[Adam Phillips] Crosscurrents

[Adam Phillips]

I should say a word or two thousand about my first story at Gay Authors.

 

Crosscurrents has a long history. As is often the case for first novels, it has an autobiographical element to it. The degree to which it is autobiographical I'll leave an open question at this point, although a number of my long-time readers are probably aware of what's what.

 

In any case, many years ago I read a based-on-true-life story at Nifty about a guy's experiences in his college fraternity. I was especially taken by his portrait of his relationship with his Fraternity Big Brother: the deep friendship that developed between them; the growing recognition on his part that he was sexually attracted to him, even though he hadn't thought of himself as gay before; the need to hide these deep feelings coupled with the longing to share them.

 

I could relate. I emailed the author telling him how much I liked his story and we struck up an e-friendship.

 

At some point, he asked me to tell him the story of my first time with a guy.

 

I wrote him a 3-email reply telling the story. Some time after that, I was moving into my final months of college and was headed toward grad school and my life was going to change, and the prospect of transition got me wistful and nostalgic, and thinking about my past. The story of my first time with a guy was inextricably woven into my ongoing life experiences...and now things were changing. I felt like talking to someone, but although in college I didn't really hide the fact that I had at least an honorary membership on that other team, most of my friends were straight, and I knew they wouldn't be able to relate to some of the things I was feeling. I remembered thinking how much the fraternity story on Nifty had touched me, and I was feeling the need to, you know, Say It regarding my own past and my own experiences with a close friend, especially because it looked like that friendship was destined to fade out gradually, as they often do when lives go in different directions. I thought it might be nice to share that 3-part story of my First Time With A Guy on Nifty. I thought maybe I might touch some reader out there as the frat story had touched me. I thought it might be kind of therapeutic to me if I could tell my story to an audience that would understand.

 

Problem was, I hadn't kept the original emails. I emailed the author of the frat story, but he'd only kept the third part. So I realized that if I were going to submit my story to Nifty, I'd have to start over.

 

But that was actually an advantage, I decided: I could tell more of the story. You know, give the history of the relationship. Make it more about the relationship rather than about one night.

 

So I started over. The result was Crosscurrents.

 

After five chapters were posted at Nifty, I got an email from Nick Archer inviting me to let him host Crosscurrents at Archerland. Once I'd had him explain what was up--I wasn't at all familiar with erotic narrative websites--I agreed. I loved being hosted at Archerland. The stories there were all really good, and the emails I got from readers were among the most thoughtful of the emails I got.

 

Between Nifty and Archerland, the email I got about Crosscurrents was beyond anything I could have possibly hoped for. I couldn't believe how many people wrote me to say things like, "Your story could be mine, they're so much alike," or "I was in love with my best friend for years, and I never told him, and I've always regretted it." It seems I'd tapped into a reservoir of love and longing that so many gay and bi men could relate to personally. I was overwhelmed at the reader response, and humbled, and made many, many e-friends through my story.

 

As time went on my life got really busy and new chapters came infrequently. Then a little over two years ago a good friend of mine who was writing his own story and posting it here in the eFiction section came down with terminal cancer. I put Crosscurrents on hold to help him finish it. But it has always been my intent to get the story told.

 

No sooner had I finished working on my friend's story, It Started With Brian, than Nick Archer decided to shut down Archerland. That made me really sad, because of the four sites hosting Crosscurrents, Nick's was my favorite and he always got new chapters first. But after a query, Gay Authors graciously offered to host my story. I'm tremendously gratified that the powers-that-be liked the story enough to consent to be my host, and from here on out Gay Authors will get my new chapters first!

 

I'll be posting Crosscurrents here one chapter at a time. New chapters will come out every Friday until the story is finished! There will be 33 or 34 chapters in all.

 

If you have already read the extant chapters of my story, I'd love for you to start over with them here at Gay Authors. The version at this site is polished-up and improved; I got to make some minor changes I'd been wanting to make for years. And if you start now from the beginning you will have a new installment every week all the way to the end of the story!

 

So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

 

Anyway, I hope to use this particular thread for reader response to, and reader discussion of, Crosscurrents.

 

--Adam P

[Amelia]

I only just recently read your original version of Crosscurrents on another site after discovering you were helping to write It Started With Brian. I have the benefit of the entire story being fresh on my mind, however, I am going to start from the beginning and follow along with the updates. Glad to see you here, glad to share your story, and glad to know that in approximately 32 weeks, the prologue's questions will be answered.

[ricky]

I read, "It started with Brian." Delightful and touching. I feel the loss of your friend but find solace in knowing he had you, Adam , as a friend right up to that parting moment.

 

I read the first chapter of cross currents. I'm a little nervous. Mat will never live in that room. I am hoping that is because he is straight or has another. But then again, you are looking at a hetero relationship yourself with the pending marriage right? It looks like a great story. I'll be reading the rest.

[Guest Sask_Boy]

Adam,

 

Crosscurrents is a great story and I look forward to re-reading it. Your story has touched me deeply. I won't go into the reasons here but rest assured that your talent for storytelling is very much appreciated. Keep up the good work.

 

Rob

[Adam Phillips]

I only just recently read your original version of Crosscurrents on another site after discovering you were helping to write It Started With Brian. I have the benefit of the entire story being fresh on my mind, however, I am going to start from the beginning and follow along with the updates. Glad to see you here, glad to share your story, and glad to know that in approximately 32 weeks, the prologue's questions will be answered.

 

Amelia,

 

I'm glad you found Crosscurrents after reading It Started With Brian. The two stories actually have a real-life relation to each other in an odd sort of way. If you've read It Started With Brian you probably know what that is. By the way, in case anybody else hasn't checked out Sam's story, my Links area has a link to it. Sam was a great e-friend of mine and I miss him more than words can say.

 

I appreciate your willingness to make your way through the story one more time, and, yeah, this year you'll get to see how things turn out!

 

--Adam P

[Adam Phillips]

I read, "It started with Brian." Delightful and touching. I feel the loss of your friend but find solace in knowing he had you, Adam , as a friend right up to that parting moment.

 

As a matter of fact, I did chat with him on Yahoo Messenger the night before he died. I wish I'd known it would be the last time. He was such a great guy.

 

 

I read the first chapter of cross currents. I'm a little nervous. Mat will never live in that room. I am hoping that is because he is straight or has another. But then again, you are looking at a hetero relationship yourself with the pending marriage right? It looks like a great story. I'll be reading the rest.

 

As you can see from the second chapter, the bulk of the story is going to be told in flashback. The narration is actually an account of Andy's memories as he sits in the condo alone and walks the beach that spring break of his senior year in college.

 

--Adam P

[Adam Phillips]

Adam,

 

Crosscurrents is a great story and I look forward to re-reading it. Your story has touched me deeply. I won't go into the reasons here but rest assured that your talent for storytelling is very much appreciated. Keep up the good work.

 

Rob

 

Rob,

 

Thanks for your willingness to start the story again. I'll reward your faithfulness with a conclusion this calendar year! And also, there are some little literary improvements here and there if those things make a difference to you LOL.

 

If you have other efriends who read online gay/bi stories I hope you'll point them toward Crosscurrents. I hope I can get most of my old readers back and I'd love to get some new ones.

 

 

 

--Adam P.

[Adam Phillips]

Chapter Three, entitled "Growing," will be posted on Friday. It begins to nudge the plot and characterizations along. I have a little more to say about it at my Yahoo group, Adamstories. I'll be updating regularly at Adamstories and maybe providing a little additional commentary. I'd love to have you join. Just click on the "Yahoo group" link on my GA home page.

[ScottH]

Chapter Three, entitled "Growing," will be posted on Friday. It begins to nudge the plot and characterizations along. I have a little more to say about it at my Yahoo group, Adamstories. I'll be updating regularly at Adamstories and maybe providing a little additional commentary. I'd love to have you join. Just click on the "Yahoo group" link on my GA home page.

 

Adam,

 

Am glad to see you hosted here at GA. "Crosscurrents is a great read and I'm going to start over again and enjoy as you post chapters.

 

-S

[Tiger]

I've read the first three chapters. I can tell that there was a lot of personal pain, and I can see where it's going. Others have told me about it before, so I decided to read it. I'll also note that I've read part of It Started With Brian, but I got to a point where I couldn't read it, not because it wasn't good, but because it just made me sad considering that he died. I guess that's my own hang-up though, nothing against anyone else.

[Adam Phillips]

I've read the first three chapters. I can tell that there was a lot of personal pain, and I can see where it's going. Others have told me about it before, so I decided to read it. I'll also note that I've read part of It Started With Brian, but I got to a point where I couldn't read it, not because it wasn't good, but because it just made me sad considering that he died. I guess that's my own hang-up though, nothing against anyone else.

 

I hear you about the "sad," Tiger. But trust me, the story has a happy ending. Sam wrote the final chapter himself. The "plot" finishes off well before Sam discovered he had cancer. It's a celebration of love and light in a guy's life.

[Toast]

Hey Adam. This is my first reading of Crosscurrents. People are what they do, and what they think, and what they feel. Even what they pretend. And what they remember. Boy, this story packs a punch. Because you tell it with ease revealing the hidden and the obvious, the acts and the consequences and the love and the fear. Thanks. I really enjoyed the first three chapers. Will be reading. Sam

[Adam Phillips]

Hey Adam. This is my first reading of Crosscurrents. People are what they do, and what they think, and what they feel. Even what they pretend. And what they remember. Boy, this story packs a punch. Because you tell it with ease revealing the hidden and the obvious, the acts and the consequences and the love and the fear. Thanks. I really enjoyed the first three chapers. Will be reading. Sam

 

Thanks, Bugeye. I'm several novels behind with my good e-friend Mark Arbour and he's such a speed demon. But once I'm current with him I'll check out your stuff. Thanks for reading, and thanks for stopping by.

[Toast]

Yikes! Uh Adam, no need to check out my stuff, forget about reciprocation. LOL. Maybe I will delete my stuff today. Yes, good idea. Uh, see you in a hundred years or so. Uh, Enjoy neverland.

[Adam Phillips]

Yikes! Uh Adam, no need to check out my stuff, forget about reciprocation. LOL. Maybe I will delete my stuff today. Yes, good idea. Uh, see you in a hundred years or so. Uh, Enjoy neverland.

 

LOL. I have several Mark Arbour novels to get through first, anyway.

[Mark M]

LOL. I have several Mark Arbour novels to get through first, anyway.

 

 

Love his Novels, but he has yet to compete with Bwstories with Castaway hotel 9 books, 30-40 chapters each. and LONG Chapters. Some of Mark A's Chapters are....hehhe....short and sweet?

Love me some Arbour

 

 

And now love me some freaking ADAMP! Crosscurrents the original was great, i'll definatly keep reading here on G.A also tooo see what switches up. (Details maybe?) Either way i wonder if the storie ends with chapter 22? or you just stoped writing it there? like is that actualy the end?! Either Way.

 

 

BIG BIG BIG FAN NOW!

[Adam Phillips]

Love his Novels, but he has yet to compete with Bwstories with Castaway hotel 9 books, 30-40 chapters each. and LONG Chapters. Some of Mark A's Chapters are....hehhe....short and sweet?

Love me some Arbour

 

 

And now love me some freaking ADAMP! Crosscurrents the original was great, i'll definatly keep reading here on G.A also tooo see what switches up. (Details maybe?) Either way i wonder if the storie ends with chapter 22? or you just stoped writing it there? like is that actualy the end?! Either Way.

 

 

BIG BIG BIG FAN NOW!

 

I appreciate your appreciation. Thanks!

 

22 is not the end. It's just where I quit writing. While all these earlier chapters are being posted weekly, I can finish the story. There are 10 or 11 more chapters for me to write. By the time we get to Week 22, I'll have the remaining chapters written.

 

As for the changes, they're little, and they're mainly about literary things rather than about story. Nothing in the story changes. Not much in the sentences even change. A typo corrected here and there; a clunky metaphor replaced or deleted; a better sentence replacing an odd one. Nothing major.

 

Except I'm changing the protagonist's last name. That's kind of major, I guess. But don't ask me why. It's kind of ridiculous. In fact, it's ridiculouser than you might first think. At second thought you might realize why it's ridiculous. Then at third thought you might realize why it's not. But don't think that much. Just accept that I'm changing the protagonist's last name.

 

Aside from that, no major changes.

[Tiger]

There's nothing wrong with making improvements, but the story is awesome as it is in the first place. As far as changing the last name, it seems a bit odd considering that it's based on a pen name. Then again, I would hope you don't use your real last name as a pen name anyway. I sometimes use the pseudonym, Tim LeBrock. The first name is correct but not the last. Around here, I go by Tiger though.

[Adam Phillips]

There's nothing wrong with making improvements, but the story is awesome as it is in the first place. As far as changing the last name, it seems a bit odd considering that it's based on a pen name.

 

You're at the aforementioned second thought, LOL. You're right. Adam Phillips is a pen name. So...a bit odd. Except for the fact that I would like the story's protagonist to get a little distance from the author. I've said that the story has autobiographical elements. But I don't know that I want readers necessarily to look at the story and say, "That's Adam." Especially as time goes by.

[Ramon]

Hey Adam! Glad to see you hosted here. I've known of Crosscurrents since I started reading It Started With Brian but never really got around to reading it so it starting from the very beginning here is nice. The first three chapters have been wonderful and I can't wait for next week. Hopefully I don't get too excited and take a sneak peek at the other chapters are up on other sites

Edited April 11, 2010 by tjajcj

[Adam Phillips]

Hey Adam! Glad to see you hosted here. I've known of Crosscurrents since I started reading It Started With Brian but never really got around to reading it so it starting from the very beginning here is nice. The first three chapters have been wonderful and I can't wait for next week. Hopefully I don't get too excited and take a sneak peek at the other chapters are up on other sites

 

I'm glad you've liked the start. I do hope you can resist the temptation to head to them other places. I'm tweaking the writing a little bit here at Gay Authors. Not in a big way. In fact my long-time readers will likely not even notice.

 

Also, the layout and formatting at crvboy just aren't good. My writing style really relies on short paragraphs quite occasionally. One-sentence paragraphs, and even occasionally, one-word paragraphs.

 

They need white space between them.

 

I write my chapters in block-paragraph style, spacing between them, with no indent at the beginning. Crvboy's presentation of my story indents the beginning of the paragraph, and doesn't space between paragraphs. It looks cramped and it messes with some of the "pacing" I intend for the reader to take.

 

So just hang in and be patient; there's a new chapter coming every Friday! And thanks for reading.

[nightsky]

How long did I last?

 

 

I got no willpower. Diving into chapter 1 right now. My treat/punishment to myself after tonight's laborious exam construction.

 

I will endeavor to NOT hound you to write/post faster b/c I know you've got other stuff to do and that other people are reading CC for the first time. And it'll be better all drawn out so I can let the story marinate.... yes yes yes. ok. fine.

 

[Adam Phillips]

How long did I last?

 

 

I got no willpower. Diving into chapter 1 right now. My treat/punishment to myself after tonight's laborious exam construction.

 

I will endeavor to NOT hound you to write/post faster b/c I know you've got other stuff to do and that other people are reading CC for the first time. And it'll be better all drawn out so I can let the story marinate.... yes yes yes. ok. fine.

 

 

LOL. Here's the deal. I'll be in a better place to write more steadily once the semester's over, but if I'm not allowed a weekly posting schedule I'm afraid I won't have time to finish Crosscurrents by the time Chapter 22 comes around. I'm not a speed demon like Arbour. So you gotta find a way to accept, you know? If I were to accommodate your wishes, that would create trouble for both of us over the long haul. Just repeat the Serenity Prayer a couple of times and read the chapter of New Improved CC every Friday. (Well, not that much improvement, but that's what they say about soap, right?)

[nightsky]

LOL. Here's the deal. I'll be in a better place to write more steadily once the semester's over, but if I'm not allowed a weekly posting schedule I'm afraid I won't have time to finish Crosscurrents by the time Chapter 22 comes around. I'm not a speed demon like Arbour. So you gotta find a way to accept, you know? If I were to accommodate your wishes, that would create trouble for both of us over the long haul. Just repeat the Serenity Prayer a couple of times and read the chapter of New Improved CC every Friday. (Well, not that much improvement, but that's what they say about soap, right?)

 

 

I don't want bigger and better (ahem), I want longer and faster

 

Don't mind me. I'm bothering you to write, while I ignore my own writing. I'm quite good at displacement/projection. By the end of the semester and teaching out of the way, I'll hopefully be too panicked about proposing to be pestering you.

 

Serenity Prayer? What's that?

 

 

[Adam Phillips]

Chapter 4 of Crosscurrents has just been posted. In it, we get to see a little bit more about Andy and Matt as individuals and as a duo of best friends.

 

There's a plot here, a story to be told, but at this point in the story what I'm mostly about is trying to bring Andy and Matt and their developing relationship into a fairly clear focus for the reader, because that relationship will be key to making sense of the story.