So You're 30 and An Old Bro Now- Tips For How To An Old Guy (Satir

[methodwriter85]

So, bros, if you were born in 1984, you are getting ready to turn 30. Now that you're old as dirt and no longer a hot piece of 22-year old ass, there are some changes you need to make.[Here are some good tips on how to act like a good ol' gay bro, and not an ol' perve gay bro.](http://www.reddit.com/r/gaybros/comments/1tye2w/how_to_go_gentle_into_that_good_gaybro_night_some/)


1. ***Man fur, baby.***

You're an old MAN now, bro, no longer a boy, so you need to look like a hot-ass bear, bro. Ditch your Gilette lady razors and let that fur come back!


2. ***Keep your shirt on, Grandpa.***

Brah, if your were born before 1985, no one wants to see you and your old-ass pecs, shoulders. I'll never forget the time I went to Aqua in Rehoboth Beach, walked around with my shirt off, and no one immediately dropped to their knees to blow me. Bro, start looking into hot multi-colored tanks from American Apparel instead.


3. ***No more twink bars***

Bro, I beg of ya- don't hit on 22-year old twins anymore. Dudes were born in the 1990's- you were born in the 1980's. What can you possibly have in common with them? My best bro dragged me to an 18-year old-and-over club. It was Swimsuit Night, and seeing all those Harry Styles clones running around made me feel like I was at a casting call for Teen Beach Musical 2. After the bartender snidely asked me if I graduated high school sometime before 2010, that's when I knew it was time to find a new scene. I would rather die than admit to a Louis Tomlinson-looking twink that I graduated high school in the ancient days of 2002, when they were like 8.

4. ***Learn to love your grey hair***

I have about 5 grey hairs now at 30. My best bro asked me if I were President Snow in the Hunger Game's body double, and that's when I knew it was time to get my hair dyed back to its beautiful copper color. But sitting at the beauty parlor with a bunch of blue-haired old ladies made me feel ancient as fuck, bro, so that's when I decided to dye my hair at home. But shockingly, my dollar store hair dye looks awful as shit. After snide comments about my botched hair dye job, I've decided I won't ever dye my hair again, bro. Gotta embrace the grey, bro.


5. ***Embrace Your Lowered Sex Hormones***

At 30, you're about a decade past your sexual peak, bro. Remember when you were 20 and you got a hard-on at the sight of a hot shirtless dude in like 10 seconds? Well, bro, those days are done, and your dick just won't work as much anymore.

But I embrace it, man. I LIKE that I can't get instant-hardons anymore now that I'm 30, and sex isn't on my mind every second. I like that I don't get asked to join 3-somes at my local bathhouse every weekend. It's awesome, bro, that my best bro-partner doesn't check Grindr anymore ever 30 seconds, 'cause he's like 32 and takes him too long to get it up. And it's nice that I can just sleep at night instead of having to party at a rave until 7 a.m. now. It's fucking awesome and so ol' gaybro to read books while drinking wine.


 Besides, no one at a rave wants to see my old ass anymore.


So, dudes, just embrace getting old. It's awesome. I'm 30, and I'm absolutely loving how old I'm getting!

    Anyway, the title got cut off, but just to be sure, this is all satire of a reddit topic that's linked here.

[Daddydavek]

Don't all twinks grow up to become an ol' perve gay bro ....eventually?

[methodwriter85]

 

Don't all twinks grow up to become an ol' perve gay bro ....eventually?

 

  Randy Harrison , aka Justin on Queer as Folk, is now 36. God, that's weird to me. He still looks pretty damn good, though:

 

 

 

     One 30-something guy I think looks even hotter now than they did in their 20's...Tom Welling:

 

Edited December 30, 2013 by methodwriter85

[LJH]

Let me stir things up here. I love your post. Now here's what I think. Age 30 and beyond: You should by now have cultivated a career with a substantial salary. You should by now be mature enough to know that 30 is the sexiest age and that you are uber sexy with a mature outlook on life. You should be uber social for business networking. Your attitude to sex and men/women has changed, no longer are you looking for a boy but instead, you want a mature commitment from a mature man. You also realize that anyone younger than yourself is probably only looking for a financial arrangement/relationship. Note:I say probably. Anyone younger than 30 is still a child. Who the hell wants a child? Cradlesnatcher! Anyone under thirty and in a relationship still look around, like grindr for instance. Anyone under 30 lie on a regular basis to get out of a problem.Anyone under 30 has no moral value. Anyone under 30 are all one night stands. Anyone under thirty wishes he was 30. 30 is an awesome age, and any kid who says 30 is old, has no idea at all.

 

Conversation between two people:

Over 30: 'Hi, I like your eyes. Can I get you a drink?'

Under 30: 'Thanks. How old are you?'

Over 30: 'Thirty.'

Under 30: 'Double Jack Daniels on the ice. What car do you drive?'

 

So, watch out for anyone under thirty. Goodness, they can't even hold down an intelligent conversation. They have no knowledge of the meaning of life. They do know the meaning of a BJ, but that's about it.They are not birds of a feather.

 

ROFL.

 

Hugs.

[A.J.]

It may be satire, but there are parts of it that I can relate to.  I'll turn 30 in August, already have grey hair (damn you genetics) and I've found that I rarely have anything in common with the twinks of today.

[methodwriter85]

 

It may be satire, but there are parts of it that I can relate to.  I'll turn 30 in August, already have grey hair (damn you genetics) and I've found that I rarely have anything in common with the twinks of today.

   

     Here's a scary thought- these days, for a college underclassmen twink, 1994 is when they were in utereo or not even a gleam in their daddy's eye.

[Ieshwar]

Now, I'm scared...

 

But I would embrace the grey hairs any day over the balding...  

[TetRefine]

I'm 21 and already starting to go grey. In fact, I went out to lunch with a friend today and when we sat down, she was like, are you starting to go grey? Men in my family go grey or bald by the time they are in their 30s. Looks like I'll be spending a small fortune keeping my hair color for as long as I can.

 

Also, at 21 the last thing I want to be is 30. And I'm sure at 30 I'll be saying the last thing I want to be is 21 again.  

[Mann Ramblings]

I don't remember being 30 that much. The grey in my beard has taken a sudden appearance that it never had before so I'm resigning myself to Daddy mode... or at least the Uncle with benefits.

[Toast]

Whatever your age, like yourself and others.

[methodwriter85]

I'm 21 and already starting to go grey. In fact, I went out to lunch with a friend today and when we sat down, she was like, are you starting to go grey? Men in my family go grey or bald by the time they are in their 30s. Looks like I'll be spending a small fortune keeping my hair color for as long as I can.

 

Also, at 21 the last thing I want to be is 30. And I'm sure at 30 I'll be saying the last thing I want to be is 21 again.

 

    I've had grey hair since I was in elementary school. I predict I'll be totally grey by the time I'm 35, but I'm fine with that.

 

   As for the last bit, you're right- I wouldn't want to be 21 again for anything. 25, however, was pretty awesome.

Edited January 2, 2014 by methodwriter85

[JamesSavik]

I'm not gray.

 

I turned white blond from strawberry blond.

[Daddydavek]

I started out blond and my hair turned light brown as a teenager and adult.  As I matured, my hair has turned platinum!

[joann414]

My hair started turning in my twenties and I've been platinum blondish for almost thirty years.  Never thought of coloring it.  Money wasted in my mind.  Each to his own though.  My daughter spends lots to keep her hair its original color or highlighted.  "shrugs"