[Adam Phillips] Crosscurrents

[Adam Phillips]

Adam, thanks, I sent you an email

 

I did get it. Sorry I haven't replied yet. I will.

[Anya]

I did get it. Sorry I haven't replied yet. I will.

 

No problem! You're probly very busy with the kids and writing...and I did ask a lot of questions

[Adam Phillips]

Chapter 27 has been added.

 

Andy's running, but he's not doing a very good job of escaping what he's running from. And all the frenzied desire to escape himself begins to have moral consequences.

[Amelia]

Darn you, I was just going to go to sleep.

[NaperVic]

Wow, that chapter was intense ! (Good intense ). I'm going to have to re-read it to get the full effect again.

Edited November 23, 2010 by NaperVic

[methodwriter85]

I've been thinking about this chapter, and about Chris in particular. The self-loathing that got him to where he let himself get treated like that...I understood it. Throughout most of my life, I've let myself get treated like crap by people because I never really saw myself as deserving as anything better. A good portion of the times, I made sure that would happen. A lot of times, I would act like an insensitive ass, and then act like the wounded victim when people came to the inevitable conclusion of not liking me. I did this quite often to otherwise nice people who WERE trying to reach out to me, because I couldn't have anyone like me. I needed to be the guy everyone hated, because I hated myself, and I had to have that feeling reinforced of being "poor outcast Jeremy that everyone hates because he's so weird and awkward and annoying".

 

This all came to a head eventually, when I had this friendship with a guy. Bit by bit it got into this toxic, horrific pattern where I would do things that annoyed him, and he shot back by ripping me a new one, then feel bad, apologize, and the whole thing would start over again. It was like that for almost two years, until we both realized that we needed to step back and re-evaluate what was going on. I think on his part, he came from this school of "Coach rips you a new one, you man up and do better". He cared about me, thought I could do better, and thought he could shame me into doing better. On my part, I kept pushing his buttons(sometimes intentionally, sometimes subconciously), because on some sad, sick level, I liked having everything I hated about myself thrown back into my face by him.

 

We both had blame in the whole deal, and the break that we had from talking to each other did a world of good. We're in a much, much better place now than we were back then. One restless night, I went back over to read some old email exchanges between us, and I was struck by how toxic, bitter, and frustrating the exchanges we had with each other were. There's none of that now in our exchanges. I'm not sure if it's added maturity or patience or whathave you, but I'm really glad for that- he's a pretty wonderful guy. I'm happy we toughed it out and got to the better place with each other as friends.

 

I honestly hope that Chris has gotten to place where he doesn't let himself treated like that.

Edited November 23, 2010 by methodwriter85

[methodwriter85]

Yes! The return of Angie!

 

I missed her. She'll whip Andy into shape over Matt soon enough. Yup, yup.