Poetry

[Mikiesboy]

A place to discuss poetry for those who wish to.

[Mikiesboy]

So, yesterday i was joking about assimilating new people to the joys of poetry.  Yes, tim, but what is it, exactly?

Well, it is words, woven together with rhythm so that you can feel, see and understand ideas that may be too hard just to describe or explain normally. 

Poetry is not just sentences.  Let's look at this simple poem:

 

I know life is a great teacher

Though sometimes the lessons feel hard

We can leave gardens untended

they grow wild then, but to stay strong,

the irises need dividing

 

There is a rhythm here, but no rhyme. Each line has 8 syllables. There is also a message.

This poem is the end product of work you do not see and of patience and time. The original was written about 3 weeks ago. It was much longer at the beginning.  It is rare that i write something that is immediately ready to post. It has happened but not often.

So, what is the message?

It doesnt matter really. It was what i felt. If you feel the same you'll get it. I love when people write what it means to them, because the answers can be so different. And that is more than okay.  For me, the message was sometimes things can go on too long and left alone fester and don't do well. Sometimes to be strong we need to be apart. There's a personal reason i wrote this, which i'm not going to explain.

But some people will feel something, but cannot put those feelings into words, that's fine. Others think, Pandemic. Whatever you think or feel is fine. You may feel like me because you're going through the same thing and that's fine too.

Poetry can speak to you and for you. 

Frankly, not all writers or people can write good poetry. I'm not sure i can myself, though i continue to try.

To be a good poet, you need to learn a few things. It's not easy to learn about feet or meter, rhythm and rhyme. But i learned it. I can decide on a syllable count and often just write it. I want 10 ten per line or 8 and i am usually very close to my goal.

If you want to write poetry, look at the poets forum for lessons.

There will be people who say you don't need them. Frankly, that makes me feel you're not serious and it's rather a slap in the face. Even free verse has rules.

Or you can join the NaPoWriMo crowd. Who annually pump out what they call poetry. Forced and rarely good. I know, because i did it for 3 years i think. It becomes a job, not a labour of love. Your creativity is deadened not enhanced.  But that's my opinion.

So, this forum. I don't know what we'll do in here if anything but I had a few things to say this morning. So... here they are.

 

 

Edited August 22, 2020 by Mikiesboy

[Mikiesboy]

I know life is a great teacher

Though sometimes the lessons feel hard

We can leave gardens untended

they grow wild then, but to stay strong,

the irises need dividing

 

There is a rhythm here, but no rhyme. Each line has 8 syllables. I'm not a huge fan of punctuation, but it is used in the 4th line to interrupt the rhythm of the poem. To get your attention, to show you the point of the message. The last comma also frames the final line.

[kbois]

Hmmmm......

Well tim, you have successfully piqued my curiosity. 

Resistance is indeed futile.. Full asssimilation may take some time, but you have gotten the cogs in my head moving at a little bit faster pace than the sluggish plodding it normally does. 

What I really like about your poetry is the way that you use it as a tool to help you deal with whatever you are going through at the time. This applies to both the good things and the bad. 

The older I get, the more I realize that I really need to find an outlet for some of my emotions. I don't know if poetry is the answer, but..... I'd like to give it a try. 

Life's lessons can't be learned unless one is willing to try to understand. I've jotted down some thoughts so far. Now it's time to brush up on the how to's. 

I'm the type of person who likes things balanced, so finding the right rhythm is important. I'm sure I'll figure it out. It just might take some time. 

If I end up crashing and burning trying to write a bit of prose, well, that's OK. Like you've said.... it's  not for everyone. I'll still enjoy reading what you write and may even take a gander at some other people's poetry. I'll approach it like a cheesecake sampler. Can't go wrong with that!

Thanks again tim.

K

Edited August 22, 2020 by kbois

[Reader1810]

I’ve got to live up to my name, so a reader, I shall remain. 

I’m very visual: in doing, in seeing, and in remembering. 

When I read poetry, or anything really, it’s as if there is a play carrying on in my mind’s eye. Seeing things that way affects my interpretations, I’m sure, but as I am free to interpret as I see fit, I am happy. 

[Mikiesboy]

57 minutes ago, kbois said:

f I end up crashing and burning trying to write a bit of prose, well, that's OK. Like you've said.... it's  not for everyone. I'll still enjoy reading what you write and may even take a gander at some other people's poetry. I'll approach it like a cheesecake sampler. Can't go wrong with that!

Thanks again tim.

i think everyone who has some desire should try. Not everyone is a poet ... but there are other outlets. Blogs, automatic writing.  This piece came from a prompt. But i wrote it as the first line and then just wrote, no thinking or planning. It's a fav of mine.  But you can do the same thing by writing... for example, I am angry with Bill because  .... and then just go.  There are many ways to express yourself, if you need to.

[mollyhousemouse]

i think this is a great idea!
i was able to read these on my phone earlier

i tried some of the lessons, not all my efforts were successful, lol! and some was like really hard work and it made me very frustrated
what it did do was heighten my appreciation for poetry
i've known tim for a long time, and he's let me in on his process so it's not like i didn't appreciate it 
but these lessons drove home how much of himself (or any poet) pours into those few verses that make the final edit
 

[kbois]

 

Gone

Gone. A breath taken, unknowingly the last. 

Gone. In one heartbeat, the role of mourners cast. 

Twenty-five, thirty-three. Another year they will never see. 

Gone. Teardrops will fall, rolling slowly, pouring fast.

Gone. We march onward, memories become the past. 

 

Edited September 3, 2020 by kbois

[Mikiesboy]

On 9/2/2020 at 6:17 PM, kbois said:

 

Gone

Gone. A breath taken, unknowingly the last. 

Gone. In one heartbeat, the role of mourners cast. 

Twenty-five, thirty-three. Another year they will never see. 

Gone. Teardrops will fall, rolling slowly, pouring fast.

Gone. We march onward, memories become the past. 

 

i want you to know that this is very far from sh*t.  It's rather sophisticated in the use of rhyme, the repeated words are effective and broken up with with brilliant middle line.

I like it. Nicely done.

[kbois]

53 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

i want you to know that this is very far from sh*t.  It's rather sophisticated in the use of rhyme, the repeated words are effective and broken up with with brilliant middle line.

I like it. Nicely done.

Thank you tim.

[Reader1810]

On 9/2/2020 at 6:17 PM, kbois said:

 

Gone

Gone. A breath taken, unknowingly the last. 

Gone. In one heartbeat, the role of mourners cast. 

Twenty-five, thirty-three. Another year they will never see. 

Gone. Teardrops will fall, rolling slowly, pouring fast.

Gone. We march onward, memories become the past. 

 

I can’t vouch for its technical aspects, but it’s well put together and smooth to read. 

Sad topic, but the words do make me think and ponder. 

 

[Ryan Jones]

Hi everyone. I'm new to this particular forum. I've been writing stories for 50 years and have tossed in the occasional poem when I thought the subject could be covered succinctly enough. However unlike most of the poetry on here, I've never (since forced to in HS and college) written anything rhyming or with any particular rhythm patterns. Perhaps it's just me but it feels too restrictive, the word I wished to use was always too long, or too short. 

What made me think of poetry is the other day my boyfriend was watching me sleep and I woke up and asked him why. He told me that when I slept he could see the child I used to be. So that led me to write him a love poem. I thought that line was going to be in the poem but it never made it, other words crowded it out.

I thought I had a question in here but now that I've gotten this far, I can't seem to locate the question. I guess I could post it but it might not quite make the cut, it's for sure not making it into any poetry anthologies unless they're erotic in nature.

[Mikiesboy]

15 hours ago, Ryan Jones said:

Hi everyone. I'm new to this particular forum. I've been writing stories for 50 years and have tossed in the occasional poem when I thought the subject could be covered succinctly enough. However unlike most of the poetry on here, I've never (since forced to in HS and college) written anything rhyming or with any particular rhythm patterns. Perhaps it's just me but it feels too restrictive, the word I wished to use was always too long, or too short. 

What made me think of poetry is the other day my boyfriend was watching me sleep and I woke up and asked him why. He told me that when I slept he could see the child I used to be. So that led me to write him a love poem. I thought that line was going to be in the poem but it never made it, other words crowded it out.

I thought I had a question in here but now that I've gotten this far, I can't seem to locate the question. I guess I could post it but it might not quite make the cut, it's for sure not making it into any poetry anthologies unless they're erotic in nature.

hello Ryan! That's the way of poetry, at least to me. Poetry more than prose is who you are and how you feel. You can write and post erotic poems, just tag them properly and just put a little warning on them.  i write poems about my Husband so why not? If you want to share but not in public yet, you're welcome to pm me if you'd like me to read it. 

Please feel free to post here if you wish ... these lot put up with my work and they are still here.  If you feel like a chat please come into the Drop in Centre, fondly known as the DiC.   

[Ryan Jones]

Okay, I'll go ahead and post the poem here. Looking at the user interface I don't see any way to "Tag". I've never used whatever interface this is to post messages.

Insatiable

The early morning sun wakes me and, as I've done
almost every day since you've been here, I turn
to look at you, still asleep beside me. The light
embraces your long blond hair as it fans out on the
pillow, framing your face in a glowing halo of gold.

I can't resist and I lightly brush my fingertips
across your cheek, feeling your breath warm and
moist against my palm. I marvel as always at
your innocent expression, wondering where you are
in your dreams. You stir lazily, yawning, and now
the cherub is gone. It's its place is a horny angel,
clear blue eyes matching the lust in my own.

I feel your arms come up around my neck and pull
me down on top, not waiting to see if my body
is responding, you know that I'm always ready.
You take hold of me and, opening your legs, fold
yourself up to guide me in, starting the long slow
dance of love. The sensations are overwhelming,
surrounded by your near 100 degree heat on the
inside and a far hotter feeling of passion outside.

Your legs wrap tightly around me, drawing me in
deeper, not wanting me to pull out, even for
a second. But retreat is the last thing on my
mind. I want to feel you totally surrender your body
and soul to me, as I have long since done to you.

"Faster" I hear you moan, working up to your own
orgasmic peak. Your muscles grip me like a second
mouth, daring me to hold anything back, demanding
that I do it to you harder and I comply, the bed
creaking beneath us as movements become a blur.

Your motions become even more frenzied and I see
your mouth open in a silent scream. I can feel the
warm sticky wetness between us and this finally
sends me over the edge as I fill you up, covering
your mouth roughly with mine to steal your breath away.

Finally my motions slow, coherent thought returns and
I can feel you relax. Slowly you open those blue eyes,
look up at me and say "Do it again..and again..and again"

 

I'm not really a poet, per se. I generally write stories, of the erotic and not erotic variety. It's just occasionally something comes in my head that doesn't seem to be a story, something that won't have the necessary length. Then it becomes the type of writing you see above. Once the places reopen in my area I'm pretty certain I'll take it to open mic and read it to the crowd, they have separate gay nights once a month. I'll drag the boyfriend with me so I can embarrass him by obviously reading it directly to him.

[Reader1810]

23 minutes ago, Ryan Jones said:

I'm not really a poet, per se. I generally write stories, of the erotic and not erotic variety. It's just occasionally something comes in my head that doesn't seem to be a story, something that won't have the necessary length. Then it becomes the type of writing you see above. Once the places reopen in my area I'm pretty certain I'll take it to open mic and read it to the crowd, they have separate gay nights once a month. I'll drag the boyfriend with me so I can embarrass him by obviously reading it directly to him.

I like how you’ve written this poem. You tell a story, and tell it so well it’s brought to life. Oh, and it flows very nicely to, which is always a plus when reading, especially when it’s poetry.   

[kbois]

So, it's been a while since the poetry muse has slapped me upside the head, but.....

Walking the dogs tonight I was treated to a gorgeous sunset. The colors were reminiscent of gemstones and precious metals. The words were all jumbled up in my head, but here's what they morphed into:

 

Daylight's Graceful Death

 

I watch the sky

Rays slowly fade

As day faces death

 

One final gasp 

Light's final breath

Exhaling colors

 

Precious gems

Priceless metals

The sky is ablaze

 

Pink quartz, rose gold 

Pearl and opal clouds 

Aquamarine skies

 

An amber sun

Turns ruby red

Kisses sapphire waves

 

Garnet and gold

Fading quickly

Obsidian spreads

 

Diamond lit stars 

Appear one by one

In the onyx sky

 

Day is no more

Now yesterday 

Night takes a deep breath

 

I watch the sky

Darkness beckons

A new night is born 

[Reader1810]

@kbois I like this poem very much because it allowed me to see what you saw. Your descriptors were well chosen and I especially liked the title of your poem.

Nicely done!   

[kbois]

41 minutes ago, Reader1810 said:

@kbois I like this poem very much because it allowed me to see what you saw. Your descriptors were well chosen and I especially liked the title of your poem.

Nicely done!   

Thanks Reader!

[Mikiesboy]

12 hours ago, kbois said:

Thanks Reader!

i like it too.  i enjoyed the view ..  

[mollyhousemouse]

@kbois i think you did a wonderful job! i'm so glad you shared this with us.

[Kiom]

It's hard to say anything, anything at all, but the things that can never be said, those to poetry may fall.  

If you could tell us what the poem is about, you would have done so, without the poem.  The poem gingers around the ineffable, reaching for threads and wisps too frail for our sequential, cause & effect, on & off, up & down mental landscapes to grasp or hold on to. 

And that's a damn good reason not to write the stuff!  Just too effin hard.  .

[Mikiesboy]

10 hours ago, Kiom said:

It's hard to say anything, anything at all, but the things that can never be said, those to poetry may fall.  

If you could tell us what the poem is about, you would have done so, without the poem.  The poem gingers around the ineffable, reaching for threads and wisps too frail for our sequential, cause & effect, on & off, up & down mental landscapes to grasp or hold on to. 

And that's a damn good reason not to write the stuff!  Just too effin hard.  .

I've written nine or ten books of poetry on GA. Some are good, some not so good. Poetry is my favourite way to express myself. TS Eliot said, "Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood." I believe that is true. It should make you feel like you are viewing a painting. That's my muddled opinion.

[Kiom]

Ah, Mikiesboy, do you always muddle your opinions along with the brilliance of Eliot?  And then do you add the ice next, or the bourbon?  

Today a friend wrote, "Being best is best, but good enough is better."  It cracked me up.  But my brother wanted to understand it.  I had to leave him in the lurch, scratching his head, telling him that understanding it was exactly not the point.  But bless him, he'll be back for more.

And thanks to all for the expressions of appreciation for my comment.  

Edited November 5 by Kiom

[Mikiesboy]

10 hours ago, Kiom said:

Ah, Mikiesboy, do you always muddle your opinions along with the brilliance of Eliot?  And then do you add the ice next, or the bourbon?  

Today a friend wrote, "Being best is best, but good enough is better."  It cracked me up.  But my brother wanted to understand it.  I had to leave him in the lurch, scratching his head, telling him that understanding it was exactly not the point.  But bless him, he'll be back for more.

And thanks to all for the expressions of appreciation for my comment.  

The answer to your question is yes, and personally, if I drank, I'd add ice and then bourbon. 
Your friend is right too.  It's always about the work, the journey, not the destination.