how to to make up with someone

[miker33]

Well... I just need an advice. How can I make up with someone who I didn't speak or contact with since little bit more than a year ago. I used to date that person (I am not telling what gender this person is and if you want to know what is my sexual orientation, just ask me privately and I'll reply back). What really hurts the most is that after we aren't going out anymore, I tried my best to be friend with this person, but he or she was so angry at me for breaking up with him or her first and didn't even try to be friends with me again. I didn't mean to, I just couldn't because we couldn't get along too well, since we got into most of arguments, and I just fell in love with someone else, who I am still with for a year and four months. I just wish that he or she would put all of the shits aside, and start the new friendship... Any suggestions?

[JamesSavik]

You broke up with this person. Don't expect them to trust you anytime soon.

[Y_B]

The problem here isn't you, it's the other party. You've already put it on the table that you want to be friends again, how it'll go from there depends on him or her. I'm inclined to think that this person is pretty selfish. If he/she really cared about you, then it shouldn't be too difficult to let you go, especially since you two aren't getting along well and you've fallen for some other person. It'll hurt for sure, but acting like you were his/her possession who ran away is pretty damn juvenile.

[Mark Arbour]

It is really impossible to draw any conclusions as we have such a limited amount of data. I can't tell who's fault this is, if any fault is there at all. All I can do is wish you luck that it will work out in the end.

[Benji]

Well... I just need an advice. How can I make up with someone who I didn't speak or contact with since little bit more than a year ago. I used to date that person (I am not telling what gender this person is and if you want to know what is my sexual orientation, just ask me privately and I'll reply back). What really hurts the most is that after we aren't going out anymore, I tried my best to be friend with this person, but he or she was so angry at me for breaking up with him or her first and didn't even try to be friends with me again. I didn't mean to, I just couldn't because we couldn't get along too well, since we got into most of arguments, and I just fell in love with someone else, who I am still with for a year and four months. I just wish that he or she would put all of the shits aside, and start the new friendship... Any suggestions?

 

..............This is tough, could be something is still there too, could that kind of led to the break-up? But is that going back on roads best left untraveled. I suppose it depends on the maturity that was in place at the time, and if it has evolved since then. You are the best to gauge both of your reactions at this point. Asking us is nothing more then asking if it is ok to go outside, maybe to play in the rain. I see it still hurts you, you would rather see your friend healed and back as your friend! I hope it will be good for you both, but in truth it will never be the same. It could actually be better if you both are able to move beyond it. You should suck it up and extend the olive branch and heal this wound that still hurts you, you are the better man for it, by far!! That is part of growing up, (I know that sounds cliche) Pride is bullshit, and takes a backseat in friendship so sometimes you suck it up, other times you receive the same. If I were you, I'd put my hand out and make the first move. I know I'd sleep better for trying.

[miker33]

You broke up with this person. Don't expect them to trust you anytime soon.

 

Excuse me? The reason why I broke up with this person was because we always got into arguments, and this put me through hell with all of his/her shits such as saying nasty things to me, which really hurts me a lot. I am hoping that he or she will realize what he or she did to me was wrong, and will be my friend.

Edited September 22, 2009 by miker33

[miker33]

It is really impossible to draw any conclusions as we have such a limited amount of data. I can't tell who's fault this is, if any fault is there at all. All I can do is wish you luck that it will work out in the end.

 

Hey, do you want me to send you a private message to explain the whole story of what is happening, so you can understand what is happening?

[Mark Arbour]

Hey, do you want me to send you a private message to explain the whole story of what is happening, so you can understand what is happening?

 

You can if you want, but personally, I think you should lay it out here. If you didn't want to talk about it in public, you wouldn't have started the thread in the first place. I understand that you want to protect yourself and your identity, but you're pretty anonymous right now. You can probably at least be open about your preference and you and your partner's gender. But that's just my opinion. You do what you're comfortable with.

 

In any event, the point that I was trying to make, and that I probably didn't state diplomatically, is that the response you get from people is only as good as the info you give them. Kind of like that old computer adage: Garbage in, Garbage out.

[Nephylim]

You really can't make someone like you. The fact that you broke up with this person is likely to have hurt... even though there was justification, even though you both knew it was for the best, even though it WAS for the bets, even though other people were treating you badly because of it. People are strange creatures and they seem to always want to blame someone else when things go wrong. Strangely it seems to go that the more at fault someone is, the more they seek to lay the blame at someone else's door. You broke up with them... ergo it's all your fault. In a way remaining friends would have thrown a light on the fact that it WASN'T all your fault so would have made them face the fact that at least some of the fault was their... a hard thing to do.

 

Perhaps you can contact them and say... hey what happened was no one's fault... it just happened. It's over now and we have both moved on. We are different people so let's see how we go. Don't expect miracles though... the hard fact is that even though you want to remain friends THEY might not, if that's the case there really isn't anything you can do to force them.

[Prince Duchess]

I'm gonna say just let this person go. Give them there space if they wanna be friends they'll come back and make it known. But the fact that your happy in love and you probably flaunt it around this person when your around. Is enough to piss this person off because it couldve been them. But you didnt see that in them, even if they are with someone else it still stings when you see them again.

[JamesSavik]

xcuse me? The reason why I broke up with this person was because we always got into arguments, and this put me through hell with all of his/her shits such as saying nasty things to me, which really hurts me a lot. I am hoping that he or she will realize what he or she did to me was wrong, and will be my friend.

 

I used to date that person

 

he or she was so angry at me for breaking up with him or her first and didn't even try to be friends with me again.

 

 

The reason doesn't matter. YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM/HER.

 

They are not required to see your point of view or behave logically.

 

The other party may not want to have anything to do with you.

[miker33]

I'm gonna say just let this person go. Give them there space if they wanna be friends they'll come back and make it known. But the fact that your happy in love and you probably flaunt it around this person when your around. Is enough to piss this person off because it couldve been them. But you didnt see that in them, even if they are with someone else it still stings when you see them again.

 

Well, I never show off to this person that I'm hapy and am in love because I knew that it's a wrong thing to do and can hurt this person. Somewhat, it's partly my fault that I broke up with this person. But, it's also partly someone's fault that we aren't together anymore. Well, I haven't spoken to him little bit over a year, because whenever I talked to this person about our problems and trying to start a new friendship (after we broke up), but this lead to many shouting match. That's when I decided to give ourselves some space to cool down and think through it. Although, I still do care about this person and I still do love this person as a friend, I just want to tell this person that I already forgive him or her and want to be friends with him or her and that I hope this person will forgive me too. I will tell everybody what was really happening and I will tell you all the gender of the people that I'm talking about, I promise.

I guess the reason why I broke up with this person doesn't matter, like this person told me, but what matter the most was that both of us were hurting.

[Tarin]

Although, I still do care about this person and I still do love this person as a friend, I just want to tell this person that I already forgive him or her and want to be friends with him or her and that I hope this person will forgive me too.

 

Tell them this. Write it in a letter, an e-mail, a phone call. That's all you can do really. As others have said, it is not up to you at this point. Extend the olive branch, but don't expect them to grab on. Emotions are very powerful and cloud judgment, like James said.