Is Web Camming Cheating?

[PrivateTim]

Is Web Camming cheating when you are in a committed, monogamous relationship?

 

After reading a lot stories here and talking with friends about right and wrong, morals, promiscuity etc. I get all kinds of varying answers.

 

I have some friends who say not only is web camming not bad when you are in a committed, monogamous relationship, but it is actually good for it because it provides sexual variety and release with someone you'll never actually meet.

 

Others say it is definitely cheating because cheating is about what is in your heart, not necessarily physical contact.

 

What does anyone think?

 

PS. for a good time bring it up over coffee with a bunch of friends who are couples and watch the fur fly

[Ara]

I apply the following criteria to Chat rooms, Web camming etc

 

Am I prepared to have Jack look at what I am doing, read what I have done or walk in on what I get up to

 

If the answer is Yes then I dont consider it to be cheating as in general cheating is done in secret, behind someones back and in a quite deceitful way. So I suppose Im saying it depends on the relationship your in ever committed monogomas relationship is different in some small way.

 

That moral code has helped me somewhat, oh and personally i think camming walks a very fine line and straying just a little over that line would be cheating in my eyes

[MikeL]

I think that, if you have made an honest commitment to someone, you will not expose your body to anyone else, even anonymously. If you do, your commitment is certainly drawn into question. It is not a question of cheating; it is only a question of commitment.

Edited December 5, 2010 by MikeL

[Nephylim]

I suppose it depends on the realtionship and the amount of committment given.

 

Actually I absolutely agree with Ara. If you would be happy for your partner to do the things you are doing and/or knowing that you are doing them, then it's fine. If you are uneasy about the fact that they might find out or if you grind your teeth at the thought of them doing the same thing then it is probably not a good idea to do them as it would be cheating.

 

For what it's worth, if I found out that my partner was having an intense relationship with someone online or over a webcam I would be devastated and I don't know if i could stay with them.

 

 

[Caedus]

I have some friends who say not only is web camming not bad when you are in a committed, monogamous relationship, but it is actually good for it because it provides sexual variety and release with someone you'll never actually meet.

 

 

Couldn't you use this to explain why having sex with people outside the relationship is okay?

 

I like to look at LTR's like your signing a legal agreement between two parties. Violating any of the commitments you made to the relationship would be cheating, but since both parties are aware and have given approval, it's just like their going back to the agreement and modifying it.

 

So I don't it's cheating if its not done behind the others back. A more question would be why that would still fall under monogamy. Your seeking sexual gratification outside the relationship, even if its over the internet. People who engage in web camming with SO's in long distance relationships( even people who live together sometimes do this), and they would consider the sexual gratification a tangible part of the relationship. Wouldn't the sex your having with the stranger online be just as real in a way? It's just a way more convenient NSA hookup.

Edited December 5, 2010 by Caedus

[Menorain]

I don't considering it CHEATING, because that word has a lot of baggage. I certainly don't consider it a good thing.

[Marzipan]

If it's done behind the other partners back, it's a sure and usually quite a quick way to misery for some participant. It's all about respecting the relationship your in. If it makes one feel bad, it usually is cheating. Discuss the limits with your partners, folks and dont' take things for granded. Some pairs are more than willing to explore outside the monogamy and that's fine if it's both's decision.

 

 

[Tipdin]

I apply the following criteria to Chat rooms, Web camming etc

 

Am I prepared to have Jack look at what I am doing, read what I have done or walk in on what I get up to

 

If the answer is Yes then I dont consider it to be cheating as in general cheating is done in secret, behind someones back and in a quite deceitful way. So I suppose Im saying it depends on the relationship your in ever committed monogomas relationship is different in some small way.

 

That moral code has helped me somewhat, oh and personally i think camming walks a very fine line and straying just a little over that line would be cheating in my eyes

 

 

Ok, see? THIS is why cloning is a GOOD thing!

 

I'll take two!

[MidnightSecret]

I think it really just depends on how serious or intimate your relationship is with your partner.

To me personally, I find that people who are web camming are not entirely "satisfied" with what their partner is giving them;

which in turn has some minor or major consequences.

That's why I say it really depends on where your relationship is situated, does what your partner have to offer you is enough? Or are you looking for something more?

[Stargazer]

Sometimes variety is the spice of life and if both people in the relationship are cool with it then there's nothing wrong with it. I don't consider it cheating.

[DragonMando]

if it's a big secret, yes, it's cheating. But if one's other half knows and is cool with it (and maybe even joins in?) then no, it's fine.

[Stargazer]

I like the joins in part!

[Tiger]

It depends on the relationship. I think honesty is always best. There's another aspect though. Some people are exhibitionists, which means that they have a paraphilia in which there is sexual satisfaction that one can only receive from being naked and/or sexual in the presence of others. Web camming is good for those kinds of people, especially because it is legal. Still honesty is key.

[Matthew k]

Umm how about you just WATCH someone on Cam4 or Stickam and you don't actually communicate with the person..... ha ha.

 

A lot of good answers actually so far that could really go in lots of directions if you draw the thought process out. When you don't have physical relations with someone, but an emotional connection, where does that fall?

[Skyline]

I think if I was in a serious and committed relationship with someone, and camming came up as an issue, I would do what I always prescribe to do, just talk to them. Some people might have issues with it, and others wouldnt, and honestly I feel in order for it to be considered cheating the other person needs to a.) Be kept in the dark and b.) not like, agree or approve of the activity. Thus as a result of this, I can't really say if it is or isnt cheating, because it depends on the person you're in the relationship with.

 

However, I do (like Ara) feel that this affords pretty simple global guidelines. If you don't want your partner to find out, its deceitful, and therefore, probably cheating.

[hh5]

I think if I was in a serious and committed relationship with someone, and camming came up as an issue, I would do what I always prescribe to do, just talk to them. Some people might have issues with it, and others wouldnt, and honestly I feel in order for it to be considered cheating the other person needs to a.) Be kept in the dark and b.) not like, agree or approve of the activity. Thus as a result of this, I can't really say if it is or isnt cheating, because it depends on the person you're in the relationship with.

 

However, I do (like Ara) feel that this affords pretty simple global guidelines. If you don't want your partner to find out, its deceitful, and therefore, probably cheating.

 

What if your partner has close friends before you that they do close things together ... but be embarrassed to tell you what they do and then what about the other way around if you have close friends and do close things. Still a healthy relationship should not mean one loses all of ones friends ... maybe some or the nature of it changes. Of course the camming sort of pushes the gray area with the added feature of being at home and being caught.

 

To find out is to the possibility of having a healthy discussion of ones relationship ... an overly committed relationship or monogamy ... seem to be a recipe for resorting to hateful thinking of deceitful, cheating, etc. but then hearing those words must be other things that wasn't worked out. That's really hitting the wall of technology and society ... the gray area becomes apparently stuck into our face.

 

Nowadays they define relationships that its ok to have one other to have extra marital relationships but still be considered a committed relationship.

 

so where does cheating and deceitfulness comes into play for validity sake ... its when a measurable diminished level of love that goes below average or min\max would be a good indicator meaning most love has gone to someone else and the partner not spending QT time with you at all ... but of course with the nowadays thing ... add the 2nd person after the first extra marital affair - would be called cheating but then they didn't clarify nor exclude close friends.

[Skyline]

What if your partner has close friends before you that they do close things together ... but be embarrassed to tell you what they do and then what about the other way around if you have close friends and do close things. Still a healthy relationship should not mean one loses all of ones friends ... maybe some or the nature of it changes. Of course the camming sort of pushes the gray area with the added feature of being at home and being caught.

 

To find out is to the possibility of having a healthy discussion of ones relationship ... an overly committed relationship or monogamy ... seem to be a recipe for resorting to hateful thinking of deceitful, cheating, etc. but then hearing those words must be other things that wasn't worked out. That's really hitting the wall of technology and society ... the gray area becomes apparently stuck into our face.

 

Nowadays they define relationships that its ok to have one other to have extra marital relationships but still be considered a committed relationship.

 

so where does cheating and deceitfulness comes into play for validity sake ... its when a measurable diminished level of love that goes below average or min\max would be a good indicator meaning most love has gone to someone else and the partner not spending QT time with you at all ... but of course with the nowadays thing ... add the 2nd person after the first extra marital affair - would be called cheating but then they didn't clarify nor exclude close friends.

 

Honestly, thinking about my girlfriend showing herself to another guy, and him to her, doesn't make me feel good. I personally don't feel that it is appropriate in a relationship, regardless of what kind of "closeness" those people previously shared. If she had been close enough to the other guy, to be willing to do such things, than maybe she should be with him instead of me. I know that not everything can be so black and white in a relationship, as it is largely compromise, but some things I firmly believe are either do, or do not. Anything sexual is pretty much within that yes and no realm. If someone wants to stray from those boundaries, than it is probably best that we separate, because their interests seem to lie elsewhere.

 

As I mentioned before though, whether its is cheating/deceitful depends on both people involved (I believe). All cheating is deceitful, but not all deceit is cheating (although it likely is, if it involves another person in an interpersonal sense.) This statement assumes however that is someone is cheated on, they would not remain in the relationship.

 

There are basically (I feel) two options

 

Partner A hides activities with another person from their mate, partner B. Partner B does not like any aspect of this. = Cheating and Deceitful

Partner A hides activities with another person from their mate, Partner B. Partner B is neutral or feels fine with this. = Deceit

Edited December 22, 2010 by Skyline

[mr.chris]

what about webcamming with your partner to other strangers. Now that's some kinky stuff

 

 

[Skyline]

what about webcamming with your partner to other strangers. Now that's some kinky stuff

 

 

 

Lol I knew this would come up haha. I feel that this would be fine, as you would have talked to your partner obviously. Its like having a 3some or some kind of group sex. Generally speaking people do this to spice up their love life, change it up a bit, keep things interesting. If both partners are for it, then I say be safe, and go for it!

 

 

[hh5]

Honestly, thinking about my girlfriend showing herself to another guy, and him to her, doesn't make me feel good. I personally don't feel that it is appropriate in a relationship, regardless of what kind of "closeness" those people previously shared. If she had been close enough to the other guy, to be willing to do such things, than maybe she should be with him instead of me. I know that not everything can be so black and white in a relationship, as it is largely compromise, but some things I firmly believe are either do, or do not. Anything sexual is pretty much within that yes and no realm. If someone wants to stray from those boundaries, than it is probably best that we separate, because their interests seem to lie elsewhere.

 

As I mentioned before though, whether its is cheating/deceitful depends on both people involved (I believe). All cheating is deceitful, but not all deceit is cheating (although it likely is, if it involves another person in an interpersonal sense.) This statement assumes however that is someone is cheated on, they would not remain in the relationship.

 

There are basically (I feel) two options

 

Partner A hides activities with another person from their mate, partner B. Partner B does not like any aspect of this. = Cheating and Deceitful

Partner A hides activities with another person from their mate, Partner B. Partner B is neutral or feels fine with this. = Deceit

 

Thanks you for your response ...

 

Good points ... but of course what you do with those things in terms of the relationship ... is just bumps or bangs or stopping of a relationship

 

ie:

Given the examples you stated, add the following

* Partner A - provides a very comfortable life style to Partner B. The choice ... does partner B leave or not?

If the relationship is really based upon a matter of convenience ... Partner B stays and accepts this relationship

If its based on love, then there be a divorce.

 

I know a relationship that like that ... Partner A is a tough person to live with ... Partner B loves Partner A but Partner A does what he wants ... and the relationship is a matter of convenience. And they have been together for 50 to 60 years.

 

Yes I have met a couple that married early and it was instant knowing they where meant for each other ... neither has ever cheat on each other. They live together for 50 to 60 years. And if your points happen ... then yes ... your points are quite clear ... and the results would be disheartening.

 

Your describing to me is monogamy ... the two ppl exclusivity and that has been in the the last 50 years to be a losing battle

I think there is a rise of the family unit (threesome, foursomes, etc) people that can co-exist and have multiple or one primary partner.

 

In the wild there exist singles,twosomes, threesomes, foursomes ... but there is no law to enforce a monogamy relationship like we humans have done for over a hundred years.

 

I accept your points for Twosomes ... but the dynamics in other relationships can be different and it would take exceeding those boundaries to be considered cheating and deceit. But I bet having more than two ppl angry at you and have you sleep on the couch would definitely send an interesting message.

[Krista]

It certainly is worse than watching porn... a lot more personal and revealing for both participants in the "camming" thing. Some people don't care about such things and just whip it out for anyone.. lol, but in my relationship if I was to do that for someone - I would pretty much have to love them in some way.. and by then I would already be cheating...

 

So yes, it depends on the relationship and the people involved. Some people can very easily show their body to a stranger and not feel any connection before, during, and after the act... one could argue it's just interactive porn at that point.. but an ongoing "camming" relationship to me is just long distance cheating. I think if you're in a good relationship then you shouldn't feel the need to expose yourself or watch someone else... you should have what you need IRL.

[hh5]

It certainly is worse than watching porn... a lot more personal and revealing for both participants in the "camming" thing. Some people don't care about such things and just whip it out for anyone.. lol, but in my relationship if I was to do that for someone - I would pretty much have to love them in some way.. and by then I would already be cheating...

 

So yes, it depends on the relationship and the people involved. Some people can very easily show their body to a stranger and not feel any connection before, during, and after the act... one could argue it's just interactive porn at that point.. but an ongoing "camming" relationship to me is just long distance cheating. I think if you're in a good relationship then you shouldn't feel the need to expose yourself or watch someone else... you should have what you need IRL.

 

Good point .... the cammers could be Nudist and the significant other isn't ... that might be a shocking surprise.