AFriendlyFace

Hey Ronnie! First off, Woo HOO about Annie being back on Ok so I don't know if this is going to help at all, but here's a little story from my life when I was in Junior high and high school. In 7th grade I started to become close friends with this guy named Cody. Anyway by 8th grade we were best friends...and I had developed something of a crush (not that big a crush but a bit, I was pretty much completely over it halfway through or Fresh. year). Anyway the summer before our Fresh. year of high school I was spending the night at his house and he started acting "weird". He kept insisting that I sit next to him on his bed, and he had some excuse (which I can't remember) for rubbing my thigh. So I've always considered this to be a "huge defining moment" in our friendship. What did I do? Hopped off the bed and changed the subject...then he tried to insist and got a little frustrated: "come over here, Damnit!", and I believe I said something like: "naw, I'm ok over here." So why'd I do this? Turn down the advances of my then crush. Well several reasons. First off I was pretty sure he wasn't "gay", he just wanted to mess around. I suppose everyone's heard the rumours (or had the experiences) with regards to what can happen amoung friends at that age. So basically I knew it would end up meaning more to me than it would to him. And I don't care what sort of fantasies people have, or what sort of erotica they've read; I still don't think it's a good idea for a "straight" guy and a "gay" guy to mess around. Someone's just going to get hurt or freaked out. And I really did value his friendship. Well anyway the rest of the night passed without incident, but suddenly things were different between us. We used to talk on the phone every night, now all of a sudden he never called me, and didn't stay on the phone long when I called him. I also suddenly wasn't getting any invites to go places/hang out/do stuff. Basically he was embarrased about what had happened (I'm guessing it was even worse since I turned him down, and could have made him look gay if I'd told anyone about it), but it was probably my fault too after things started to get bad. I got a little jealous and maybe a tad possessive at first. But eventually I just decided "screw this" and quit worrying about it, I just hung out with different friends. Well we were never openly mad at each other and just made small talk when we did see each other. Finally about two months later he just randomly called me up and asked me to come over. Which I did. It was funny his step dad saw me, greeted me warmly (I always did get along well with his family), and looked at Cody and commented something like: "wow, I thought you guys had had some sort of falling out, you hadn't invited Kevin over in so long." To which he just looked at me and smiled and said: "well now I did [invite him over]". And that was that, we were back to normal...well normal for us anyway. I clearly remember about two years later I was ranting to another friend, Philip (GOSH! was I into that boy at the time, he was completely gorgeous, had an extremely cute personality, and was as sweet as icing!) about an argument Cody and I had had the night before when we went out to dinner (and we really had argued over several stupid things). Anyway when I finished Philip laughed and said: "it sounds you like guys are dating!", then I thought for a second and realized "geez it really is like we're dating on without the physical stuff". It was kind of funny, whenever he had a girlfriend and we all hung out I was always wondering which one of he'd treat like his S.O., and I really am happy to say most of the time it was the girl (like I said I was over him by then anyway and really did only want a friendship). Anyway we're still friends to this day, though we got to different Universities and don't chat as often. So you're probably wondering why I told you all this...I kinda am too! J/k actually it's because I want to make two points. (1) the way we eventually re-established a healthy friendship was by me just backing off completely and letting him come to me. In fact after that first initial time when I realized what happened, that's how we basically always dealt with stuff. Things would get tense between us and we'd both just back off completely then randomly one of us would decide it was time to be close friends again. Anyway why not give it a try with Justin? As Michael pointed out you've all but bent over backwards to maintain the friendship and be there for him; it's his turn now. Don't get mad at him, don't "cut him off" or ditch him, just give him plenty of space and see if he comes around on his own. Chances are he will and if he doesn't...well you really did do more than your fair share for the friendship and if he's not willing to give you something to work with you really are better off. Point number two (2) what do you want with him? Do you want his friendship or do you want a relationship? If you just want his friendship then fine, give it some time for both of you to not be mad/annoyed anymore then pick up where left off. But if you really can't reconcile your feelings, if you really don't think you can ever be "over" him, then as much as it sucks my personal advice would be to move on. It's tough to be friends with someone you're in love with and watch them date someone else. It's even harder if you don't like that someone else. I don't want to disappoint/hurt you, and of course you do actually know him whereas I'm just guessing based on what you've told us, but I'd have to say, IMO, Justin's straight. I'm sure he does (or at least did, hopefully still does) have feelings for you, but they aren't necessarily romantic feelings. Let me ask you one really cruddy question. And believe me I'm not trying to defend Lorena in any way, but does it really matter who he's dating if he's not dating you? I mean could you honestly see yourself being happy for him and enjoying seeing him in a good relationship with any girl? I know it's not really any of my business, and I do hope I haven't offended/upset you in anyway. I just want to help, and my final advice is: Please don't hold your breath waiting for him. You deserve to be with someone who's completely into you (and if he's straight he simply never can be). If you think you can put your feelings aside, and once this little rough patch is over, continue to be friends with him (and not hold out hopes for anything else) then by all means go ahead. IF he starts treating you the way he should. Let him come to you this time, and honestly try not to be disappointed if he doesn't. So anyway I'm sorry if I said anything out of place, Ronnie, but I sincerely only wish you well and want things to work out for you. You're a great person and deserve to be happy. Don't let people, especially people who are supposed to be close to you, treat you any other way. All the best, have an awesome day, and take care, Kevin

Thanks Zot! I've been playing with this alot lately . I like the way you put that Xandra. And it's no wonder I like this place. At most meals I tend to enjoy and focus on the side dish more than the main course! ***waves at everyone in the shadows*** For me it just took (takes) me awhile to get to new parts of the site. The first couple of months I stayed entirely in the Domaholics>Dom Stories forum. Then I slowly found the general discussion board, eventually the blogs, and finally live chat. Only a few months ago I realized there was a main page section of the Domaholics forum (without going into the Dom Stories section), which totally blew my mind...You'd think I would have noticed that earlier! Then later I found out about the e-fiction section. and LAST NIGHT I found this For Readers>Story cafe' section!! I swear I don't know what other mysteries GA will reveal to me in March!......I used to think I was "tech savy" and good at figuring stuff out with computers/online...but clearly I lost those abilities sometime around my midteens . Now before any of you younger people laugh, you just wait! I swear it's like you hit legal drinking age and suddenly you don't know how to work an Ipod and your VCR/DVD player confuses you! :wacko: (any older guys/gals who CAN work their VCR, SSSHHHH) Um so What's an IGN board? Anyway take care everyone and have an awesome day! Kevin

Hey Tim Thanks, yeah I really like it. Unfortunately it's already starting to fade out but apparently thats also making it look more natural. Today some lady stopped me and said "I know you probably get this alot but are there alot of redheads in your family?" lol You should DEFINITELY try an artichoke! Yep I did have a great time, I almost cancelled out on myself because I didn't feel like going out at the last min. But I went anyway and had a good time Anyway nothing wrong with catching up on your sleep! Have an awesome day and take care Kevin

So I really am an optimist. I mean I pretty much knew that anyway but I suddenly realized how definite it was the other day. See I've been eating alot of grits lately! I love grits! I'm on quite a grit kick. Anyway this is great except I only had three glass bowls, So I pretty much had to wash them often by hand to keep from running out. Which isn't so bad really, I mean I don't mind washing dishes that much; in fact it's one of my favourite "mindless tasks", but still it does get old ya know? So anyway the other day I'm walking into my kitchen with an empty bowl (having just consumed some grits ) while talking on my cell phone. Anyway basically I was trying to carry too many things while being distracted with the conversation and as fate would have it I dropped the bowl. It did of course fall to my kitchen floor (yeah I really shoulda invested in one of those new anti-gravity bowls but hindsight is 20/20 ) and shatter into quite a few small pieces. SO naturally I tell my phone friend I'll have to call back after I clean up the mess. So I get down on my hands and knees and start cleaning up and the first thought that pops into my head is: "well hey! Now you don't have to wash it! " And I wasn't being sarcastic or purposely trying to look on the bright side, it's just what naturally occured to me. Then of course I realized how absurd that really was, I mean if I was that set on not washing it I could have just thrown it away anyway! But the fact remains it was a pretty "optimistic" thing to think. Then yesterday I woke up, stretched, and the first words out of my mouth were: "ahhh! Life is good!". So this leads me to the inescapable conclusion that I probably am an optimist. Which is great, but of course being the horribly over-analytical type I have to go and question it. Like for example, does this mean I'd be well suited to deal with something awful happening? Or am I simply happy right now because everything's fine? I mean if I suddenly got cancer, or lost an arm in a freak accident...would I stay optimistic about it or would I become depressed? I mean I can't really see myself saying "well gee, less fingernails to clip!". Or what if something else awful happened? Some other random, bad event. Will I weather it ok? In a weird sort of way I feel like I'm obliged to. I mean it doesn't seem fair for me to go whinging on about my problems when I at least used to be happy. I know that doesn't make sense...It's hard to explain what I mean. Last year for my birthday a couple of my coworkers were going to take me out for dinner. So I showed up at the designated apartment and walked in and..."SURPRISE!" They'd thrown me a surprise party! And I was! Completely surprised, and absolutely thrilled. Everyone was all dressed up, and they had cards and everything, and gifts, and they'd made this awesome chocolate brownie cake, which we ate first before going to dinner, because I always say "life's more fun when you have desert first!", anyway it was just awesome. So on the way to the restuarant I just blurt out "this is so awesome, now I can die happy!", and I mean to darnit! I mean no matter how cruddy things might get I really think I should be able to look back on that one special birthday where all my friends made such an effort and "die happy". I mean not just that one day but all sorts of nice things that have happened to me. It seems like having experienced those things I have no right to be gloomy. This is why I always feel "guilty" when I'm in a bad mood. I have no "right" to be in a bad mood. Anyway I think it's partly about "the meaning of life". I mean what makes life worthwhile? A few months ago I went for a walk and passed this store I'd never been in. I mean it was just an office depot, and I've been in several of those before, but I'd never been in that one, anyway I went in and looked around, I don't think I even bought anything, but just walking through it I suddenly thought: "there's some value in this experience". I mean it wasn't a "good" experience, it wasn't a "bad" experience, it was just me seeing something I'd never seen before. Somehow I think there is value in all experiences. Even the bad ones. I mean on days when I'm sick or just down in general...there's still some value there. It still seems like I'm somehow better/wiser/deeper/more learned for having experienced it. It sorta seems that way with everything. It's almost like it's worth eating something I find really nasty (and there actually aren't that many foods I don't like) just so that I can say I've had the "experience" of trying them. I think I'm an "experience whore". That's why I like doing new things in general, even if they don't really sound "fun" per se. It's Like the time I went on vacation with a friend of mine and his family in high school and he accidently locked his keys and cell phone in his truck, and he couldn't call anyone in his family because he only had the numbers in his cell phone. So we had to walk like 5 miles back to the condo in the heat (and dark by the time we got there). I mean my feet hurt (I wasn't in "walking shoes") and I was hot and tired, but it still seems like there's some sort of "value" in that experience (well besides being able to hang it over his head from time to time ). Knowledge and learning seem to have some intrinsic value too. I mean just random, pointless information. Like: "All gondolas in Venice, Italy must be painted black, unless they belong to a high official." I don't need to know that, but there seems to be some value in knowing nevertheless. Perhaps that's why I want to learn Spanish; even if I never really "use" it, it'll still be valuable just to "know" it. I think that's why I'm not very hard on most books or movies, it seems to me there's some sort of value in reading a lousy book or watching a terrible movie. I dunno maybe it just makes you appreciate the other movies and books more. Maybe it's just that it's so bad it's funny (and I really do laugh at badly written book or poorly done movies). I mean I definitely do get some sort of entertainment from them anyway. Of course there are some movies and books I don't like. But I wouldn't even say those are "bad" at least not objectively. I just don't like them. Like I don't like war movies or movies about natural disasters as a general rule of thumb. I mean even if they are "poignant" and the acting is really great, and even if I can appreciate the situation or whatever; I still don't like them. I don't like Hemmingway's work for example, I think he's too "choppy" and all around writes about stuff I'm not particularly interested in (especially as delivered in his style), but I can't really argue that he's a "bad" writer, clearly his isn't. So is there some value in experiencing these things as well? Undoubtedly Anyway I hope this post wasn't too boring for everyone. I know it wasn't really "about" anything concrete. Well have an awesome day everyone and take care! (and experience as much as you can! :pickaxe: ) Kevin

Thanks Rob, I know you're right; I probably should be more concerned with finding that special someone right now anyway. I do of course know that being gay doesn't mean I won't be able to have kids...It just makes it more complicated. But then I do think it's worth the extra effort, and you're right if you want it badly enough it can definitely happen. I'm so glad to hear that you and Robin are planning to have kids . I'm sure you guys will be great parents!

Aww thanks Tim That's the spirit! In my more "confident about having kids someday" moments I say more or less the same thing! By the way I love your signature

Hey Kaiten! LOL well it sounds like your back up plan is fun anyway! Don't worry I'm sure you will find someone great You're probably right about it being best not to intentionally bring children into a single parent home...on the other hand the way I've more or less calmed myself down is by deciding that if I'm about 35 or so and don't have any "prospects" I might go ahead and start trying to work out the adoption process...I dunno maybe that is a mistake and of course it'll depend on my situation at the time, but I think I'd consider it at least.

Thanks Kitty I know you're right about there not really being a rush, but I still feel like I should "get on with it", especially when I see my friends and former classmates starting to have families of their own. But you are right thanks

My thought exactly. And while I am a pretty jumpy person myself I'd gotten one of those in my email a few years ago and sorta half anticipated something similar this time so I didn't freak out.

Actually since I completely avoid television and mostly avoid the celebrity gossip, I have no idea who Mr. Cruise feels about homosexuality...But I'm guessing not favourably by your post? ***************** This is very interesting. I quite like my own name, so it's really unlikely. Also to be completely honest I have some issues (which I really ought to work on) about not being too "submissive", so again I probably wouldn't. On the other hand I sort of like the idea of couples "matching" with regards to last names so perhaps I wouldn't mind him taking mine...of course that seems horribly hypocritical. And by the same token I'm paranoid about becoming too "dominant" (what can I say I'm a sucker for the "equal" relationship). So I think my final answer would probably be, "No I wouldn't take his", "He could take mine if he wanted to but I wouldn't ask or expect it." On the other hand we must also consider other factors. Like is this going to be the norm in the gay community? If not people might mistake us for brothers or cousins or something . I sort of like the hyphan idea. Almost seems like the perfect solution. It sends a clear "couples" message, and people are less likely to mistake you for blood relatives, but it's equitable and everyone's name gets coverage. On the other hand I hate signing my whole name as it is, if I had one that much longer...but I could make the sacrifice for something like this of course...And I'd want it done straight alphabetically as far as whose name goes first, since my own last name is right in the middle part of the alphabet it could go either way, and I quite like that since I'm not even sure if I'd want my name first or last anyway. Ok so I probably made that WAY more complicated than I should have Have an awesome day everyone and take care! Kevin

As someone who looked forward to the gambling part more than the drinking part, isn't it 21 to gamble nationally?? I know it is in Louisiana. Woo HOO! Thats so awesome Nick, congrats

LOL Kitty! I think I'd be a little nervous to try with something so many people would read, but thanks for giving me something to think about...I guess if inspiration did strike I'd try to submit something

I wish I'd write something. I have all these ideas for things I'd like to write about, and often I mentally make up a whole set of characters and a story line; I just never seem to be able to sit still long enough to actually write it

Woo Hoo!! Happy Birthday Nick!! I hope it's a really awesome one May this year be better than all that preceded and the next year better still Kevin

Welcome Back Viv! I'm so glad you had a fun and safe trip. Wow that is a huge coincedence that you got to be there for both the times it snowed on that mountain! I loved the last chapter it was awesome! I really feel like I know more about Stephan now . So glad to hear the next one is right around the corner **sneaks around the corner and has a peek** Aww I'm sorry to hear about that poor little girl , at least you got to be warm for a little extra time though and spent the duration reading . I gave that book as a gift to someone, but I've never read it myself. I want to though, that and Tuesdays With Morey. Anyway glad you had fun and are back safe and sound, take care Kevin

LOL Oh Green I loved that story! Definitely my favourite of the three, not that the other two weren't excellent as well ! Anyway really great, I got a huge kick out of it Way to go! Can't wait to see what part 4 is about! Kevin

Perhaps Chaz ate something which did not agree with him. **sigh** I probably shouldn't let a lame joke be someone's first impression of me lol. Welcome Chaz! I'm so glad to see you registered and with your own SN . It's great to meet you, from what Green's written about you, you seem like an awesome person Well I was going to vote for seperate personally, but I'm glad for you guys and wish you two all the best Hugs and smiles! + Kevin

That's all very interesting! I have a question. How did you guys find all these fascinating facts out?? I'd love to checkem out myself.

I agree with this 1,000%!! The thing I find most appealing about gay relationships is the potential for a high degree of equality and the dissolution of gender stereotyped roles!...well that and boys are hot!

I agree that was awful! But I think Viv's got the right idea! Wait for him to "come around", then remind him that he owes you an all expenses paid "fun day". So sorry this happened to you, hope you're feeling better and doing well, Kevin

Well I'm game to give it a shot if it's a time I'd be available.

I agree this is such a teriffic place!! Group Hug!! Now if I could just remember to go into the live chat.....I only seem to think about at really obscure times when no one's around.

Hey Dom, LOL I agree with you; men are definitely not ugly naked. But then neither are women. Oh some women are ugly naked, but then some men are too. I think it really just depends on the person. Of course there's more guys I'd rather see naked, and I'm more into them, but there's quite a few women I wouldn't object to seeing "as nature intended". Did you ever see that episode of Seinfeld? I think it was the one where Jerry had a girlfriend who always hung around naked; so Jerry started trying it and she freaked out; so he was telling Elaine about it and she was saying how the female body was a work of art and the male body was more "utilitarian" (Like a jeep I think she said)......anyway good episode, but I disagree, naked guys are hot. Awesome about working on more DD!!! I can't wait for the next chapter! Sorry it's so cold there; our weather as been really bipolar the last month, we've managed to have some of our coldest and warmest weather of the winter all within a week. It's dreadful, I stepped out this morning in long-sleeves (thinking it would still be cold) and was sweating before I could get across the parking lot. **sigh** I hope we get another little cold front though, I love long-sleeve weather! All the best (and then some ) Kevin

Well I was mostly just in a goofy, good mood when I wrote that. But yeah actually; some of my best friends have been "homophobic" (they just didn't know I was homo at the time so they weren't phobic). People can be horrible to each other, and do horrible things. But for the most part I think everyone more or less "means well", and I think everyone has a good side (somewhere). People make mistakes, they're ignorant, selfish, stupid, and misguided.......but they're not so bad really. Just the other day I was having this conversation with a friend of mine, and she was saying how she thought Brokeback Mountain was really hot and how it was turning her on. She's really teriffic though, later someone asked her what she'd do if her boyfriend left her for her gay best friend (not me). She laughed and said she'd be really upset and hurt, but on the bright side she'd be glad for her friend because he can't find anyone and her boyfriend is a great guy. Anyway, I guess I can't really answer the question myself, not being a woman...but I usually find any sort of love story/romance to be really touching and great! I've had several lesbian friends and I'm always really happy and pleased about their relationship. Also, I think there's something about it being two guys - who are traditionally less romantic and "sweet" - who are so in love or into each other that they're willing to "fight the system" or whatever and stand up for how they feel. And yes, I think it is partly seeing people of the desired gender behaving how one might wish them to behave. Anyway just my thoughts, have an awesome day everyone and take care! Kevin