Seeing Double

[Frostina]

@ Nephy,

True that i scatter basket load of commas. It's true in Andy's story, Maria's, even in yours if you've not removed the excess. But, the one place where I had NOTHING to do with commas is THIS one.

 

Dargon has a basket full too.. and he doles them out as generously as I do. (well almost...)

 

WOW, just WOW... the whole 'feel' of that is so atmospheric. It is so beautiful but sad.

 

 

 

Thanks, !

That was a sad moment when i drew that. and the whole time Dan and Matt (mostly Matt) was in my mind.

[Agaith]

WOW, just WOW... the whole 'feel' of that is so atmospheric. It is so beautiful but sad.

 

 

 

OH OH OH *bounces hand in the air* is it me is it me ????

 

 

 

True, true

 

 

 

Hey.... that's my line

 

I love that Dan's weapon is a bow. I have a real thing for longbows... crossbows are totally cheating. The whole idea of Matt making a bow for Dan and his love being imbued into it is just the most awesome concept.

 

What I like most about this story is that it continues to be played out on fronts.. earth and not earth... inner and outer... whatever. There are so many strands and clues, false ends and tantalising himts. And there are places where your description of details are awesome

 

I have one huge complaing though

 

Your writing of sex scenes is apalling... in that there aren't any !!!!!!

 

And I don't count what we have already coz it's not 'proper' sex

 

 

Um Nephy...sorry but Dan isn't you

I hope you dont mind me stealing your line lol

 

I always love your comments I love the bow as a weapon as well, the description of the battle of Agincourt, had me hooked on them. There's something elegant and yet powerful about a longbow

 

And I am SOO sorry about the lack of sex scenes but Matt isnt there yet lol. (Here's a slight hint... watch this space)

 

Thanks for commenting Nephy

[Sara Alva]

And I am SOO sorry about the lack of sex scenes but Matt isnt there yet lol. (Here's a slight hint... watch this space)

 

 

Don't let people goad you into sex scenes before the characters are ready, lol. My goodness I've never seen such a ravenous bunch I think the boys are doing fine in their progress in that department. And then when it does come, why, all the more juicy for having made us wait

[Nephylim]

. And then when it does come, why, all the more juicy for having made us wait

 

 

ALwys so true

[Agaith]

Don't let people goad you into sex scenes before the characters are ready, lol. My goodness I've never seen such a ravenous bunch I think the boys are doing fine in their progress in that department. And then when it does come, why, all the more juicy for having made us wait

 

 

Don't worry I'm not being goaded into writing a sex scene Matt and Dan aren't ready yet and until they tell me they wont get it on

 

But don't worry when it happens it will be good

[Frostina]

Don't worry I'm not being goaded into writing a sex scene Matt and Dan aren't ready yet and until they tell me they wont get it on

 

But don't worry when it happens it will be good

 

Goaded or not! the next scene is definitely HOT HOT HOT!!! :D

 

Hold your breath ladies and gentle..er...men!!! It will be worth it!!! i promise!

[Agaith]

Ok guys after quite a break here is another chapter of Seeing Double

 

Chapter 12

Enjoy and let me know what you think

[Bleu]

Wow, another tense chapter, even though it reads like a transitional chapter in a way, with all the preparation for battle under way. It's promising to get even more tense.

You manage to give us something to look forward to and something to fear... without the use of a cliffhanger I must say.

 

I liked the teasing and the tenderness between Matt and Dan. Their relationship is now developing as it does between two lovers. It's no longer just flirting.

[Marzipan]

I'm annoyed.

 

I wanna read this thread, but I don't want any spoilers.

 

Can I comment on the first chapters I'll try to speed my reading to match your writing, Aggie! Nice to know you are posting!

 

 

[Agaith]

Wow, another tense chapter, even though it reads like a transitional chapter in a way, with all the preparation for battle under way. It's promising to get even more tense.

You manage to give us something to look forward to and something to fear... without the use of a cliffhanger I must say.

 

I liked the teasing and the tenderness between Matt and Dan. Their relationship is now developing as it does between two lovers. It's no longer just flirting.

 

Thanks Bleu I'm trying to show the different sides of Matt and Dan's relationship and I'm glad they are coming across

 

Glad to know you're still enjoying it

I'm annoyed.

 

I wanna read this thread, but I don't want any spoilers.

 

Can I comment on the first chapters I'll try to speed my reading to match your writing, Aggie! Nice to know you are posting!

 

 

 

Aww maria, Im sure you'll rock the thread once you catch up

 

 

 

 

And to everyone else, I jumped to writing the ending today. So the outcome of Seeing Double is settled, what's going to happen I wonder! Any suggestions or guesses? Voice them here

[Frostina]

oooh!! ideas.. ideas!!

 

wait! i gotta rake by brains over this!!!

 

**goes to roost**

 

I'm gonna be back!!

[Agaith]

New chapter out guys! Let me know what you think so far, I'd love to hear your opinions

 

chapter 13

[AnytaSunday]

Coolio! I enjoyed it! Now the others just need to come, lol.

 

My place still smells like burnt bread though, haha.

[Bleu]

Nice chapter with two new intriguing characters, especially the one who is bound to reappear later on.

 

I would say your style keeps improving. It particularly shows through your use of sensations and feelings (smells in the forge, sounds in Arensha's planet...).

[Andrew Q Gordon]

So I left you a rather cryptic review then when I read it I realized you were going to go.

 

That bit about the fiends and the human and all that - um you're not to be trifled with if THAT what you think of doing when you get mad.

 

So you know, I've never even thought bad things about you so no need to get mad, really.

 

Andy

[Frostina]

So I left you a rather cryptic review then when I read it I realized you were going to go.

 

That bit about the fiends and the human and all that - um you're not to be trifled with if THAT what you think of doing when you get mad.

 

So you know, I've never even thought bad things about you so no need to get mad, really.

 

Andy

 

LMAO andy!! really! :P

[Agaith]

Coolio! I enjoyed it! Now the others just need to come, lol.

 

My place still smells like burnt bread though, haha.

 

aww I hope my chapter made up for the burnt bread

 

Nice chapter with two new intriguing characters, especially the one who is bound to reappear later on.

 

I would say your style keeps improving. It particularly shows through your use of sensations and feelings (smells in the forge, sounds in Arensha's planet...).

 

Thanks Bleu, I'm glad you are enjoying it. Especially now we are Galwrock mostly, I do try and give readers a vivid place to imagine and then let them imagine what they want with the description I give

 

So I left you a rather cryptic review then when I read it I realized you were going to go.

 

That bit about the fiends and the human and all that - um you're not to be trifled with if THAT what you think of doing when you get mad.

 

So you know, I've never even thought bad things about you so no need to get mad, really.

 

Andy

 

who said I had to be mad to think of doing these things *evil smile*

 

JK! Well I have to get into the mind set of the other side, and it's very fun to write that though hehehe

 

Hope I havent scared you too much Andy

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Stu,

 

Glad I made you and a Frosty laugh - In all seriousness, it was a compelling chapter - I mean the violence wasn't just for the sake of violence, it has a purpose - the army building - so it was really well done. Gory, gross, a tad frightening that you can think like that [just kidding] but good.

 

Oh and I forgot - this is Dan now. :ranger:

[Agaith]

Thanks Andy I'm glad people liked seeing the other side of the preparations so to speak. It's funny to see the lengths a being with super powers will go to get revenge

 

And I love the icon for Dan. You need one for Matt now

 

Thanks for reading Andy

[Frostina]

:2hands: <------------- Matt??? or is he NOT going to be using swords??

[Agaith]

Here's another chapter for all you lovely people I've got another couple of chapters ready after this and then I may fade away to write once more

 

Chapter 14

[Frostina]

Fade away? Oh no no.. dont u do that!! :o

[Agaith]

Chapter 15

 

 

A link to the latest chapter of Seeing Double is above for all of you interested

 

I'd love to know your thoughts on the story so far

 

thanks to all of you who read my story guys, it's really appreciated

[J.T.]

Awwwwww.... Ch 15 was sweet!

 

Can't wait for Dan to be scared shitless by Hquaio.

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Chapter 15

 

 

A link to the latest chapter of Seeing Double is above for all of you interested

 

I'd love to know your thoughts on the story so far

 

thanks to all of you who read my story guys, it's really appreciated

 

 

Okay so a part of me wanted to be an ass and mess you and say this as a joke:

 

But I figured if I did that and only that folks would kill me and not realize I was joking.

 

 

BUTTTT since you asked - Here's my honest assessment.

 

The good -

 

You lay out your world amazingly well - world building is hard but you do a good job of it. I can see in my mind an image of what you are describing and I don't have to struggle to see it. A+

 

You give good depth to your characters - I feel like I know them when I read - you balance the action and the need to give us internal feelings. That gets harder as the story goes along because you can't just wash, rinse, repeat with emotions. More over, as the action sequences get more central, the easy way is to skim over the thoughts/feelings/emotions of the characters - so far you've avoid that and done really well another A+

 

The needs work.

 

Sometimes you get a bit wordy - I could give examples from the story but it wasn't a big issue, just something to keep an eye on going forward. A general example would be - something like - he bent over to pick up his clothes off the ground [that is not one of yours, just an example] You could shorten that to - "he picked up his clothes" - especially if we knew from the previous action they threw them on the ground. Just watch for that. See where you can cut out words that can be inferred from the action.

 

This is a great read. You should be really pleased with how it is coming along. That's just my opinon and we both know

applies to me not you

 

Andy