AFriendlyFace

I used to be quite a worrier. I suppose I still am to some point, but I'm much more relaxed than I used to be. My top 5 things to worry about: 1) Auto accidents/deaths (be them my own or anyone else's) 2) Running out of time (I never feel like I have enough time to do everything I want/need to do. On the bright side I'm never bored) 3) Growing Looking older 4) Being stuck somewhere and needing to pee (this one is actually rational considering that with the amount of water I drink I need to pee at least once an hour) 5) Being cut, bruised, or breaking anything. (I actually don't really care about the physical pain but I can't stand anything to leave a mark, and God forbid I get a scar.)

Hmmm, ME stereotypically gay? Nevah! LOL, well I really don't do this very often (at least that I'm aware ), but a few weeks ago at work (my old job) I was in a hurry and I caught myself walking at a very brisk pace, shimming my hips and doing that gay thing with BOTH wrists My lesbian friends are always quite amused that I'm careful to coordinate my sucks, shoes, and belt (little do they know I try to pick an appropriate pair of underwear too). I'll post more later if I think of something. Ya know I think "Dontcha" by the pussycat dolls is a better "winning a straight guy over from his gf song". I mean if he were just kinda closeted and you knew it it would be so cool to be like "Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"

Great chapter, Jamie! I can't wait to read the next one!

I guess I'll give the answer I always give: "I don't know". And I don't exactly mean that I don't know if there are ghosts (although I suppose that's also sort of what I mean), what I mostly mean is that I don't know if I believe in them (a difficult distinction to grasp I know). I'm completely conflicted on this subject. There's an extremely rational, skeptical side of me that would say OF COURSE NOT, without thinking twice and it's this same side that's always internally shocked when someone says they do. However, there's an equally strong spiritual, open-minded side. A side that couldn't care less about rationality or reason or proof. A side that thinks it's ridiculous to ever be closed-minded about such a possibility. It's this side that usually causes me to listen with an open-mind when someone says they do believe. There's a side that wants to believe in ghosts, and a side that doesn't want to believe. A side that would definitely not be afraid if they existed, and a side that definitely would. **big shrug** I just don't know.

WOOO HOOO! YAY for Vic's birthday!!! Happy Birthday, Vic!!! It's a pleasure having you a round and I'm very happy for all the fun times I've had with you! May this year bring you all the peace and happiness that you deserve and may your birthday be the best and brightest ever! -Kevin

Mark, that's so profound! I'm so sorry for your loss. SO, well said Krista, and Nero! That's pretty much exactly how I feel too. Also very well said, Bsk! As Luc said he blogged about something similar, and since I happened to read both that blog and this thread at the same time, and since your post would no doubtedly have reminded me of this anyway, I'll just go ahead and say one of my favourite quotes again: Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened My best friend told me that once when I was sad about something (can't even remember what anymore). I'm not sure if she made it up herself or if it's a quote from someone else, but it's forever stuck with me. She's a remarkable person. I won't even go into her tons of other positive qualities, but what I will mention is that she's a fighter. She's a naturally sad kind of person, and sadness and conflict seem to always find her, but she marches relentlessly on nevertheless. Actually she's also a good example of one of my attachments. We met our soph. year of HS and became friends, then we became really close or Junior and Senior years. Then we stayed really close for the first two years of college. Then we didn't see each other or communicate very much anymore. But we stayed close nonetheless. Every several months we would see each other or else just call. It was usually always when one of us was going through something (usually her since I've led a remarkably pleasant life thus far, but one a couple of occasions I've needed the support too). The last time was a few weeks ago when she broke up with her girlfriend. We chatted everyday on the phone for several hours, one conversation even lasted over five hours! I suppose it sounds like they must have been rather grim conversations if the impetus was her break up, but actually they really weren't; they were quite fun! Sure we kept coming back to the break up and stuff, but mostly we just caught up and reminisced. Anyway, the point is that despite the fact that we DID loose touch, and our lives did take us in completely different directions and to completely different places, we can still count on each other and we can still pick up where we left off. I find it comforting to know that even with many months and hundreds of miles between us that gap can be bridged with a simple phone call. I think this is WONDERFUL, Graeme! I'm so proud of you and filled with respect and admiration! There's nothing wrong with "loading the di", it's just a good idea really! Go you! What an awesome idea, Colin! Then I must ask you a question, Robbie. Which person do you like better? Which person do you want to be? Do you need to both people (in which case everything's completely fine the way it is and you're getting what you need)? Do you want to be some combination/mixture of the two? Or do you want to be one or the other? I don't actually expect answers (although either way is cool by me), but I think it's something you ought to consider. Also, and I'm not saying you do have a problem - there's no way I could possibly judge that with the info I have, and even if I could who am I to do that - but if YOU think there might be a problem, then I think you owe it to yourself to think about it and figure out what's wrong and what you can do to fix it. Please don't be afraid to go places in your own head. It's far more important to be comfortable - completely comfortable - with yourself than it is to be comfortable with other people.

LOL, I read that as "my griTs just rolled their eyes at me..." aww Don't worry, Krista, I'm sure with time you'll grow on them

Luc, I'm so sorry that right now is one of life's valleys and not one of its peaks. Just a though, I don't think life is a zero sums game. I think it's quite possible for someone to be "ahead" in either the happy moments or the sad moments. You're definitely going to get some of each, but I think it's worth trying for more of the happy ones than the sad ones. I like to think people leave me when they no longer need me. I mean I'm pretty self-contained and easily distracted. I do miss people, and I'm sad when they go away, but I suppose I do move on pretty well...I guess that's why I've always preferred to think that they were the ones moving on. That they no longer needed me and that's why we're not close anymore. I suppose when it comes down to it I'd rather be left than be the one to leave...if I'm honest with myself though I guess that might not be the case. Thanks for giving me something to think about. One more little platitude I always particularly liked: "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened" Take care, Kevin

This is all excellent! It's probably not how'd I'd have put it, but I completely agree I suppose I'd agree with that. Hmm, this I'd disagree with. I suppose we have a different connotation for the word emotional. I seldom if ever reduce my thinking to pure black and white; however, as a general statement I'd say it's good to be emotional and bad to be unemotional. Of course by emotional I mean that it's good, proper, and healthy to express the emotions you're feeling in an acceptable, constructive way. I consider myself an emotional person, but I certainly don't think it takes precedence over my intellect. Hmm, personally I can imagine very few circumstances in which expressing your honest, heart-felt joy would be a bad thing or inappropriate. In fact the only scenario I could imagine is if your joy somehow made others feel worse. For example if I were at a funeral and recieved very good news, or if something really good had happened at work while a coworker was struggling/having a bad day. If your joy will make others feel worse about their plight, then yes it should be somewhat restrained. Even there though I'd actually think at least 50% of the responsibility would fall on the other person/people's shoulders to realize that despite their own bad circumstance they should still be happy for others (I just think that under most circumstances it isn't really reasonable to assume that they'll feel and understand this so for the sake of tact one should control themselves). As for sadness...hmmm, too complicated. One should definitely express their sadness in an honest, open way. They should not take it out on others or otherwise use it manipulatively however. In general I think sadness is much more complicated than joy so I'll refrain from making any other generalized statements. Once again I think we have a slightly different definition for the word "emotional". I agree that if something bad happens one should take action to resolve the problem instead of just sitting there crying; however, I see nothing wrong with having a cry and then fixing the problem. Recently I had a very stressful, series of unfortunate events occur. After I'd properly whinned, and accepted emotional support, I pulled myself together and took the steps I needed to take to fix the situation. I think it's perfectly fine to express your sadness, disappointment, or frustation, but there comes a time when you have to stop and take actions to make your sitation better. Beyond that the emotional behaviour is counterproductive.

WOOO HOOO!! Happy Birthday, Old Bob!!! You're wonderful attitude and boundless wisdom bring a great deal to the site!! I'm deeply pleased that it's been my pleasure to know you, and I look forward to many more years of friendship with you. May this year find you healthy, happy, and with all the things you want! Best wishes, Kevin

LOL, I wasn't really ready to cover the Civil War section either. That's why I kinda cheated and steered it toward the romantic aspect. Looks to me like the next poster can pretty much take their pick on whether or not they want to carry on the romantic part, or shift back over to the Civil War/explanation part.

Ohhh, then I'm still a bit of a virgin too! Won't tell which one of those I haven't done though

I recently moved. I loaded some furniture into the back of the truck, drove it over to the new place, then got out to unload it. Upon going back there I realized that one of the two end tables I'd loaded up had apparently fallen out in transit ( ) and was now presumably somewhere between here and there in several smaller pieces. My reaction honest to God first reaction? "Oh well, at least it was the one I didn't like as much"

OK, I have some new comments and thoughts: Great method, Jamie! I try to do this too. I agree with what Graeme said; there's definately a difference between "I drink sometimes" and "I'm an alcoholic". I always try to avoid using black and white thinking. Also, I agree with Graeme about this situation probably not arising very often in the first place. I mean if you met a guy and started getting close with him you'd probably realize right away that he drank from time to time. After you know this it's really up to you what you do with that knowledge. You probably won't already be in love with him at this early stage (infatuatated maybe, but not "love"). So decide then and there if you're going to be okay with him drinking sometimes. If you know it's not something you can get past, then I'd suggest cutting things off sooner rather than later. I mean you should communicate with him, and give him the option of saying "well I'll just quit then." But personally at such an early stage in the relationship while I think he should have the option, I don't necessarily think it's fair for you to demand that or for him to make that sacrifice (but again that would obviously depend on unforseeable circumstances). If you decided that it was okay, and that you were going to be able to get past it, then that's what you need to do. Just accept it and leave it alone unless it becomes a problem. And as always communication is key. Hmm, I kinda think this is a "loaded" question. Yes, ideally love can overcome great obsticales, but as Luc said one must never compromise one's self out of existence. If at the time in your lives you're not ready to have a bf who drinks and he's not ready to completely give the stuff up, then that does sound rather non-negotiable. Personally, (and this is just my personal biases speaking) I couldn't imagine this being a "non-negotiable" relationship breaker for me. If I were the non-drinking partner I'd probably just be like "well okay, you can drink from time to time, just becareful and don't let it get out of hand". If I were the drinking partner I'd probably just say "well okay, if it's means that much to you I'll stop". But then for me personally, I do drink, I enjoy it, and I happily get drunk in safe environments from time to time. But I'm a fun, positive drunk. I only ever get silly and playful when I'm drunk, not sad or abusive, and while I enjoy it it's just one more thing I enjoy. I've often gone months without drinking at all, and I can pretty much take it or leave it. So if I really cared about a guy and it was important to him that I not drink I just wouldn't drink, it's not a big priority for me. Similarly, I have pretty relaxed attitudes about the whole thing and my main moral code is "as long as no one (including the person themself) gets hurt, go for it". So I'd probably just sorta be like "Yeah okay, drink if you want, just be careful". Anyway, the other important thing to remember is that we can all sit here and speculate about how things should be, but the fact remains that when the situation comes up only the individual people involved are going to know what's best for them, and they're still just going to have to make up their own rules as they go just like everyone else. My opinion is trust your boyfriend until you have a reason not to, but always be open with communicating your thoughts and feelings, and try to encourage him to as well. Yep, I've got the same method; I only eat chocolate on Sundays...that's why I order so many sundaes Have a great day all! Kevin

Well, in virtually any circle I run in I tend to be considered the most optimistic person there. Actually I'm always a little surprised by that face. I do consider myself an optimist, but I don't think I'm that intense with it, and I often get this comment from people I've only recently met and who I THOUGHT hadn't even had much of an opportunity to see the optimism. So I suppose it is something I put out there. Do I think pessimism can be positive and productive? Ummm, NO, not really. I mean I guess it could be a little bit, but for the most part I think it drains people, makes them give up faster, and generally weakens morale all around. Anyway, as Krista and Mark said, you can just go ahead and lower your expectation while also taking provisions to ensure that everything goes well, WITHOUT losing confidence and hope that things WILL go well. In other words don't walk into a test saying "I'm going to ace this sucker even though I didn't study!" (although I've often done that...and indeed aced them ) instead go in saying "I'm going to ace this sucker because I'm well prepared, and even if I don't I'm still doing well in the class and will have plenty of time to ace the next one!" Take care and have an awesome day Kevin

I came to see what Kirsta added

Just finished cleaning my whole house actually The person below me still needs to put away their dishes.

MAROON 5!!! MAROON 5!!! MAROON 5!!! ...umm I dunno, I guess Maroon 5 hehe, It's just that I've been listening to their new cd like non-stop for the last 3 days so I'm really into them right now! Blink 182 or Greenday?

Avatar: 7, It's okay, but I'd be more impressed if you actually made its hair red like you've mentioned before Signature: 10! I love it now that I know its significance from the Song Lyric thread Username: 6, I know it's Colin Ian, but I always wanna say "Colinian" like "Canadian" I.E. someone from Colin. Overall: 10! No it doesn't add up right, but you're just that nifty Kevin (Who's disappointed because it means that he's next up, and he currently has a very boring signature.)

"But I have a policy. I never reveal information to strangers until they reveal something about themselves." Robbie said with a sly smirk. "So tell me about yourself, kid." "Well first off I'm not overly fond of the patronizing nicknames. So knock it off." Justin said with more confidence than he actually felt. "Secondly, I'm a Libra, I enjoy long walks on the beach, and cuddling on the couch while watching a movie. There, satisified?" Justin couldn't believe he'd just said all that, but the playful looks Robbie was giving him had encouraged him and let him know that it was okay. "Hmmm. Am I satisfied?" Robbie wondered aloud with mock exageration. "Nope, I'm not. However, I think I might be if we tried cuddling on the coach and watching a movie." Justin's mouth dropped open in surprise, and he nervously fumbled for an appropriate response as Robbie continued to look him over with something that clearly went beyond platonic interest.

Hmm, I'm going to go with number 2 as the lie. Number one seems reasonable and spot on. Number 3 I personally think is really gross, but it sounds like something you (or a typical person) would eat and enjoy. I don't eat meat and I don't eat pasta - and of all the pastas available macaroni is probably the grossest (worst of the worst). As for cheese, well normally I'm a HUGE fan of anything cheesey, but the cheese typically used is Mac and Cheese is usually pretty icky (and actually I suspect the cheese in M&C is the reason that I have a strong preference for white/pale yellow cheeses over orange cheeses). Grits are good though I think it's number 2 because I think you either don't like soap operas at all OR, you do, but not this one. I was going to say "I'd complain about it while eating it"...then I realized I'd never be eating it in the first place LOL HMM, I think # 2 is the lie. I suspect your niece had a major part in something else, or it was someone close to you other than your niece who had the part in Garage Days. For some reason I find # 1 to be the most likely. And I think # 3 is cool in that, it's probably true sorta way.

I would think so! In fact I even had you in mind when I was positing this theory This makes sense too! I suppose I might also be basing these observations on my own interaction with gay guys, and while I've definitely met a full range who would rate all over the board in terms of superficialness, etc. I probably AM exposed more heavily to a group that could well be skewed toward the more superficial end of the spectrum (for example young guys - I think overall younger people are more superficial than older people. It's also true that while I probably have more gay male friends who don't like to go out and go clubbing, when I enter that world I see and experience the types of guys who do, and they're probably more likely to be superficial as well). I also think that certain sub-groups of gay males are more likely to be (physically) superficial than others. "Bears" for example are often cited as an example of a sub-group with healthier phsyical attitudes, and a more relaxed emphasis on looks. I'd agree up to a point, although I'd also speculate that they simply have a different physical bias. It's really the same thing as my own personal disinterest in "very well-built, highly muscular" guys. Basically I'm just not usually particularly physically attraacted to really "butch" looking guys even if that butchness is generally percieved as something positive by society (I.E. large muscles). I personally prefer a smaller, leaner build, with an emphasis on toned not large muscles.

Hmm, just a thought/comment, and probably one I have no business making, but if I've got the facts straight you've been in three serious relationships...all with very beautiful people. Now I don't doubt your assertion at all, but if physical looks were completely irrelevant to you chances are you wouldn't have just randomly ended up dating in the top 10% of physical beauty all three times. Well, relentless self-improvement has always been top of my list. AWWWW No, I think he's right. Not "gay people", gay MEN. I think lesbians are the least superficial group. To me it's lesbians, straight women, straight men, gay men, in ascending order of average shallowness. It seems that we're all in agreement about the fact that men are more superficial (on average) than women (at least in terms of the physical appearance of whom they date). I think the average gay guy is more superficial than the average straight guy. I think this is because people sort of "rub off" on each other. When straight guys date, settle down, etc. they're around their woman (who's probably less superficial), and probably also other less superficial couples, etc. So over time I think they get socialized to accept that their partner doesn't have to be perfect. Gay guys on the other hand or more in a continuing cycle of meeting other superficial guys, competing with them in terms of looks (and thus raising their own criteria in the process), and are generally socialized over time to become more superficial. There's also a self-fulfilling prophesy going on here. Other people think they're naturally going to be superficial, THEY think they're naturally going to be superficial, so guess what, over time they become more superficial. There's also the issue of insecurity. Ugly/average straight guys can date beautiful women. They just can, it happens. Gay guys have this idea in their head that they can't date really gorgeous guys unless they are really gorgeous themselves. And what happens if gay Joe-average dates super-model Dirk? Joe-average screws things up with his paranoia, jealousy, and insecurity and super-model Dirk does leave him, often for super-model Troy (who knows he's gorgeous and isn't as clingy, paranoid, and insecure about that area as Joe-average). Anyway, I think a lot of factors go into making gay guys more superficial than straight guys. But don't get me wrong, overall I'd rather be with someone who had the typical gay guy package of characteristics than the typical straight guy package of characteristics. Sure the superficial part sucks, but I also believe that on average gay guys are more sensitive, wittier, supportive, caring, affectionate, and while I'll probably get in trouble for saying this, more intelligent, better cultured, and (here's the superficial part) more attractive! Now I'm just saying this is generally and overall for the average population at large. There are undoubtedly tons of individuals and relationships which are completely opposite of everything I've just described. I'm also by no means dissing any of you, myself, or the gay community (I'm crazy about all three of classes of people!! ). I also believe strongly in people having control over their own behaviour and destinies. If I don't want to be superficial, I think that's something I can do if I put my mind to it. Same for all of you. Oh yeah, and by the way. Personally I think the average American woman is much more attractive than the average American man. I think the average woman doesn't let herself go quite as much as the average man, and actually most of the features I find most attractive in people are more likely to occur naturally in women than in men (like not being hairy, and having smaller frames - both height and weight, and there are others). Anyway if I absolutely had to I'd probably rather sexually be with a typical American woman than a typical American man. However, while I suppose I'm slightly bisexual, I'm not particularly attracted to women and I don't have very much sexual desire for them (they're just less gross than the average guy ). SO automatically I pretty much realize and accept that the only guys I'm going to be at all interested in having a physical relationship with ARE going to be (what I perceive) as more attractive than the average guy. Fortunately for me gay guys tend to take much better care of themselves than straight guys Indeed, that's why I've always found it funny that there's this illusion that gay guys want to get with straight guys. For one thing I think any semi-intelligent gay guy wouldn't want to open that can of worms in the first place, and for another thing, personally, I think members of our own community (typically) have more to offer physically and emotionally than the average straight guy. Don't get me wrong, some straight guys are incredibly hot, and I've known quite a few really hot ones that I also thought were really awesome people, sweet, caring, intelligent, fun to be around etc. Overall though I'd rather stick with other gay guys. As for friendships, I really don't think I have any physical, racial, age, sex, orientation, religious, or cultural biases. I'm completely open-minded about who I develop close friendships with, and indeed I've hit almost every demographic that's even slightly prevalent here in my area. I certainly DON'T consider myself superficial in general. Indeed I almost unconditionally accept everyone as long as they're decent people. It just doesn't mean I necessarily want to spend the rest of my life sharing intimate things with them. I also agree that people can form romantic relationships in spite of physical disinterest. I could even imagine myself doing it. Indeed I've often considered pursuing relationships with people who pretty much measured up in the other ways, but weren't physically my "type". Then I remind myself that it's okay to let physical characteristics be a requirement in the same way that I've often disqualified really hot guys who were jerks, stupid, lacked a sense of humour, or had some other major intellectual/personality flaw. And so I here I sit, waiting for Mr. Perfect to walk in. I do realize that my standards are WAY too high, that it's unlikely I'll find someone who meets them, that I'm way too picky, and that I should definitely just learn to compromise...but I also realize that I've got some issues in this area that I need to work out, and I will work them out, and I will reach a happy medium and live happily ever after...eventually Just my candid, but probably slightly insulting and superficial thoughts, take care all and have an awesome day! Kevin