I Don’T Know What To Do With Him

[Guest PoeEdd]

Hi guys!
Last week a close friend of mine told me that he’s gay (I knew that for a fact since I know him, about 8 months ago) the thing is that I really respected him so for that reason I decided to wait until he told me and to see if he is honest at least with me. He is a great person (almost perfect guy) and also he has a boyfriend since 3 years ago, they really like each other.

In the other hand, I’m really friendly and kind with everybody (I’m a bit popular) I look straight but in fact I’m gay too (I’m in the closet so nobody knows and also my friend is in the closet). My dear friend is really nice with me, so polite and careful, he often call me or text me and I think that he is in love with me or flirting with me but in other moments I think he is not.

Sometimes I think that all these things are wrong, I just told my mother about my sexuality a few days ago and I’m not sure about what she or my family thinks about it (well only she knows). I really love my family but I accept myself too. I know I’m gay since long but since a few months ago is that I’m trying to fit in myself and my circles. I'm ok with the idea of being gay. Love is love, isn`t it?

I fell in love with him since almost I knew him but I don’t know if it’s a good idea to tell him that I’m gay or that I love him or maybe is better to stop seeing him or talking to. Any advices people? Thanks in advance.-

[Cia]

Relationships, even friendships, are about communication. You cannot ignore the feelings and hope to have a romantic relationship with him. If you want that, you will have to speak up eventually. How, when, and where you do that is something you need to give a lot of thought. The other choice is to say nothing and remain friends only. I don't see any reasons to give up your friendship altogether, though. In the end our thoughts are just our opinions. No one can make these decisions for you since you are the only one who truly knows what you want.

[moonwolf]

As Cia said, only you get to decide.

 

The fact that your friend has a boyfriend for the past 3 years changes things a bit.

 

I would tell him that you're gay since he valued your friendship to come out to you.

 

As for you loving him, give it some time. This will change your relationship with him at 1st. It can break a friendship. It can also evolve to a relationship. Just be sure about what you want before taking action.

[Bill W]

Let me put my response this way.  You'll only get this chance once.  If you don't act upon it, you may regret that fact later.  However, if you do act, you may face rejection of one sort or another.  Either way, it's a tough call, so you have to think this out and decide if you like him enough to take this chance.  I think you said he's in the closet too, so I doubt he would out you, because you could do the same thing in return, but since he has a bf, your romantic interests may not stand much of a chance.  That boils down to whether your friendship with him might be placed in jeopardy if you open up to him.  Just some things to consider as you ponder this dliemma, but good luck and I hope it works out for you.  . 

[Kitt]

One more thing to think about ( like you don't have enough already ).  No relationship, whether friendship or something more, will work based on lies.  Honesty is needed. 

[rustle]

I once loved a guy and said nothing. He had a boyfriend who cheated on him. I never told Jeff how I felt until it was too late. He found somebody else. I lost my chance, and I lost my friend.

 

I often wonder, What if?

 

I mighta still lost my friend. Or I mighta won the brass ring. Or something in between.

 

Coulda tried to say what was in my heart, before... Coulda let him choose.

 

The only real regret I've ever felt was because of waiting.

 

But I'm not you, and he's not Jeff, and only you know what you know and feel what you feel.

 

     'Whatever you're meant to do, do it now. The conditions are always impossible.' - Doris Lessing

[Guest PoeEdd]

Thanks to all of you guys! I really appreciate it!

[Rndmrunner]

A couple of suggestions from an old fart, try to separate the attraction from the coming out. It might be better if you can tell him when you are just sharing without the expectation that something may or may not happen. It is easier to get to know other gay or gay friendly people that you don't have so much invested in. Good practice telling people and you also gain others to just talk about these issues with in person. There will be a lot of gay folk in your future that there is no mutual sexual attraction but you still share lots in common and are community if not family

 

Good luck. Take your time and have fun.