AFriendlyFace

So I got back late yesterday from my trip to visit my family and attend my friend's graduation party. Before I get down to other stuff here's an amusing highlight. I passed this sign on the way that was advertizing a restaurant two hundred and ninety-two miles away! As well as listing a few of the menu highlights they also raved in large print about their "Fabulous Restrooms". It's like, "well lets go there! I know it's like four and a half hours away and we're all hungry and we have to pee, but we can just cross our legs and gnaw on our fingers till we get there darnit!!" Anyway the graduation party was a lot of fun. Visiting with my family...well it was fun...sorta. It was good to see them again, but it felt like there was this black cloud hanging over everything; like everyone was unhappy and only waiting for things to get worse. My grandmother's Alzhiemer's is advancing. This is making her increasingly hard to live with. She's apparently getting progressively meaner too. I went out to lunch with my mom and, as she always seems to be doing when I've spoken with her recently, she was complaining about my grandmother's condition and the difficult, unpleasant position it left her (and my grandfather in). She was saying how she got absolutely no privacy or time to herself. How she had to explain (several times) where she was going, what she was doing, and when she'd be back. Finally she looked at me and said, "I hate my life". She also mentioned that while she's been getting worse lately she's always been difficult to live with. She even said she was one of the reasons she got married at 20 and moved away....then noted the irony that she ended up back in the same place anyway. (My parents were married 15 years before I was born, then they devorced when I was 2 - it didn't have anything to do with me my dad was having an affair) I also had a long conversation with my grandfather, who's still sharp as a particularly dangerous tack in fact he explained to me how to work the cordless phone. Anyway I've always been impressed with how well he's always handled everything, EVERYTHING. Apparently though she'd just said something dreadful because he said to me, "I just don't understand how a mother can say things like that to her children, or a wife those things to her husband". (I won't actually repeat the things). Anyway then he recounted a story of a few years ago when he was in the hospital for heart surgery and my grandmother was in a bad mood and first told him off, then told my mom off, then insisted that they leave. Apparently though the nurse overheard everything on the monitors or intercom thing or whatever and when she went back in she said, "Will you have anyone to take care of you when you get out, I mean besides your ex-wife." He was too embarrassed to explain otherwise too. I may be depicting my grandmother in a very unflattering light. I don't mean to. She definitely has her good points, quite a few actually. She was also easier to get along with before her illness. We were particularly close when I was a child. She's still consistantly nicer to me than anyone else in the family. Of course I suppose it's because I "play along" when she asks/tells the same thing over and over, and because I don't really "bite" when she gets ornery. On the other hand I only had to deal with it for about 36 hours much of which I spent away, and still my patience was definitely getting thinner by the end. I also visited my aunt and cousin. It was a nice visit but their situation isn't great either. My aunt....has a drinking problem. She quit her job several years ago and has spent the last few years drunk and running up credit card debt. She also doesn't seem to have any intention of returning to work...ever. I'm not entirely sure what her plan is, but I think it must be along the lines of waiting for my cousin to finish college and living off her. It sounds dreadful, but I'm sympathetic towards her...I think she struggles with depression. Granted if I had to guess I'd say it stems from her life situation and not genetics, but it's still pretty crummy. Then there's my cousin. I still think she's really a lesbian. I also just found out that the girl I was thinking she was secretly seeing (who seems even more like a lesbian) was moving to Houston (small world after all). So if I'm right it must be pretty cruddy for her ...even if I'm wrong it's still cruddy losing your best friend of the last 6 or 7 years. My cousin unfortunately seems to be getting more and more passive agressive. I'm sure this is a result of living with her strong-willed (and fairly controlling) mother for so long. The poor girl STILL doesn't drive and she's going to be 21 in Jan. As for Timmy, well I left him with them. He'd done a pretty good job of endearing himself with my mom and both my grandparents. On the other hand he was also completely freaking out. He cried nonstop the first night. Always seemed to be looking for something (we speculate it was Lucky), and also spent a good deal of time hiding under various furniture. They've decided to leave him in the house for a few days until he gets acclimated. I think his time inside will be short though as whenever I was in the room (and he apparently felt safer) he went straight to work returning to his bad habits . So I guess the more secure he gets the worse he'll behave. Still he settles down enough to go outside I suppose he'll be okay. Anyway as a drove away and began my journey home I realized something: I can't fix it for them. I can't solve their problems or take away the burdens. As always I was deeply concerned and sorry for them. I desperately wanted to make it all better, but I realized I couldn't. I could join the misery. Perhaps even buffer them a little against each other and the rest of life's attacks, but in the long run I couldn't really make the problems go away. I realized something else too: I'm happy, very happy. I love my life, I enjoy everyday. I'm constantly looking forward to doing new things or continuing to enjoy the old, familar ones. I'm not bored, and I'm not sad, and I'm not going to feel guilty about that. I'm sure this whole entry classifies as TMI and also makes me come off snotty and selfish, but I've worked to make my life into what I want it to be, struggled to remain positive in the face of unexpected problems, and I'm going to enjoy it darnit! I love them and I'll do anything and everything I can to help any of them, but there's no point in sacrificing my happiness to join them with their stress. So I won't.

Hey Aaron! I'm glad someone still reads my old posts My forearm and foot were very close in length. It sorta depended on where and how I measured each. Yes, in general my forearm seemed slightly longer, but I think that might have been from measuring technique. Gosh, I'm not even sure what shoe size to give you. I guess it sorta depends on the style and "cut" of the shoe. I have one pair of shoes that's an 8.5. I have some 9's, a couple 9.5's, even some 10s and 10.5s. Most of the ones I buy now are 9 or 9.5, but I generally try to buy the smallest shoe that'll fit (well same with pants, shirts, and underwear for that matter). I just don't really like loose clothes, and shoes in particular I feel less attractive in some big bulky ones. My foot measures about 9.5 inches long if that tells you anything Anyway take care and have an awesome day! Kevin

Hey James! Aww poor Boo! He sounds like quite a cat! Timmy's always been really skitish too, but I think he's pretty bright. I always got the impression he was choosing to misbehave and not that he simply didn't know any better. Timmy was a great cat in many ways, especially before we moved. I mean he was always really mischevious, but he's also always been really sweet. It sounds like he's endearing himself to my family though, so hopefully it'll all work out **crosses his fingers** Anyway thanks and take care Kevin

well she seems to be fine. She's behaving completely normally. Yes, you're right. Timmy definitely has alot of trouble adjusting to new situations. My family just tried letting him go into a new room...just a new a room...and he was too scared and ran out **sigh**...but hopefully eventually he'll get used to everything. Anyway thanks for the advice, Camy, I really did want to leave them together...but it felt like the right thing to do. I guess I'll wait and see what happens next. Anyway take care. Kevin

Thanks Viv! That is how I was/am feeling. **sigh** I sure hope you're right! It was nice to come home and find everything exactly like I'd left it! I guess in the long run Timmy will enjoy the extra space....he seems to be taking awhile to adjust though. But I'm going to stay optimistic about it, and you're right I can go visit! Anyway thanks! Kevin

Hey Tim, Thanks for the advice....Lucky does seem to be fine, but Timmy was very upset the whole time I was there and when I was leaving That's awesome that you got to have your cat for so long I bet she was a great cat! I hope you're right that he'll end up happier in the long run this way. Anyway take care! Kevin

Hey Nick! I'm so glad you're in a good mood! Congrats about being hosted somewhere new too! That's teriffic! You definitely deserve it! I read chapter 1 and 2 of Dom's new story. Are more posted yet? I'll have to check it out, but you're right it's off to a great start! Take care and have an awesome day! Kevin

awww thanks Viv! I did have a safe trip Hopefully I'm going to blog about it too. Glad you've been getting some great hugs! Here's one more just incase Kevin

Awesome chapter, Vance! I wonder if perhaps Cole's aunt's name is Christine? Actually I was thinking they knew each other too. I'm still dying to know what Cameron's mom's reaction will be, but now I'm also very curious about Cole's aunt's reaction. We also can't forget that something is likely going to happen with Cameron's dad. He clearly isn't fading from the story completely so I think there's going to be at least one more important conversation or situation involving him. I feel pretty sure that eventually Kyle and Cameron are going to have a talk and work stuff out too. Perhaps I'm just being optimistic, but I really think so. I'm glad Jesse's got a boyfriend, but I'm a little skeptical about his chances of successfully "running away". If he actually became a missing child and there was a serious investigation it seems like the authorities would uncover his and Thomas (was that his name or am I just imagining it?)' relationship. I mean someone from Jesse's past likely knew about them. If that happened I'm sure they'd question and watch him. Still hopefully they just sorta shrug and say, "oh well, don't have to worry about the little F*&*^* anymore" Anyway awesome chapter! I can't wait to find out what happens next! Kevin

Hey Aaron! Thanks!! I really appreciate what you said and I'm very happy that you enjoyed my entries This one is actually one of my favourites, so I'm especially glad that you enjoyed it Great meeting you and I hope you have a great evening. Take care, Kevin

A year and 9 months ago I took him home. He cried the whole way home while his sister lay next to him peacefully resting. Once I'd gotten them inside and let them out of their box he promptly went and hid behind the washer and I barely saw him for the next week. Meanwhile his sister busied herself exploring their new home and encouraging him to come out and join us. Eventually Timmy settled settled down and while he was still nervous around people he was mostly sane. He'd often get himself into trouble, spill things, shred things, but mostly he wasn't too bad. Lucky was always a little angel. On the way to Houston he screamed his head off the entire trip. Lucky (from what I told) slept for most of it, but would give a soothing, purring response if spoken to. Now that we've all been here for awhile and everyone's had time to get into a new routine in a new environment one thing stands out: Timmy's bad behaviour. He's always been a handful, but lately he seems much worse. He's constantly shredding things, messing up the carpet, climbing on things he has no business climbing on, and screaming his head off. He's also being purposely bad. He'll get on a table or desk, look at me, sometimes even speak to me, then knock things off. If I shoe him off of one thing he'll often go straight to something else he's not meant to do. A few weeks ago he broke a window, and more recently he shredded a semi-important document. Basically he's driving me crazy. In less than 24 hours I'll be leaving for a visit back home. I'll get to see my family and I'll be attending the graduation party of a good friend. If I made the decision I could take Timmy back with me and leave him at my mom's. He'd be an out door cat which is a catch 22 kind of situation. He'd have more room, and he'd have more things he could play with, but it would be a more dangerous environment for him. He'll definitely remember my mom and probably my grandparents and he likes them. The main problem would be that the two most important in his life wouldn't be there - myself and Lucky. It's just a hard decision to make. I definitely feel like this is what I want, I'm just fed up spending all my time saying, "Stop that" and cleaning up after him. I know they'd treat him well, and in many ways I think it might be best for him. It's just that he and Lucky are SO close. Not a day goes by....heck not 4 hours goes by, without them laying together, cleaning each other, or gently playing. I've never seen two cats that were closer. Seperating them seems like a horrible thing to do...which of course honestly is why I took Timmy in the first place. It just brings up so many complicated thoughts and feelings for me. I mean on one level I just feel like a failure for not being able (or willing??) to handle him. I'm scared of the implications this has with regards to my potential skill as a parent. I'm also worried it makes me selfish in general, irresponsible. Yet on the other hand it's like this seems like the perfect opportunity to solve the problem, he'd get a good home, and I could quit worrying about everything. When it comes down to it I just don't particularly like the idea of spending the next 10 or 15 years of my life babysitting him....but then that makes me feel mean and selfish again. I also keep putting myself in Timmy and Lucky's place. I mean their relationship is really quite nice. It almost seems like seperating two people who were in love. I mean it's just a terrible thing to do. Plus as needy and clingly as he is I have no doubt about his affection for me. I really do love him...but as my mom pointed out I've always favoured Lucky. Well perhaps not...I mean they're just very different, you have to care about them in different ways. Lucky's really what I wanted and expected from a cat. She's a total doll, cuddly and affectionate, but very low maintance. She's seldom clingy, she's not loud or rambunctious; she's very self-contained. Timmy's just the opposite. I don't know what I'd have done without her to help look after him all this time. I couldn't get a moment's peace if she wasn't there to help divide his attention. I just don't know how they'll do on their own. I mean I think she'll be sad at first but get over it and keep doing her own thing. With him I have no idea, he really seems to need her..... Anyway I'm just not sure what to do. On top of that I feel guilty and selfish. I also feel like this is an embarrassment and disappointment to my mom. She didn't exactly say that so I'm probably just projecting here, but it's like if I compare coming out to her and this...well it's like with the coming out she might have been disappointed about the situation regarding biological grandkids, but I wasn't really concerned that she was disappointed in me....this seems like something she might specifically be disappointed in me about. I don't know it's probably projection though I'm disappointed in myself...On the other hand I'm sure this is the decision I want. Anyway as of right now (of course I've been back and forth at least 5 times in the last 24 hours with my mind "firmly" made up) I'm planning to leave here tomorrow around 7:00AM with Timmy. I'll be there until late Tuesday so he'll have me around a little bit at first to perhaps ease the transition and if he's absolutely miserable I can still take him home with me. Assuming he stays I guess I can think of it as a "trial seperation". I wasn't planning on going back for my birthday at the end of the month, but if he's miserable, and/or Lucky and I are unhappy, then I guess I can go back and pick him up then. It's just a crummy situation on lots of levels regardless of what I ultimately decide. Feedback about this would be appreciated, I'll definitely look before I leave in the morning and I'd be happy to hear reasons why I'm making a mistake (and thus could reconsider) or why I'm doing the right thing and should rest easy. Anyway best wishes to all and lets all keep Mark in our thoughts (and prayers if you're the type) for a full and speedy recovery! Kevin

No, but I did have a margarita several hours ago. The person below me has sensitive nipples and a fondness for margaritas

Well they're a bit young for me but personally I always found Ron cuter than Harry....of course I do have a thing for redheads

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey Joe!! I'm inclinded to agree with Vic in that you should just try to take the initiative and ask him out yourself. It doesn't have to be as harsh and painful as all that. I mean if you guys are talking about movies say, "hey, why don't we go see that tonight?" (make sure you pick a specific day and not just "sometime"). If you're talking about food or restuarants, "I love sushi, why don't we grab some Friday and then hang out?" That way it's not like you're putting it all on the line. If he's not interested he'll come up with some POLITE excuse and you can take the hint and save your pride. If he is interested (and it totally sounds to me like he is ), he'll jump at the chance. OR he honestly won't be able to make whatever you had in mind, but you'll probably be able to tell from his reaction AND it'll put him in the position of "next up" to do the asking out. Could be fun, but personally speaking this would make me completely back off. EXACTLY what I was thinking when I read that part in your blog. I HATE talking on the phone to new people for personal reasons. I'm fully comfortable talking to people on the phone if I've done it several other times. OR if it's completely business related (or for any specific, tangible objective), but I'm uncomfortable at first just calling "to chat" with people I've never talked to on the phone before (or infrequently). I mean I want to do it and I'm getting MUCH better, but I'd really hate for people to form their primary impression of me based on the first couple of early phone calls. Now when it comes to online chat I'm completely comfortable and it's one of my favourite ways to communicate. Bottom line though, I'd say go by how he seems in person, not on the phone or internet. That's the nearest to the "real" him that you're going to get...I mean if it worked out you wouldn't be dating him so you could spend time with him on the phone or online would you? You'd want him to be physically there, so I'd say go by that. ...and if he's TICKLING YOU! anyway just my thoughts. Take care and have an awesome day! and good luck Kevin

YAY!! Hope he continues to recover quickly and completely! Kevin

Personally I don't care for tattoos at all. I'm 100% sure I'd never want one. On other people...well I've been attracted to people with tattoos, but it's always been "in spite of" never because of, so I certainly wouldn't say I'd never date someone with a tattoo but if for someone reason it was my option (which obviously it never would be), I'd prefer they didn't have any. With piercings I've "loosened up" quite a bit. I'd still never get one myself. I still find people more attractive without them. But I can ignore them much more easily, and they're pretty low on my list of concerns. Kevin

Happy Birthday Coley!!! I hope you have an awesome day and get everything you want! Kevin

Thanks for the advice everyone....I guess I'll just have to make a fake last name Ohh grrr! I was so excited, but I can't get the page to load Take care everyone and have a great day! Kevin Aimeson (I'm practicing )

Don't be silly, Matt!......It was only 2 and a half hours and I used a small hairbrush That is an interesting interpretation! I guess it could have just been multiple ex-boyfriends! -Kevin

Actually I found Aiden's hair to be a huge turn off too, and just for the record it was mentioned several times throughout the story. That said though I much prefer long hair to short!! In fact I think one of the main reasons I was utterly unable to think of Rory as attractive or sexual was because he was described as having such short hair. I can't stand shaved heads, or close cuts. I like alot of hair. I guess my idea length is "long-medium". I don't like anything beyond the shoulders either, and actually it's more alot of shaggy hair in the front and sides that I find attractive...really attractive On a side note I also prefer women with their hair in bangs and not pulled back/up. Which I suppose is why I found Aiden's hair so off putting; he had it pulled back. I don't really care for the look on girls, I find it especially unappealing on guys. Now if he'd worn it in his face and over his ears that woulda been cute As far as the actual curly vs straight questions goes, I definitely tend to prefer straight. In fact I go to great lengths to beat my wavy, loose-curl hair into straight submission. It's quite unfortunate that my hair's naturally a wavy light brown and I'm constantly fighting it into a straight blonde or red. :wacko: That's not to say that I don't ever find other styles attractive. I've seen beautiful people with all different colours, styles, textures, and lengths of hair, but my usual ideal is straight, medium-long, and light. -Kevin who's looking for the straightening iron

Same answers I'd have given for 1,3,4,& 5. Except I wouldn't have tried to pin the turtle's death on Rory since if I recall correctly it was a distracted Owen who played the reaper. As for the # 2, the driveway....I'm going to go with cobblestone. -Kevin

I'll second that!

So I've finally decided to take the plunge and set up a myspace account. There's just one problem: my name. I really don't care for my real name to be public information. I don't want people to be able to find me specifically by searching for my name (if they search for my user name fine, or if they bring me up as part of a blanket search for people in the area, or interests or whatever also fine). I also don't want random people reading my profile to be able to have access to my name. So anyway I was wondering how I could prevent people from finding me in searches for my name and from finding out my name by reading my profile (I'm just talking about my real name, I don't care about whatever username I decide to make). I also don't want alot of security or advanced privacy. Offhand this is about the only thing (I'd put into the system at all) that I'm interested in keeping private. I do want people to be able to find my if they aren't specifically looking (if that makes sense) or if they're looking by user name or something. And I do want random people to be able to read my profile, i just don't want them to have access to my name. I know it seems a little paranoid, but my (last) name and age have always been things I was hesistant to reveal online. I've mostly gotten over the age thing when it comes to places like this (and myspace for that matter), though I still don't care to reveal my age on gaming sites or random chat rooms and things. So anyway I figured alot of you guys must know some stuff about myspace, or be better at finding that sort of thing than me. So if anyone could tell me how to make my real name (and preferably just my name) private I'd REALLY appreciate it! Thanks and have an awesome day everyone! Kevin