They work. While the image doesn't quite fit the words I visualize these as a dance. Oddly, when I read them aloud their flow was more stilted, like someone dancing an unknown step but when read silently the dancer was much more confident and moved fluidly. If I had first read them aloud I would say it was my own familiarity. However, as is my usual practice, I read them silently at first and then aloud, then because of my odd sense again silently. The image held though I am at a loss as to why. Nonetheless, I think your experiment a success.