Under the Sun

[york366]

This is a new story I have started writing. Just thought I would post it here and see what people thought of it.

 

Under the Sun - Chapter 1

Under the Sun - Chapter 2

 

Let me know what you think! Anything at all!

 

Thanks!

 

-Kyle

[Graeme]

Very promising. The first chapter was okay, but that prologue really drew me in -- well done!

 

I'm going to send you an PM with some technical suggestions, but overall it's quite a promising start. It looks like a romance between Ben and Kyle but there are certainly a lot of hurdles to jump over if they are going to get together.

 

Good luck!

 

Graeme :-)

[sat8997]

The prologue hooked me too. And the first chapter kept my attention.

 

Sharon

[Bondwriter]

Same here. Another kid who's in for some problem ahead with his folks. Hope he grows to like flowers.

[Ieshwar]

This is a new story I have started writing. Just thought I would post it here and see what people thought of it.

 

Under the Sun - Chapter 1

 

Let me know what you think! Anything at all!

 

Thanks!

 

-Kyle

 

 

The prologue was really cool. It reminded me of your other story- Become. The idea of a bodiless voice...

 

The first chapter was cool too. It's inviting and I'm waiting for the second chapter!!!

 

Ieshwar

[Ieshwar]

Sorry, I clicked twice. But as I said before, the story is really good. And we're waiting for more.

 

Ieshwar

[Graeme]

Oooo... From famine to feast! Ben's got some interesting times ahead of him, though I feel sorry for Brett. He may have left his run, too late.

 

Hmm... how much help does he REALLY need with his homework?

[Ieshwar]

Hi,

 

A really good story. I have noticed that the way the first few parts ended lead you to think that maybe Brett is in love with Ben. Brett is a very interesting character and I'm sure we are going to see more of him. And finally, the last scene was really cool! Kyle and Ben. Hmm. What about Brett now, if my suspicions are correct?

 

Keep it up!

 

Take care,

Ieshwar