Cia

To me neither of these are actually point of view. They are writing methods. You can use both equally if you substitute I or "Nephy" equally, which is the p.o.v. indicator in those paragraphs. Your impersonal style is narrative and your personal is stream of consciousness. For me I'm more likely to write in narrative style where my character is addressing the 'audience' but we can also see their thoughts. A stream of consciousness is almost more like overhearing their thoughts and it has it's place to really showcase the character's mind but I don't think I continue that style for an entire story. You can mix the two pretty easily though, imo. I think you can also use a stream of consciousness just as easily when you write in third person limited because you are showing both the thoughts and 'viewpoint' of a single character, even if you are not using 'I' as your pronoun. So really, it's not point of view at all, just what method you write the p.o.v.

I like how you give out information and then hit us with more questions. Giving us details about Peter's life until the divorce and then hitting us with the mysteries of his father's death and daughter's conception are both sneaky. Not quite cliffhangers but really keep the reader involved wanting to find out what's really going on. I've a few quibbles. You use a lot of commas in places that the pause doesn't quite work with the flow imo. In this sentence alone you use 6 of them and if you read it out loud the pauses don't feel natural,Since that fateful, yet, wonderful day, almost eighteen years had passed since their faux, marriage had begun, and now, Peter was due at the courthouse at nine sharp. I had another question about Peter's mental state. You end his perusal of his body with something he hates to look at and acknowledge (but don't tell us why, evil!!) and then in the next paragraph you say he is a little satisfied with his observations. It just seemed off since the only thing he liked about himself was his hair and arms and didn't like the rest. Maybe he's used to the bad things, idk, it just seemed out of place to be satisfied after looking at part of his body he hates.

A lot of ups and downs in this chapter. You bring out the emotions of the characters very well but I'm still a bit confused about the significane of the gun and why the dad was drinking so heavily. I think there's something more going on there. Your transitions are a bit fast between scenes but overall the chapter has a good flow.

Interesting start. You raise a lot of questions that should give this story plenty of material to keep readers interesting. Secrets are so hard to resist!!!

We have 2 cats, one 10 year old outdoor only (he doesn't like kids) and one 7 year old indoor that is incredibly tolerant and loves to snuggle. He's almost always draped across some part of my body if I'm sitting down. It's incredibly comforting at times. We also have a 9 year old dog, a Doberman, that's the first kid we ever had. He's larger than the average dobie, about 100 pounds and when sitting his head reaches the counter in the kitchen. He's very protective but friendly and incredibly gentle. He actually nibbles treats out of your hand, it's cute. We also have cichlid fish, a jack dempsey and an albino oscar.

OH, definite 10! Calvin and Hobbs rock! Especially when they're being evil!

That's what beta readers and editors are for, dear. They help make sense and cohesion out of the 'scribbled text'. That being said, good taste. Don's stories brought me to GA, he's definitely one of my favs.

*gasps* Books don't belong on the floor!!! Sacrilege!

Wow Eric. That's a great deal of stress and a problem of family/boyfriend not exactly making it easier. For now the boyfriend's work/personal life problem isn't huge but it could become an issue in the future. No matter how much you care for someone else if you are in a relationship that ends up making you unhappy that's not a good thing. I hope that he isn't just planning on saying, "This is how it is." forever because you deserve not to be hidden. And good for you for putting your foot down with your mom. She has to understand you own your life now and just because she's a parent doesn't make her your #1 priority in life. That's you. Oh, and the song is great

Wow! Thanks for the compliments Louis. I read a lot of the great writing tip topics you post in the Writer's Corner and so when you give me concrete feedback I really appreciate it! The story does have your classic happy ending but I'm a total sucker for those. Not everything is perfect but you overcome and get through and then move on. Tap will always have that eager boyishness to me but that's just him in my head. We'll see what happens to them as their lives unfold in later stories, it is, as you say, a dog eat dog world out there! Thanks again!!

LOL. See, I was talking about hcg levels earlier and how they can tell twins early on by high numbers. I'm sickik!! Anyway... One crib is better in the beginning with twins anyway, or bassinet really since you'll probably keep them in your room with you. The twin babies I've been around do the best when they are kept close to each other, they are used to it. My brothers always have been close and my dad and uncle still spend most of their time together. It's a twin thing, they're often really close emotionally and physically. Sharon's advice is all good. That being said this is the time to be excited and giddy and celebrate! And since neither of you have to carry the little bean(s), go out, have a drink or two and enjoy a romantic dinner, plus the fun that usually comes afterward. 10 months and counting!!

This story is great. I was unfortunately a horrid beta for it and didn't help out but you have done a great job so far Dark. The story line is complex and yet it's easy to sink into the story and understand what is happening, even if we don't understand the whole plot yet. The characters are 'real' and you introduce the pain and confusion and the scenery in such vivid details that it's easily imaginable. I know everyone else will enjoy getting to know Mordred and Dmitri and all the other wonderful characters to come.

It's always your fault!

It's a fine line between describing things well, too little or just going overboard. I try to keep to it but sometimes my toes dip too far to one side. Thanks for pointing that out, I will try to keep the extraneous detail in mind in the future. For the most part I try to be descriptive without hitting pedantic by using creative imagery, like the immovable object line. I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for both the compliments and the constructive criticism, I like to hear what works and doesn't work specifically for readers!

Thank you! I'm really glad you liked this story. I actually have another Carthera story already in the works with a character we just glimpsed in this story and another one I'm working on for an anthology so this isn't the last you'll see of this world. It might be a little bit before they're ready to post though, sorry!

Thank you! I considered leaving it at Ch. 10 but decided that I needed to write them finishing their bond. I try to walk a fine line between erotic and smut, I'm glad I stayed on the right side of that line! Thanks for all the reviews Nephy, you are always so supportive and I appreciate it, a lot!

Get a haircut Cam, sheesh! Love the smile, btw!

Happy Birthday!!!

thanks YaP! I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I'm a sucker for happy endings myself as well. I'm a tad sadistic to my characters I've been told (okay, I admit it too) so they definitely deserve it by the time I'm done. Who knows what book II will bring them??

I never expected his tenderness. Cats were said to be fierce lovers, mating with passion once their bonds were formed. With Natham and me... nothing was as it 'usually was'. Our bond, our differing clans, and the attack we both survived from his father had delayed our mating. I felt so close to him it was hard to remember that we had met only once before our bond was formed. A courtship normally went on much longer with both our species. I had resisted Natham foolishly. I could no longer push

Well I originally planned on ending it here. But with your comment and another I've received I just don't think I can do that. So... I wrote up an epilogue last night. I'll get it edited and posted soon. Hopefully readers will like it!

LOL, well now you have it out of the way! Welcome to GA. I hope you enjoy the site. Any questions feel free to pm me, I'm one of the mod staff. Or if you dare, come find me in chat. I'm in there often. I will only ask you 50 questions... a minute!

I didn't completely surprise you with the fact that Charlie was a bodyguard then? Darn! Ah well, you are good I sort of left loose ends for the future on purpose. This story has closure but it's not ended. I am really glad you enjoyed the story. More to come in the months ahead! Thank you for all of your comments and reviews!!

I woke up lying on my stomach. I could feel pain radiating from my wings and back and I tried to stay motionless until I figured out where I was. A pillow was cushioning my head from the mattress and it felt like a soft sheet was pulled up to my waist. The only scents I could smell were mine and Natham's. It felt like my bed at home but the last thing I remembered was being on the cold concrete floor of the warehouse with Carthera surrounding me. I wasn't sure if I could trust my senses. I wa

All the better to....