me.

[S.L. Lewis]

Personally, I was 16 and up until then, until then I figured I was bi. I was asked out by a girl, my first girlfriend, and being a teenager, I decided to experiment. I discovered I like females and started to notice the way I looked at other females. I have since gone from bi leaning towards men to bi leaning towards females.

[Tiger]

I figured it out around age 20. Before that, I was completely in denial. I wish I had figured it out a little earlier. Then again, denial was good during the highschool years at a small school.

[S.L. Lewis]

I figured it out around age 20. Before that, I was completely in denial. I wish I had figured it out a little earlier. Then again, denial was good during the highschool years at a small school.

 

 

Our poor tiger. This kind of thing is both good and bad like you said. At least you know who you are.

[AFriendlyFace]

I've been attracted to boys for as long as I can remember. There have been a few girls that I had 'more than friends' feelings for, but considering that I've only had one boyfriend who lasted about a year, on and off, and I wasn't interested in going farther than second base with him, I'm beginning to think that I'm more attracted to the concept of romance and sex than the actual experiences. It's all I write about, but it's not on my to-do list, if that makes any sense. I guess I'm still trying to figure things out, but my sexuality, or lack thereof, doesn't bother me.

Well there's certainly no pressure

 

If you want to live a non-sexual life on your own I can certainly respect that and further under the right circumstances I can see how that would be very enjoyable.

[corvus]

I knew I was into guys way before I knew there was a word for it. In fact, I would say I am a lot more "bi" now than I was years ago. One reads about guys who think they're straight and then realize they're gay; I can't fathom that having happened to me. I kind of wish I had realized a bit later, because in a way I feel that I don't understand straight people, and my sexuality had always seemed solipsistic and narcissistic to a certain degree.

[JamesSavik]

The sad part is that I was actually doing it before I knew what it was. I had no sex education and had only heard the word homosexual on the radio.

[rknapp]

I've liked boys since I was 8 years old and had a small crush on a boy in my class... didn't know what it was until middle school when we had to change for gym class. Come high school, when the other boys started to develop into men, I knew I wasn't straight at all. I was perfectly fine with being bi-sexual up until recently. I've had a girlfriend only twice in my life. Thus far I've avoided deep relationships that would have otherwise prevented me from experimenting with my perceived sexuality (have yet to actually do so). As of recently I have found that my previous conclusion of bi-sexuality might not be entirely accurate and I am now finding that I am afraid of myself. I used to have the exit strategy that so many people hate bi-sexuals for, but now that strategy is slowly deteriorating into nothingness. I used to be able to escape the drama of being gay, but now I'm not so sure.

 

In light of that, I chose that I am still figuring it out, with no horizon on when the answer to the equation will be found.

[AFriendlyFace]

I've liked boys since I was 8 years old and had a small crush on a boy in my class... didn't know what it was until middle school when we had to change for gym class. Come high school, when the other boys started to develop into men, I knew I wasn't straight at all. I was perfectly fine with being bi-sexual up until recently. I've had a girlfriend only twice in my life. Thus far I've avoided deep relationships that would have otherwise prevented me from experimenting with my perceived sexuality (have yet to actually do so). As of recently I have found that my previous conclusion of bi-sexuality might not be entirely accurate and I am now finding that I am afraid of myself. I used to have the exit strategy that so many people hate bi-sexuals for, but now that strategy is slowly deteriorating into nothingness. I used to be able to escape the drama of being gay, but now I'm not so sure.

 

In light of that, I chose that I am still figuring it out, with no horizon on when the answer to the equation will be found.

It'll get better, dude

[Tristan Thinks]

I used to be able to escape the drama of being gay, but now I'm not so sure.

It doesn't have to be a drama - being gay, that is. It's the best thing I ever did, embracing it. I've had so much more fun and adventure as a direct result of knowing and being 'gay' (prefering the same sex). I know my life has been an order of magnitude richer just because of the types of people I've met and become friends with as a result. The way it opened my mind to alternatives has also made other aspects of my life much more rewarding in so many ways.

 

I think you need to divorce the words drama and being gay. Drama occurs whenever you go through significant changes in life, not just sexual awareness. Moving home, changing jobs, family rifts, relationships ending, etc..

 

It might be more accurate to think the drama is related to the change involved in accepting you're more into guys than women.

 

Once you accept your sexuality preferences and just get on with enjoying them, the drama won't be about your sexuality, it'll be about the other things that change in your life.

[AFriendlyFace]

That's very true, being gay is one of the best things that ever happened to me as well.

 

I had a happy and fulfilling enough life before, but I must say my life after coming out is much more rewarding in nearly every way.

[scoopny]

I first realized I was gay in junior high school, in gym class, I found I really liked looking at the guys running around in their shorts. At first I thought that everyone was like that, but then I slowly realized I was different. In my mind, I really did want to be straight, but I really didn't put much effort into actually being straight, I went on a few dates with girls, I kissed one girl and well, nothing. Then I kissed a boy and it was like fireworks and all that jazz and I realized, oh yeah, I'm totally completely gay. I haven't looked back since. Not that it's been easy, but I'm much happier now than when I was 17 and miserable and half in the closet.

[Tiger]

I first realized I was gay in junior high school, in gym class, I found I really liked looking at the guys running around in their shorts. At first I thought that everyone was like that, but then I slowly realized I was different. In my mind, I really did want to be straight, but I really didn't put much effort into actually being straight, I went on a few dates with girls, I kissed one girl and well, nothing. Then I kissed a boy and it was like fireworks and all that jazz and I realized, oh yeah, I'm totally completely gay. I haven't looked back since. Not that it's been easy, but I'm much happier now than when I was 17 and miserable and half in the closet.

 

Ironically, I played it cool in gym class. I noticed guys in the locker room, but I dismissed it.

[FrenchCanadian]

personally, I was in high school, first year, so about 12-13 when I started thinking about having sex, with more guys than girls. It when that way for all of the 5 years of high school (wanting to be with guys but still finding girls that I'd want to be with). So from then I kinda realized that I was more bi.

[Caipirinha]

I guess I'm one of those people who has always known. Actually for the better part of my child hood I was convinced that I was actually supposed to have been born a girl and that God had made a mistake somewhere along the line when I popped out as a boy. I remember the little things. Like when we would go shopping for Christmas presents with my uncle, my brother and him would go look at some ridiculous macho kill everything video games and I would sneak into the Barbie aisle. And even then it takes a special kind of 4 year old boy to stand in the Barbie aisle, holding two boxes, having a crisis because he wanted a doll wearing that dress with those shoes.

 

I never had a problem being different, because to me it wasn't different. To me it was just being who I was. So when I really learned the meaning of the word gay and the connotation that it has I was a lot less "OH MY GOD! That's what I am!" and a lot more "Well I'll be damned, they have a word for it!"

[S.L. Lewis]

I've liked boys since I was 8 years old and had a small crush on a boy in my class... didn't know what it was until middle school when we had to change for gym class. Come high school, when the other boys started to develop into men, I knew I wasn't straight at all. I was perfectly fine with being bi-sexual up until recently. I've had a girlfriend only twice in my life. Thus far I've avoided deep relationships that would have otherwise prevented me from experimenting with my perceived sexuality (have yet to actually do so). As of recently I have found that my previous conclusion of bi-sexuality might not be entirely accurate and I am now finding that I am afraid of myself. I used to have the exit strategy that so many people hate bi-sexuals for, but now that strategy is slowly deteriorating into nothingness. I used to be able to escape the drama of being gay, but now I'm not so sure.

 

In light of that, I chose that I am still figuring it out, with no horizon on when the answer to the equation will be found.

 

I hope everything works out. I know how that works, I really do. I went through that. Just don't do what I did, which was lock myself in my room for three weeks, only coming out to use the bathroom and to grab food and drink. I lost 10 pounds and was bored out of my mind, but I knew who I was. It still screwed me over a bit.

Anyways, I really do hope that things work out for you.