MrM

I'm totally sick in bed right now. I'm reading this and I want a Ryan in my bed SO bad right now! Someone come and rescue me!!

Cool! A Space Warp!

April 15 Ok. So...Cedrick is like all over me about Marie. We played a massive Dungeon instance in World of Warcraft last night and we all got wiped because he wouldn't stop asking me in Personal Chat a thousand questions. Geeze! This is a MAJOR game boss we're talking here! I need all my concentration! I'm the Healer after all! He wants to know: What colour is her hair? What colour is her eyes? What colour is her skin? What colour is her pubes? I mean...how would I know Cedrick? He then

This one made me cry...

Oh, that doesn't surprise me in the least. The most vocal gay-bathers are often gay guys in the closet being desperately afraid of being found out. They attack who they are attracted to because they are actually trying to destroy that part of themselves that they can't accept. I found this out when I discovered my secret weapon against bullies. When they came at me like that I'd simply ask them why they wanted me to be gay? It's strange but it stopped them in their tracks and they usually didn't mess with me again. I don't suggest doing that though if you know this person is dangerous. It is very inflammatory because it's a mirror to the truth.

Ah yes. I love that song. I'm terribly sorry you have had to experience that level of pain in your life James. I hope someone has come or will come to 'Fix You' too.

The responses by my contemporaries in age are exactly what I was looking for. One of the things that brought me here to GA was to learn if my own particular experience growing up had been unusual or not. For many reasons both social and religious I spent most of my life in the closet. Half of that time I lived in a state of complete numb denial. I went to live in fantasy worlds and avoided contact with most everybody except a very select few. I never had a relationship with anyone. I closed off. I became frozen. Like the cartoon. Finally, last year I thawed out but, alas, I feel like my winter ended too late. But hearing other people's experiences, I see that we are all like wounded warriors from a long battle. We fought the oppression in our own ways and came away with our scars, but survived. Its sometimes good to sit down and compare notes with our 'children'. I know, here in Hillcrest, a lot of the young ones come to me and want to talk about the old days. I have not much to tell them because to survive those times I had to live an unreal existence. I love a song by 'Radiohead' from 2000 called 'How to Diasappear Completely'. It's refrain is 'I'm not here. This isn't really happening'. That was my life. What the young ones have is far more genuine and oddly they have more experience about being gay than I do. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. More are welcome. I hope some of the younger guys can weigh in here and let me know how they feel about what they have read here. Compare notes. See what's changed.

Earlier Methodwriter posted a topic about 'old' Millennials. It got me browsing the Interwebz and I found this interesting article about why many of us who grew up in the 80s and 90s are so completely screwy. Those of us that came out early...were brave leaders. The rest of us...being in the closet was understandable. However...this time was better than being Gay in any time before 1979. What are your experiences or impressions of growing up gay in these times or the times before? http://www.geekscape.net/gayscape-10-growing-up-gay-in-the-80s-and-90s

This is interesting. I've just gone back to catch up on my Anne Rice reading and I'm currently on The Vampire Armand (my favorite vampire of all). Interestingly, she seems to model 'Amadeo's' relationship with his vampiric sire, Marius, like the relationship that some artists had with their apprentices/charges. This part of the story is set in Venice at the time of Leonardo Di Vinci. Its worth looking over for ideas. The sexual 'fluidity' of the boys under Marius's charge is very apparent and Armand becoming Marius's 'favorite' is reminiscent of how Di Vinci chose particularly companions. Anyway...this may only be tangentially connected to your question but it can serve as a guide for ideas, perhaps. Anne Rice's narratives are lush anyway. I unconsciously model my writing after her's just because she hits all the 'right notes' for me.

Drew, you are like me then. Generationless. I have things I identify with from before me and keep myself up to speed on things coming up. Generation pigeon holes always either put me in Y or Babby Boom because Generation X was a label that meant something to Baby Boom media and I never fit their stereotypes.. I've never been a slacker and I didn't really like Nirvana that much at the time. We are immortals, Drew!

Some of these things still feel 'new' to me. Particularly the WinAmp interface. But then I'm the Xed out Generation. I remember when telephones used to go 'bbbbbbrrrring bbbbbbrrrrring' and I had to dial in a number with a dial!

LOL. Since writing this I think I've made Swedish Pancakes every weekend now. Yeah...I wanted to tie this one up with a pretty little bow. Now we can get on with...some fun stuff!

Brian ~~~~~~ A week has passed since we left the Tahoe area. Snowflake and I have been holed up in a nice hotel thanks to Mr. Hutchence. Not that either one of us has noticed any amenities other than the bar and our rather spacious suite. Our days have consisted of driving up to the university's hospital and going to the top floor where Sabrina's been kept and then driving back to the hotel. We mostly drink when we get back there. I don't think we've really eaten solid

I feel a new story coming on. I think it shall be called 'The Seashell' Here's what's inspiring it:

Thank you for the invite, Tim. I'll def look into it.

Thank you, SkinnyD. You just made Brandon blush!

Love is the longest of all yardsticks.

That you. It is one of three poems here that relate to my story The Thinning Veil...which I have been neglecting of late. Thanks for the review! Indeed...these write themselves as if channeled.

❤️ ~~~~~ Often you pass me By park and by lawn To look and find me This side of cool dawn Hair of fine spun gold Eyes bright with desire What word has been sold To light this hot fire? Do you not quite know Who it is you chase? A dull lump of dough Who shows not his face A boy who is nothing A boy who is scared A boy who is hiding A boy undeclared A name like Mary Queen of the heavens You should not tarry Under my

.....what the hell is going on with Mondays?

It never gets easier. It even gets harder as you get older. I didn't come out until last year and when I told my 83 year old father this news I was afraid I'd either kill him or he push me out of his life. He accepted me with love. But it took me months of therapy and tremendous courage to do it. Better to do it sooner than later. You can't be free to live your life until you face and report the truth and live it with pride.

Oh, gosh darn it (these are not the words I'm saying right now) Dennis! It's too early to cry this much! Thanks for sharing though. A beautiful story.

It's hard to get much action at this point in the story. Brandon's world is much more internal than Billy's. He's been a loner since he was very young and so he tends to be more introspective...hence the poetry. His life now consists of school, homework, basketball, video games, worrying about Marie, and Billy. If you can think back to being a teenager, things could be very simple and mundane most the time...especially for an only child with one working parent. Yet these mundane things could seem very big in your little world...because they were big to you. Things are going to dilate in the next entry. Trust me...you'll be happy for this calm before the coming storm.

Marie Cross is indeed a new character. I found her to be a good key to opening Brandon's foil vs. Billy's complete worship of Jamie. Brandon manages to get the contact and the interaction that Billy craves, but doesn't want it as he sees Jamie in an entirely different light than Billy. This also sets things up for why Brandon got invited to Jamie's parties in the future.