myself_i_must_remake

yeah... it's rough stuff. i don't know what works for you, but you can try my device: distraction, distraction, distraction. if you're so busy that you can't think, then you can't crash; and if you can crash, that must mean you can work harder and faster, and if you do that, you'll be more productive and feel good... you know the tricks.

translation: do it in the mall all the time.

i kind of like to keep kissing for relationships too. all my girlfriends are always trying to cuddle me or give me hugs and that's why i have to teach them lessons. as far as friends go, i'm certainly affectionate in others ways. my body is for lovies.

I've been on the edge of deciding I need medicine for a year now, but I feel like in some ways it'll be worse for me than better. I know my experience of day to day life would be so much improved, but I just can't get myself to do it. What's worse is that I know that if I did, I'd be happy I did and look back on myself now as some maniac whose hormones were making him think unclearly. I still can't balance the psychiatrist's formula though: you + chemicals = the real you Whaaat?

mine varies so much. i go from not being horny at all for three days to needing to get off like seven times in one day if i want to be able to concentrate. schoolwork always makes it worse. if i have several hours of studying ahead of me, i'll do it more often.

f**k the characters. go for the authors.

Most infuriating things I read are from youtube walls. THIS IS MY OPINION AND I FEEL STRONG ABOUT IT AKSLDKFJKLASJDF;LKDJFS.

"full tilt" really just needs to be said more often.

confession: i sleep with a pillow against my back because i sleep better if i am (or feel like i'm being) spooned. also: apply within.

i develop feelings only for emoticons.

soon i'll be 23, which is almost 24 DO NOT WANT.

I usually just get mad at my old projects. The movement happens, if at all, during the writing itself. Then I can't be affected by it anymore.

why are there no jokes calling it the large hard-on collider?

2

now they'll plant a bomb, kill off said contestants, and say god saved them by having them eliminated from the show instead of from life.

haha i think environment has a lot to do with it. i'm not gonna crack one of these at an abortion clinic.

BREAKING NEWS: Ricky Martin last person to know he is gay.

Today I went through my pictures on facebook and realized I'm drunk in almost all of them. One can see my usual alcoholic trajectory: I become docile and stop fearing the camera. I start to get too friendly. Reconsider sexuality. Then things take a turn for the worst and my behaviors become feline and I have to be apprehended. At the peak of sloppiness, I acquire a blanket and mishear "do the robot" as "attempt auto-fellatio." Acquired blanket becomes useful and I subdue myself. I am a notorious party-sleeper.

All right so I have had absolutely zero contact with R-Jay on this site, but his last blog (from several weeks ago) really worried me. Has anyone heard anything?

pai-kun's like wine! (only gets better?) i wish i weren't lame.

for you. emoticons: when language fails.

dargon: you look like stephen colbert in a foxy way.

yeah i can't answer this question. some degrees of some would make me happy and some aren't necessary at all. in my family, if you're male, you don't expect to see sixty. we're good at being stressed out and having heart attacks. it doesn't really bother me; i can't see myself as an old person. already i feel like not-myself just because i can't do flips and my hair is going away slowly. without hair and flips, what good am i?

he's sixteen now! i can make jokes.

i don't think there's any reason comments will become uncivil. on a site where so many stories about teenage boys are written, responses should be very careful. (though there is a distinction here: attraction to pubescent males is called ephebophilia and, judging by the popularity of these stories and how some of them have a sexual component-especially on nifty-, is quite rampant here.) at any rate: i don't think anyone can point the mental-illness finger, and i don't think anyone should try to either. first of all: america is notorious for over-classifying mental illness, which has an effect on the sufferer or (as it unfortunately sometimes is) the non-sufferer wrongly-diagnosed. a diagnosis as sufferer/non-sufferer in this case would not help anything. what's important is that society doesn't accept it and that those acting on these desires will be punished. by important, i don't mean i'm casting some moral judgment; i mean as far as managing this tendency goes, whether it's an illness or not will not change its legal status. second of all: discussions about homosexuality have only shown how little people know about sexuality, including homosexuals themselves. because homosexuality gets so much more exposure than pedophilia and we still engage in sloppy discussions about it, we're not even nearly equipped to handle pedophilia. my suspicion: that age is just another coordinate of sexual orientation. (consider: the cougar phenomenon (not the tiger phenomenon XD)). nature/nurture isn't of interest to me here. third: if it becomes diagnosed as a mental illness, there will be efforts to "fix" it. while this has obvious benefits for both the pedophile and the children in his environment, something sounds strange to me about a society that has the power to diagnose a desire as the product of illness, and then to engineer other desires into that person. scary! that's all for me. again: i don't see anyone from this community becoming uncivil. there's no reason to.