knotme

I think it’s fair to say that other characters in this story, if consulted, would complain that Jeff is an unreliable narrator. Adds to the fun.

This form is new to me. Novelty adds interest. The shape <<<>>> suggests flow and ebb. Looking at these in terms of prose, with periods in place of line breaks, the shape suggests increasing and decreasing pace, and I feel that in 2, 3, & 4. This pattern of pace can imply an increasing intensity <<==<<, tentative-flowing-pesado. I feel that in 1 & 4. Counting syllables in threes is great for analysis, and it actually fits poem 1(), but for the others it leads to meaningless syncopation, and I would rather let the beats flow wild. I relate best to 3, and to your list of betweens, I would add between now and then. The image of windows without walls is fun. 3 & 4 present discomfort. Is suffering an essential ingredient of poetry?

Single by choice, I resonate with both. To the first, the opportunity lost does not sadden me. Companionship remains a mixed blessing. I am most comfortable alone at home. But away, in a sea of paired strangers, though they pay me no mind, yet I might feel rebuke.

Yes. Artificial plot extenders of any stripe are bad news.

Paranormal doesn’t work for me as the main dish. It can be an ingredient, or it can be the sauce or the drink or the appetizer. Probably not desert.

@Parker Owens@AC BenusI hope any newly discovered path acknowledges that adults Stan and Jamie bear responsibility for their own lives. The bedroom scene pales before the raft of decisions these men have made since. Before they could hope to find happiness together without inflicting (perhaps with an assist from the author) disproportionate pain and suffering on others around them, there is much they must work through, and little hope that they will do so. A glimmer of hope stems from AC’s comment that “neither man has walked in beauty.” Perhaps memories of a beautiful adolescence can motivate them.

Good on you. I was too PC to say this. Ending up a priest seems like an extra heap of punishment.

I speculate that nothing good comes of this. Too much water under the bridge. I also saw “Stan Kowalski.”

These are great fun! One quibble: you don’t need Robert Boyle for mirthless toil. I remember posting over the door to my highschool English class, “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.” We meant it. But, had I the wit and guts, I would rather have posted such poems as yours over the door to Physics. (I didn’t take Biology.) My motorcycling History teacher could have embraced these, but the rest of them, including Physics, were too afraid of school board and parents. Still, I love the idea. Sex sells! Nice work.

Hardest to read were descriptions of mocking houses and smug trees. The narrator seems to regard his cancer as a personal failure, an embarrassment to life. What an awful extra burden.

I enjoy the writing and would follow it pretty much anywhere. I counted sixteen “cold,” most of it the infernal “Cold enough for ya?” (Yeah, I get that it’s a friendly way to cope, but . . . .) It was fun to see this word have less and less effect on Beau as he became involved, yet nicely set up George’s final “Warm enough for ya?” Yes, these characters are old enough to be comfortable in their adult skins, and I needed Robert to explain why Beau couldn’t quite see what’s in front of him.

My dander's up a bit. I live in what this dead jerk might have called a benighted backwater, with next to no phone signal, appalling transport links, little social life, and what only the new Federal Communications Commission would call broadband, and I rather like it. My neighbors are not pod people, my trees are not out to get me, and I might go out on Christmas day and kill another albizia (damn weed!) just to show who’s boss around here! And, since this gem got me so involved—do I have to say it?—the author did well.

Diana has a new tool, and perhaps new choices in what had been a bleakly deterministic life. What will she do with this limited opportunity? Danni’s lack of empathy is on full display here. Through Duke, Danni could, if his altered physiology allows it, gain empathy and change his path, but he hasn’t much time. Danni’s reputation as a monster will grow and tend to force him down a life path as narrow as Diana’s has been.

Bleak. Dismal. Hopeless. Many a movie tries for this, but they almost all fall sort of good fiction; they’re too explicit for their own good. Looking past the compelling atmosphere, I try to identify with people; Diana and Danny most interest me. For Diana, Danni presents an opportunity, a bit of flexilibity, a broadening of the narrow track that she had simply trudged along. For Danni, this place is, remarkably, and improvement. Does it come too late? Rethinking this episode for a review reminded me of the famous Twilight Zone episode, “It’s a Good Life,” arguably the most harrowing story on any screen. Danni resembles Anthony only in that power is all out of proportion to empathy. But whereas the TW episode is utterly without hope, the arrival of Danni is a ray of hope. Maybe. The stage is set. We’ve met the actors. Let the show unfold! 4 stars for promise.

To write [just] for fun isn’t realistic; writing is a lot of work. Some write because they must, to resolve by expression an internal mental mess. But for the rest of us, why do it unless it pleases you? Most of us gain satisfaction from a job well done. Research is part of that.

Nice idea, but too staged and hammy to be funny. That didn't stop me from sharing this video with a few old (ahem) friends. I personally moved directly from punched cards to Windows 2, skipping this phase. I punched cards because I had to; I struggled with Windows because I wanted to. I think you had to be a fan, even back then, to enjoy machines like Apple 2.

I think Jonas is coping rather well, overall. His father throws him more than his weird job does.

Fun story. Love the pace. Just long enough. I figure, with magic and such, the writer shouldn't give himself enough rope to hang himself in contradictions. No hanging here.

Following up with Irritable1: I see Baz loathe to accept Corneles back. Will intercedes. I hear this argument from Will: Baz, if you reject Corneles in his time of need, you will damage yourself; don't do that. The most interesting aspect of this story, so far, is the effect on me as reader of the close first person. Baz and Corneles have both changed. At first, I thought Corneles must have changed the most, while in prison perhaps. I reasoned that the actions of Corneles One left Baz in a mess and, by most objective standards, were cowardly and ill considered. Corneles Two has apparently attracted the love of Ruwan. Corneles Two would have to be a much improved model, yes? Maybe not. Baz of course does not fully see his own changes, and so myabe neither do we. Upon reflection, I think Baz One needed a Corneles I; Baz II needs neither version of Corneles. Will changed Baz a lot. Corneles's make over make be superficial. Good luck, Ruwan.

Our villian's drastic actions don't gibe with his apparently small-time operation. There's got to be more to his villiany than meets my eye.

I can make more sense of the ending if I substitute "Brad" for the last two instances of "Mark." That would imply that before Brad's recent arrival, this large loft was supported by only one guy with a job: John. That would suck for John.

That was fun! This time around, two of three brothers survived.

I've seen starts like this. Often the hero, out of the blue, wins the lottery. I like this better. Next?

Samuel's reaction to Keith and Peter makes me wonder whether Samuel needs Keith more than he lets on. Or maybe Samuel is, as usual, concerned that Keith will get hurt. Either way, maybe Keith won't get the freedom he soon will need.

The line from the lovely chapter that hooked me is "He was damn well old enough that he shouldn’t have to be taught how to catch a fish." Damn! Of all the bad lessons he learned, this may be the worst. When you're too old to learn, to be taught, you might as well curl up and die.