Adulting is Hard

[Brayon]

1 hour ago, Fae Briona said:

INTP is what mine normally comes up as; It can very depending on when you take it and what version.

Same here. INTP-t

Edited May 3, 2019 by BHopper2

[Former Member]

12 hours ago, Randy Wade said:

Hi DQ

Hi there, Randy! What adult thing do you still struggle with? I have too many (of my own) to list them all.
;–)

Edited May 12, 2019 by Former Member

[BabyXander1990]

Adulting is hard...I saw it on a T shirt. 😀

 

To the poster who said girling is hard...just keep doing it... After a few years, I can pass for a girl..even in a bikini. I won't win Miss Universe, but my Boyfriend and our kids love me for being me - an XY Mommy...😇

[BabyXander1990]

On 4/27/2019 at 7:48 PM, mollyhousemouse said:

mine?  i don't "girl" very well. 
i can't use a curling iron, wear high heels, or do my nails. i can't braid my hair. had to buy a book to teach me how to do Daughter's when she was small. there are many days when we get home, if i've put my hair up,  i have to hand the scissors to Phil so He can cut the rubber bands out of my hair to let it down.
i know how to use mascara, and some blush, but that's the extent of my makeup skill. (luckily enough, Phil doesn't like for me to wear much makeup)
i don't own stockings, or pantyhose.  i have a tendency to snag and rip them so they don't last past one wear.
so yeah, that's my thing...

Like anything else, it takes practice to be a girl when you were born XY. Now, I'm not going to win Miss Universe, but I am the best Mommy for our kids. My boyfriend has 2 biochildren (one who is like me) and we are fostering 3 kids.

[Wayne Gray]

1 minute ago, BabyXander1990 said:

Like anything else, it takes practice to be a girl when you were born XY. Now, I'm not going to win Miss Universe, but I am the best Mommy for our kids. My boyfriend has 2 biochildren (one who is like me) and we are fostering 3 kids.

Far as I know, molly is XX.  But that doesn't really mean "girling" is easy for her either.

[BabyXander1990]

On 4/27/2019 at 8:00 PM, Wayne Gray said:

That's all right.  "girling" is probably overrated anyway!

No it isn't...My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful...

[Wayne Gray]

Just now, BabyXander1990 said:

No it isn't...My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful...

Hey, I'm glad y'all are happy.  That's the important bit.

[mollyhousemouse]

thanks @Wayne Gray
i am XX, but "girling" has always been hard for me, i'm much more of a tomboy than my sister, or even my daughter
@BabyXander1990 i'm so glad that you are happy as you are, and i'm sure you are a wonderful mommy!  i can see the happiness from your words and fostering is so very important
"girling" comes easier to some than others the important thing is that we are the best we can be, do the best we can, and try to help others along the way

 

[BabyXander1990]

On 4/28/2019 at 6:09 PM, Wayne Gray said:

I thought perhaps was more an indication of your love of whiskey, beer, and cigarettes.  🙂

FYI, Jamie Oliver's recipes are almost always very good, and pretty easy.

https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/jamie-oliver/crispy-and-sticky-chicken-thighs-with-squashed-new-potatoes-and-tomatoes-recipe-2011976

I typically split it into halves, and we have leftovers.  It's delicious, easy, and will knock the pants off of your date (I have lived experience here).  I was very impressed by it.  Yes, there are a few steps, but it's worth the effort.  Also, if you're not a fan of tomatoes you can sub in lemon juice (you just need some sort of acid taste).

You already conquered the toughest thing in the world in those perfect boiled eggs.  This will be no problem.  😋

I love cooking and now with a family and time, I am enjoying it. My mom taught me to cook starting at 7 years old. I can't believe those young chefs on Master Chef Junior...

[BabyXander1990]

10 minutes ago, Wayne Gray said:

Hey, I'm glad y'all are happy.  That's the important bit.

True, the funny thing is that we lost touch when his dad moved the family to Georgia from our hometown in New England. His dad was in management, so when the company moved headquarters to Georgia the summer of our senior year, I thought I wouldn't see him again. Last year, we both reunited when we both were looking at our hometown website. 

[BabyXander1990]

On 4/29/2019 at 8:37 AM, TetRefine said:

At 27, I still can’t tie a tie well enough to wear. I’ve always gotten other people to tie them for me, then when I take it off I just loosen it and slip it over my head. That way I can just put it back on next time without having to tie it myself. Some of my ties have been tied for four or five years...

In my defense, I only wear a tie probably 3-4x a year and despise every second it has to be around my neck. 

I'd rather be in a girdle than a tie...😀

Edited July 4, 2019 by BabyXander1990
Auto incorrect...😀

[BabyXander1990]

6 minutes ago, Dmrman said:

Nicely said... And Again enjoying who you are... Some are into the Girlie things... Some are not and yet feel very comfortable... Shoot some are just as content with a pair of clean jeans, a nice shirt, cowgirl boots and a hat or deck shoes or whatever that's what they prefer and it should be just fine... I don't care for suits, but I can dress pleasing in my own unique way...!!!😗😗

You following me?😀 Night all...

[BabyXander1990]

6 minutes ago, Dmrman said:

Ahhh... No 😊😊😊 just strange coincidence... Actually knew Randy Wade hangs here every so often as well as a couple of others so I thought I would check...

Sure...I don't believe you...😀. You were checking up on me!!😇 Anyway night all..See you all tomorrow!!!🛀🛌🧖

[Former Member]

I don’t know what the male equivalent is to ‘girling,’ but I’ve had to deal with not conforming with US society’s concept of masculinity. I am not coordinated or muscular so I am lousy at all sports. I am not interested in many of the things that boys are supposed to be fascinated by. I do like the visual aspects of cars, but have never been as interested in the mechanical bits and pieces.

But I have long been interested in various types of crafts. In the Seventies, long before personal computers, I was very interested in fonts. But that’s pretty much the extent of my artistic abilities.

I’m definitely not your butch, macho, hyper-masculine alpha male. But I’m not particular effeminate either. The perception of my masculinity (or lack thereof) has been less of an issue as an adult than when I was in school. I live in an area where differences are more accepted because diversity is valued.
;–)

Edited July 4, 2019 by Former Member

[Tiger]

I'm disabled and trying to pick up the pieces, but it's not easy. I have lost almost 150 pounds (150 pounds = slightly over 60 kilos), and it's a huge adjustment. It's a good adjustment. I still have good days and bad days though. We all do. Still, I have a long road ahead that includes more surgery, IT bootcamp and hopefully attending community college and hopefully university. I am going to teach myself how to be an adult whether I like it or not, because the world won't save itself, not that I can do it alone. 

[Thorn Wilde]

I know how you feel, @BabyXander1990. I'm still figuring out how to 'boy' and it's not easy. I just try to remind myself that that isn't what makes me a boy, only how I express it. It's something I am, irrespective of what I do. Gender expression becomes a lot more important when you're trans, though. Things cis-people never have to think about become a huge deal when you're trying to pass on the outside as what you are on the inside. I'm glad you feel you're there. I've got a ways to go.

[Former Member]

11 minutes ago, Thorn Wilde said:

I know how you feel, @BabyXander1990. I'm still figuring out how to 'boy' and it's not easy. I just try to remind myself that that isn't what makes me a boy, only how I express it. It's something I am, irrespective of what I do. Gender expression becomes a lot more important when you're trans, though. Things cis-people never have to think about become a huge deal when you're trying to pass on the outside as what you are on the inside. I'm glad you feel you're there. I've got a ways to go.

I am aware of at least some of the privilege afforded me as cis-gender. One glance at a picture of me and people know my gender. My voice, while high, is clearly male too. It is only my behavior that caused a few to question my gender in high school in the Seventies and only because they pretended to be unable to distinguish between gender and orientation.

I believe the vast majority of educated people in my area are at least aware of the difference. We are still working on gender issues, but in 2002, the Bay Area began to be educated on gender identity when Gwen Arajo was murdered and her killers were placed on trial. The Bay Area got a three year lesson on Trans 101 as the cases were tried and retried. Initially, the media dead named Gwen, but gradually her gender and chosen name began to be used consistently.

[Thorn Wilde]

3 minutes ago, Dmrman said:

Odd...🤔🤔 but I have thought about that...🤔😑😶😒and can only conclude in my mind... That the difficulty of what you must endure far exceeds my ability to comprehend...?☺☺😘 It was hard to stabilize gay and over many years have success. I feel for you and others it has to be far more "mind boggling" for lack of a better term...!!😗😗😗

It can be difficult, yeah, but I don't like to compare. I guess one of the key differences would be right to self-identification. For a trans person, claiming one's gender one is often faced with the reaction that one is not the gender one claims, whereas most gay people won't have people telling them, no, you're not actually gay, you're straight. So people won't accept that I'm not a woman, especially not if I don't try really, really hard to look and behave masculine. Some of us even end up overcompensating because we're so afraid we won't pass otherwise, especially pre-medical transition, or those who don't want to medically transition at all.

[Thorn Wilde]

18 minutes ago, Dmrman said:

Thanks for sharing... I guess there is a whole bunch of room for me too grow..like a child who wants to know why the sky is blue...I am very inquisitive and like to learn and Understand. And your willingness to share is both encouraging and humbling...thanks😗😘

I'm always happy to share and to educate. If you ever have any questions, PM me or something and I'll answer as best I can.  

[Former Member]

55 minutes ago, Thorn Wilde said:

For a trans person, claiming one's gender one is often faced with the reaction that one is not the gender one claims, whereas most gay people won't have people telling them, no, you're not actually gay, you're straight.

I’ve actually had people tell me that. But not with the same conviction that you’ve had to deal with. They just couldn’t reconcile their stereotypes with what they saw in me. It was a faint echo of what you describe.

[Thorn Wilde]

2 minutes ago, droughtquake said:

I’ve actually had people tell me that. But not with the same conviction that you’ve had to deal with. They just couldn’t reconcile their stereotypes with what they saw in me. It was a faint echo of what you describe.

That's why I said most. Feels pretty absurd, doesn't it? 

[Thorn Wilde]

2 minutes ago, Dmrman said:

Yeah, that will more than likely happen... I have a friend going through transition ( I consider my best friend) and well being ignorant, while being so happy for him, I get afraid because I want to help not hinder the process...so, in short, I don't want to say the "Wrong stupid stuff" I would hurt so bad being we have gone through so much...I just don't want to be Insensitive if it makes sense... And not just him but others as well.. You all matter and are just as valuable as anyone else...😘😘 hugs

 Wish more people thought the way you do. 

[Former Member]

2 hours ago, Dmrman said:

…we all need to be compassionate with what we don't understand straight across the board…

I try to apply what I learn at Frameline film festival and teach others what I can. There are some who think their own personal experiences are universal. Because they believe they have achieved equality, they think the fight is over. They forget that there are still US states where two men (or two women) can many each other on Sunday and legally get fired from their jobs, lose their housing, and not be served at a restaurant on Monday just because they’re Gay, They forget that Transwomen of Color are being murdered, particularly in certain states, just for existing. They forget that LGBTQ+ kids get bullied and harassed daily in schools across the US. And then there’s the wildly varying situations in other parts of the world where there are still a couple of countries where you can be sentenced to die for being LGBTQ+.

One of the best documentaries I saw at Frameline43 was State of Pride, which had a young man visit several Pride events across the country. In each city, he met someone who he would be attending the event with and learned what Pride meant to them. There was a nice sampling of geographic, event age, and event size diversity. Not only is Pride still alive and thriving, but its value and importance has not changed for attendees. (I got an autograph from Raymond Braun, the subject, and briefly spoke to him.)

We don’t all need to celebrate Pride the same way. I no longer attend the SF Pride Parade, but I did for many years – marching with the AIDS Project of the East Bay and Pacific Center for Human Growth (Berkeley’s Gay community center that was founded in the early Seventies and given a generic name due to hostility towards the LGBTQ+ community that still existed at the time). I celebrate Pride by watching LGBTQ+ movies at Frameline and then watching the SF Pride Parade stream online.
;–)

[Thorn Wilde]

1 hour ago, droughtquake said:

There are some who think their own personal experiences are universal. Because they believe they have achieved equality, they think the fight is over.

This. This is so important. And it's so hurtful when it comes from within our own community. 

[DynoReads]

With my dyslexic syndrome, I have a whole list of things that were hard:

1. Although I have a great sense of direction, I am not confident in knowing right from left. I used to turn maps upside down so I wouldn’t have to figure out right and left. Hubby solved this for me, we use the military form, 3 o’clock or 9 o’clock.

2. Using a mirror - again the right/left gets me. I gave up on learning to use a curling iron, too many serious burns. Also make-up. I have recently forced my self to learn how to do eyebrows since I resemble a mannequin in a horror movie without eyebrows. 

3. Backing a car up. Sometimes this was no problem. Other times I would have to get out and check. At 49 someone told me turn the wheel in the direction you want the back end to go, now baking up is easier.

4. walking - until all the physical therapy I could trip and sprain an ankle over a very small pebble.

and the worst one, I CANNOT make cookies. I can make pies, cakes, bread, but not cookies.

Edited July 7, 2019 by DynoReads
correct typoe