Cynus

I can't begin to describe how excited I am for you to read the next chapter. There's another complicating factor coming, and it's going to stir the plot even more. Viktor already feels a tad overwhelmed, and Nobuyuki is cursing Vladimir now. Why do brothers have to get in the way all the time? I'm glad you're getting invested, and hope it will continue to intrigue you. Onward indeed. Thank you for the review!

Thank you for the in depth response. You're right, of course. I'm afraid posts like this are a result of the same mechanism which causes me to write at all. I allow myself to feel deeply, because it helps me get into my characters' minds, but it also means when I get a little grain of doubt nestled in there, it starts to grow and change under the pressure until it becomes a large pearl of existential crisis. I don't know how that translates to me making these grandiose statements about my worth as a writer, but for some reason it does. I let the pressure get to me and it eventually becomes something I need to vent about. No one in my personal life would understand, and so I do so here, hoping people will. Of course, hours later I reread what I wrote and realize I sound like a petulant child, but I figure the damage is already done. So, here I sit, wondering if I've alienated more people by writing this than not, but what can I do now? I'm grateful that my stories have had an impact on you, and greatly appreciate that you took the time to write these paragraphs detailing how. It means a lot to me. Many people here have done the same in the past, and I'm grateful to all of them as well. I just go through phases where I doubt myself and my ability, and this was one of those. Thank you for helping me break through the funk. Peace and love.

Drew... you rock. I love you, too, son.

Thanks, Spawnling. I loved the video! I'm a very big fan of the channel which produced it, actually. CutVideo (And their derivatives) make a lot of thought provoking videos which I find fascinating, and this particular series following the history of fashion in different cultures is one of my favorites. They were hiring sometime last year, and I actually considered applying. I'm still kicking myself for not doing so. I appreciate the additional insight into Japanese culture, however. Thanks for sharing!

Thank you. Like I said to Drew, however, I really wasn't trying to make other people read it. I was just having a bit of existential crisis. The story is complete, it's just not posted in entirety, but will post one chapter a week until done. You're going to have a few months to wait, I'm afraid. Thanks for your support, though!

Drew, I wish I had access to you IRL so I could call you up whenever I'm feeling down. Your enthusiasm is always infectious. I hope, however, that you didn't feel my aim was to guilt people into reading the story. That wasn't my intention at all, and I apologize to anyone who gained that impression. I think what I'm doing here is asking what I'm doing wrong. My identity as a writer is in question here, and I'm trying to understand where my craft fits into the world. Am I really going to be stuck as a niche writer for the rest of my life? This is what's been getting at me. One other thing to clear up... I did write this story for me. I almost always do(Every time I haven't, it's hurt me). I wasn't trying to say I didn't, even though I can see how that could be derived from what I did say. I just thought this story would resonate with people, and I got my hopes up. But I do appreciate you taking the time to read the story. Thanks for everything, spawnling.

I’m going to try and write this without sounding childish, but perhaps that’s unavoidable. I may, in fact, be completely out of line to write this at all, but I feel the need to vent my frustrations. Over the past two and a half years, I’ve channeled nearly all of my free time into becoming a writer, and learning and striving to become the best one I could possibly be. Obviously that’s a work which will continue until I either die or decide to stop, as I can always improve. One doesn’t stop learning to improve at the craft, and in the creating of art there is no ending. In going back to read my earlier work, I can tell I’ve improved leaps and bounds in my skill over the language, and in constructing my plots in a more organized and believable manner. But I’m at yet another crossroads where I am left to question if it’s really all worth it. I had a tremendous amount of success with “The Navigator”. Before that novel, I’d been only truly comfortable writing short stories. I knew my first novel, “Rumors of War”, had been filled with a wide range of flaws, and my second piece of novel length, “Ashes of Fate”, wasn’t much better. Even the fantasy novel I currently have in my slush pile and once thought was great isn’t anything impressive to me anymore. I honestly didn’t think “The Navigator” was all that much better (And it does still have its flaws), but when I started posting it, I was completely blown away by the reaction. For some reason, it clicked with readers, and people liked it. I’m grateful for the attention it was given, and for all of you wonderful people reading this who took the time to review/comment on the story. It was amazing to engage with everyone as they read it, and to see people truly like my work. It wasn’t the first time I’d received positive feedback, of course, but it was the first time I’d received that much positive attention on such a grand scale. And it might have gone to my head. This is one of the possible problems I’m facing, though I’m honestly not sure. The success of “The Navigator” made me believe I could actually become a novelist and people would read my work, and enjoy it. I started to map out stories in my head, grand plans I didn’t think myself capable of writing before, but now I was really starting to believe in myself as an artist and as a writer. I’d learned a few major things while writing “The Navigator” as well, some more technical hurdles I still had to clear, but I was ready to face them. I dug in deep and started working on “Return With Honor”. At the time, I’d never been more satisfied with how a story I’d written had ended, but as the story released I found few willing to even give it a first glance, much less a second. In talking with others I head the same thing repeated again and again. ‘It’s because it’s a religious story’ they’d say. ‘The LGBT community doesn’t have the greatest history with religion, and it will bring up bad memories for a lot of people’ was another thing I heard often. I was told the story was “niche”, and that was why people were avoiding it. I understood that, and I accepted it, though it took me awhile to get over the ego I’d developed from “The Navigator” in order to not take it personally. The story was, in fact, heavily influenced by religion, and I could see how that might turn people in our community away. Then I finished Ashes of Fate, wanting to get the story completed so I wouldn’t have it looming over me. I knew this was niche already, though I’d hoped the fresh release of the story at a new website might attract a few more readers. If anything, it seemed like I lost some readers during that process, and again I tried not to take it personally. It was just more “niche” writing, I told myself. Well, I managed to put all of that behind me around the end of October as I threw myself into my new project. “From The Cup of The Worthless” pulled me into it like no story ever has. Even in the busy season at work, I was driven to work on it time and time again. This story beat me up and tore at me in ways I didn’t know it could. I invested more of my soul into these characters than I ever have before, and at several points in this story the emotion for me as their creator was so thick I cried. I guess I got my hopes up that people would somehow sense that energy from me. I guess I let my expectations get ahead of me, telling me that this story would be the one people would see, to know I’d listened to the criticism I’d received on The Navigator, and to the wonderful advice I’d received from everyone along the way on this two-and-a-half-year journey. I honestly thought this would be the story where I’d finally connect with my readers again, where I’d finally be able to break free from that one label which has been applied to me time and time again. I’m so sick of being “niche”. When I was twenty, I received a very important piece of advice from a woman who’d been put in charge of me. She thought of us as her sons, and I know she was genuine in her affection toward us, and wanted us to succeed on all that we did. She was addressing us at a conference where we’d all gathered together to hear a number of important people speak, but I don’t remember who any of the other speakers were, or a single thing they said. I simply remember her clear and poignant statement, “All disappointment comes from unmet expectations”. I’ve tried to apply that statement to my life ever since. When I realize I’m disappointed in how things turn out, I look at my expectations and evaluate if I was really setting myself up for failure. Then I pick myself back up and start again, ready to face the next leg of my journey through life with a clearer head and reviewed priorities. Every time I do, it gets better, but that doesn’t stop me from falling into the same old pattern. I still end up getting ahead of myself with my expectations, and then they come crashing down, and I’m left with nothing but disappointment. And that’s what I’ve done yet again, here. I set myself up for failure by thinking that this latest story, which I loved deeply as it was torn from me, would finally make people see I could write something that wasn’t meant for an occasionally dusted niche in the wall. I know it’s my own fault for letting my ego get ahead of me, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. I don’t really know that I’m expecting anything from you now. This was about me venting my frustration, and wasn’t meant to be accusatory or inflammatory in any way. I hope nothing I’ve said has offended any of you reading this, or that you think I have some negative opinion of people who don’t read my work. If anything, the problem lies with me and my work, and my own skewed perspective of the world. I guess it’s just the niche I fit into. I just hope you’ll visit once in a while and talk to me. . . It’s lonely here. Peace and love to all of you.

In a way, that's the trick to it all. The Yakuza don't show off their tattoos unless it's to other Yakuza, usually. Honestly, it's easy to not even know they have them, because they often wear full suits which hide them. I've often thought of Japan as being opposite to the Western world in one particular way, and I think it's very prominent in this example. Here in the West, we are expected to extroverted in order to play by the rules of society. You are expected to be outgoing, to speak up when you see something wrong. To go out of your way to make friends and to treat guests with enthusiastic hospitality. An introvert has to learn how to play by these rules if they want to get anywhere, and it doesn't come naturally to them. In Japan, (Unless you're part of certain particular subcultures, some of which are famous here and can skew perspective) you are expected to be introverted in order to play by the rules of society. You are expected to be reserved, to hold your tongue out of respect for others' business. To go out of your way to be polite and to defer to others who are of equal rank or higher in social standing. To treat guests with respect but to in general leave them alone. An extrovert is often completely baffled by these rules but has to learn how to play by them anyway, and it doesn't come naturally to them. And so, you wouldn't see the Japanese showing off their tattoos in public, you'd see them in private where their introverted rules allow them to show them to you, because you've entered their inner circle. The Yakuza, however, are more extroverted as a group than usual Japanese, though they are still quite wary of outsiders.

Truth. Though I'm rather close to the line. I usually term myself an ambivert. The person below me likes taking personality tests for fun.

I appreciate them as a creature and think they're cool. I don't particularly like eating them, however. The person below me abhors seafood.

I'm rather fond of this one as well.

I don't know if I mentioned this in the description here at GA, but I know I did in one of my other postings of the story, at least. Nobuyuki was never meant to be a traditional "hero", despite being the protagonist. His harsh world makes him more of an anti-hero. Although, I promise there is a hero type in this story, and he'll show up sooner rather than later, so keep your eyes peeled. Of course, Nobuyuki does have a long way to go. Good thing he's on the road there, right? As per your request, I went ahead and put a few pictures of the Japanese body suits on the forum topic for the story, so feel free to check them out. http://www.gayauthors.org/forums/topic/41211-from-the-cup-of-the-worthless-by-cynus/#entry592553 I couldn't post all the ones I would have wanted, as usually nudity is part of showing off a body suit, but if you want to see a few of those, feel free to PM me and I'll make arrangements. Thank you for the review!

Puppilull mentioned in her review of chapter 3 that she'd like to see the type of tattoos commonly seen in the Yakuza. Here are a couple of examples, as well as a link to some information about the Japanese art of tattooing, should you be interested. https://www.tsunagujapan.com/17-facts-you-probably-didnt-know-about-tattoos-in-japan/

There are many ways in which Stockholm Syndrome could factor into a story and not be glorifying abuse. Just one which immediately sprang to mind (And I probably won't use until we've all forgotten this conversation) would be the protagonist falling in love with someone who has Stockholm Syndrome for the antagonist, and the entire story could be about breaking down the Stockholm Syndrome and freeing the love interest from their own mental prison. I don't know that Marme was necessarily asking for stories which glorify that kind of relationship. There are many angles to use it in a story which would involve overcoming such a relationship, just like any form of abuse.

I'm an easily distracted person, and I tend to forget about emails if I don't respond quickly. I've probably ended up alienating a lot of people this way, and so I recommend if this is a problem you also suffer from, respond immediately. The thing about emails is that a person has to go out of their way to write one. They've taken the time to write you because your story was important enough to them for them to want to let you know. I personally think we owe it to them to respond, and with at least equal investment to what they've shown to us. The relationship between writer and reader is one to nurture, if possible, if you want to keep people invested in your work. Of course, you can take all this with a grain of salt. I completely suck at all the advice I just offered, so maybe I'm just full of myself?

Only because I've become generally lazy at day to day things ever since writing took over my life. The person below me has several pets.

No matter how many times Nobuyuki adjusted his hair in the mirror, it never seemed to fall where he wanted it. He hadn’t been this nervous in a long time, but Masahiro had given him a task, and he would not disappoint his oyabun. One did not survive the Yakuza for long if they did not obey the orders of their leaders. He kept thinking back to the phone call with Viktor, hoping he hadn’t made a mistake in how he’d acted. He’d decided to act desperate, knowing Viktor was a person who care

Viktor and Vladimir have an interesting relationship, to be sure. Disapproving thought Viktor may be, he loves his brother more than anything. As for the conversation between Nobu and Viko, we have to ask if Viktor didn't hear exactly what he wanted to. Everything Nobuyuki said could have also been innocent. Thank you for the review!

Yes, poor Viko... He wears his heart on his sleeve too well, doesn't he? So easy to see it and get to it. One can only hope he can survive without having it broken. Thank you for the review!

I suppose you'll have to read and find out as far as the double entendres are concerned. At this point, we do know that Nobuyuki plans on doing anything to get Viktor interested in friendship, but any more than that... I'm happy to see you bringing up the duality of the characters. They do have similarities in their circumstances, don't they? I honestly hadn't planned for that, but was glad when it happened. Thanks for the review!

Thank you for the review! I hope I'll be able to match your expectations for the setting. I did a lot of research for this story, but it was mainly focused in a few areas. I don't know that I did the whole story justice or not, yet. As for Mikhail Karimov, Viktor's father . . . who's to say?

Welcome, Sarah. Glad to have you.

Thank you to everyone who has commented so far. I look forward to working on this.

I instantly have an idea for this one. Story number 3 is locked and ready to go.

Love it! Now I have story number two locked in.