Mikiesboy

Thank you, Gary. xo Feels like it sometimes, doesn't it. Thank you, chris. xo

I'm glad for you. My doc is wonderful and i trust him. Funnily I wrote a poem/lyrics called The Black Dog Blues... The Black Dog Blues The black dog lingers at my door, A shadow I can't outrun, Paws soft upon the wooden floor, It finds me, even in the sun. Its eyes are pools of molten jet, Dark mirrors of my soul, It weaves its way through every thought, And claims a piece – a toll. It’ll never be forever. The black dog never stays away, It lurks in corners, out of sight, Until it claims its prey. It lays in wait for me at night, And my heart pounds within my chest, Its forbidding presence feeds my fears, And steals all hope of rest. I try to breathe and break the chains But still, it claws my mind, The black dog has no boundaries, It's always close behind. It’ll never be forever, The black dog never stays away, It lurks in corners, out of sight, Until it claims its prey. Yet, some days it grows tired, Lays down, and lets me breathe, During those fleeting moments, I get then, some reprieve. So, I walk with the beast beside me, A silent, shadowed friend, The black dog never truly leaves, And I know it’ll never end And I know it's not forever, The black dog never stays away, It lurks in corners, out of sight, Until it claims its prey.

@Vcs, @chris191070 thanks. i appreciate your thoughts. It helps knowing others that know. @kbois thank you for being there @Reader1810 love you too ... i feel i don't tell you enough @lawfulneutralmage thank you .. You're right, i'm luckier than many @Wayne Gray i'm glad he's doing better now. i was always sorry he had to leave to get what he needed. We have a meeting on Friday with my psychiatrist and the doc who handles the ECT program at the hospital. Because of the process and changes to meds they are talking about in-hospital treatment and a stay of a week at least. There's a danger of seizures. i will go, but i don't want to. We'll talk about other treatments and stuff as well. Yesterday Michael and i went out for dinner, which was nice. I bought some new bakeware so i can make more at one time, rather than baking things singly, then i can freeze things. That was my plan for the day, but i have a headache and feel anxious and stressed so i'm not going to do that today. The weather is so nice and cool after the mini heat wave. i'm just gonna go out and mess around in the garden, and then go walk the dog, and make dinner. Yeah, that's the plan.

“Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone’s soul heal.” —Jalal ad-Din Rumi (1207-1273) Persian poet, mystic

“Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day.” —Sally Koch

It is an interesting form! Thanks so much for sharing it. It's different to read but not in a bad way. I enjoyed it. I hope you're inspired to write more in this form. In addition, it's a lovely poem about spring. It's a quiet noise amid the clatter of the world today. Thanks again, Parker. xo

Yep, i'm here again. ***WARNINGS for suicide and depression*** Last year, before Danny died, I tried to take my own life. Again, 4th attempt. Nearly made it as well, but Dan noticed I was not in bed and found me and a bloody mess on the bathroom floor. He bound the wounds and called 911. Then he woke Michael. I think Michael wrote a blog about this too. Anyway. My (is it mine? i always laugh about this) depression was out of control. It was after recovery from this suicide attempt that i chose to try ECT (electroconvulsive therapy). The drugs weren't helping, and talking wasn't so much. It was scary the first time, but ECT seemed to help. But lately, i've been having a rough time. My shrink has diagnosed me with treatment resistant depression, cuz nothing helped and then ECT's effectiveness doesn't seem to anymore either. When someone with this illness says they are tired, it doesn't mean they want to sleep, or they worked out too hard, it means they are world-weary, that breathing is too much effort and so is pretending that all is well. Don't say.. Hi, how are you? Cuz i'm not going to answer with 'fine' anymore. I'm not fine. I'm tired. So, after seeing the shrink again, he had me do some massive questionnaire which he is going to, along with my mental health history, discuss with other docs to see what may be best going forward. Honestly, i don't care for myself. I'm tired and no one is listening. People say, you'll be okay, just rest, take care of yourself, just take a walk, get fresh air. Presently, i'm struggling to do any of those things. Most days, I plug into YouTube and just watch it. All Day. If Michael is home, He will drag me out for a walk, and i've been walking a friend's dog. My doctor is speaking to other docs, and they may try adjusting the ECT treatments ( i did feel good for a long time after starting these), maybe combined with more in-office CBT or possibly DBT. Drug therapies he is considering are ketamine and some of the older antidepressant drugs, along with ECT. Well, this is a rambling mess of a blog. I'm sorry for that, but not sorry I wrote it. If you're suffering, tell someone, or go to the hospital. Silence isn't a friend.

Ready for more beaver therapy? Here you go...

I have a nice free-range organic chicken in my new Air Fryer.. it's looking lovely. I think i will just buy parts going forward, they just cook faster, but it looks very nice. And in the upper basket i cooked four nice Italian sausages, which my carnivore will have for snacks. It is already helliously (sp) hot, and it's only gonna be worse the next few days. So, meat, green salads and a potato salad.. Tuesday Michael said we are going out to eat somewhere airconditioned. lol

Happy Sunday! “Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.” Pablo Picasso Spanish artist

Good job! I should get ours done...i would hire someone..lol I am cooking fish in my new toy atm. It's very crispy at flip time. It's quite different from our other AF, but i'll get used to it i'm sure. It has an actual thermometer so you can cook a chicken and it'll stop when the right temp is reached. Kinda neat.

Feeling stressed out? Want to lower your stress levels.. just watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNePhmCMnbU

Happy Saturday... waiting for my new toy... a double stacked ninja air fryer. My Husband hopes we will need the big oven less while still being able to cook during the summer. I love our current air fryer. Our very old toaster oven will leave and we'll use our old toaster for toast. I found this today...thought it was interesting... The Six Mistakes of Man I. The illusion that personal gain is made up of crushing others. II. The tendency to worry about things that cannot be changed or corrected. III. Insisting that a thing is impossible because we cannot accomplish it. IV. Refusing to set aside trivial preferences. V. Neglecting development and refinement of the mind, and not acquiring the habit of reading and study. VI. Attempting to compel others to believe and live as we do. –Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 B.C.–43 B.C.)

“Mind. Body. Soul. These are the three things self-care is all about.” Kathy Sledge singer–songwriter, producer Been to see my psychiatrist. Home now, we are getting ready to go for some groceries, remembering it is a long weekend. i have a headache, which is a semi-constant friend i could do without. Then we have dog walking. We watched a fun film last night, One Cut of the Dead.. Synopsis: Real zombies attack a hack director and a film crew who are shooting a low-budget zombie film in an abandoned WWII Japanese facility. It was in Japanese and was well done, clever and it was funny. We enjoyed it.

No, i don't. But will look at it. I like new things with lots of flavour. We don't use much salt... Michael has even taken to adding some hot stuff to his meals.

Happy Wednesday, Happy International Hummus Day (mmm, wish i had that and some pita for lunch). Dinner out last night was very nice. At our fav place around here, Pho Quinn. I had a grilled chicken vermicelli bowl, with lots of bean sprouts, shredded lettuce, basil, and pickled carrots and radish along with fish sauce and a crispy spring roll. Very yummy. Michael had the same but with grilled pork and other porkie bits. I hope you are all having a good week so far. I think the following applies to many of us. I know this and keep trying to make myself less of a perfectionist..maybe one day.

Happy Tuesday... more dog walking and then my wonderful Husband is taking me out for dinner. Enjoy your day, whatever you get up to.

It was Red Prince.. i grated one and chunked one.. about the size of pineapple tidbits. I was thinking you could use peaches in summer... It is nice but i wanted to eat it all. lol We didn't.

Okay, we had some of that apple brownie/cake thing and it is absolutely gorgeous. Completely recommend it. It's delicous.

very easy to make.. and it smells wonderful.. but what is not to like with butter, apples, brown sugar and cinnamon? Mmm. I didn't add the nuts due to current issues, but i bet this would be nice with toasted pecans or walnuts.

Ended up with several 'extra apples' this week and while i like apple crisp i wanted something else.. so i found this: https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/68348/apple-brownies/ and made this:

Today is the Canadian Tulip Festival, in Ottawa. The Canadian Tulip Festival begins today, marking its 74th year, but its roots go back to wartime Europe. In 1945, after Canada helped liberate the Netherlands and hosted Princess Juliana during her exile, a gift of tulip bulbs arrived in Ottawa. That tradition didn't end; it returned each year, growing into today's festival. By 1953, the Ottawa Board of Trade and photographer Malak Karsh had organised the first official Canadian Tulip Festival, giving shape to what had begun as a diplomatic thank-you. Today, the displays trace around 300,000 blooms along key routes, including the Rideau Canal, where tulips often appear alongside spring cherry blossoms. Commissioners Park anchors the main showcase with large, organised plantings. So why does it draw crowds every spring? Because it tells a clear, human story—gratitude, remembered in bloom, brief yet consistent, year after year. We also thank the people of the Netherlands for their continued tradition of looking after Canadian war graves in their country.

Happy Thursday. Not doing a whole lot today. Just walking the dog, then walking to the mall to get (finally) Chinese for dinner. We'd normally have pizza but well, that's off the menu for the foreseeable. I'm just gonna mooch around here doing some odd jobs until I have to go out. I did however, look up a weird fact to share with you:

Who else? hehe