myself_i_must_remake

it seems like it's a state of mind more than anything. it's weird for me because i did oral at thirteen, but no anal until eighteen, so depending on how i define it i take a five year jump. to be a virgin and to be virginal are definitely different things in common speech. but i'm gonna jump on the "it doesn't matter" train, because the truth is i would've sat on someone or bent him over as early as twelve if i had the chance.

it frustrates me because i don't know whether they really are born-in or if we grow into them. particularly the well-dressed thing bothers me because from what i've seen, a lot of gays that pride themselves on dressing well don't really dress well (in my opinion), they dress to a formula which tends to look like: expensive jeans plus dress shoes plus belt plus t-shirt under a button-up shirt that has a pattern with a color from the undershirt. and then they judge people outside that formula. at least that's an experience i've witnessed enough times to be pissed by it. like that douchebag from what not to wear. i can't stand how safely he dresses, then criticizes others. but i struggle with the stereotypes as well, for a lot of reasons that i can't really get into here. sometimes i think three years i ago i would hate who i've become, basically.

thanks everyone! it was an awesome birthday! thank you paul for starting this , and tiger for the only cake i've encountered today, and lacey for the drawing . next year i hope to have fingers if i have behaved well. i love this site XD

bon anniversaire. p.s.: your hair is sexy.

all right so: if you announce that you're leaving a place, and then leave for however long, are you really leaving, or are you participating still by performing for that place exactly what you said you would (a performance of having left)? i would suggest that any claim of leaving guarantees that you do the exact opposite, in a way, since you hold your place with your claim of leaving it, and anyone who reads the claim of you having left instead finds your presence. so: vaguely speaking, if anyone wants to leave any place, DO it instead of PERFORM it.

seen this yet? it made me lol.

yeah i had a stage with that... had to stop doing that though XD.

i got one recently and it's kept me happy XD i think if you go to a store and look around, one will pop out at you.

hahahahaha wow. i'd offer to make myself look like a girl but i mean... well look at me. what would be different? if i ever dress in drag (which may happen pending certain school functions...) i'll dedicate the pictures to you.

the ninja is the closest emoticon for: you have my attention.

where are the moderators? writeincode's trying to make us straight. /

paul, rob, and neph. duhhhhhhhhhhh that's a dream team.

my new stance is that of an asshole. i say: if there is a problem in chat, suspend all people involved from it for, say, two days, regardless of who started what. repeat offenders will be handled appropriately. with these kinds of strictures in place, people will mess around less. why such a militant approach to chat? well: we're not entitled to it. it's a private site. they can enforce things as arbitrarily as they'd like without any threat greater than the loss of a member, and i don't think it would ever really come to that anyway. (if it did, chances are that person was bad for the community.) all talking about the issue seems to have done is created more contention. babbling over the "should be" and "this is how it is" and "i hate cliques" has produced exactly two things: another argument and a four-page topic. i'm willing to hand over a lot of power to moderators because if i get kicked out, i'll do the homework i'm supposed to be doing while i'm on chat anyway seriously, what is really at stake if people who participate in problems get temporarily restricted privileges?

i like rob's post best when i read it as kind of an answer to the real chat guidelines. the fact of the matter is that no matter how he meant it, he is right to a large degree. if the wrong group is in chat, i don't feel particularly welcome, and to my knowledge i've butted heads with very few people here (i can think of three and two are resolved.) it's just that there are those cliques, and i'm going to chose NOT to say that's a problem because it's kind of indicative of the types of bonds we forge here. for my own part, i'll say that everyone starts with a blank slate with me and if they address me in chat, i will respond. however, some people have bothered me and if they address me i will be short with them and for that i don't feel the need to apologize. i do think talking about others in chat should be cut down. i did this a bit the other day and i regret it. (or at least let's keep it to private windows maybe?) at any rate: i like so many people here and i really can't wait for chat to go back up.

way to start something cool james! <3

To update you all: The protest was carried out in response to the university's refusal to protect LGBT faculty, a decision we believe that contributes to the overall climate of JCU that discriminates not only against the LGBT crowd, but essentially anyone who is not white, middle-upper class, Catholic, prep-school types. The administrators talking to us during the protest were ultimately offering us negotiations upstairs which we eventually engaged in, and telling us that we were causing problems that would extend outside of John Carroll. The video has caught some attention. In the Cleveland area, it was featured on FOX news with several student interviews. Members of LGBT groups from other universities, especially Jesuit ones, have contacted us and similar demonstrations are expected to precipitate. The students in the protest are now participating in a month long rolling hunger strike where we maintain an area in the atrium of the student center to raise awareness and gather signatures for those who support the addition of the non-discrimination clause in the university's hiring policy. What happens is groups of five students fast for twenty-four hours and sleep in the atrium, and then switch at midnight. We attend classes, but try to keep people at the station at all times. The demonstration has received polarized reactions, as expected, from gushing support from other universities to ill-informed responses like that of this man: Some of the responses on YouTube to our video include calls to have us tazered and beaten up. Many of the comments operate under the assumption that we're asking for marriage rights; this shows how people are attacking their impression of us instead of our actual selves. In response to Tob's facetious remark regarding the basketball team's sitting in on one of our events: we'd love them to. They're so cute. In seriousness: we delayed their game approximately nine minutes after a ceremony in which several students were given awards for community service. We chose this moment because several of the board members who voted down faculty protection were present at the event. After years of using the university-sanctioned channels for change and seeing no results, this measure was inexorable. Several of the basketball players have voiced their support of the action. If any were inconvenienced, we are very sorry. If any of you belong to an LGBT group, please make this video available to them. We are trying to cultivate visibility and incite similar changes on other campuses.

Protest Video and Story! With an appearance by yours truly.

"In this entre-nous spirit, then, old confidant, before we join the others, the grounded everywhere, including, I'm sure, the middle-aged hot-rodders who insist on zooming us to the moon, the Dharma Bums, the makers of cigarette filters for thinking men, the Beat and the Sloppy and the Petulant, the chosen cultists, all the lofty experts who know so well what we should or shouldn't do with our poor little sex organs, all the bearded, proud, unlettered young men and unskilled guitarists and Zen-killers and incorporated aesthetic Teddy boys who look down their thoroughly unenlightened noses at this splendid planet where (please don't shut me up) Kilroy, Christ, and Shakespeare all stopped-- before we join these others, I privately say to you old friend (unto you, really, I'm afraid) please accept from me this unpretentious bouquet of very early-blooming parantheses: (((())))." That's my favorite sentence of his, I think.

i was just listening to this song and reading your blog and realized you would like it if you haven't already heard it:

second nerdy comment i've made here today: the one with viva la vida and kingdom hearts is good.

two things: you clearly come from a wealthy family. that is 100 percent correct. i've been bitching about it for two years.

it has been my long-held theory that some mothers choose to use their children as experiments in counting. lacey: when you were born, the people in your environment just all agreed that you were two. after you around for twelve months, they celebrated your third birthday. nice pictures, patty.

art is what is being beheld as "art" at any moment when the viewer privileges the aesthetic qualities of said object/performance over its other qualities (say, functionality.) in this way, art is subjective and some (all?) things are not art all the time. (gymnastics becomes exercise when no one watches the performer, and when the performer does not think about the way what he is doing looks. as soon as the gymnast's aesthetic self-conscious takes precedence over his technical concerns for his maneuvers, it becomes art again.) people might disagree with me, then. my art requires a watching eye, even if it be the creator's.

To pretend, I actually do the thing: I have therefore only pretended to pretend. -Jacques Derrida Oh Yes, there are worse things than being alone but it often takes decades to realize this and most often when you do it's too late and there's nothing worse than too late. -Charles Bukowski

this should happen more often. getting to know the author can be a fun new thing this site does.