TetRefine

My boyfriend comes from similar economic means, but a vastly different cultural background. My boyfriend is Chinese and came to the United States on a student visa (and is still here on one). He was raised in a very traditional Chinese family (and as the only son because of one child policy) he bears the burden of carrying the success of his family. He is Ivy League educated and currently working on his PhD. He also has not told his family he is gay and he desperately wants to become a US citizen so he doesn't have to put up with his family's expectations anymore. As for myself, I'm a teacher educated at a middle of the road university and am American through and through. My family is established upper middle class suburban types. They all know I'm gay and fine with it. When my family met my boyfriend, they absolutely loved him and despite our different backgrounds, they welcomed him into the family with open arms. We do get a lot of funny looks when people see us walking down the street together though. There are very few young, gay White/Asian couples, even here in the city.

Proud (Club Remix) by Heather Small. I mean, this song IS basically the gay anthem in my book.

I watched hardly any of the Olympics (can't stand single-person sports), but I did watch some of the mens gymnastics. If I were to create my ultimate teenage fantasy, it would be this guy. Brazilian Arthur Mariano.

I live in a big city where both Uber/Lyft and taxis are common. There is a mountain of difference between the two. Uber or Lyft is by far and away the better service, both in quality and price. First off, Uber is ALWAYS cheaper then a cab, and even in the middle of the night can pick me up in less then 5 minutes. The cars are always clean, the drivers are nice and respectful, and they speak English. I've taken it dozens of times and never once have I had a bad experience. Its also great to not actually have to exchange money by hand. Taxis, on the other hand, are awful. They are more expensive then Uber, and a lot of times the cabbies will try and bully you into paying them in cash (which is illegal, they have to accept cards). The cars are almost always dirty, old, and smell like they haven't been aired out in a decade. They also never turn on the air or the heat even when its 100 degrees or 20 degrees. Many cabbies won't take you to parts of the city if it is too far or for whatever arbitrary reason they have. Another big thing is that almost all the cabbies in this city (and most others) are foreign born Pakistanis, Indians, Bengalis, etc., and are almost impossible to understand, if they speak English at all. Technically Uber is illegal here, but it has become so popular that the cab drivers have begun staging protests by blocking traffic at rush hour because it has destroyed their business. They brought this on themselves by offering a crappy product at an inflated price. Though to be honest, I prefer to take the subway or walk over a Uber 95% of the time.

I like the old rule of K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Stupid, haha). Simple one word names or initials are always best in my opinion.

Today I had a belated first of sorts. For the first time ever, I was called a 'faggot' in a disparaging way. I've always been easily able to pass off as straight, so I've been able to avoid really any direct harassment for being gay. I think too that a lot of (especially straight) guys feel more comfortable around me because they view it as "he's gay, but he's not THAT gay". Its stupid, but just kind of how it is. Anyway, I had gone to dinner with a friend in the Gayborhood, and we were walking back along a kind of small back street, when a car comes rolling by with the window down. They slow down as they pull up next to us and two of them yell out the window, "Queer ass cock-sucking faggots" and then peel off down the block. The interesting part was our difference in reaction. My friend, who is more of what you'd consider stereotypically gay, got incredibly angry and almost started to cry. As for me, I just sort of brushed it off and chalked it up to assholes being assholes. It didn't offend me or hit me in any sort of personal way. But for him, it was personal. He's not only gay, but gay and kind of effeminate, and gay and effeminate and Asian. He got tormented relentlessly for being gay and Asian in a mostly black public high school. Me, I was always able to hide who I was, blend in, and able to control my own coming out process for my own gain. Not because I didn't have a choice. I'm not really sure what my point of this blog is. Maybe its a bit of guilt for knowing that even though I'm gay, I'm still white and I still have what people consider a stereotypically masculine demeanor. I only have one strike against me in society. He's got all three. Just a thought.

If this is what passes for sociable in 2016, then I give up.

The amount of suburban teenagers that have flooded into the city this past week or so to play Pokemon Go is ridiculous. Everybody under 30 with their phone out is playing it.

I've had maybe three cups of coffee my entire life, and hated every one of those three cups. I drink ice tea in the morning as a substitute and unsweetened ice tea with meals. I do have a weakness for McDonald's french vanilla ice coffee though. Those things are so good and so cheap, and its only a two blocks away. But even still thats mostly just once or twice a week. Can't remember the last time I had a soda that wasn't while drinking alcohol.

Its incredible how much things have changed since I was in high school. I played high school football from 2006-2009, and no way in hell would anyone have considered coming out then and in that environment. One kid got somewhat outed and the other guys made his life a living hell for the rest of the season. In the years since that all ended, I've found out about 6-7 other guys who turned out to be "not straight" in some form or another. Several of them were the ones who tortured the poor guy who got outed the most. I'm glad to see its all changing, because homophobia in sports has always been a massive problem.

2015 kicked my ass, but I've now come to realize I'm better for it. I lost my job, had very little money, and I could see my relationship of 6 years crumbling. So I did what just about every gay man in his 20s does to cope, and turned to partying and Grindr to help me get away from it all. Predictably, it all ended in disaster that even a blind man could have seen coming. I knew it was coming too, but didn't want to face it. To make a long story short, by Christmas I was single for the first time in my adult life and left living alone in an apartment that had been a symbol of so much hope for the future. I guess it all culminated in a weekend trip to NYC with a friend that ended up amplifying everything I had been doing wrong in my life, and by the end of that trip I came to realize that substance-fueled all night parties and anonymous sex weren't going to make my life better. I decided to get my shit together. My first realization was that I needed to become totally self-reliant. I had given up a lot of what I wanted after graduating college for my Ex to better pursue his career for the promise that it would help us both out in the long term. Then that all ended, and I had given up a lot to gain nothing. That made me bitter for awhile, but I got over it and become determined to never let that happen again. I started creating a life for my single self that catered to me and me only. It was a liberating feeling knowing that I could make any decision I wanted with nobody but myself in mind. If I wanted to just pack up and leave for somewhere else, I could (and I seriously considered doing it a couple times). I also picked up a few new hobbies, and one of those was running. I made it a point to myself that I wanted to run a 1/2 Marathon. I trained my ass off for months and two weeks ago I finished my first Half Marathon and have already signed up for another. The gym has also been another place I have recommitted myself to with a level of focus and intensity I haven't given it in years. The results have been dramatic, and the preparation and focus and dedication that running and the gym require have helped keep me away from the mentally destructive crap I was doing before. As for dating again, I pledged to myself that I was going to be single for a long time. Finding someone could wait, and I was going to enjoy my 20s as a free man. It took me awhile, but I realized that attitude for myself was more based in anger and frustration at what I had lost then being something that I truly wanted. I've been dating now again for the past several months (almost by accident) and it has definitely been a big positive in my life. My new job will also be starting in the fall, and I'm excited because it pays a lot more, has more perks/benefits, and gives me a larger scope of responsibility and independent work. Another new thing that I've decided to try (and again this happened almost by accident), is nude modeling. My boyfriend now does nude modeling from time to time, and he took me to meet the photographer he works with. I had no plans of ever doing something like this, ever. We went to go visit him in his studio, and he started showing me all his work. He does entirely traditional black and white film and shoots pretty much exclusively with muscular men of color (Black, Asian, Latino). He then brought up the subject of possibly doing a shoot with me, which was kind of surprising for me considering I was a white guy. I thought about it, and initially rejected the idea, but it was tempting. After a few weeks of thinking it over, I changed my mind and went to go see the photographer. Basically, his idea is to do a 3-way shoot with myself (white), my boyfriend (Asian), and another random guy (black) and theme it around gay racial politics and sexual power and how the two intersect. The idea fascinated me and I he had me hooked. I had to strip naked for the photographer for him to examine me, and tell me what I needed to improve before the shoot. Most of the guys he shoots have a very specific look being very cut and having defined musculature. If you've ever seen me, you know I have much more of a beefy muscular build, and hover around 15% body fat, not single digit % like most of his models. He said that was fine though because my build plays into the role he wants me to play for the shoot. He did give me some things to work on though, mainly cutting more so my abs are more defined. I'm excited because now I have a tangible goal to work towards in the gym and kitchen. My life works well when I have concrete goals set for myself in every-day living. This is something I never thought I'd do, but I'm at the point now where I'm craving new things in my life. Anyways, I'm hoping to keep my winning streak going. Hoping and praying and wondering about a better future is all bullshit. You gotta take it for yourself. It took me a long time to learn that lesson, but now that it's finally hit me, I see the infallible truth of it.

There is a semi-famous YouTuber who lives here in Philadelphia and I think goes to Temple. I would sometimes see him on the subway or out in the Gayborhood if I was going up that way. He looked like a normal 20-something, just cuter then most. He did guest appearances on a lot of gay YouTube channels too.

I don't see much difference between the Men's and Women's figure skating.......

The independent movie rental store that was a staple of my hometown finally closed it's doors last year. My mom used to take my brother and I almost every Friday after school to rent movies there. It had everything from new releases to old movies, to indies and cult classics and movies you'd never even heard of. Not to mention a "back room" where they kept a huge collection of X-rated movies that apparently accounted for a majority of their business before the internet porn age came to be. They used to give out free popcorn when you rented from them too. I really loved that place. They just couldn't compete with Redbox, Netflix, On-Demand, etc. though. Another entire business sector killed off by online media.

The most interesting thing I found browsing through the statistics was the average age of people when they got married in the Netherlands. It didn't surprise me that gay men were almost 47 years old, on average, when they married. Most of those who did get married were probably together for a long time before legal marriage, and just got married when it became legal. Though I was surprised that straight men who married women were almost 37 years old, on average, when they tied the knot. It seems most adults in America before my generation got married in their 20s, and if you weren't married by 30 there "must have been something wrong with you". That trend is definitely changing though with my generation, as people are waiting much longer (smartly) to make such a big commitment. Interesting!

He's 6' 6" tall, and has a 40" waist. He isn't plus size, he's just a big, beefy dude. "Plus size" is just the politically correct term people use to make themselves feel better about just being fat.

As a fellow guy in education, my suggestion to you is to switch to something you enjoy teaching, or you will hate it and burn out pretty quickly. I teach elementary education (specifically 1-3rd grades) and its the age range I like working with. I get to teach every subject and help them build a basic, broad foundation. If I had to teach only one subject or work with older kids, I know I'd hate it and quit. I also like working with challenging populations (inner-city poor and special education) because it keeps it from getting boring. I taught at a inner-city school last year and am teaching at an all-special ed school this year and I love it. My point is, find your niche in education or you'll end up hating it, lol.

Carlos is right. If you're insurance covers it, there is no reason not to be on PrEP if you sleep with multiple people.

As the son of an Aggie, I can know for sure this is bullshit!

We let the kids in my class watch a filmed play version of The Pirates of Penzance. They loved it.

Sometimes you can't always get what you want right at the beginning of life. I wanted nothing more then to go live in New York as soon as I graduated. But when I really looked at the reality of what my salary would probably be in comparison to New York prices, I had to reevaluate. I started looking at my next best options, and ended up in Philadelphia. A city with a lot of New York qualities with a far lower COL. I made a smart decision (a sacrifice, I guess) and it worked out anyway. This woman is delusional thinking she's going to live in a extremely expensive, very wealthy city with a housing shortage on poverty level wages. Go somewhere else, San Francisco isn't as great as it used to be anyway.

I remember the first time I read this book at 15, I hated the first half of the book, but was hooked on the second half about the trial. I've recently reread the whole thing again and have learned to appreciate the first half as well. I guess now I'll have to go and get the follow up story.

An awesome cover from a crappy movie.

This thread the responses are fascinating to me in so many ways. To an extent, I understand the hatred and having to be closeted or not entirely out from the era. Unfortunately where I grew up the circumstances were pretty much unchanged from back then even through my high school years which ended in 2010! I'll never forget one of my high school football teammates saying at practice once, "If it were up to me I'd shotgun every one of them fags". A lot of guys laughed, including several of the coaches. In the years since, a lot of those guys have turned out to be gay.