Looking for an editor/beta reader: Police Trouble

[Stannie]

Heya guys, 

I made a post on the lounge forum before I notices there is a specific forum for this, so that's why I'm also posting it here. 

Recently, I started writing another story. As English isn't my native language, I often struggle with the sentences and stylistic choices. I don't want my story to be full of mistakes, that's why I'm looking for an editor. Even though I'd love to have someone who can get rid of all those mistakes ( believe me, there are a lot), I'm also looking for someone who could look at my style and give feedback on how to improve. Just looking at whether sentences feel/sound right and maybe offering alternatives on how to phrase it. 

Thing is, I feel like I am somewhat proficient in the language, but this is on a communicative level. When writing and especially when describing things in stories, just getting across the message in a plain and easy way doesn't suffice. You often want the sentences to sound right. You want to create an image for the reader. That's my struggle and I hope someone could help me with this.

As for the story, I'm quite happy about it (story-wise), but I always appreciate feedback on that level as well. Things like how a character feels, what you miss in them or what you think is too prominent. Whether you like the things that are happening etc. Just general feedback. 

In the end I want to improve my writings, so any feedback is welcome. I love learning, so knock yourself out! 

So, if you want to consider helping, let me know. You can have a look at the first (two) chapter(s) and decide whether you feel the story or not. 

A short synopsis of the story Police Trouble (name under review):

Jake (16) is the son of the local police captain. Lately he's been failing some classes, so his dad ordered him to come to the station after school every day so he can do his homework in peace and supervised. Jake didn't like this at all, as it meant he couldn't go out with his friends, but was grounded instead. His relationship with his dad isn't really good anyway. Dad is always trying to keep his son on the right track, everything has to go according to the rules, which only works counter-productive. Their relationship is one of constantly challenging each other on a verbal level through banter. (this means that on the one hand I'm trying to show the struggles within the family and with Jake being a teenager, ready to leave the nest, but also the way his parents care for him, even though he himself doesn't see this all the time).

At the precinct, Jake sees a boy his age being brought in. Apparently, this guy is a regular. Jake is doing his homework when the guy is being transferred to a holding cell. The guys - Brian - sees Jake and smiles at him. It's a mysterious or maybe even a creepy smile, resulting in Jake wanting to find out what's behind that. He wants to know what the story of this boy is, why he is regularly arrested, what he'd been through. In short, he is on the verge of becoming obsessed. 

These are going to be the two main topics in the story. 

Thanks for reading,

Stannie

 

Ps, there is no rush. I don't need someone to be able to edit within a few days. I  write irregularly, so I don't mind if editing takes a week or longer. 

Edited May 17, 2019 by Stannie