knotme
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Everything posted by knotme
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For me, Kasey's journal entry works just fine—maybe too well: In a written story, a journal entry is a voice on a par with the narrator's. Your attempt to "give a voice to one of them" is a bit of a fudge. If you decide to flit back and forth between two brains (via journal or not), I suggest you avoid drawing out misunderstandings between the two for dramatic effect. Example: we readers know they love each other, but they don't seem to get it. Of course they don't; they don't read minds like we do. The contrast can become artificial and tedious. That said, multiple POV stories can be satisfying indeed. I'm only suggesting that you not exploit the technique in place of a real plot.
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politics Health Care Is an Awesome Thing!
knotme commented on Thorn Wilde's blog entry in The Fantastic Mr. Wilde
I hope this hyper video will motivate a few people to read up, where they have time to examine the graphs. This is all well known, and the video seems a pretty good summary. I agree with MikeL, if our drug costs fall, others' will rise. The video understates the costs of collection and how the uncertainty of funding drives up costs in US hospitals. They bill roughly three times what they settle for, on average, but they can't count on a steady average. It's crazy. -
Such a satisfying ending! The bad guys are dispatched. Most of the good guys made it. The beleagered, stereotyped engineer got the last laugh. Best of all, General Bradson will not go quietly.
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I secured funding first and then chose my topic. If you do the same, the resulting restrictions will likely not be as bad as they might seem to you now. A thesis topic usually has lots of room to maneuver. Avoid leaving grad school owing money!
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The graphic on the page linked below is unfair to Ayn Rand, but she wouldn't care. Authoring was only one of many tools to advance her ideas. Still, the concept applies to most stories. If you don't plan your story before writing, it had better be short, or you will likely find yourself veering into the weeds, trying to keep the story alive. http://macroexposure.com/2014/02/18/atlas-shrugged-in-one-chart/ Edited to remove the image of the chart. I tried and failed to obtain permission from the author to post the image. Not sure I would be able to choose no entry image, I substituted a photo of mine. It has nothing to do with my topic, but it's a favorite.
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Writing Tip: Best/worst Part I - Promising Authors
knotme commented on Renee Stevens's blog entry in Writing World
I had already thought so, but this blog is totally convincing me: Permanent, noneditable, fully visible, signed reviews benefit this site. As a reviewer trying to say something more substantial than "love it" or "hate it", I continually risk foot-in-mouth disease. We reviewers, especially those who don't also write, should feel a bit cowed. Sleep on a bad review before posting. If the author has moved on and doesn't see it right away, no matter, he'll see it later. A negative review is best served cold. -
I'm hopeful, but, feeling churlish, I'll withhold the like for now. "Best friend" stories can be great, trite, or anything in between. (No pressure! ) Elaborating on earlier comments: Ken Clarkson -> KC -> Kasey, unless you prove me wrong . Of the half-dozen times you wrote "best friend", you capitalized once, so perhaps you intended emphasis? (Italics for that.) Or are you referencing the play "Best Friends"? Speed bump for the reader. Lower case is probably better. To me your POV is clear, but your first sentence is a weak start. I like Cia's suggestions about that. As has been said, 21 years of close friendship followed by 9 year of separation present rich opportunities for you to exploit. Looking forward to more!
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Great chapter. The bands' greater purpose has been served. They're expendable. I've cut all ties to them. Let'em bleed.
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This should be fun. Thanks for writing! The theme of the suddenly displaced kid has generated some great stories (PM me for examples if you want), and most go like this: Damn, I hate this! … Well, maybe it isn't so bad. … Hey, I kinda like it here! Yeah, but you've set post-emancipation semi-juvi against moldering Church Lady. If you try to force these two down that path, I won't buy it.
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I like nostalgiclikeyou's notion of an elf. In any event, this story will end much too soon.
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Great fun! Thanks for not letting the story stop with the melodramatic landing, which would have left the world in an unusually messy state while Chase and Brandon sail off into the sunset, or something. They still have a role to play in the greater resolution. Let the plot play on!
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I'm not sure that Max really wants this ring, but it's beautiful, it fits, and it's apparently free, so Max will wear it, and Robby will fall in love with him. Does that make the ring "perfect"? I'm scared to find out. Plots starting like this usually turn against the protagonist. I'm content to imagine "happy ever after" and leave it at that.
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Great action! I'm struggling to stay involved with these singers. Do they matter any more? Yeah, they're the only people we know of that are still alive, suspicious of Jerry Clump, and likely to talk about it. I suppose he's still vulnerable if uncovered. The delay until the next two chapters gives me a chance to imagine how at least one of our heroes survives. So far, I'm stumped. Too bad about Vlad. I was rooting for the obnoxious kangaroo lover. More greed than smarts. Oh, well.
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Kudos for the daibolical timing: KA … (long winded but fascinating description of what is happening in exquisite slow motion) … BOOM!
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Grudging respect for Jerry. Shock and awe, that's his game, and he learned well. I'm amazed and thankful for the research and other work that went into this story.
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Eric's a wonderful guy, but sometimes I don't think he has two brain cells to rub together. He'll survive this only by dumb luck. I'm routing for Vladimir. Some has to. Engineers are taking quite a drubbing.
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My view of math profs will never be the same, and hey dude, you without the pocket protector: when starting your career as a nontenured assistant professor, there are many much worse places than San An-fucking-tonio.
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Prompt 300: Black Diamond
knotme commented on Aaron Penrose's story chapter in Prompt 300: Black Diamond
Thanks for a glimpse into the head of a young mind just about to admit another layer of complexity into his familiar but increasingly unrewarding model of life. Many fun images, one of my favorites being colonizing the lunch spot. You're care with language led me to note the adjective "dark" in the final sentence. The store is probably brightly lit. My take: forbiddingly unfamiliar, uncomfortably foreign, a place Sterling would have resisted earlier, but now he enters with back straight and head high (and probably jeans not sagging ). Nice. -
Well done! I laughed out loud at the comparison of Jules's eyes with the paint on John Deere machinery. (BTW, "new John Deere with fresh paint" is redundant. ) I'm guessing that Marshal could even get away with voicing that out loud. Lordy, I'd never try it. "Skin as clear as lake water in spring", yeah, much safer.
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I like this story mostly for being autobiographical and therefore true in literal way that most stories are not. That's not necessarily better, but it is different and therefore interesting. I can see from the Description that you need help with English, and the editor is doing a fine job. The first chapter simply flows. Simple can be quite effective; no need to apologize for simplicity. Maybe our hero is hopeful after the first chapter, but I'm not. I wonder whether you're still in England after the six months you mention.
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I also like that it's so different from Riding Lessons. I'm reading this as a finished short story in one chapter. (Does a single-chapter story even need a chapter? Can it not just be a story? It's hard to know where to put the review: chapter level or story level.) I see a ghost story with a familiar moral: let the dead depart.
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Aaarrrgghh! He got me! I didn't see most of this coming until last chapter. If Jerry is planning to blackmail the world into handing him Paraguay, then his plan as I see has serious flaws, but that's probably my misunderstanding, and anyway he's giving it a good try. I like what the author does in this chapter: push the plot into overdrive, as Dimitri notices tampering of the cavity containing the kryton switches.
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Eh, The Goat is such a tease. I recall conflicting signals ending chapters of Circumnavigation, a la Agatha Cristie. (E.g., It took forever to pin down the father.) On one hand, one sentence possibly implies that Steve sabotaged Chase's gear. On the other, the chapter's title suggests that one of The Shadows died ( 3 - 1 = 2). Also, who was in the small white car? A paparazzo? Are they any good at getting stories right? Did anyone really die? Uh.
