C James

I don't have any trouble with Metresexuals, as they don't ping my gaydar.. (then again, neither do gays). One good thing in my opinion: I've yet to meet a homophobic Metrosexual. So, I don't worry too much about "misidentifying". I might be wrong (if, indeed, there are homophobic metrosexuals) but as the ones I've encountered (very few, as the norm in my area is "redneck") seem gay-friendly, I'm delighted with this trend. Good luck with the gaydar-finding!

Happy Birthday, Snowdog! :king: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke:

Could you be more specific about what you mean? I guess if the person were malicious and tried to "out" the person, or otherwise take advantage ... The way I could see that working is just my knowing the truth, if they're trying to hide it, either from others or themselves. Knowledge and awareness are very powerful things. (Not that I could ever "know" 100% for sure, unless and until it was confirmed.) I should have been more clear, as my statement, as written, could certainly be read in differing ways. OK, my first thought was of a homophobic gay-basher with gaydar. That would certainly not be a pleasant thing for a closeted gay person to contemplate. My other thought was that for the deeply closeted, ANY threat to their "secret" is often viewed with fear. I well remember myself, in my first months after I'd finally admitted to myself that I was gay, taking pains to avoid being around any gay guys, out of fear that they, being like me, might "figure me out". It wasn't rational, of course, but it was very real to me. In fact, it was only after a few times being around gay guys, and having them not "figure me out", that I became comfortable being around them. I'm glad I hadn't really heard of Gaydar back then, or I'd have probably been even more skittish! I've had that happen, plenty of times! There was even one guy who "pinged" my gaydar, because he had a rainbow sticker on his car bumper! (yep, one of those very subbtle clues...) So, one day, I came out to him (this was back when I was in the closet) and was rather horrified to have him reply that he was stright! Turned out that it was on the car when he bought it, and once he figured out what it was, he thought it was funny how people reacted to it (both gay and stright) so left it on! He sure wasn't a homophobe (as it turned out), so that was great, but that was the first time I'd ever outed myself to a stright male, and it was a bit of a confusing shock! :wacko: Please don't take offence, but you sound a lot like me in some regards when I was your age. I'd only very recently accepted that I was gay, and the few gay guys I'd encountered made me exceedingly nervous, but in my case it was to the point of me taking pains to hide my sexuality from them. Basically, they seemed, as you say, to want one thing only: sex. Promiscuity has never been my thing, so that was a huge turn-off to me. I have nothing against those who are promiscuous, but it's just not for me. Nothing to do with "morality", just not something I'm into. The first gay guys I encountered seemed to fall into two categories: closeted, and only interested in hooking up for sex, or out, and promiscuous. Sure, I'd see a hot guy and fantasize, but even if they were gay I doubt I'd have done anything about it. Then (and now), really hot guys make me nervous, and even moreso if they are gay! I was exceedingly fortunate that I'd ended up being the roommate of the guy I mentioned early in this thread. As things turned out, he was gay, and absolutely fit my definition of hot, and by the time we got physical I knew him well as a friend. It also probably helped that I had no clue that he was gay. As it happened, he was relationship-oriented too, and he not only became my boyfriend but also my "tutor" regarding the "gay world". He had been out for several years (I just didn't know) and in many ways shared my opinions about gay guys who were out for nothing but sex. That, however, hadn't stopped him from making a move on a guy (me) he thought was straight! I am sure glad he did though! After we broke up (amicably, due to him moving and us having figured out that we weren't really in love) I did have a different attitude. I was much more willing to actually meet gay guys, and was ok with them knowing that I was gay. I just learned to be very up-front about the fact that I wasn't looking to hook up. Just a suggestion from one who learned the hard way: Keep doing only what you want to do, but try and keep an eye open in case you meet up with a guy you could really click with. Although in my case the guy I mentioned didn't work out long term, I wouldn't trade those months as a couple for anything in the world.

In my opinion, I'd say that yes, the only thing we (gay men in this case) have in common is an attraction to the same sex. Individual tastes and preferences seem to vary as to what specific members of the same sex we are attracted to, and how, and of course personality traits vary from individual to individual. Thank you, Etienne. That's what I was looking for. I'd never expected to see it occur in straight people though! I think a straight person with Gaydar is many closeted gay folks' potential worst nightmare.

Looking back on my own denial, I can only say that, however obvious it may appear in retrospect, denial can cloud the issue. Sorry that worked out the way it did. It's things like that (lost relationships due to the fear of homophobia) that make me most hate the modern (as opposed to pre-christian era times) sexual mores and taboos. Note: My reference to pre-christian era times was not a slam against Christianity, just a convenient chronological demarcation. That is great! I really love to see things work out like that. Mine isn't exactly great, either, so I know how you feel, sort of. Fortunately, mine is bad enough that I am far more inclined to assume that a gay guy is straight than visa-versa. As someone else pointed out, though: a deeply closeted guy who gets "gaydared" might certainly act like a homophobe. I was so deep in the cloest in high school that I wasn't even out to myself, so I know all too well how I reacted if I even thought someone had implied I was gay: I denied it, and made a few mildly homophobic comments to make sure I left no doubt. Looking back, I know of course that it was truly dumb of me, but back then, I couldn't even accept myself. Had I been "gaydared", I'm pretty sure (as much as it pains me now to admit it) I'd have come across like a homophobic jock (not violent, but just verbal). Mine works about as well in stories as it does in real life. I think you are referring to Desert Dropping? I'll avoid being specific in case anyone here hasn't read it (If so, go read it, it's great!) but the only thing I can remember that even comes close to "gaydaring" the characters was thinking something along the lines of "wouldn't it be cool if..." When I finally started reading the forums, long after that time, I was astounded to see that some people had clued in right away. After years of practice, I can indeed, finally, pick up on very subtle signs. One sign is if I see a guy kissing another guy... Another would be if he mentions his current or ex boyfriend. Then, I do get a ping, but other than that, I mis-read no matter how much I watch. Then again, around here, there just aren't hardly any gay people, or, for that matter, hot guys, so seeing who they watch doesn't work too well.

ROFL! With Gaydar like mine, is it any wonder that I sometimes doubt it exists? Interesting! I'm very intrigued by Lesbians with gaydar, as it sort of disproves the theory of "it takes one to know one". I've never been "gaydared", either, which is one of the things that makes me wonder just how much reality their is to gaydar. However, cases like yours sure seem convincing! Glomph, I'm really sorry to hear about this. That must be painful. Have you ever considered looking him up? Also, is it possible that he wasn't even out to himself? I remember when I was in my senior year of High school, and was still in denial. I had a Best Friend who I was, I can now admit, very jealous and possessive of. At the time, I thought I just wanted to be best friends, but now I can see that I really wanted more. Had he at that time offered, I'd have probably been shocked and turned him down. Still, your story is very poigniant indeed. I was lucky that my guy actually did something about it, or I'd have been in a similar situation. However, in my case, there wasn't the emotional issue. While we did become boyfriends, it was soon apparent to both of us that we were not in love, just good friends who enjoyed, well, being more than friends. So, when he moved, it wasn't a sad breakup for either of us, and we did stay in touch for a while.

Hmmmm! Those are some very interesting points! I never thought I had "Lesbiandar" BUT, after reading your post, I recalled the first few people I ever came out to. Two out of the three turned out to be Lesbians. I'd been looking for people I felt would be accepting, and were good friends, so picked them. I think I still do have more Lesbian friends than gay male friends. So, perhaps I do have "Lesbiandar" after all. Come to think of it, I'm usually more comfortable around Lesbians than I am around gay men. Thanks for bringing this up, or the possibility would never have occured to me. That could be why I was so oblivious in the roommate story of my previous post. I'd only been out to myself for a very short while (I was in denial until college). I was used to assuming that everyone was straight. I'm also (then and now) notorious for being oblivious to body language and subtext in all forms (I mis-read people and situations a LOT) even where sexuality is not involved. Good points. However (and this doesn't contradict anything you said), IMHO, in some cases someone deeply in the closet (Like I was) will take great pains to avoid giving any ambiguity or other clues. I do agree with the part about watching guys when they think they are out of sight: That can be a big clue!

I think my own gaydar is still often talked about by college friends of mine. In college, I was looking for a new place to stay, and a friend of a friend said that he was looking for a new roommate to split the trailer he was living in. I was deeply in the closet, and the idea of being roommates with this guy kinda scared me: He was very hot (blond, tan, surfer-type) and hardly ever wore a shirt (this was in Phoenix, Arizona, so not unusual). So, I was scared of "slipping" and being caught staring at the eye candy and outing myself. But, I needed a place, and he seemed like a nice guy, and he sure was nice to look at. In other words, I had a serious crush on him, and moved in. I was very paranoid that he would find out that I was gay. This was rather dumb, as he had commented many times about how stupid homophobia was. I'd agree with him on that, but was always careful to imply that it (homosexuality) "wasn't my thing". He usually hung around in the trailer in just boxers, and I sure had to struggle not to stare, especially when he stretched, which he did a lot. Sometimes, when we were drinking, he would let fly with comments like "I don't see why more guys aren't gay: a guy would be better at knowing what another guy likes in bed... I think every guy should try it at least once.." I'm suppose that most people reading this are starting to pick up on something about him.. But I didn't. I didn't even clue in on the fact that he just might be someone who would be open-minded enough to come out to. (in spite of his making statements like that!). One night, while drinking, we started play-wrestling on the couch. He started nibbling on my ear, and asked me if that bothered me. I said "no, feels great" and one thing quickly lead to another over the next few hours. Finally, a few hours later, it did finally dawn on me that he was probably gay. And, all it took was for this ping on my gaydar to occur was for us to have sex, with him starting it! Long story short (too late!), he was not only gay, but out (apparently everyone but me knew!), and flirting with me! And it took me MONTHS to find out. He said he thought I was straight, but wanted to see if I would "experiment". We ended up being boyfriends, but split up a few months later when he moved back East. I've always regretted those lost months, and the additional fun we could have had if I'd have figured it out sooner. I guess I'm just lucky that he decided to try making the first move, or I'd have probably never figured it out. So, if you can live with a very hot half-naked guy who is making passes at you and still be oblivious, then and only then can you say that you have gaydar on par with mine..

The subject of Gaydar came up on one of the story forums, and I thought it might be interesting to discuss it here. My own personal position is that of mild skepticism. I've yet to see gaydar in action, without fairly obvious clues. "Fairly obvious clues" would include stereotypical gay mannerisms, extreme effeminism, a high voice and manner of speech, etc. Now, my own "gaydar" is so bad that I often miss even very "out" guys! I'm a bit oblivious, but after years of practice I can now pick up on really subtle clues such as a guy kissing another guy in public. So, has anyone here ever seen gaydar in action in real life, in situations where clues are not obvious? I'm not trying to argue this one way or the other, I'm just curious what others here think.

Another Dr. Strangelove fan! That has got to be one of my favorite movies of all time. The closing sequence, with all the nuclear detonations and the song "until we meet again" is perfect! LB, sorry to hear that you have to make two trips to the dentist, instead of getting it over and done with.

I really like your analysis! Great post! You are, IMHO, quite right.

I just found your blog, so thought I'd comment. I very much enjoyed reading your thoughts on Islam. I'm very interested in the subject (due to my interest in the Middle East), but it's rare indeed for me to be able to see it from an "inside" viewpoint. I am fascinated by the enigma of the Haddiths. If the Koran is believed to be the word of God, how can anything be believed to supercede it? I don't mean that as a slam against Islam, as there are similar paradoxes in the Christian world, and probably with many other religions as well.

I hope the next Taiwanese Presidential election goes more smoothly than the last one did. What will you do once you have packed all your boxes? That must make living difficult? At least you can bring your electrical appliances (Except the TV) back, as the voltage is the same.

Moving is indeed hell, and international moves are the worst. I hope you life calms down a bit in the near future. As for the insomnia... This is going to sound nuts, but I had similar trouble for years, and sleeping pills were ineffective. However, I stumbled upon a cure, purely by accident, that seems to work great for me. I drink a protein shake (the meal replacement type), usually the canned ones from the supermarket. I have no idea why, but it works great, far better than any sleeping pill (for me anyway). The Navy? Wow. That is a big step, if you take it. I was guessing that you would head more towards NSA, DIA, CIA, etc, given your language skills. This is just an anecdote, but your post bought it to mind. A friend of mine back in high school studied Korean, and became an expert in the language. He chose the Army, and was promised a posting that made good use of his linguistic skills. Of course, they sent him to Germany, as a mechanic. I certainly hope that the Military has improved since then in this regard!

LittleBuddhaTW, M.A. CONGRATULATIONS!!! As for the PDF problem... What version of Acrobat are you using? Also, what version of Word? Usually, I've had good luck with printing the document from word, to the faux printer that Acrobat creates on the printer list (it's output is PDF documents). If I recall, you can tinker with the printer paramiters to get around sizing problems.

Happy Birthday Myr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hmmmmm... Please tell us that this has nothing to do with the outfit featured in your new avatar? On the other hand, it would certainly make an impression if you showed up dressed that way.. Good luck with the exam!

I'm glad that you seem to be doing ok regarding your landlady! Just a suggestion: Make sure you think carefully about whatever pre-move shopping you might want to, before leaving TW. I know that when I moved back from overseas, I later regretted not getting a few things. One thing on my "regrets" list was not taking lots of pictures, of everyday stuff, like the corner store.

This FAQ is looking great, and I'd like to take this opertunity to say a big THANK YOU to all the Admins and others who work so hard behind the scenes to make GA such a great place!

THanks for the E-fiction addition! I think that is a great feature here! One more suggestion: what about an explainer for the voting and comments feature in the archives and elsewhere? It (last time I used it) requests a log-in, and it wasn't clear that the login needs to be the e-mail address you signed up with, rather than your user name.

Will the E-fiction section be mentioned and explained? If I understand correctly, members CAN add their own stories there. I really like the FAQ so far! I especially liked the way humor was used! The definitions for Danderthals and Domaholics made me laugh out loud! I also really liked the explanation of membership types and requirements, as that has been puzzling me for a very long time.

Please, please, please include that question (#3) about how to become hosted, but expand it a bit and explain becoming a GA author, and the other routes and procedures regarding being able to (and where to) post stories here at GA. For #6, What about an explainer of how GA (such as the council) works, including a "who to go to" list? Also, what about all the rules for the board, both for users, and rules and guidelines regarding both how, and what, can be submitted as stories here on GA. As for question #5, ask at your peril! Myr has been known to answer said question by turning the questioner into a frog. Hmmm, that could be why I just heard Little Buddha ribbbit...

I am indeed guilty of overly generalizing. I was wrong to imply that all of Islam was as described. What I did was much akin to saying Republicans are X or Democrats are Y, when there are of course individual differences. I do however believe that very large segments of Islam, such as Islamic fundamentalists, Wahhabists, several of the Shia sects (such as that of the Guardian council of Iran), and many others, are exactly as I described, as it is part and parcel of their doctrine. Wahhabisim, for example, is far from just a Saudi phenomenon: The Saudis have exported wahabbisism for decades via establishing and funding Wahhabist medresses (Islamic schools) throughout the Middle East and beyond, where children are indoctrinated in fanatical beliefs and actions (such as becoming suicide bombers and other forms of jihadists.). This problem has been centuries in the making: It's worth remembering that Wahhabisim is not just the official religion of Saudi Arabia, but that the government of Saudi Arabia has been for over two centuries a coalition between Wahhabist clerics and the House of Saud. There is also the problem that for any devout Muslim, they must, by definition, support the imposition of Sharia (Islamic) law, with all it's horrors, on everyone. This is the reason why both the present Afghan and Iraqi constitutions incorporate Sharia law as the supreme law of the land, and all major parties in both countries insisted upon this (and the US, unwisely IMHO, consented). I therefor feel that mainstream Islam (Islam as practiced by the majority of the world's Muslims) is as antithetical to freedom as Catholicism was during the inquisition. Sharia law simply cannot co-exist with freedom, and the imposition of Sharia is central to the vast majority of Islamic beliefs. Therefor, while it is inaccurate to condemn all if Islam for this, it is quite appropriate and accurate to condemn the majority of it. There are indeed many Muslims who follow a far more moderate set of beliefs, including belief in the equality of women, but they are far from a Majority. I have a Muslim friend in the UK who has had death threats and other harassment because she has dared to speak out against some Islamic practices (especially the treatment of women as property). Even in the UK, she put her life at risk by exercising her freedom of speech. She still considers herself Islamic, but freely admits that in most of the Islamic world, she would be put to death for her words. Take a look also at the mainstream (not just the fanatics) Muslim reaction to the cartoons published in Holland. It hasn't stopped merely at calls for the heads (literally!) of everyone involved, but of war against any nation that has allowed the press to publish them! There have indeed been a few very courageous Muslim critics of this view, but they are few and far between, and put their lives at risk by even opposing, in principal, this attack on freedom of speech. It's also well worth noting that by far the most offensive cartoon, one portraying Mohammad with the face of a pig, was NOT one of the original cartoons, but was created by Islamic clerics (!) and passed off as one of the originals, for the sole purpose of further inflaming the situation! The problem is that we simply don't have centuries to wait for moderation to occur. Another big problem is that there really was no major explicit scriptural basis for the inquisition, but there certainly are explicit Koranic and Hadith passages in support of the Islamic fundamentalists. Incidentally, I consider Christian and Islamic fundamentalists to be very similar, as many of them share many traits, including the subjugation of women, hatred of gays, the penchant for terrorism, and both a desire and an effort to force their beliefs on the rest of us. I support anyone's right to believe in any faith they wish, but I will always oppose those who believe that they have the right to force their faith on others, and that puts me as firmly against the majority of Islam (and Christian fundamentalists, too). There is much truth in that, but it's equally true that you can apply the same statement to Nazism. Not all Nazis were responsible for, or even aware of, the holocaust, or the other horrors committed by what we generally refer to as "The Nazis", an all-encompassing statement similar to classifying all of Islam as monolithic. The problem is that enormous segments of both (Islam and Nazis) are (or were) culpable, and indeed similar, including on their policies regarding Jews. Therefor, both tend to be referred to as monolithic entities, however inaccurate it is to do so. Although there are some who might agree with you, many people who self identify as Muslim would not agree with the first statement. You have to recognize that Muslims vary in the level of their devotion and that there is a great deal of internal debate within the Islamic community as to the role religion should play in government and to the interpretation of Islamic law. I think you might be discussing slightly different things here. Myr specifically said devout Muslims. Devout Muslims, by definition, support the imposition of Sharia law (and thus the oppressive, hate-filled government Myr mentioned).

I'm very glad you cleared that up! I'd been wondering why, exactly, you were sending chapters via e-mail to your cat for editing... BTW, on a serious note, I'm sorry that you had such stress over your friend, but I think it's great that you care so much, and did help. The world needs more people like you..

Sparrow, the offensive bits were mainly mine, so I just wanted to clarify my statements a bit, as I was unclear and off-topic, at least. My original comment about Bush possibly using strategic nuclear weapons was part of speculation regarding what might have happened had flight 93 hit the Capitol building (where his wife was attending a meeting at the time). I was merely speculating that, like any man whose partner had just been murdered, Bush might have lashed out in anger. I was trying to highlight the fact that the heroes of flight 93 might have saved far more than any of us realize. As for nuclear weapon use in the middle east, let me clarify: I wasn't advocating strategic nuclear wepons against population centers. However, I did (and do) support tactical nuclear strikes against terrorist centers such as training camps. I was in favor of this due to the fact that nuclear weapons are mainly political in nature: their use would have signaled, clearly and unequivicably, that America would stop at nothing. As for Islam, I don't by any means condemn all Muslims. I do however believe that the problem is far from confined to the Whahhabist sect (which is Sunni). The Shia have their own radical factions, such as the mullahs in power in Iran, and there are many other radical sects in both Shia and Sunni Islam. Regarding my feelings toward Islam: My comments were that everyone should read the Koran and Haddiths and make up their own mind. I ought to have added Sharia (Islamic) law to that, but I stand by my original comments: I urge everyone to read these texts, and make up their own minds. For what it's worth, I have an approximately equal disdain for Christian "fundamentalism", and often compare the two (especially their reprehensible treatment of women). OK, I'm rambling again here, so I'll cut to the chase: I stand my my thoughts and comments, BUT, I was WAY out of line to make them here. This area is a personal blog, so the Blogger (Myr in this case) has far more leeway in what they can say than visitors such as myself do. It's the same as being a guest in someones home: They have far more leeway than I, the visitor, do. So, in my own opinion, I put my foot in it by taking this conversation off-topic (flight 93 movie) and by over-stepping the bounds. In brief, I was wrong, and I should have abstained from making this political. I hereby apologize to Myr for, in effect, making a bad scene in his living room, and to anyone I offended by doing so.