I'm 22 vs he's 37

[KJames]

Sorry, but I personally won't go for it. I'm not interested becoming a widower at 60. I want someone who will stick with me until we're 80.

 

And don't pull that "age is just a number" issue. It does matter to me if me and him are a generation apart.

 

So that's my piece.

 

But good luck. It doesn't mean I would be against what you are doing.

Jack, Jack, Jack...age IS just a number...I still enjoy watching cartoons on the Cartoon Network... Despite the difference in their age, they may both live very long, or one or the other could have their number picked the day after they move in together. What matters in a relationship is the strength, not the length! They could have a strong enough relationship that one's death may not prompt the other to begin searching for another mate ever, although not probable; being alone is hell, but if things don't work out then this relationship will be a guide for him to learn from in establishing another.

 

I already accept the fact some people aren't like us. It is none of my business exactly to be against what WL is doing (as I previously stated). But what keeps me from saying my piece? Heh... Perhaps my mindset will change as I get older, but I can't see that happening any time soon for me. I'm still young and still have my chances getting people at my age. The only thing good having an older guy is he has financial stablity and I wouldn't have to worry about money much, but then... I'm still stuck in neutral in life and I would end up using him the most to support my needs (my taste for travelling will just bankrupt him. ). So I need more than just that.

 

So it's reasonable to fear and have loads of questions/doubts in your mind. So here's a real piece of advice from me... Talk to him about him and see what he could do for you. I'm sure he worries about the same thing about what you're thinking of this whole dating thing. Don't go fast and throw in all of the details. Go slowly so he can absorb and explain what he could give for you in case the relationship becomes longer and more serious. I guess that'd be a standard for all dating cases, but with a touch to fit into the situation.

 

PS - I love Israelis because I adore giving them the wtf moment with my Hebrew handwriting.

Don't make book, Jack, you're getting older all the time...in fact, you're older now than you've ever been before, and younger than you ever will be again. And you write in Hebrew, you're a sneaky devil, aren't you?!?

 

Or you could go for someone the same age or younger who gets cancer at 30, or is involved in a fatal accident at 29, or has a brain haemorrhage at 35... You get the picture. There is absolute no guarantee that if you're with someone who is older than you that you will outlive them, or that if you're with someone who is younger, that you won't

Exactly my take on this Nephy'...

 

Rob & I had the good fortune to meet a mutual friend through a group of us that used to go to Disneyland in Anaheim about every 2-3 weeks....one of the guys, Bruce, was a former stockbroker. He had to quit his job when he was diagnosed with stomach cancer. He went from a six-figure salary to earning disability in the space of about 2 months, and 18 months later died at 39, about 3 weeks shy of his 40th birthday. He and his partner had what I hope Rob & I have someday, a nice house (our condo is too small), nice cars (not extravagant, but satisfying), family (the friend's nephew was staying with them while attending college out here)...but their families were completely across the country, and in Germany. They were together for, I think, 6 years--not even as long as Rob & I, but their lives were thoroughly interwoven. Their relationship was extremely strong through all of this, and Bruce's partner is now socializing again, but he's in no emotional state to date yet, and he may never be--that's how close they were, and it's been 4 years at the beginning of this month...

Edited August 31, 2009 by kjames

[Tarin]

I find the amount of support for this relationship astonishing. If he was 18, or even 20 I'm sure we'd be hearing a whole different tune. Finishing his master's or not.

 

However, I say go for it. You have my unconditional support. Many happy years to you both. Love is not something that happens between two identical people for a reason. Take your differences and love them, don't squabble over them.

 

Please though, take my advice with a grain of salt, as I have never had a successful relationship.

 

 

[methodwriter85]

Here's a Savage Love column that deals with this particular subject.

 

 

http://www.thestranger.com/savage/campsiterule

 

As for me- I'm 23, and I won't date a 37-year old. Mainly because I'm pretty much still in the college kid mindset, and I can't see myself having much in common with a guy that age. W.L. comes off as a mature young man- and that just might be the difference that makes it okay.

[AFriendlyFace]

Hmmmm,

 

I find it interesting, and unnecessary, that everyone is disagreeing with Frosty. This thread is simply a request for opinions and frankly until he offered his own differing one it seemed like a steady chorus of "go for it" rehashed over and over again.

 

That said, I disagree with him of course

 

Personally, I can't imagine myself in W.L.'s situation because in all honestly I don't have much interest in older guys. On the other hand, I can well imagine myself in the other dude's place. If I were 37 and single and a cute, interesting 22 year old came along I probably would go for it. Even now I tend to go for guys at least a couple of years younger.

 

Anyway, you've heard the "age is just a number" and "differences are the spice of life" variations plenty of times already so let me just throw in my own perspective. Personally, I think I'm far more likely to regret something I didn't do than something I did. I don't care if I fall flat on my face and end up with a couple of bruises; what I find frighteningly distasteful is thinking that I might have missed out on a fun, interesting, fulfilling experience that could have been really great!

 

So yeah, if you're interested in him I say go for it! The worst that can happen is that it won't work out, but at least you won't wonder what might have been and at least you'll probably have something nice, or at least interesting, to look back on. Basically, I think if it doesn't work out you'll probably get over it (at least I hope that's the case), but if it does work out...well that's just golden isn't it?

 

 

Take care, dude

 

-Kevin

[Ashi]

Just hope Jack was feeling alright. I was actually with his opinion in some way, but I don't know if I sounded like a yapping you know what.

Edited September 1, 2009 by Ashi

[Jack Frost]

Ashi or anyone else. You did not offend me or disencourage me from saying anything more. It's nice to have some insight in this case right now and I will hold it in mind if it ever happens to me. I will not say it won't... I'm not a seer. I'm just being frank... but in a mild way... just for our dear WL.

 

I just decided just to read this topic on the side. I don't want to ruin WL topic when I could avoid it.

 

Still...

 

Thanks.

 

PS: kjames - I doin't speak Hebrew beyond a few phrases. but I do a good job writing it down in handwritten script. It looks pretty being handwritten. And the cartoon logic... True, but how often do we see cartoons age along with us? Not many... Bug Bunny hasn't aged one bit since his creation in the 1940s.

 

PSS: Ashi - My skin is already thick enough not to be offended me that easy. It's ok, really.

Edited September 2, 2009 by Jack Frost

[W_L]

Thanks guys,

 

Jack, I respect your opinions and I understand whee you are coming from.

 

It is so hard to find a stable, understanding, and caring partner around my age. At 22, most of the guys are still in college and they are more interested in a quickie than a long term relationship. In this economy, there are even guys, who simply want a job and think sex is the best way to get it from me.

 

Yeah, that had almost happened to me, when you have a job in a downturn economy with a moderately high profile firm; people do flock like vultures. I didn't even know the guy was gay in college or interested.

 

Older guys have a little more stability in my mind, because they are more experienced and less likely to go at you for something. I also have a thing for a academics and he's a doctoral student, which is pretty cool.

[Y_B]

I think you should pursue it. The age difference does seem slightly awkward to outside parties but you aren't dating for other people. If both of you enjoy each others' company and want to pursue a relationship, then you should not be afraid. Take it as far as you can go. If things don't work out, it won't work out, but if it does, how beautiful would that be? Go for it!

[Y_B]

It is so hard to find a stable, understanding, and caring partner around my age. At 22, most of the guys are still in college and they are more interested in a quickie than a long term relationship. In this economy, there are even guys, who simply want a job and think sex is the best way to get it from me.

 

That is true...most kids in college are more interested in flings than relationships but that isn't to say there aren't any out there looking for the same thing. The trick is to seek them out, and that is so incredible hard...You're lucky to be with someone, even at his age.

[R-Jayy]

Id just go with it and see where it goes.

I'm almost 23 an have a boyfriend whom i have been with for 3 years who is 36

[Former Member]

If there's a connection, then I say GO FOR IT!

[hombre]

deleted

 

 

Edited December 7, 2009 by gmendias

[KJames]

Well, for one thing, you have give us clues to yout mental age. Perhaps your mental age and his are very close. If the two of you love each other, then go for it. I am not 61 and old and alone. I did not meet the love of my life until I was 38 years old. I had my bachelors and my professional school. I got out of school witho over 250 semester hours of credit at age 27 and then promptly turned 28. It was ten years before I met Mr. Right. He was 24. We knew instantly that we would be together. Sure, there was 14 years difference in our ages. I knew that I would die first, but I did not care and neither did he. We loved each other. We were together for 15 years and would be together for the rest of our lives we thought.

 

Well, perhaps we were . He died of a hospital acquired staph infection shortly after his 39th birthday. We had been together for 15 years. My world fell apart. I was supposed to die first, not him. I have been alone now for almost 8 years. I miss him every day, but I carry on. I have met nice people, but nothing to compare to the love of my life. I am alone by choice. Perhaps I am too picky. Picky not in body or looks, but in what they are like on the inside. I notice that this thread is old and you might not even read this. I hope that you do. More important, we want to know what finally happens to you and your love. I did not read the entire thread, because if not him, then maybe the next one will be perfect. Age is just a number and only tells you what you expect to find, not what you actually find.

 

If you can't see beyond age, then only read books that are brand new and don't look at pictures too old. What scares me is that you are thinking with your head about your heart and not your heart. It would be different if this guy were a drug addict or crazy. We are not talking about your big head protecting you from your feelings concerning your little head. Take care.

 

Louisiana Writer

 

 

I met my husband when I was 29 on a blind date, he "told" me he was 36, lol, the way he talked and acted I knew there was something off but I ignored it, he is handsome, smart, and fun to be with - exactly what I had asked God for in church the morning before at Communion. A few weeks later I found out he was actually 41, but I didn't blink, I just went with my heart, now here I am 13 YEARS later, I could never imagine my life without him in it, heck I can't even sleep in our bed when he is out of town. So my advice is just go for it, and nevermind the nay-sayers, you might be missing one of the best things to happen to you in your life.

 

 

Both of you have just pointed out what I said to someone else (either earlier in this thread or another, similar thread): Age is, truly, just a number--if you get along with the person you find yourself infatuated with, go for it--you will alway regret missed opportunities and wallow in "what if?"s.

 

Louisiana Writer: I thought my first and I would also be together forever, but hadn't learned of some of his 'personality' quirks. Even the best laid plans of man are swept away as dust on the whim of capricious gods.