Gay In College

[PrivateTim]

Hey Tim, there are Republicans and Conservatives at Berkeley, and there are several Republican-oriented and Conservative-oriented clubs on campus. But they are in the minority, or perhaps students in these categories are as closeted as most gay guys are in high school.

 

Colin

 

Hey Colin, having been a conservative and a Republican at Cal, I am well aware of how they are treated.

[John Doe]

I attended one of the largest universities in the United States.... and I lived in a suite of 10 guys including myself, and shared a room with one of them and we all shared a same common room and bathroom. My family doesn't know about me, and all my highschool friends chose colleges near the west cost and mine was on the east... so I was in a new place thousands of miles from friends and home. I came out to my suite mates about a month in (I told one two weeks in because I felt like I was lying to them all and couldn't handle it well) and they all took it with grace. Not surprisingly, I was the only gay guy of the group. My roommate was gone for the first half of the year hanging with this highschool friends who lived 3 floors below.... and he found out later... initially he was creeped out because we slept in the same room, but he was never mean or cruel or rude to me. A few weeks later we hung out like we were friends from high school. Though they have told me it was easier for them to take cause I'm not flamboyant, which I can understand. (I'm not uber masculine too... I occasionally worked out, played video games but sucked at it... I was more so the talkative to my friends but quiet when strangers are around who reads lots of books, talks about anything kind of guy). There was one guy would believed that I told them I was gay just to get a rise out of him. (He also believed that gay people were invented by the media to incite fear and hysteria....) Anyway, long story short, due to circumstances... I petitioned my dorm office to be moved to a different room and all my suitemates stole my paperwork and threw them away and we had a huge fight about me leaving. (I can't remember why I wanted to leave now that I think about it) So yeah we all became kinda close. (Hmm suddenyl all sorts of crazy stories that happened here ome to mind.... time to FB and relived our past!)

 

I transfered to another big football school and this second univiersity was in a very much more conservative state and city. I lived in a 7 suite room, we all had our own rooms. Again I waited about a month before I told them, just to get a feel for their personalities. Most of them took it with ease. We went out to clubs and bars... ate together and went to movies. Talked about all sorts thing and they even wanted to get my perspective (usually more so when its something sexual... so yeah Tet... for some reason straight guys are very interested in gay sex...human curiosity, I guess). But there was someone or maybe even two or three people who left me homophobic messages on my door's whiteboard. I even got a book on "How to be a better Christian" (as that's my faith) and "Steps to cleanse homosexuality from my soul" and "The guide on how to not engage in the sins of homosexuality" on my door or my suite box addressed to me. I found out some of these were from a girl down the hall who I thought was my friend... and one of the suitemate was responsible for the others.... I had a feeling another suitemate was involved. There was a degree of "sides" and battle lines. Eventually I got a job and moved off campus so I didn't have to deal with that anymore. Here at this school, a few of our football players were gay. No issues from what I hear/know.

 

I would say the schools name, but I'm a private person. But if I were to say the names of the school you all would know. They are big football schools.

 

So it's just luck. Most people leave ya alone. There are few who do suck at life. And I also learned that the most hateful persons are not only just guys but unsuspecting cute girls down the hall who pretends to be your friend. I learned to judge people's character by just looking at them and the way they act and now I'm 99.9 % right in my assumptions of people when I first initially meet them, but I also have a good intuition of people to begin with.

[Aximili Chaosmembrane]

Huh. A silent, shy-type book reader who sucks at games and sports? Sounds a lot like me ;p

 

Seems like you're brave enough to come out to you room mates though. I never had that courage

[hh5]

Well in the basement of the student union was the equiv of LGBT ... I watch the open door .. I have never seen any one go in or out of the room

 

I guess I didn't feel so incline to go visit ... also it became my regret ... not knowing the gay population at school

 

it would have open my eyes ... but I remain in the closet

[Former Member]

I'm in my second year of college and realise that no one knows about my sexuality there. No one has ever asked and I don't really have a reason to tell. Though if someone did ask, I'd be honest and tell them.

 

As far as I can tell, the environment is quite gay-friendly. Not homophobic, in any case. There's a gay bar only a few hundred yards away from the main buildings of the university. Also, this city hosted Pink Saturday this year, and there were no troubles as far as I know. But like I said, no one knows about me in college, except for my best friends in high school, so it's really hard to tell.

 

Now that I think about it, maybe I should just say it. Some of them might have a clue already, since homosexuality is and has been the subject of more than one of my essays so far. I'll just leave another comment when I've come out.

[Anthony]

Dear Aximili,

You wrote:

 

I think that coming out in school can be liberating. Staying in the closet all those years, I think I was at least safe from disease, but it was five years of pure loneliness. In a way, I got used to it.

 

 

That rings peals of bells with me. From puberty what confronted me was a sexual desert extending into my twenties and my wife and I both felt the same about that and so tried to alleviate it for our children. We allowed them to bring partners home (to bed) from the age of sixteen. It would have been earlier but under our antiquated laws we could have lost control of them if we had explicitly allowed sex when they were younger.

 

Like you I was deeply closeted at university. Unfortunately I fell in love with a straight guy in my first term and spent a lot of time longing and trying to get over the longing. So I thought very few people knew.

 

Then, one day in my third year I was approached in the quad by a beautiful black man called Rex Nettleford who I had scarcely spoken to before. He simply said "Would you like to sleep with a black man; I've got a friend coming to stay who would like some company." I was gobsmacked. How could he know I would be up for that? I perhaps ought to say that I was athletic, rowed in the first eight and not the least bit artistic or effeminate.

 

So I was probably ostrich like; the only one who couldn't see I was hiding from everyone in plain view.

 

Last year I tried to get in touch with Rex again. The day after I emailed him there was a full page obituary in the Guardian.

 

As they say 'the past is a different country'. I read Colinian's remark that UC Berkeley has 36000 students (can I really remember that right?). When I was at Oxford there were 5000 in the whole university and only 200 in my college.

 

Oh and BTW I did (of course) accept Rexes offer. And at the last college gaudy (old boys dinner) I went round asking people whether they knew I was gay when we had been there together and I don't remember anyone I asked saying 'yes'. I guess that Rex had a good gaydar - he was, I think, president of the university ballet club!

Love,

Anthony