Cries Of A Falling Star

[x Trevor x]

Yep the discussion thread for this story have at it! Chapter 1

[GaryK]

The basic story is interesting. I'll need to see additional chapters before forming a solid opinion.

 

As I stated in my review I find your use of an asynchronous timeline confusing. Which is odd because in other stories I liked it. Maybe it's because you jump back and forth too much.

 

I do admire you for posting your first story so soon after joining.

[x Trevor x]

Yeah after looking it over I think I did to but it decreases dramatically in chapter two. I think I only did it about two or three times in that chapter. I've posted it if you wanna check it out! : )

[GaryK]

Yeah after looking it over I think I did to but it decreases dramatically in chapter two. I think I only did it about two or three times in that chapter. I've posted it if you wanna check it out! : )

I'm going to bed, but I did scan Chapter Two and you're right it's much more linear. That's great. I will read it in the morning.

 

For a shy guy you're certainly not reticent about sharing your stories with us. Two chapters in the two days you've been a member is something to be proud of.

[old bob]

Hi Falling Star,

I just read the 2 chapters and I really dont know what to say. It seems to me you are going too quickly. I'm reading a review of your story and not the story itself. You are writing like a journalist who has to limit his number of words .

Perhaps I'm wrong, English is not my mothertongue. but I red the 2 chapters twice and my feelings are the same.

BTW, the same sadness in your story than in your other posts .

All stars are not falling, some of them stay in the sky

Old Bob

[x Trevor x]

I'm going to bed, but I did scan Chapter Two and you're right it's much more linear. That's great. I will read it in the morning.

 

For a shy guy you're certainly not reticent about sharing your stories with us. Two chapters in the two days you've been a member is something to be proud of.

 

Thanks your feedback is greatly appreciated!

 

 

Hi Falling Star,

I just read the 2 chapters and I really dont know what to say. It seems to me you are going too quickly. I'm reading a review of your story and not the story itself. You are writing like a journalist who has to limit his number of words .

Perhaps I'm wrong, English is not my mothertongue. but I red the 2 chapters twice and my feelings are the same.

BTW, the same sadness in your story than in your other posts .

All stars are not falling, some of them stay in the sky

Old Bob

 

Well I appreciate the constructive critisizm you put it in a very nice way. The story is jumping time quite a bit as in the past perspective of it I did jump from summer to winter. What I'm trying to do is make the story like someone is telling the story. You ever see those movies where the persons like sitting in the chair talking and then it'll cut to certain key point events in the past? That's what I'm trying to do with this story is target the key moments in his life. The moments that impacted the most but if you have any advice I'd love to hear it! I want to please whatever fans I can get so if anyone has any strategies or better ideas on ways to go about it I'm willing to listen and learn. As for the falling stars well it wasnt suppose to be really literal lmao it's kinda a way to describe a celebrity who loses everything in a dramatic turmoil but your right some stars stay in the sky! Oh and I just wanted to add sometime either before this story is over or after it's over I plan on writing a short story with a dark comedy theme to it. I'm a wacky person who comes up with alot of wacky ideas maybe it'll get a few laughs when ever I post it lmao

[GaryK]

Bob knows you weren't being literal about the stars. That smiley with the tongue stuck out is used to indicate various emotions, most often, just kidding.