ROFLLMMAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Y_B]

Applebee’s Declares Bankruptcy After Offering Free Alcohol For Veterans Day
 

 

KANSAS CITY, MO — The president of Applebee’s International, Inc. announced Tuesday that the family restaurant chain would be declaring Chapter 11 bankruptcy next week, after offering military service members and veterans free alcohol for Veterans Day.

 

The promotion resulted in a massive single day loss of nearly $6 billion.

 

“I just wanted to do something for the troops,” said Michael Archer, Applebee’s president, in a press conference. “I figured they would come in, be respectful, and have a drink or two. It’s not like people go to Applebee’s to drink.”

 

Soon after the deal was announced, word of free alcohol spread across social media. Army Brig. Gen. Robert James announced the deal on Twitter, along with the hashtag #CrunkAtApplebees. The tag began trending quickly, after Pentagon spokesman George Little tweeted, “Oh fuck yeah! #CrunkAtApplebees tonight bitches. Join me and Chuckie H.!”

 

“I knew this might be a problem right after the east coast locations opened,” Archer said.“I got a call from the Norfolk VA regional manager who said all our restaurants were packed to capacity with lines out the door.”

 

One Applebee’s reported the captain of the USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN-71) brought his entire crew to the restaurant, with 3000 sailors fighting for just 100 seats. (LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL)

 

“The bartenders and servers fled the premises, leaving the sailors free reign over the bar,” said Archer.

 

“The restaurant was on fire five minutes later.”

 

Any location near military bases suffered a similar fate. Security footage of a Jacksonville, North Carolina Applebee’s showed hundreds of Marines drinking, head-butting walls, and holding one-armed pushup contests. Marines later spray painted “USMC” and “Wagner loves cock” over the walls.

 

“Three guys came in and sat down at the bar,” said Michelle Baxter, a bartender at an Applebee’s in Butte, Montana. “They ordered three kegs and finished them in half an hour. One of them died for a moment. Actually died. He fell to the floor and wasn’t breathing. The two others did CPR on him while shouting ‘Wake up pussy, there‘s beer left!’”

 

“He got back up and started drinking again. He wouldn’t go to the hospital unless he could bring his keg,” she added.

 

Although going out of business, Archer says he has no regrets. “I wanted to thank our veterans. They really are our nation’s finest men and women. They proved it yesterday.”

 

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Oh God I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe.

Edited December 4, 2013 by Y_B

[Former Member]

LOL i ate there Wednesday in Michigan.... yup this is all my fault! Best Wings & Ribs i ever had.

[W_L]

Wow $6 billion that is one heavy hangover, especially since Applebees only brings in less than $3 billion every year

 

On the flip side, Anheuser-Busch, owner of the Budweiser brand,  and Coors are probably going to record normal sales, because whether it comes free or not from a restaurant, somebody paid for the rounds

 

Here's the snope article, it's an urban legend Banger

 

http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/applebees.asp

[Y_B]

Here's the snope article, it's an urban legend Banger

 

http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/applebees.asp

 

Duhhh wanglungg you don't have to search it up to know this is not a real news article but it was funny as hell.

[MikeL]

Duhhh wanglungg you don't have to search it up to know this is not a real news article but it was funny as hell.

 

Yeah, real news is never that funny.

LOL i ate there Wednesday in Michigan.... yup this is all my fault! Best Wings & Ribs i ever had.

 

Mathieu!  You really must get out of Canada more often...maybe head farther south while you are at it.

[Kitt]

While the "article" was amusing, showing the excesses that could have happened, I can't see how anyone would have believed it.  Honestly - after having CPR he went back to drinking?  Spray painting someone loves cock?  Don't ask don't tell may be gone but lets be reasonable.  An the entire crew of a naval vessel?  Who was minding the ship?

[MikeL]

Being a military veteran, I find the spray painted slogan totally believable.  

[Bill W]

Didn't this guy understand how service men like to drink?  Had he never been in the service himself?  If he'd ever spent a night or two in an NCO or officers' club then he could have concluded how such an offer would go.  I'm surprised the terrorists didn't take advantage of the offer too, while the troops were getting drunk they could have benefitted from their lack of vigilence. 

[Y_B]

Clearly some of y'all don't know good satire when it punches you in the face.

[Cia]

Clearly some of y'all don't know good satire when it punches you in the face.

 

Or maybe they just like needling you.

[Fishwings]

DAMMIT I THOUGHT THIS WAS REAL