Being a Gay. Is that a choice?

[John Galaor]

Everyone's wired differently and there are probably some gay guys who have tried the other side and even enjoyed it a bit before discovering in the long-term, women just aren't a viable option. But speaking for myself, ewwwwww no I love women as friends and can appreciate their looks, but I'm not interested in them and probably couldn't even get it up to do it.

 

And if being gay is a choice, someone must have made it for me immediately I was born, because I certainly can't remember ever choosing that I didn't want to like girls.

 

well, you look like a lovely lady. I had to see the data on your profile to know you were a male.

[DragonMando]

Yes, but I was answering more from the perspective of the wording of the question, "being a gay" rather than "being gay"

 

Being gay is not a choice, Acting flambuoyant and stereotypically gay may or may not be, but isn't in my case.

[Former Member]

Not a choice - Scientists have scanned the brains of men and women, straight and gay and have found clear differences between gay and straight human brains.

The choice we do have is to either accept it and embrace it, or not to, and live a complicated, unhappy life.

Not sure if I'm allowed to post links to external sources so to find out more on the study, google this.. 'Scans see 'gay brain differences' and you should find the article.

[Former Member]

You have entered the vag cave???

 

 

Vag cave? Haha good one.

[Former Member]

How do you explain bi-sexual people though? They make a choice in the end to be with a man or a women, while us gays make a choice to which man we'll sleep with/be with.

 

 

 

 

Maybe I can help with that. I consider myself bisexual only in sexual attraction. I do find some women sexy to look at, but mostly guys. However relationship/romance wise. I've only ever had those feelings towards other guys. I could only ever love another woman as a friend or part of my family

I never had a choice to feel that way. It just is. It would be unfair to have a relationship with a female where I could never love her the way she needs to be.

I must be one of the few who've never had a problem with my orientation though, only problem I have is it's a lonely life. Everyone I know seems to be as straight as an arrow

[Former Member]

. Girls are fine for sex, but I have a much deeper emotional connection with guys.

 

Same here, Some girls I do find attractive, but I could never have a full relationship with one (tried and failed).

[fred123]

Same here, Some girls I do find attractive, but I could never have a full relationship with one (tried and failed).

 

 

I am also like you. I tried having relationship with girls. But I don't find them as attractive I find guys to be.. Those guys I know are as straight as an arrow so sad us my life...

[Former Member]

I am also like you. I tried having relationship with girls. But I don't find them as attractive I find guys to be.. Those guys I know are as straight as an arrow so sad us my life...

 

Tell me about it. It seems like I really am the only "gay guy in the village" =D

[fred123]

Tell me about it. It seems like I really am the only "gay guy in the village" =D

 

at least I'm not living in a village.. But I'll love to. I think it's beautiful in the village than the city.. Of course if one know a gay than in no time the whole village will know.

[John Galaor]

Well, I can't speak for all bisexual's but for me it kind of fluctuates.

---------

Girls are fine for sex, but I have a much deeper emotional connection with guys.

 

I started by having vague fantasies with imaginary girls, for I was in an orphanage. Then, when I started to feel lust, I went toward other boys. If one needs another person to have some experience of sex, the most likely to a girl is another boy. Then in my case, I was driven by lust. Then, much later, when I was a young adult, I could not have a girlfriend for I do not wanted to beget poor children. For as long I would not find a decent job I will not going to marry.

 

Then, all this times, I had sexual experiences only with other males of my age, more or less. But I never felt the need to have deeper emotional connection, as you say, Cyhort. I never had dreamed of living with another male. Not that I had not propositions in this sense, but my mind never accepted the idea.

So, for as long as I had only shitty jobs I forgot the girls existed. For I had the idea that if entered into this trap, my lustful nature would made me to marry her. And then, I would be breeding poor underclass people. I hated this idea.

 

But in absence of girls in my life, or women as I matured, I had only occasional sex with another male. An affair of a single day; well, a not even an hour if you count the time to take a drink and chat a little.

 

When I find at last a decent job, I looked for a girl and married her in three months.

 

So, I am bisexual, but never had the idea of having a deep emotional connection with another male. I do not see the point. I think that my mind is incompatible with living with another male. Of course, I would not had accepted a bossy woman as wife either. I do not believe in that sort of thing. I was not bossy with her, she was not bossy with me.

I had a sex life for as long as she wanted to have it. Later, when she grow older, she rejected the idea of having sex. But I do not divorced, for any other women would worse than that. I got the idea that most women hate sex. Not only women, I am forming in my mind the idea that even gays hate sexual life.

 

Then, who loves sex? I am not sure. Perhaps, many man and woman had occasional moments in which they need to have. But a few had not any lust drive at all, and a few others had more of less permanent lust. Of course this has some relation with the hormones. Not only with testosterone, but with others as well.

[Former Member]

at least I'm not living in a village.. But I'll love to. I think it's beautiful in the village than the city.. Of course if one know a gay than in no time the whole village will know.

 

It is a beautiful little fishing village on the coast , near Inverness Scotland. I've only just recently moved here so I've not had the chance to check out the talent so to speak.

However it seems where ever I go I end up moving to 'straight' places. The last town I lived in was the same. There were the occasional really flamboyant guy but that's all.

[XBadboyX]

You choose to engage in sexual activity - the gender of your partner is irrelevant.

 

You don't choose to be emotionally attracted to someone - the gender of the other person should be irrelevant, but one can only hope.

[JamesSavik]

 

After much study of human sexuality, Kinsey proposed that sexual orientation fell into a continuum. Exclusively heterosexual and homosexual people make up the extremes of the scale where most people fall into the middle.

 

This suggests that bisexuals may have some choice in who they find attractive but purely hetero and homosexual people seem to be hard-wired in their orientation. There is clearly some biological imperative at work in both cases because the behavior is similar, consistent and is highly resistent to change.

[babyjace_2142]

no, we r who we r, its not a choice

[fred123]

It is a beautiful little fishing village on the coast , near Inverness Scotland. I've only just recently moved here so I've not had the chance to check out the talent so to speak.

However it seems where ever I go I end up moving to 'straight' places. The last town I lived in was the same. There were the occasional really flamboyant guy but that's all.

 

wow, that is really beautiful. I always wanted to stay in a plc line this but will never get a chance. I live in a tiny island in Asia called Singapore. Here, in thus island there are gays but I have not met anyone yet. No the adventerous sort..

[fred123]

 

After much study of human sexuality, Kinsey proposed that sexual orientation fell into a continuum. Exclusively heterosexual and homosexual people make up the extremes of the scale where most people fall into the middle.

 

This suggests that bisexuals may have some choice in who they find attractive but purely hetero and homosexual people seem to be hard-wired in their orientation. There is clearly some biological imperative at work in both cases because the behavior is similar, consistent and is highly resistent to change.

 

[fred123]

I'm not too sure about this. Was told by a doctor that homosexual behaviour was due to events that happen during childhood. Probably due to the abscent of a male role. So that person grow up liking male and think he's gay. And lead to thinking that there's no way out or rather no choice but have to be gay.

 

I'm not too sure about this. Was told by a doctor that homosexual behaviour was due to events that happen during childhood. Probably due to the abscent of a male role. So that person grow up liking male and think he's gay. And lead to thinking that there's no way out or rather no choice but have to be gay.

[JamesSavik]

I'm not too sure about this. Was told by a doctor that homosexual behaviour was due to events that happen during childhood. Probably due to the abscent of a male role. So that person grow up liking male and think he's gay. And lead to thinking that there's no way out or rather no choice but have to be gay.

 

This is Freudian theory- strong (dominate) mother, weak, absent father ==> male homosexuality.

 

This has been completely discredited. Many gay males had strong father figures and still turned out gay.

 

Molestation theory- eg. the idea that a male child is molested and turns gay, doesn't work either. Male molestation victims sexuality does not change statistically in numerous large scale studies with large, diverse population samples. They are hetero and homosexual at the same rates.

 

The research seems to indicate that sexuality is set and does not change as early as 3 years old. While environment might play a part in sexuality, it is clear that genetics or pre-natal factors are at play.

 

One of the best theories to emerge in the 2000s is that a big factor in sexual orientation is the balance of hormones at work en utereo. As the fetus develops, the mothers endocrine system releases a mixture of hormones and that mix of hormones has a major effect on the pre-natal development of the child.

 

 

In any case, the idea that anyone would chose to be gay when it causes so much trouble for them is patently ludicrous. There are plenty of people right here, right now on this board that would be str8 if gay could be beaten out of them, prayed out of them or punished out of them. Those of us that fall into that category find the idea of choice in sexual orientation to be every bit as offensive as racism, Antisemitism or any other form of bigotry rooted in religious fanaticism.

 

The only choice seems to be whether you are out or in the closet.

[old bob]

This is Freudian theory- strong (dominate) mother, weak, absent father ==> male homosexuality.

This has been completely discredited. Many gay males had strong father figures and still turned out gay.....

In any case, the idea that anyone would chose to be gay when it causes so much trouble for them is patently ludicrous..... Those of us that fall into that category find the idea of choice in sexual orientation to be every bit as offensive as racism, Antisemitism or any other form of bigotry rooted in religious fanaticism.

The only choice seems to be whether you are out or in the closet.

 

Once more, I have to say that I admire James. His style and the way he writes, short, direct, with just the minimal number of words, are awesome and impressive .

BTW, IMO he is 100 % right.

[John Galaor]

 

After much study of human sexuality, Kinsey proposed that sexual orientation fell into a continuum. Exclusively heterosexual and homosexual people make up the extremes of the scale where most people fall into the middle.

 

This suggests that bisexuals may have some choice in who they find attractive but purely hetero and homosexual people seem to be hard-wired in their orientation. There is clearly some biological imperative at work in both cases because the behavior is similar, consistent and is highly resistent to change.

 

I knew this theory of Kinsey and it makes sense. I had added some refinement to this theory to explain bisexuality. It is just a mere hypothesis that at present cannot be proved yet.

 

It is that humans had wired in the brain some sexual attitudes, both male and female at the same time. But a minority has more strongly marked either male or female attitude. This is mostly determined by some genetic variables, that affect the hormonal levels in the blood; for males and females had testosterone and estrogen in the blood. Due to hormonal levels, or to other causes, one tendency is more marked. But in the intermediate cases, it enters another variable; the circumstances. If we take notice of many mammals; in some species only a few males do all the breeding. The breeders can be as much as 25% and as little as 10% or less. The rest of the males had not any opportunity to breed in their life.

In the case of humans, when we were hunter gatherers, it would had been similar, for to hunt big beast we had to work forming teams. Then, the groups of hunters could had been about 20 males or so. Well, perhaps in this case, the breeders were the stronger hunters. About five or six. The rest could not make it. Then, in this case, as someone was asking, they had to be some homosexuality. When the big preys were exterminated, the humans had to spread out more thinly on the world. Like actual hunter gatherers. Then, the life is so precarious that there is not a problem to form heterosexual couples, for they are very spread people. Each family needs a lot of space to gather food and to hunt. There is not any problem with overpopulation for hunger makes for a lower fertility.

Then, when agricultural life starts, there is a moment in which there is an excess of population. In in this period in which are established restrictions about sexuality. Due also to the high density, it starts a strong hierarchy stress. This happens on both sexes. The aim is to retard the time for breeding. A little later is not enough to delay the onset on breeding, but some people is pressed for not breeding at all. Then harassment of of those in higher rank over the the rest, influences the development of brain, in the sexual awakening. Those that had inherited the lower aggressive attitude can feel they are feminine, in the case of males; the same can be similar in females. Those those males that feel aggressive and sure of their rank can feel heterosexuals. In the case of females, those with some combination of hormones can feel dominating and hate to be submissive to males. So, it is easy to imagine that that look for a submissive female. Those males middle of the road, can have a destine or other, depending on the circumstances. When heterosexual sex is almost impossible, or very unlikely, as it happens in the world today, the fantasies about the other gender start to fade. Then one starts to see some female traits in another male that looks like a girl, or show manners like a girl. This one would play the role of inserter, unless his stamina or lust would not be very strong, in which case he would to play the role of insertee, or servant to the more dominant male. Then, the same male, depending on the circumstances, can play a role or another; inserter or insertee. it all depends on the rank of the partner he has in this moment.

Then, my theory postulates that in absence of perspectives of an heterosexual experience, some alternative connections awake in the brain and get stronger. But as not all males had the same levels of testosterone or other hormones, like estrogen or oxitocine, the sexual behavior presents wide differences. Then some bisexuals can marry if they improve in status, for the status play an important role in the production of testosterone. Then as a male grows up, after being involved in homosexual experiences when younger, he could marry normally and forget his gay past, as a phase of his youth. Later on, if he divorce and have not enough sex as he grows older, he can come back to the gay activity of his youth. While other males, like those that need to announce that they are gay and get out of the closet, they would not change his sexual status. Those that do not feel so gay, do not see any sense in getting of the closet. They do not see any advantage in telling this to anyone. Only those that had been involved with him sexually would know he is.

So as Kinsey said, there is a gradation from being totally gay to being totally hetero. Then in the middle are those that are more or less gay, but also less or more heterosexuals. Then, all those that are in the middle do not get out of the closet. But about half of them, favor the rights of gays, as can be observed by the polls. In some countries in Europe, about 66% favor the rights of the gays. Probably for most of them have had some pleasant experiences with total gays. So it is logical that they would be in favor of the rights of gays. The others are too hypocrites to confess they are in favor of the gays. My opinion is that many straight gays have had experiences with gays. They had because it is not that easy to have heterosexual experiences in life, for many reasons.

[Former Member]

This is Freudian theory- strong (dominate) mother, weak, absent father ==> male homosexuality.

 

This has been completely discredited. Many gay males had strong father figures and still turned out gay.

 

Molestation theory- eg. the idea that a male child is molested and turns gay, doesn't work either. Male molestation victims sexuality does not change statistically in numerous large scale studies with large, diverse population samples. They are hetero and homosexual at the same rates.

 

The research seems to indicate that sexuality is set and does not change as early as 3 years old. While environment might play a part in sexuality, it is clear that genetics or pre-natal factors are at play.

 

One of the best theories to emerge in the 2000s is that a big factor in sexual orientation is the balance of hormones at work en utereo. As the fetus develops, the mothers endocrine system releases a mixture of hormones and that mix of hormones has a major effect on the pre-natal development of the child.

 

 

In any case, the idea that anyone would chose to be gay when it causes so much trouble for them is patently ludicrous. There are plenty of people right here, right now on this board that would be str8 if gay could be beaten out of them, prayed out of them or punished out of them. Those of us that fall into that category find the idea of choice in sexual orientation to be every bit as offensive as racism, Antisemitism or any other form of bigotry rooted in religious fanaticism.

 

The only choice seems to be whether you are out or in the closet.

 

Well said. The only thing I differ on is that I've never had a problem with my orientation. Although most do or have had at some stage in their lives, just like you said.

Which is a shame. I think most typical gays wouldn't have a problem with their orientation if society treated them just the same as any typical hetrosexual.

[Leicht]

If it is a choice to be gay, I wouldn't choose it the first place but as I can remember, I was attracted to guys maybe in the early age of 7-8 years old where I was fascinated by the guys on the cover of Men's health, etc... my mum always have this lingerie catalogs and I was always interested with the male models in their sexy underwear instead of the women in more provocative attire which didn't have any effect on me.. until now. I had my first crush on two guys in my class when I was 10. At first I didn't realize it until I was 11 years old

Edited May 8, 2011 by Leicht

[John Galaor]

Not a choice - Scientists have scanned the brains of men and women, straight and gay and have found clear differences between gay and straight human brains.

The choice we do have is to either accept it and embrace it, or not to, and live a complicated, unhappy life.

Not sure if I'm allowed to post links to external sources so to find out more on the study, google this.. 'Scans see 'gay brain differences' and you should find the article.

 

It is very difficult to interpret this scans with certainty. If you watch the brain scan of a tennis player, it can be quite different to that of a mathematician or of a pianist. The single fact that they think and act different made the wiring of their brain different. This do not alter the hypothesis that basic homosexuality can have of genetic origin. Then, as we has seen in the case of homosexual animals, the circumstances can play an important role in sexuality as a fact.

Look for "Biological Exuberance" in Google, or here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexual_behavior_in_animals

 

There is also a concept called epigenetics http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epigenetics

Well, then I can add another concept, social pressure. This can cause inhibitions in some development in the wiring of the brain, by depressing the productivity of some hormonal glands. The person can get stunted in their body development and intelligence. In cases more ordinary, other glands can also remained less developed due to social harassment. This could explain, by example, the more frequent case of homosexuality among boys who had several older brothers. The explanation calls for the older brothers harassing and bullying the younger one. In other case, the first son born could had come to this world in moments of crisis for the mother, or even the family. This could depress also the physical development of the child, and make it prone to be gay. Nevertheless, these commentaries do not preclude basic conditions that could determine the future sexual behavior of a child, as being strongly gay or strongly heterosexual. There is a basic genetic condition of physical development that can go forward also in bad conditions. Among the many peers in a litter, the stronger use to rob the food to the weaker. And in families with scarce food at the table, the older or more aggressive brother feeds himself better than the younger or weaker brothers. This early competence for food makes for aggressive brothers, and aggressive families. Countries in which this condition is common, are prone to have civil wars, and gangs of bandits and guerrillas.

What I mean social conditions, or said in a different way, the experience of a child, his perceived rank among his peers are going to determine how much this strength would develop. The next question is "are there any aggressive and top gun gays?" They can exist but are not very common. Other question is how to explain the case. It seems counter-intuitive the case of an aggressive gay who trains in karate and had achieved the rank of San-dan, third degree black belt. My theory is that too much work, study or sport make lust to sag a lot. Then, unless this person would have a week or two of vacations doing nothing at all, his lust will be almost inexistent. Well, the Spartan warriors, as well as other ancient warriors from Thessaly, Beothia, Creta, or the Samurai, were known to form love couples. It was very frequent the samurais would cultivate an androgynous look. But they were respectable, because they were fearsome warriors that were easily offended with the most insignificant sign of disrespect. The ancient Greek warriors were similar in this, and they made a show off of their beauty and long hair, that hanged down in curls. For the battle, the long hair was recoiled in a bun. The bun was also an important adornment among the samurais. No other people, except ladies could wear a bun on their heads. You suppose well thinking the bun of the ladies was different to one of the warriors. Even the form of bun among ladies reflected the social rank they had. So there were different forms of buns.

 

What a I mean, social conventions could play an important role of what we can see in a society. The next question could be, there were effeminates among Greeks? Yeah. They were called Hermaphroditus. There was also an important myth about Hermophroditus, a son of Hermes and Aphrodite. There was also some temples in several parts of the Peloponnese for persons that felt like girls in boy's bodies. Hermes and Aphrodite was considered the perfect couple. But the personality of both divinities was son strong that his son/daughter was at the same time male and female.

When a boy had a strong feminine look it was considered an image of Hermaphroditus.

[Percivial]

well, you look like a lovely lady. I had to see the data on your profile to know you were a male.

 

That's not even close to being me in the pic lol. It's a pic of a tennis player with stunning eyes and probably the only woman I'd ever go straight for.

[John Galaor]

Many people have debated that being gay is a choice, while others had and are debating that it's nit a choice. That's how they are... What's your views??

 

Considering all the shit a gay had to endure socially in a high School, or in a college, "it can not be a choice". It is an inner drive the person feel to watch or to like another person of same sex. The person feels attracted to another of the same sex in spite of the social stigma attached to such feeling.

Everybody know what a lot of shit social peers are pouring over gays. So to become gay is not something one decides with the aim of being popular among its peers.

 

The same can be said of the manners. Gay manners cannot be controlled either, or you would not see any gay showing his manners. Most of the harassment a gay has to endure is due mainly to his manners that are very visible. A gay is rarely harassed for his deeds, for in general sex acts are done in private.

 

So, only a few light gays are able to hide their manners for they are weakly determined by nature.