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Called A Faggot For The First Time


TetRefine

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Today I had a belated first of sorts. For the first time ever, I was called a 'faggot' in a disparaging way. I've always been easily able to pass off as straight, so I've been able to avoid really any direct harassment for being gay. I think too that a lot of (especially straight) guys feel more comfortable around me because they view it as "he's gay, but he's not THAT gay". Its stupid, but just kind of how it is.

 

Anyway, I had gone to dinner with a friend in the Gayborhood, and we were walking back along a kind of small back street, when a car comes rolling by with the window down. They slow down as they pull up next to us and two of them yell out the window, "Queer ass cock-sucking faggots" and then peel off down the block.

 

The interesting part was our difference in reaction. My friend, who is more of what you'd consider stereotypically gay, got incredibly angry and almost started to cry. As for me, I just sort of brushed it off and chalked it up to assholes being assholes. It didn't offend me or hit me in any sort of personal way. But for him, it was personal. He's not only gay, but gay and kind of effeminate, and gay and effeminate and Asian. He got tormented relentlessly for being gay and Asian in a mostly black public high school. Me, I was always able to hide who I was, blend in, and able to control my own coming out process for my own gain. Not because I didn't have a choice.

 

I'm not really sure what my point of this blog is. Maybe its a bit of guilt for knowing that even though I'm gay, I'm still white and I still have what people consider a stereotypically masculine demeanor. I only have one strike against me in society. He's got all three. Just a thought.

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Being almost like your friend (I am not effeminate unless I open my mouth), I know the experience.  I did get hurt, just one time, for being called a faggot.  Fortunately I learned a lot from my cat: just swipe the tail, chin up, and walk out.

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Remember what fueled the Stonewall riots were the harassment of "queens" and "femmes" and "butch lesbians" and they were targeted because they couldn't hide. They shouldn't hide. Perhaps things are a changing now... so much so homosexual people could actually ignore those slurs, at least in USA, though racism and xenophobia never really goes away. Does it?

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I wonder if it has to do with our fear. When I was in my teens, being called that even casually was terrifying.  For friends who were more vulnerable, it was more traumatic.  

 

I po think sometimes 

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i hate when my iPad acts up.

 

Anyway, our perceptions color our Impressions. That's not a bad thing. It's something we need to consider though.  Interesting observation. :)

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The fact you came this far in life without having to face this sort of stupidity and bigotry says a lot about how far the world has come. Lend some of the strength you have developed to that friend. Sounds like he needs a bit of support.

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I'm glad you were able to chalk it up to 'assholes being assholes'.  Unfortunately, there will always be bigots in the world. I feel bad for your friend.  Words can hurt so deeply no matter how much we don't want them to. 

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I just get sad we can't let people be who they are and not feel the need to comment or be mean. Hope your friend feels better. I bet it brought up bad memories for him.

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You are a brave man and acted as should be. Please don't over think about and you are right, they are assholes being assholes. And world has changed better than them. Though, you have to bare those kind of douche-bags. So don't worry. Be who you are and just ignore those kind of scums. :)

 

 

Take care of your friend. Give some strength to him. :)

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I can understand his reaction even though I've never experienced any personal prejudice (I'm in the blend-in category like you). But such persistent name-calling is deeply wounding no matter who it targets, and you've now experienced the consequences it has for the victims. Be sure to tell him he has every right to feel offended and all right-minded people should oppose the behavior of those bigots. In fact, the counter-call should be: crude ass cockless cowards!

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It happened to me just like you described many many years ago when I was young, but I still remember it, so you can see it has a huge effect on people.

 

Walking home I had my arm around my friend's shoulders, it was late, dark out, on a main road. A car slowed down and the guys inside wound down the windows and they gestured shouting at us "Fucking queers!" (we don't say faggot in England). I don't believe you ever consider your reaction, it just happens. Our reaction was to gesture and swear back at them.

 

It was only afterwards that you realise, whatever kind of reaction you had, that it was a shock, because it was violent and unexpected. When you have time to think about it, and you do think about it, over and over, you realise how potentially dangerous the situation was.

 

 

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This is an interesting topic. I have never found the insult in the word but it was not until I realized I was gay how different people react. I do not think there is a proper reaction as "to each their own" as has been stated above.

 

On a lighter note I will share a story about the one and only time I have been called that word and how I strangely reacted. I have never been one that was big on PDA but the guy that I was seeing at the time reached out and held my hand just before crossing the street. A guy in a douchey mazda miata rolled down his window and shouted "f*cking faggot". So I am a weird person so this is how my brain processed the information. "Faggot" --> "Ferrot" --> "I don't look like a ferret...Do I look like a ferret?...what a weird thing to say. He needs glasses". I didn't realize that I had said these things out loud and the boy I was with (who was visibly upset) stared at me and laughed. Then we got pizza. The End.

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This is an interesting topic. I have never found the insult in the word but it was not until I realized I was gay how different people react. I do not think there is a proper reaction as "to each their own" as has been stated above.

 

On a lighter note I will share a story about the one and only time I have been called that word and how I strangely reacted. I have never been one that was big on PDA but the guy that I was seeing at the time reached out and held my hand just before crossing the street. A guy in a douchey mazda miata rolled down his window and shouted "f*cking faggot". So I am a weird person so this is how my brain processed the information. "Faggot" --> "Ferrot" --> "I don't look like a ferret...Do I look like a ferret?...what a weird thing to say. He needs glasses". I didn't realize that I had said these things out loud and the boy I was with (who was visibly upset) stared at me and laughed. Then we got pizza. The End.

 

What a beautiful ending.  :)

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I got drilled as a 'Faggot Cocksucking Maricon (I lived in a mainly hispanic area) through most of my school life. It hurt then because I was trying to deny myself.

 

Now when I hear it I take it as a complement (even though I know its made to be an insult). They recognize me because I no longer have to hide and I can say back to them "That's right! I'm a faggot...and proud of it!" Its like calling a dog a dog or a cat a cat. Its just calling me with the words they know for who I am. 

 

It kind of kills their insult when its seen that way I think. Their intentions are meant to hurt but, to me, its like calling a duck a duck as an insult. Its ridiculous and makes them sound stupid!

:D

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Being gay and Asian, you get a double dose of self-esteem issues.

 

Send him my love Matt and if he wants to chat ask him to come on GA, I'm more than willing to share experiences and offer advise as best I can. I am not Effem, but I get some of the family dynamics and backgrounds of Asians.

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